From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Two criminals on the run take a few hostages and head for Mexico. Seth Gecko (Clooney) is smooth and calm under pressure. His brother Richie (Tarantino) is a trigger-happy prick who needs protecting from his own impulses.
It's a movie of two uneven halves. For a while it's an edgy crime flick with QT-penned dialogue. It doesn't go anywhere particularly interesting, but there's at least the feeling that it might. The latter part of the film, however, has no such aspirations. Instead, it goes all out to please fans of a very different genre. I'll say no more, to avoid further spoilers, but the direction it takes will either float your goat or it won't. My goat was thoroughly sunk, but I have to hand it to the creators for trying something so outrageously divergent.

2½ lapdogs of Satan out of 5

Bandidas (2006)

A comedy western (comestern?) that looks as beautiful as its two leading ladies do in all their finery, but where it really matters it proves to be little more than clichés and cleavage. There's even a clever horse.
The pair are opposites in almost every way, including socially and intellectually, which gives rise to much bickering and standoffish tendencies. But once they decide to work together the film gets slightly better.
A little more faith in both actresses' proven abilities could have gone a long way in making the duo more believable and memorable.
It's an afternoon time-waster that's inoffensive and easily digestible.

2 respective areas of expertise out of 5

SAUSAGE PARTY [2016]

Directors Greg Tiernan (Thomas & Friends) and Conrad Vernon (Madagascar) turn to the darkside for the highly offensive, yet atrociously funny animated Sausage Party, written by Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg & Jonah Hill.
It's the Fourth of July and all the food products at Shopwell's Grocery Store are excited to get whisked away to a better place...or so they think.  

Try to imagine Toy Story, then replace the toys with food and then humor yourself with the notion of Mr. Potato Head or especially Jessie The Yodeling Cowgirl getting ripped apart and devoured by their owners.  With that in mind, prepare to feel your ears curl up with the language that would make the South Park guys uncomfortable.  Be ready to laugh till your in pain because it's pretty fucking funny, with some cleverly placed themes neatly woven into all the un-PC crudeness.  In short, it's the perfect example of stupid brilliance.  

4 "Great" Beyonds out of 5

EVERLY [2014]

Director Joe Lynch adds yet another bloody violent action/thriller to your obligatory anti-Christmas movies list with the Salma Hayek led Everly.
It follows the title character as she tries to escape her apartment amidst a hail of bullets, henchman, bat-shit crazy hookers, blade-wielding maniacs and costumed psychopaths.  Once more indie-film America attempts to mimic Asia Extreme and ends with pretty entertaining results, if not a little more brainless.  Hayek does a fine job at brining a lot more character to her role than I suspect was originally written and it works quite well, as the story slowly unfolds revealing more and more to the background.  This is pure C-movie material and never attempts to do anything more with it so don't expect to find any hidden nuances or layers, other than the ladies can kick ass too, even if they are in lingerie or high heels.

2½ silent nights out of 5

54 (1998)

Starstruck Shane O'Shea (with a name like that he could be Marvel’s own Captain Irish), a Jersey hopeful, wants more than the working class, suburban lifestyle his father provides for him; the ungrateful shit wants to mingle at Club 54, a place where the beautiful people are free to indulge their vices alongside the stars of stage and screen.
Music plays a big part, and is arguably the best part. The V/O, the characters and the story fail to meet the targets set by similar films.
The only real memorable elements were Mike Myers, who plays it straight even though his character isn't, and the aged Disco Dotty.

2 party favours out of 5

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)

Rodriguez’s third Mariachi film saw him once again write, direct, edit and score the production. That type of creative control must make him the envy of his peers. The film had a budget almost four times what the previous two had combined and was shot digitally, so editing and SFX would've been a breeze, but the story is a mess. There are too many people with not enough to do and sketchy reasons for doing it. It’s a half-baked movie with an abundance of action but not enough plotting.

2 embellishments out of 5

Desperado (1995)

A sequel to El Mariachi (1992) that feels more like a remake because the two stories are so very similar. It has the travelling musician with the guitar case full of guns, the woman in the small town, the bad guy, etc. The most obvious differences are a bigger budget and more competent cast. You get Antonio Banderas to moisten the ladies, Salma Hayek to stiffen the men, and Cheech Marin to make the family dog drool on the throw rug. It’s typical Rodriguez, which means it’s a mix of stylised action and surface deep emotion that goes well with movie snacks, if you like that kind of thing.

3 blood trails out of 5

THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS [2012]

Director Peter Lord & Aardman Animation brings Gideon Defoe's The Pirates! books to life in The Pirates! Band Of Misfits.

The colorful characters and gorgeous sets are beautifully animated with the always dazzling stop-motion technique. With a wonderful voice cast and rousing music, The Pirates! manages to entertain leaving a smile on the face from beginning to end.  It's not particularly up to par with Aardman Animation's other feature but it's still pretty darned fun.

3 monocles on monkeys out of 5

THE FACULTY [1998]

From Dusk Till Dawn director Robert Rodriguez and Scream writer Kevin Williamson comes this tongue-in-cheek homage to Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.

The Faculty takes the concept of "my teachers are all aliens" and literally does it.  It lacks in originality and has some groan-worthy moments but makes up for it with it's fast pacing and the entertaining hammed-up performances from all the teachers.  

It's pretty dumb but still kind of fun too.

2½ aliens that dress better than humans out of 5

PUSS IN BOOTS [2011]

Antonio Banderas reprises his role as the animated sword fighting feline, from the dead in the water Shrek franchise, in Puss In Boots.
The question is can a character who was no more than a couple cheap gags in the Shrek films, carry his own film? Surprisingly, yes.
It's nothing really groundbreaking, original or witty but it keeps an even flow and enough flare to never outright offend anybody with half a brain (which I suspect has a lot to do with Guillermo Del Toro's input). There's plenty of gags for cat lovers in it and enough wackiness for the kids...but it just never rises to it's potential.

2 litter kitties out of 5