Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

Set immediately after the events of AVP, they apparently didn't learn anything the first time around. This was tough to get through. Only diehards need apply.

½ a Predalien crossover out of 5

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

AKA: AVP

Riffing off an Easter egg featured in Predator 2, the monsters do battle with one another. Paul 'Wack Shit' Anderson picks up the slack. Here's a tip: if the title of your movie is AVP, don't revolve half the screen time around humans. Unfortunately, this venture wasn't as fun as the other legendary villain battle, although it succeeds in inextricably linking these two franchises forever.

1 ugly motherfucker out of 5

Alien: Romulus (2024)

Set between the events of Alien and Aliens (yet made 40 years after the fact), this loose "inter-quel" shouldn't work as well as it does. But behind the skilled direction of Fede Álvarez (Evil Dead, Don't Breathe), he manages to pull it off with enough finesse to make Ridley Scott proud. It retains that lo-fi look that makes you feel like it was shot back in the '80s (with one glaring exception which I won't spoil). You've got all your classic staples here; androids, cocoons, ovomorphs, face-huggers, chestbursters, full-on xenomorph and...well, I'll let you discover for yourself. 

There are not too many surprises to be found here if you are familiar with the Alien franchise, but it's done so competently, you don't really mind. It's nostalgia bait for sure, but it's a good one.

3 wait...what is that? out of 5

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

The Alien franchise should've ended with Alien³ (1992). If you're a Cameron fan you might say it should've ended after Aliens (1986). And even though I like the third film, I'd have been just as happy if it had ended after Alien (1979). It's a debate that'll never end. But I'm guessing that the majority of fans will at least be able to agree that Resurrection should never have happened.
Dir. Jeunet at max idiosyncratic level would've been wholly inappropriate for the series. Jeunet uncharacteristically restrained fares little better and it's not long before the cracks begin to show in the attempt. It's a $75,000,000 B-Movie with a story better suited to one of the tie-in books than a feature-film.

1½ connective difficulties out of 5

Aliens - Special Edition (1986)

Cameron's Aliens (plural because there's more than one xenomorph - it's the law of sequels) occasionally references the cold isolation and horror that helped make the first Alien (1979) film work, but his style is very different to Scott's; it's still reliant on subtleties, but is much more action driven.
The SE reinstates to the theatrical cut 17 minutes of previously excised footage, including important details of Ripley's personal journey, slowing the pace of the first half to even more of a crawl than it was before.
If you're not a fan of the Heinlein-esque colonial marines and their big guns (I'm not), then it's a slow advance to the good stuff; i.e the last half hour. Even though it's action-heavy then too, it stays relevant by having an interesting subtext present, made more poignant by those initially troublesome extra minutes. So in the end it balances out and I feel that the SE is the more developed and enjoyable option for that reason.

3½ real monsters out of 5

ALIEN: COVENANT [2017]

Director Ridley Scott's Alien: Covenant is a sequel to Prometheus and a prequel to Alien.
A colony ship's crew find a beautiful planet inhabited by a being that has a thirst for hugging their faces and bursting their chests.
As an Alien film it's really quite pointless but tries to make itself relevant by asking many questions about faith, science and the whole evolution jibber-jabber.   In the fog of all the one-dimensional characters it clumsily gives the Xenomorph a backstory that quite frankly neuters the horror of the creature.  Apart from a particularly wonderful action sequence, Michael Fassbender's performance and Jed Kurzel's Jerry Goldsmith-homage musical score, the film is an uninspired bore that really struggles to find a point in existing.

2½ John Denver transmissions out of 5

Alien³ (1992 / 2003)

It's as bleak as a British winter and it'll piss off many fans of Aliens (1986), but I doubt pleasing Cameron's crowd was ever on the agenda of the creative team. If you've seen the Theatrical Cut, then you'll know how messy and lifeless it was. Fincher declined an invitation to do a Dir. Cut himself, so instead we got an Assembly Cut (by editor David Crowther?) that takes a xenomorph sized shit all over the studio's preferred version.

The bad CGI and hasty rewrites are still evident, but the forced camaraderie, the crushing despair and the multiple malignancies are more tightly woven into the narrative structure. Ultimately, if you're a fan of the series and haven't seen the 2003 version, then you really ought to.

1992 Cut: 2½ wall-runs out of 5 | 2003 Cut: 3½ parental instincts out of 5

Alien (1979)

Ridley's first influential sci-fi is an ambitious production that's lit more like a horror film. The creeping zooms in dark corridors and ominous environments reinforce the claustrophobic living conditions that influence the crew. It's a cold, distanced experience that forces you to find a connection with the mostly unlikeable protagonists. Once you find it, you feel the fear the same as they do when the terror comes calling.
The themes that would make Cameron's action movie sequel worth watching were birthed here, hiding in the narrative and the performance.
The original 1979 Theatrical Cut is superior to the 2003 Director's Cut.
Let's not forget H.R. Giger, who gave the world the most fascinating alien design I've ever seen. Its appeal is that it's familiar but frightening.

5 meals ruined out of 5

PROMETHEUS [2012]

Ridley Scott's first visit back to the Alien-verse since 1979, Prometheus, is a bit of a questionable one.

While it's nice to see a sci-fi film using physical sets and animatronics instead of 99.9% CGI, there's just too many elements missing to make it a bit disappointing.  The characters are bland and dumb as fuck, there's an extreme lack of menace and you can't help but feel that it went through rewrite hell.  However there are some great set-pieces and some VERY memorable scenes that will haunt me forever.

As a popcorn film it's an entertaining ride...as an Alien film, it's a colossal disappointment.

2½ Peter O'Toole's out of 5