8MM (1999)

Private Investigator Tom Welles (Nicolas Cage) ignores the advice of Nietzsche as he delves deep into the realm of pornographers, sado-masochists and monsters. He is hired by a rich widow to track down the origins of her late husband's dirtiest little secret: a seemingly genuine snuff film. The gravity of the dark subject matter is downplayed in this day and age where everything is recorded and the most devious acts can be found online. What gives the story weight is the strength of performance and the plausibility of events. Tons of people go missing every year and there are plenty of sickos out there. The sleazy elements in the film are brought to life by great casting choices (such as James Gandolfini and Peter Stormare) and set design. The deeper down the rabbit hole 8MM plunges, the more the human side of things becomes important. In the end it centers less around a snuff film and more around the people affected by the atrocity.

3½ things you can't unsee out of 5

Rupture (2016)

A single mother (Noomi Rapace) is kidnapped and mysteriously tested on in this indie sci-fi thriller. Everything in the first half of Rupture is satisfactory and well played out. From the dysfunctional family dynamic to the initial conflict to the enigmatic agenda of the kidnappers and the eventual attempts to escape. Up to that point, the film succeeds in holding your attention and keeping you on the edge of your seat. It's only in the latter half when more and more light is shed on the ridiculous twist where the story loses its traction. The less than stellar CG effects add to the growing disappointment. I suspect Secretary director Stephen Shainberg's involvment attracted the decent cast. Unfortunately, Rupture is not only a waste of talent but a waste of time.

1½ worst fears out of 5

JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 2 [2017]

After a lengthy string of box office bombs and critical failures actor Keanu Reeves finally reached back to the top with 2014's wildly entertaining hyper-violent revenge flick John Wick.  So naturally he and director Chad Stahelski would return for a second round of inexcusable violence.
Wick travels the world after a bounty is put on his head, where he finds himself wearing plenty of stylish clothes, indulges in extravagant fight sequences & slick music, reunites with Laurence Fishburne and finds guns.  Lots of guns.
This time around the film knows how ridiculous it is and adds in plenty of dark humor to lighten the mood a little more but it also manages to flesh out the alternate reality that it's set in, making for a very intriguing set-up for the inevitable concluding chapter.  The Wick films are some of the best pieces of cinematic pulp fiction audiences have seen in a long time and it seems everyone involved enthusiastically knows it.

3 awkward subway rides out of 5

FARGO [1996]

The Coen Brothers cleverly collect elements of everything they're known for and make, what I think is, their best film to date with Fargo.
A nervous weasel of a car salesman has his wife kidnapped in order to collect the ransom but things spiral out of control as each piece hopelessly falls into the wrong place.
Fargo is as familiar as it is foreign with it's oddball dialect, spurts of gruesome violence and beautifully photographed shots of next to nothing.  It explores human interest with a keen sense of comfort and disgust but never once repels the viewer with it's brightly lit noirish tale of lies, deceit, murder and absurdly dizzying politeness.  It's the furthest thing from a hip film but that's what makes it what it is.
If anything, it's the nerdier cousin of No Country For Old Men.

5 son-of-a-Gundersons out of 5

MINORITY REPORT [2002]

Minority Report is another film from Steven Spielberg's cold, cynical period that saw the director shitting the bed in the final 15 minutes of every project from those mixed days.
Loosely based upon Philip K. Dick's neo-noir short story of the same name, it follows a world where the crime of murder can be foreseen by law enforcement but is put into question when one of it's leading officers is accused of murder himself.
There's plenty of tantalizing ideas and themes thrown around but it's all wrapped around a rather soulless heart that makes it difficult to attach oneself to.  There's several moments of astonishing camera-work, imaginative action sequences and icy yet fascinating visuals that all matches Dick's Cold War paranoia story to a tee.  So maybe it might have been an even more successful adaptation if it were done for an anthology television series instead.

3 spider-bots out of 5

STRANGE MAGIC [2015]

Sound designer Gary Rydstrom makes his feature length directorial debut with George Lucas' CGI animated Strange Magic.
It's the story of a fairy princess who finds herself in the middle of a forest battle of goblings, elves, imps and various other strange creatures over a very powerful love potion.  It's basically A Midsummer Night's Dream given the Glee/American Idol make-over with it's attack of poorly reconstructed pop songs from all over the musical map.  The character designs are sloppily uninspired, the story is an uneven mess of boredom and the whole affair is just really really annoying.
It's perfectly acceptable to feel sorry for oneself should they find themselves having to sit through it from beginning to end.

1 petal out of 5

PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR [2014]

Co-directors Eric Darnell & Simon J. Smith continue the adventures of the scene-stealing paramiliatry penguins from the popular CGI animated Madagascar series.
The lazily titled Penguins Of Madagascar follows the quartet as they attempt the thwart the plans of a psychotic octopus and his octo-minions.  It's frantic energy, rapid-fire gags and colorful characters keep you from noticing it's lack of wit and originality.  While Dreamworks' rivals Pixar might take pride in their graceful & thoughtful execution of each film, here we're treated to something more akin to Bugs Bunny or Tom & Jerry with it's ADHD like pacing.  The kids will eat this stuff up like a bag of Cheezies and it packs the same nutritional value as well but at least it keeps you nourished until the next well-balanced meal.

