The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

A remake of the 1972 film about a shallow man who quickly courts and marries a beautiful woman, then realizes they have nothing in common and falls for another woman on their honeymoon. As always, Ben Stiller excels at playing the hapless sap, but this one has more of a mean streak than other romantic comedies. It's raunchy and offensive, which gets bonus points in my book, but this is not one of the Farrelly brothers' best. The original holds up much better.

2 cures for a jellyfish sting out of 5

ALIEN: COVENANT [2017]

Director Ridley Scott's Alien: Covenant is a sequel to Prometheus and a prequel to Alien.
A colony ship's crew find a beautiful planet inhabited by a being that has a thirst for hugging their faces and bursting their chests.
As an Alien film it's really quite pointless but tries to make itself relevant by asking many questions about faith, science and the whole evolution jibber-jabber.   In the fog of all the one-dimensional characters it clumsily gives the Xenomorph a backstory that quite frankly neuters the horror of the creature.  Apart from a particularly wonderful action sequence, Michael Fassbender's performance and Jed Kurzel's Jerry Goldsmith-homage musical score, the film is an uninspired bore that really struggles to find a point in existing.

2½ John Denver transmissions out of 5

SAUSAGE PARTY [2016]

Directors Greg Tiernan (Thomas & Friends) and Conrad Vernon (Madagascar) turn to the darkside for the highly offensive, yet atrociously funny animated Sausage Party, written by Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg & Jonah Hill.
It's the Fourth of July and all the food products at Shopwell's Grocery Store are excited to get whisked away to a better place...or so they think.  

Try to imagine Toy Story, then replace the toys with food and then humor yourself with the notion of Mr. Potato Head or especially Jessie The Yodeling Cowgirl getting ripped apart and devoured by their owners.  With that in mind, prepare to feel your ears curl up with the language that would make the South Park guys uncomfortable.  Be ready to laugh till your in pain because it's pretty fucking funny, with some cleverly placed themes neatly woven into all the un-PC crudeness.  In short, it's the perfect example of stupid brilliance.  

4 "Great" Beyonds out of 5

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS [2008]

David Gordon Green steps further into the mainstream with his first, and so far only good comedy, the buddy action flick, Pineapple Express.
Inspired by the idea of taking Brad Pitt's stoner character from True Romance and seeing what he does when he gets his ass off the couch is pretty much what this film is.   Like most of these Rogen, Franco, McBride & co films, it's the ridiculous yet strangely realistic bickering dialogue that makes it funny and laughably stupid at the same time.  For some bizarre reason the film does get outrageously violent near the end, leaving a somewhat baffled feeling that's torn between laughter and disturbed.  There's shades of DGG's style of film-making here but beyond that it's hardly recognizable as one of his films, which would be all but gone with his next two shit-fests.

3 birthday cakes for a dead cat out of 5

ALL THE REAL GIRLS [2003]

Director/co-writer David Gordon Green introduces this generation to one of the first mumblecore films with the romantic All The Real Girls.
It's a quiet, dreamy heartfelt drama that perfects those familiar moments of nervous love, both happy and hurt, with poetic perfection.  Beautifully shot, well-acted and each cast member suits their role with comfort and believability.  It slow-burns it's way through the moments but it's so well done there are 15 second scenes with a single line of dialogue that speaks so much more than some films with scenes that drag on for 5 minutes.
An amazing second feature from DGG that feels like lingers like it was part of your own life.

4 clowny clown clowns out of 5

HOT ROD [2007]

Inane comedies like director Akiva Schaffer's Andy Samberg vehicle Hot Rod are meant to be watched with your brain checked at the door.
Because it's written, directed & starring all three members of comedic musical act The Lonely Island it should give you an idea as to what sort of film you're getting yourself into.  It's not particularly smart, memorable or well-done but it supplies enough chuckles and guffaws to make it enjoyable enough.

2 Queens Of The Stone Age out of 5

THIS IS THE END [2013]

There's something to admire about a bunch of buddies sitting around indulging in debauchery, being ridiculously crude and well, just shooting the shit while the rest of the world is turning to shit.
This Is The End captures that perfectly, courtesy of writer/directors Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg.
It features the entire Frat Pack in both leading roles and cameos playing exaggerated versions of themselves as they try to survive the apocalypse while hiding out in James Franco's house.  I loved the insanely stupid idea brought to life with a witty script, high energy, multiple in-jokes and one of the most pig-snorting, popcorn spewing funniest cinematic experiences I've had in a long time.

4 shitty weird Canadian lives out of 5

KUNG FU PANDA 2 [2011]

The original Kung Fu Panda was an entertaining run-of-the-mill animated film, filled with famous actors doing subpar voice work.  The sequel is just a uninspiring run-of-the-mill snoozefest that offers nothing new to the story or characters.  Apart from some cool character designs and animation, Kung Fu Panda 2 reeks of an assembly line cashcow.  With the exception of Jack Black, Gary Oldman and Dustin Hoffman, every other actor is pointless, boring and could be done better by a professional voice actor.  For the kiddies only.

2 Van Damme Crocodile moves out of 5

DUE DATE [2010]

Robert Downey Jr. and Zack Galifiankis star as two obnoxious unlikable characters in the roadtrip comedy Due Date.

While it supplies some great laughs, they are unfortunately few and far between.  As much as I hated the characters, the chemistry between the two stars made it bearable till the end.  A real shame.  It could have been so much more, given everyone involved in the film.

2½ Men out of 5

30 Minutes Or Less (2011)

Anyone who knows me (two people) knows that I like a good comedy. From the director of Zombieland sounds like a pretty good endorsement, but unfortunately this wasn't one of them. Two would-be crooks force a pizza delivery guy to rob a bank for them by strapping a ticking time bomb around his chest. Things get a little bit hairy when an ex-Marine and a hitman get involved in the mix. If it sounds dumb, that's because it is. Danny McBride and Nick Swardson have some good chemistry, but they're fighting a losing battle.

1.5 hold the anchovies out of 5

YOUR HIGHNESS [2011]

Horribly received box office disaster not quite as bad as everybody said it was.

It’s not really good either.

A few good chuckles in this tribute to ‘80’s fantasy movies struggled to keep my attention from start to finish.

Danny McBride is one of lucky few who can punch Natalie Portman square in the face and still get a laugh.

1½ Perverted Wizards out of 5