Boy Kills World (2023)

In a dystopian world, Boy witnesses his entire family slaughtered before him by an evil crime syndicate, while he is rendered deaf and mute. He is rescued by Shaman, who trains him in martial arts his entire life, as Boy prepares to exact vengeance on his attackers. A pretty straightforward premise for an ultraviolent action flick, but where this film really shines is in its dark humor and the decision for Boy's inner voice to be portrayed as a booming video game announcer (from his childhood arcade memories). The whole thing is full of style and verve, and reminded me a bit of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World by way of The Raid.

3 Cullings out of 5

Hitman Redemption (2018)

aka Asher

Ron Perlman stars as an ageing hitman who's edging close to retirement, or whatever it is that passes for the same in his unusual profession. It's slow to develop, having more in common with Noir than a typical action movie.
It spends much of its time characterising the killer by showing how he spends his evenings alone. Alas, the benefits to that approach get smothered in the gloom. Its attempts at black humour work well enough on a surface level, making good use of Perlman's steadfastness, but again they don’t quite hit the mark when it comes to serving as commentary on deeper feelings.
It introduces into his moody and reflective loneliness a light in the form of Sophie (Famke Janssen), a ballet teacher who's struggling to cope with personal matters. The two aren't a perfect match, and the chemistry between them is pretty bland. If not for being a fan of Perlman I'd probably have lost interest in the relationship, and the movie itself, earlier than I ultimately did.

2½ sprinkler systems out of 5

Don't Say a Word (2001)

An average thriller that occasionally thrills but mostly errs. It’s about a resourceful psychiatrist, a troubled girl in his care and a team of bad guys who want something and will go to stupid lengths to get it.
The elaborate set-ups make no sense whatsoever when you apply them to what’s actually going on. There are plot holes all over. How someone in the creative process didn't spot them is a mystery. Perhaps while looking they fell into a sizeable one and were never heard from again?
Brittany Murphy does well with what she's given. It co-stars Sean Bean, so you get to add value by playing the Does Sean Die? game.

2½ needles out of 5

Taken 3 (2014)

Olivier Megaton takes the directorial reigns again as Bryan Mills fights to clear his name when he is framed for his ex-wife's murder. This time on American soil, he must circumnavigate the police and one very crafty detective (Forest Whitaker). While Neeson is usually cast now as the grisly yet crafty veteran, I really saw his age in a few of the chase scenes. The camerawork covers it up with nauseatingly jarring close-up shots and movements. I found the vehicular chase scenes completely laughable and groan-inducing. But the close-combat hand-to-hand fight sequences were the true highlight of the film. Predictable twists and a mountain of plotholes and corn-veniences aside, the third installment keeps up the action and thrills despite an aging Neeson.

2½ unwanted crotch shots out of 5

TAKEN 2 [2012]

Liam Neeson is back as the scary-as-hell father on a mission for vengeance in the sequel to the surprisingly fun action/thriller Taken.
With Pierre Morel out of the director's chair, it seems like a no-brainer to get The Transporter 3 director Olivier Megaton behind the camera seeing as Luc Besson is still involved.
While the first one as a refreshingly violent and brainless thrill-ride, the second one is dull, predictable and pretty much seems like the first one only tamer, tired and completely forgettable.  As an action star, Neeson is still a joy to watch but nothing much more is worth seeking out in Taken 2.

2 grenade triangulations out of 5

THE WOLVERINE [2013]

Director James Mangold likes to make Western films even when they aren't Western films.
The Wolverine is a perfect example of that, as Hugh Jackman assumes the role of Logan for a sixth time and headlines a second film that could only be better than the last shitfest.
Mangold loves a good character piece so it's a breath of fresh air when the film hardly relies on any extravagant CGI action scenes (with the exception of the clumsily executed climax) and instead opts for some beautifully choreographed fight sequences.  Some characters are delicately written while others seem like they were slapped together at the last second, as are some of the "exposition" scenes, which many are hardly needed if you have half a brain.
It's not perfect but certainly a welcome addition to the ever-growing X-men franchise.

