Val (2021)

Throughout the course of his life, Val Kilmer shot hundreds of hours of home movies and personal footage, spanning 40 years. After being diagnosed with throat cancer in 2015, these archives were uncovered and assembled into a documentary told through his own words and narrated by his son, Jack Kilmer.

A promising young man with a playful persona, Val was a misunderstood artist typecast in a number of roles who lived life to the fullest while struggling to find his voice. It's a raw and intimate and deeply reflective journey ultimately ending in tragedy, but there is great power in having a voice and being able to tell one's own story, even when ironically it has been cruelly taken away. 

3 top guns out of 5

Top Secret! (1984)

What happens when you mishmash Elvis Presley musicals, WWII and Cold War-era spy films together? A highly uneven effort from Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker.

Val Kilmer makes his auspicious film debut as American rock 'n' roll star Nick Rivers, who gets invited to East Germany to perform, where he inadvertently becomes mixed up in the resistance. The plot is largely irrelevant, as it merely provides the framework for a quick-fire series of gags and non-sequiturs. This is a movie I always think I'll like a lot more than I do, but what counts most is that it's relentlessly funny, which is really all that matters in a spoof comedy.

3 Swedish bookstores out of 5

Stateside (2004)

Stateside’s negatives must be immediately addressed so they can be summarily discounted. I am almost certain that the reason no literal combat is shown is because of the film’s lack of endorsement by the U.S. Armed Forces. While I think it would have been a plus, I assure you that there is more than enough emotional engagement on display. One snippet of a scene seemingly contains a continuity gaffe, but it may have been initially shot to be used earlier in the film and simply re-purposed. I can’t believe I’ve wasted so many words on non-issues! Stateside is so incredibly genuine and the dialogue is awkwardly-truthful PERFECTION. There are moments where it vies to be the most philosophical and poetic thing I’ve ever experienced.

5 Career Defining Performances out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

Wonderland (2003)

The story of what became of XXX movie star John Holmes after his onscreen career had ended but his hard drug addiction hadn't.
Portrayed as a sleazy and selfish weasel, Holmes (Val Kilmer) is the quintessential lowlife user of people, befriending others solely because they can give him what he needs, with betrayal just another bump in the road.
The presentation is choppy, employing techniques that aren't always complementary to each other; in trying too hard to be edgy it goes from one stylistic choice to another sometimes with little or no rhyme or reason. It occasionally works but mostly it's disruptive and detrimental to the whole.
It's an okay film in the end, but indulging the many truth games and multiple unreliable narrators shtick wore me out long before the credits rolled.

3 lead pipes in the drug house out of 5

Red Planet (2000)

It hit screens just eight months after the other Mars movie of 2000, but its target audience was slightly different. De Palma’s Mission to Mars at least attempted to appeal to an intelligent audience, whereas RP seems to have been aimed primarily at the action fan. The two things aren't mutually exclusive, but it’s rare to find them cosy in bed together.
Dir. Antony Hoffman's direction is decent enough and the landscapes are prettier than Mission's are, but the script is just as limp, albeit in a different way. The CGI robotic murder-dog didn't help matters at all.

2½ empty cannisters out of 5

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

It’s all fine for the first while, but once the painted white boulder that is Marlon Brando rolls into the story the entire production goes right off the rails. He seems to want to sabotage every scene he’s in, dragging everyone, including his Mini-Me, down with the whole tropical ship.
Kilmer didn't want to be there and it shows. His performance is shockingly bad.
Dir. John Frankenheimer is the only one with anything resembling an excuse for being off, he’d no time to prepare, having come to the project half a week into shooting after the previous director was removed. Still, he appears to make little effort to turn it into anything other than a pay cheque.
I feel sorry for Thewlis, Balk and Perlman, all of whom at least made some effort despite the odds stacked against them.

1½ hybrid moments out of 5

KISS KISS BANG BANG [2005]

Writer/director Shane Black loosely adapts a Brett Halliday Michael Shayne mystery novel and teams up Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer for the comedic crime film Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
Like his Lethal Weapon films and The Monster Squad, Black cleverly inserts humorously witty dialogue into a fast-paced, straight-faced genre narrative.  This time around he takes the hard-boiled crime genre and gives it a flashy modern day Los Angeles spin.  Kilmer & RDJ have wonderful chemistry playing off each other while Michelle Monaghan holds up her own in between the bantering duo.  In a day of overly serious or just plain boring thrillers and crime dramas this film is a breath of fresh air.

3½ faggot guns out of 5

MACGRUBER [2010]

I almost always loathe SNL cast member films, so I didn't expect to enjoy Will Forte's MacGruber film at all.

I was pleasantly surprised.  

Instead of trying to stretch out the MacGuyver parody sketch into 1½ hours, the film goes for more of a action/thriller spoof along the lines of the 80's comedy Top Secret!  It's not highbrow humor or anything but the cast has a surprisingly great chemistry and the comedy is very well paced.  

It's really dumb...but also, really funny. 

3 tasty celery sticks out of 5

TRUE ROMANCE [1993]

Hookers. Cocaine. Guns.
...and Elvis.
Quentin Tarantino's first screenplay for the Tony Scott directed True Romance is a wild and stylish romp of a road movie. Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette lead an all-star ensemble supporting cast through a fantastical, glamorized violent world that looks more fun than intimidating. It's a little immature and offensive at times but this is Tarantino so it should be expected.
Filled with characters so stereotypical it's gleefully absurd, an in your face "too cool" soundtrack and Gary Fucking Oldman in one of his best roles, True Romance is a pulp cult classic that is pure guilty fun.

4 tips of the hat to Gassenhauer out of 5

BATMAN FOREVER [1995]

Ditching the dark, gritty timeless atmosphere Tim Burton had established for the Batman franchise, hit & miss director Joel Schumacher went for a more colorful "modern" Tokyo look which was deemed more MTV family friendly.
Val Kilmer does an adequate job at replacing Keaton as The Caped Crusader. Tommy Lee Jones doesn't seem to have a clue who Two-face was and comes off as more of cheap knock-off of Nicholson's Joker. Jim Carrey is on auto-pilot as The Riddler but is nonetheless entertaining. Nicole Kidman snoozes her way through the unintentionally skanky female lead. And Chis O'Donnell as Robin? No. Just no.
The painfully titled Batman Forever is embarrassingly bad at times and yet somehow manages to entertain just enough for the most part. It's not as horrible as it could be but it's a sure sign of the troubled times to come.

2½ Bat-butts out of 5