TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS [2016]

Earth to Echo director Dave Green takes over duties for Out of the Shadows, the TMNT sequel to the 2012 live-action comic book adaptation.
This time around the heroes in a half-shell must save the world from a dangerous being from another dimension known only as Krang.
It doesn't really improve or weaken in quality from the first film but instead it finds more fun in the exact same vein as a mindless Saturday morning cartoon, with the hyper-active brains of indigestible sugar cereal.  Based on how much gleeful idiocy you're willing to accept will determine on how much enjoyment you'll get out of this tasty trash.  Really, it's strictly for the kiddies or anyone who just has to see Krang, Bebop & Rocksteady finally make it into a TMNT film.

2 garbage trucks out of 5

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES [2014]

Some people have a fetish for having folks toss shit in their faces.  They laugh, scream and squeal with glee.
I think I have that sort of fetish only the type of shit I like tossed in my direction comes in the form of bad films.
Director Jonathan Liebesman's live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick falls directly into that category.  Megan Fox & four CGI mutant turtles fight William Fichtner and some sort of ridiculously souped-up Shredder that's a cross between Darth Vader and Bayformer's Megatron.  That's about all you need to know to get the idea.  It's not the "raped my childhood" travesty internerds thougth it would be nor is it even that good, it's just a briskly paced action film that offers no real surprises and murders a few of your precious brain-cells.

2 hidden stashes of Orange Crush out of 5

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III [1993]

An action movie with giant time-travelling turtles trained in the art of ninjutsu should be fairly entertaining no matter how bad the script is.
Emphasize on the "should" because it's not.
Director Stuart Gillard takes a seat in the director's chair for the third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film.
It's tired dialogue, cliches galore, wooden acting and predictably dull narrative make for a very very long hour and a half that I never want to endure again.
It might be fine for the kiddies but they can clearly watch something better than this drivel.

½ lampshade out of 5

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES II: THE SECRET OF THE OOZE [1991]

TV director Michael Pressman replaces Steve Barron for the sequel to 1990 mega-hit in the mind-numbingly silly The Secret Of The Ooze.
A rushed job to appease the studio and it's young fans it's filled with terrible humor, sloppy storytelling, plot-holes galore and plenty of catch-phrases that never actully caught on.  The film is notably a lot lighter in tone and holds back on the violence, compared to the original film that spent a lot of time in the shadows.  Hell, I don't even recall the turtles actually using their signature weapons more than once each here.  Having not enjoyed it all that much as a kid when it was first in theaters, I wasn't expecting much with an adult revisit.  I got exactly as I thought I would.  Put on two pairs of nostalgia glasses over the first pair to enjoy this one, kids.

1½ shitty excuses for Rocksteady & Bebop out of 5

TURTLE POWER: THE DEFINITIVE HISTORY OF THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES [2014]

Randall Lobb documents the birth and impact of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles over the past 30 years in the aptly titled Turtle Power.  

It actually goes into great depth about the history of the Turtles that fans will find quite interesting, even covering new territory for fans who are quite familiar with Kevin Eastman & Peter Laird's original comic books.  For the casual fan it will be of interest to see the love, labor and passion put into a project that they probably initially thought were nothing but silly action figures and Saturday morning cartoons.  

Definitely a worthwhile watch if the subject material even remotely peaks your interest.  

3 heroes in a half-shell out of 5

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES [1990]

Sticking to the darker tone of Peter Laird & Kevin Eastman's original comics, Jim Henson's Storyteller director Steve Barron makes a pretty decent live-action film out of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  

It's packed with goofy one-liners, plenty of kicks & punches and general all around silliness that one would expect based on it's subject material.  The voice actors involved provide some great work, particularly the always entertaining Josh Pais as Raphael, however it's Elias Koteas as Casey Jones that chews up any scene he's in.  From a nostalgic point of view it's perfect, from a critical point of view it's a bit of a mess but still pretty damned entertaining for what it is.

3 lost sais out of 5

TMNT [2007]

Nearly 15 years after their last venture onto the big screen Eastman & Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back in the CGI animated film TMNT.

The film follows the world already set up in the live-action films, while attempting to distance itself simultaneously, which surprisingly works quite well.  The plot is a little paper-thin and the dialogue isn't quite as fun compared to previous Turtle films, but the animation is beautiful and the action sequences are cleverly choreographed to make it easy to forgive.  Plus, it's the Turtles who are just good times anyway.

3 Silent Bob's in a diner out of 5