3 bullet trains out of 5

HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS [2013]

Dead Snow director Tommy Wirkola's Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is a tongue-in-cheek continuation of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale.
The whole concept of H&G all grown up to become witch bounty hunters is sure to roll many eyes and with good reason but the film is fully aware of that and runs with the ridiculousness of the whole idea.  It looks, feels and is as bloody violent as Sam Raimi's earlier films, only lacks in the humour department which it tried hard to pull off but failed.  With a bit more wit and snappier dialogue the whole thing might actually be an entertaining movie but falls just a bit short of that.
It's not as bad as I thought it would be but still not that good.

2 cases of diabetes and eating disorders out of 5

TAKEN [2008]

With a little help from Luc Besson as writer & producer, Pierre Morel directs Liam Neeson in the violent action/thriller Taken.
What serves as a vehicle to redefine Neeson as a highly effective action star, Taken is riddled with plotholes, flat-lining dialogue and not a whole lot of thought put into it.  However it's the fast-paced action that keeps the story charging forward, never really giving you enough time to realize all the things wrong with it.  If not for Neeson's performance the film might not have been as fun as it is, so take it with a grain of salt and hopefully enjoy giving your brain a little bit of down time.

3 memorable phone calls out of 5

THE FACULTY [1998]

From Dusk Till Dawn director Robert Rodriguez and Scream writer Kevin Williamson comes this tongue-in-cheek homage to Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.

The Faculty takes the concept of "my teachers are all aliens" and literally does it.  It lacks in originality and has some groan-worthy moments but makes up for it with it's fast pacing and the entertaining hammed-up performances from all the teachers.  

It's pretty dumb but still kind of fun too.

2½ aliens that dress better than humans out of 5

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Brett Ratner turned this chapter in Jean Grey's evolution into a mostly soulless summer action movie. The first hour is good, but it shits the bed in the second half. If you accept that prior to viewing, then it's possible to enjoy parts of it, but if you're expecting the semi-sophisticated aesthetic of the two previous films then you're going to be butt-hurt. On the plus side, Magneto's Brotherhood begins to feel more like an organisation and less like a gathering of friends over tea and cake. It's a good thing that the main series ended here.

2½ characters with little to do out of 5

X-Men 2 (2003)

Bryan Singer's last sitting in the X-Men director's chair follows on from, and expands upon, what he started in the first film. It's more action packed this time, has more characters to accommodate and requires a longer running time to do so. There's some unexpected pairing up of characters, some internal conflicts and some subtle motivations that may go unnoticed with your first viewing. The more I watch it the more I get from it. It's focussed on Wolverine a lot, but Patrick Stewart once more steals the show. Did Mystique just flip...!

3½ Bamfs and Snickts out of 5

X-Men (2000)

A group of mutants band together to fight injustice. It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but it works on-screen, mostly because half the cast are superb. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen together (Thank Jebus Russell Crowe was too greedy to take the Wolverine role.)
X-Men was one of the first (if not the first) comic book films that pleased fanboys and fangirls and also managed to find a target audience of non-comic book fans. It set the bar high and every Superhero film that followed owes a debt to what it achieved critically. Director Singer makes it one giant allegorical blip on the Gaydar, but it doesn't interfere with the storytelling.

3½ preferences for leather out of 5

LORD OF ILLUSIONS [1995]

Clive Barker directs his own film adaptation of his Books Of Blood short story "The Last Illusion", fleshes it out and re-titles it Lord Of Illusions.
Barker cleverly combines Hollywood noir with dark fantasy but sadly it never really becomes much more than that.  The acting is boring, the plot is unfocused and the characters are pretty much paper thin.  Another Books Of Blood misfire.
Oh well.

2 Charlie Manson wannabes out of 5