In a Nutshell. Mini reviews of movies old and new. No fuss. No spoilers. And often no sleep.

Monday, 25 August 2014

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES [2014]

Some people have a fetish for having folks toss shit in their faces.  They laugh, scream and squeal with glee.
I think I have that sort of fetish only the type of shit I like tossed in my direction comes in the form of bad films.
Director Jonathan Liebesman's live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick falls directly into that category.  Megan Fox & four CGI mutant turtles fight William Fichtner and some sort of ridiculously souped-up Shredder that's a cross between Darth Vader and Bayformer's Megatron.  That's about all you need to know to get the idea.  It's not the "raped my childhood" travesty internerds thougth it would be nor is it even that good, it's just a briskly paced action film that offers no real surprises and murders a few of your precious brain-cells.

2 hidden stashes of Orange Crush out of 5

3 comments:

Neg said...

I think my biggest beef right now is Mikey being up front on the poster.

Have they ever had a consistent roll-call order/pose? I had a good amount of the toys as a kid, but it's not a franchise I've ever followed with super-intense fervor. My eye-for-detail has never been focused in their direction.

cuckoo said...

It mostly has to do with their height in the film.
Like the Nickelodeon cartoon, they're all different heights, with Mikey being the shortest and Donnie being the tallest.

Neg said...

I see. I watched a detailed review and it definitely sounds like it's Michael Bay, even though it's not, yet it really is, but it's not. It is.

Stop focusing on humans, for the love of all that is holy. CGI is too much? MAKE FUCKING SUITS, YOU FRUIT.