3 districts of Dublin, Shanghai out of 5

THE ZERO THEOREM [2013]

Director Terry Gilliam returns to his bizarre dystopian future form, as explored in Brazil and 12 Monkeys with The Zero Theorem.
Christophe Waltz does a fantastic job playing the tragic Qohen Leth who's lost in a world that doesn't want or need him.  The earnest Qohen is on the constant search for a definitive meaning to life but is assigned the job of confirming human existence is meaningless, which in turn gives his being some sort of purpose.  Gilliam's dismal paranoid future is candy colored and rich in texture which gives it a absurd sense of menace.  The film's making a pretty bold statement but it never feels heavy-handed and still pleases with it's eccentric characters and outlandish sets.
A fine return to form for Gilliam that reminds us sci-fi films can still be personal to the film-makers and not lost in a sea of merchandise.

3½ Churches of Batman The Redeemer out of 5

BIRTH [2004]

Birth is a creepy little mystery, from director Jonathan Glazer, that seems like a mixture of Stanley Kubrick and Roman Polanski (Rosemary's Baby haircut included).
This intensely hypnotizing film tells the story of a widow who meets an odd little boy who swears he's her dead husband reincarnated.  Both Nicole Kidman and Cameron Bright turn in some immensely haunted performances that will leave many a little uncomfortable with the more intimate scenes.  There's some flaws here and there, that breaks the tense atmosphere but all in all, Glazer proves he can craft a beautiful piece of thoughtful cinema that deserves more acclaim.

3½ buried secrets out of 5

22 JUMP STREET [2014]

Rarely is a sequel much better than it's original but Phil Lord & Chris Miller manage to pull it off with the overly goofy 22 Jump Street.
Like the original, it knows it's a Hollywood treadmill film and that's where it succeeds in a lot of it's humor, particularly Nick Offerman's side-splittingly hilarious meta-speeches.  However it's Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum's wonderful comedic chemistry that makes the film as funny and playful as it is.  This ain't high art or quality film-making, in fact it's probably the furthest thing from it but the film-makers and stars set out to have a good time with the hopes that you will too.

3½ Dumbass Americans out of 5

HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS [2013]

Dead Snow director Tommy Wirkola's Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is a tongue-in-cheek continuation of the Brothers Grimm fairy tale.
The whole concept of H&G all grown up to become witch bounty hunters is sure to roll many eyes and with good reason but the film is fully aware of that and runs with the ridiculousness of the whole idea.  It looks, feels and is as bloody violent as Sam Raimi's earlier films, only lacks in the humour department which it tried hard to pull off but failed.  With a bit more wit and snappier dialogue the whole thing might actually be an entertaining movie but falls just a bit short of that.
It's not as bad as I thought it would be but still not that good.

2 cases of diabetes and eating disorders out of 5

BAD MILO! [2013]

Jacob Vaughan's horror comedy, Bad Milo! is a throwback to the '80's creature features, by using chirpy Mogwai-esque sound effects to rubber puppets & animatronics.
The first half of the film is hilariously stupid but fun, as it completely grosses you out with it's story about a murderous rage demon that makes it's home up a stressed out man's anus.  As the second half of the film spews out the joke begins to wear off but is salvaged by a few moments of great dialogue bits here and there. By the premise alone, you know this isn't going to be Citizen Kane but if you're in the mood for this sort of "shit" then it is worth a look at.

3 ancient myths surrounding the anus out of 5

SMALL APARTMENTS [2012]

Director Jonas Åkerlund's insanely weird black comedy Small Apartments is the type of film that could fall flat on it's face if not for it's perfect casting of each character.
It centers around Matt Lucas as a strange little bald man, who lives alone (with the exception of his landlord's corpse) and wears nothing but his undies & a new wig with each venture into the cruel world that surrounds him.  Åkerlund seems to have a firm grasp on his characters, as each aren't particularly great people but all are interesting and sympathetic.  The only problem is the narrative occasionally loses it's balance with some wonky pacing.  All in all, it's an enjoyable, sad and thoughtful quirky comedy that disturbs just as much as it makes you laugh.

3½ merkins out of 5

THE LAST STAND [2013]

Director Kim Ji-Wong makes his American debut with the ridiculously violent Arnold Schwarzenegger film, The Last Stand.
It plays like a formulaic American action film with cool cars, loud shootouts, gorgeous girls, groanworthy sight gags and bone-crunching fist fights.  However it also includes some creative camerawork, unusually well-timed action sequences and shots of subtle humour to please fans of the director's previous work.  More like a modern day Western, this is an Arnie film done right, now matter how aged ol' Leatherface has become.

3 Atlantean broad swords out of 5

THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK [1997]

Steven Spielberg's adaptation of Michael Crichton's novel The Lost World, the Jurassic Park sequel, is a film that grew on me over time. 

Originally, it was a huge disappointment because of it's messily stitched together plot, horrible stench of 'sequel-ness to it and the huge cast of disposable stock characters.  Spielberg never attempts to hide any of those and makes the dazzling FX, adrenaline charged movie he wants to see because he damn well can.  Hell, the director even sneaks in a cameo of himself eating popcorn.

3 little dino, big cities out of 5