Flirting (1991)

It's 1965, and Danny is now a moody teenager stuck in an all-male boarding school across the lake from a female boarding school. He has his eyes on an exotic student, and as respective outcasts of their institutions, they form a bond while avoiding the all-seeing eye of the strict headmasters and other jealous students. This was the second film in John Duigan's planned The Year My Voice Broke trilogy based on his life, which sadly remains incomplete.

3½ canings out of 5

Paddington (2014)

An extremely charming British film based on the children's book series of the same name. A talking bear in a red bucket hat and rain slicker migrates from the jungles of Peru to a London railway station where he is discovered and subsequently taken in by the Brown family. What follows is essentially a fish out of water story where Paddington attempts to assimilate with urban life, while trying to avoid a tricky taxidermist (played by Nicole Kidman) looking for her next trophy. It's a heartwarming family film that's perfect for kids of all ages and manages to get the characterization of the books right.

3½ marmalade sandwiches out of 5

Babygirl (2024)

Nicole Kidman plays an older woman who wants her pussy fucked inside out by a much younger man.

Ahem. Nicole Kidman plays a self-made woman who isn't sexually satisfied at home and seeks some outside thrills that push her out of her comfort zone.

The only reason this movie exists and has received accolades is because of the power dynamic at play. If roles were reversed, I imagine it would receive widespread criticism for the exact same reasons. With its confusing gender politics, this is basically Fifty Shades of Grey for the post-#MeToo era.

Is it erotic? Sure. But it comes at the cost of so many disclaimers, that it's downright exhausting.

3 consensual acts of degradation out of 5

LION [2016]

In director Garth Davis' adaptation of Saroo Brierley memoir, A Long Way Home, we follow the life a 5-year old Indian boy adopted by an Australian couple after he is lost in Calcutta.
The first half of Lion is easily it's strongest, with 8-year old newcomer Sunny Pawar carrying most of his scenes alone and without dialogue, leaving his expressions to tell the dramatic tale with honest finesse.  The second half of the film, following the boy in his young adult years, now played by marvelous Dev Patel, isn't as interesting, as most of the characters are too conventional but fortunately elevated with great performances all around.  It's finale is a bit dramatically manipulative but hit so closely to home for me it didn't matter and left me a blubbering mess.

4 watermelons out of 5

EYES WIDE SHUT [1999]

After 12 years of absence, director Stanley Kubrick returned to make his final motion picture before his death. Eyes Wide Shut, a difficult piece to tag an exact genre to, so we'll just call it an erotic Kubrick Christmas film.
On the outside it's simply about an unlikable high-class doctor, who embarks on a frightening mysterious journey of sexuality after his equally unpleasant wife tells of a time she nearly cheated on him.  However, it's has a far more complex psychological effect on the viewer, with it's ominous twists and turns that open the further the "good" doctor goes down the rabbit hole.  Kubrick's attention to detail, symbolism and lighting is as intricate as always, so there's always something new to discover with each viewing.  Like a feverish nightmare, Eyes haunts me as much as it did the year it was released, in fact more so with a slightly more mature love for storytelling and film-making.
It might not be the ideal swan song for Kubrick fans but it's still a dame fine final chapter for a man who never took his craft lightly.

4 magic circles out of 5

THE OTHERS [2001]

Tesis director Alejandro Amenábar's English language debut, The Others, is a good old fashioned Gothic ghost story.
Nicole Kidman plays a troubled mother of two ill children who live in a big ol' isolated house which plays host to a series of supernatural events.  Kidman is at her best when she's playing slightly mad people and here she excels, with the help of some impressive child casting, the always mildly creepy Fionnula Flannagan and some truly creepy photography.  Instead of needing flashy FX or rapid edits, The Others slowly chills the bones with it's slow-burning reveals and quiet but really eerie atmosphere.  I love me a good ghost story and this one delivered the goods with full satisfaction.

4 foggy days out of 5

BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP [2014]

Director Rowan Joffé's adaptation of  S. J. Watson's thriller novel Before I Go To Sleep is ironically a great film to watch to help you go to sleep.
It tells the story of a woman who wakes up everyday with her memory wiped clean due to a terrible accident she suffered.  Fortunately Nicole Kidman is a delight to watch to distract the viewer from it's countless cliché twists 'n turns, duller than dull dialogue and ridiculous set-up that begs you take it more serious than it should.  Sadly they forget to add in more than two suspects to the mystery so when the big reveal is finally unveiled you wonder why you even bothered to stick around.
In short, it's boring, uninspired and way too predictable for a film that's supposedly built on mystery.

1 camera out of 5

The Stepford Wives (2004)

It’s both a new adaptation of the Ira Levin novel (1972) and a remake of the previous filmed version (1975), but it does nothing to further or respect the underlying principles upon which either was based. It throws a few gay guys into the mix, an addition that could've really tipped the balance in a dramatic way, but they’re as farcical as the rest of it.
Nicole is a good actress, so why does she make shit like this? Still, it’s not the vilest, most wasteful and unrewarding thing she's ever been involved with, if you know what I mean.

0½ an energizer out of 5

BIRTH [2004]

Birth is a creepy little mystery, from director Jonathan Glazer, that seems like a mixture of Stanley Kubrick and Roman Polanski (Rosemary's Baby haircut included).
This intensely hypnotizing film tells the story of a widow who meets an odd little boy who swears he's her dead husband reincarnated.  Both Nicole Kidman and Cameron Bright turn in some immensely haunted performances that will leave many a little uncomfortable with the more intimate scenes.  There's some flaws here and there, that breaks the tense atmosphere but all in all, Glazer proves he can craft a beautiful piece of thoughtful cinema that deserves more acclaim.

3½ buried secrets out of 5

THE RAILWAY MAN [2013]

Director Jonathan Teplitzky adapts The Railway Man, the autobiographical novel written by Eric Lomax, with powerful results due to precise story structure and compelling performances all around.
It's a psychological war story that tells of the suffering several decades later which is something we rarely ever seen portrayed on-screen and makes for a vigorous impact I wasn't prepared for.  Beautifully photographed as it gracefully moves back & forth through time and settings, the film never overwhelms with images and remains steadily focused on the message it's portraying.
This one is going to linger with me for quite sometime and it's really something I feel it set out to do so.

4 train rides out of 5

STOKER [2013]

Park Chan-wook's first venture into the world of Hollywood is a disturbing one indeed.  Stoker makes your skin crawl with utterly sick delight for the beautifully shot and acted thriller that it is.

It's packed with literary allusions galore, delicate sound design and haunted music, all of which seem to be wrapped in a twisted Hitchcockian Gothic fairytale storytelling, courtesy of Prison Break star Wentworth Miller.  There's so many tiny details reflecting on older stories, you'll want to see it again just trying to pick out what is what.  It might not hold up to Chan-wook's previous films but it's a beautiful alternative to some of the other films in the cinema at the moment.  

3½ shoes out of 5

THE PAPERBOY [2012]

With it's exploitative & lurid plot, large host of despicable characters and other-timely trashy fashion sense, Lee Daniels' The Paperboy is by all means the definition of "pulpfiction".

It's got a lot of layered, impressive performances, particularly Nicole Kidman, but for some reason Daniels seems to think he can carry a whole film on just that.  The story is nothing we've never seen before and gives us no reason to give any thought to the actions onscreen.  With it's numerous themes and conflicts bouncing around it might have tried to insert some warmth or heart into the story but instead it seems to find itself all too comfortable in the seediness of the world.  

2 gator guts out of 5

Bewitched (2005)

I laughed once while watching Bewitched. It was less of a laugh and more of an involuntary chocking mechanism while attempting to swallow the ridiculous conceit that the travesty wanted me to engage with.

0½ a wiggle out of 5

Nine (2009)

Some films are more than the sum of their parts; Nine has the misfortune of being the opposite. It has a great female cast, some interesting set pieces, some clever lighting that reminds of Gregg Toland’s work, and occasional smart editing, but they never gel into a satisfactory whole. Like the main protagonist’s mind it’s directionless and empty when it should be focused and impassioned. If that was a conscious decision, designed to reflect his crippling lack of imagination, it was a bad one. It's a yawn-fest with some bad music.

1½ cabaret music videos out of 5

The Golden Compass (2007)

I thought the book that GC was based on was highly overrated; the film isn't any better. It’s a colourful mess that oozes money but lacks soul. It feels rushed and unloved. The awful set-up for the sequels that never came is embarrassingly unabashed. Dakota Blue Richards impresses as Lyra, but the character is, like the world she inhabits, much too underdeveloped for us to connect with. The danger level stutters along at a weary pace, never reaching a level where we begin to doubt that the good guys will win. It’s a children’s adventure story so perhaps the very young, the real target audience, will be more forgiving than I am.

2 bears with no hangover sore head out of 5

The Interpreter (2005)

Nicole and Sean exchange bad dialogue for two whole hours. Nicole puts on a ridiculously contrived accent to see if Sean notices, but Sean doesn't, so she drops it half the time. Sean does some dramatic running in weird pants on the cover. By the end neither of them gives a damn about the plot and they muddle through two different endings, neither of which anyone involved, including the viewer, gave a shit about any more.

1 pervert at your window out of 5

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

A nauseating clusterfuck of styles that steals from everywhere and is occasionally innovative. It has some very irritating editing that made me want to stab my own eyes. Like the rest of Baz's work it's much too ham-fisted to be watched often.

1½ style over substance out of 5

BATMAN FOREVER [1995]

Ditching the dark, gritty timeless atmosphere Tim Burton had established for the Batman franchise, hit & miss director Joel Schumacher went for a more colorful "modern" Tokyo look which was deemed more MTV family friendly.
Val Kilmer does an adequate job at replacing Keaton as The Caped Crusader. Tommy Lee Jones doesn't seem to have a clue who Two-face was and comes off as more of cheap knock-off of Nicholson's Joker. Jim Carrey is on auto-pilot as The Riddler but is nonetheless entertaining. Nicole Kidman snoozes her way through the unintentionally skanky female lead. And Chis O'Donnell as Robin? No. Just no.
The painfully titled Batman Forever is embarrassingly bad at times and yet somehow manages to entertain just enough for the most part. It's not as horrible as it could be but it's a sure sign of the troubled times to come.

2½ Bat-butts out of 5