Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

Everyone remembers this film for stoner slacker Spicoli (Sean Penn), although he's very much the secondary character to all the ensemble drama around him.

Amy Heckerling's first film, based on the non-fiction book by Cameron Crowe (in which he posed as a high school senior for inspiration), is never quite as perfect as my memory of it purports to be, but it certainly captures the wild zeitgeist of American culture in the '80s. It's an iconic coming-of-age comedy with mammorable performances from Jennifer Jason Leigh and Phoebe Cates.

4 fapus interruptus out of 5

The Carpenter's Son (2025)

A supernatural thriller based on the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, featuring the "lost years" of Jesus. It's basically Teenjus, or The First Temptation of Christ. Nicolas Cage is wasted in the role of Joseph. Visually, it looks good, but the storytelling is boring and the pace is slow. It'll put you to sleep if nothing else.

1 Sitra Achra out of 5

Vampire's Kiss (1988)

A sex-obsessed man is convinced he's been bitten by a vampire and believes he's undergoing some sort of a transformation. This movie is pure insanity. Nicolas Cage dials it up to 11. What more is there to say? It's fucking brilliant.

4½ meme-worthy rants out of 5

The Surfer (2024)

Nic Cage sure knows how to pick 'em. A man returns to the remote Australian town he grew up in and finds himself confronted by hostile locals who tell him to get lost. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I'll allow you to discover this little gem for yourself. It's an intense psychological thriller full of hallucinatory images and haunting melodies that will have you questioning your own sanity.

Probably my favorite film of the year so far. Give me more of this, please.

4½ pocket rats out of 5

Adaptation. (2002)

Pathetic, fat, balding, worthless loser Charlie Kaufman is tasked with adapting the screenplay to an unfilmable novel about orchids. How does he accomplish this task? By inserting himself into the narrative, of course. Nicolas Cage gives the performance of a lifetime as not one, but two versions of Kaufman. I've spent most of my life thinking about this film and unintentionally emulating it. No amount of words I devote to this nut would ever do it justice. Layers upon layers of inspired brilliance, elegance and meta-commentary that works on multiple levels. If I have two favorite movies of all time, this is the other one.

5 wanks following a writer's block out of 5

Renfield (2023)

Loosely inspired by Bram Stoker's Dracula, this action horror-comedy focuses more on the vampire's familiar, R. M. Renfield, who looks to get out from under Dracula's thumb. Trapped in a toxic codependent relationship, Renfield attends a 12-step meeting group where he locates his latest victims. The movie doesn't really kick into high gear until Dracula himself (Nicolas Cage, channeling his manic energy from Vampire's Kiss) gets involved, but by that point, it had already lost most of its steam. It's fun in a brainless sort of way if you're in a receptive mood and know what you're getting into. This movie would work just fine as a double feature with Abigail.

2½ superpower-infused bugs out of 5

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)

Nic Cage plays Nick Cage in a film that tries hard to be deep and offer meta commentary like Adaptation, but ends up settling into a standard action-comedy formula that feels trite and uninspired. It's a shame they downplay all the esoterism and obscure film references, and instead provide some kind of conventional middle-ground to appease general moviegoers. As a lifelong fan, I was rather disappointed by the waste of potential that was suggested in the title. I appreciate all the in-jokes and references to earlier films, but once you're in on the joke, no amount of nouveau shamanic acting can save it. It's worth it for the Cage factor alone (he plays two versions of himself, including his younger, idealized Wild at Heart self), but don't expect to be wowed by it.

2½ golden prop guns out of 5

Dream Scenario (2023)

This is the film Nicolas Cage was made for. Paul Matthews is the dull professor of evolutionary biology at a local university who suddenly finds himself the subject of national intrigue when people randomly start dreaming about him. At first, it's treated as a passing novelty, until the implications grow much darker. It's a high concept black comedy that's teeming with great ideas and has so much fun with its central conceit. It probably doesn't fulfill the wild limits of its potential, but that doesn't mean it isn't a great time at the movies.

4½ David Byrne suits out of 5

Arcadian (2024)

In a ravaged post-apocalyptic wasteland (what other kind is there?), a father and his two sons struggle for survival against blind creatures that go bump in the night. One day, one of the boys goes missing, so the father must venture out to save him before dusk falls. Meanwhile, the remaining boy must defend their home from an incoming attack. Feels more than a little inspired by the likes of A Quiet Place and I Am Legend.

Unfortunately, it's dull and dreary and mostly snooze-inducing. Not even the presence of Nicolas Cage could save this one.

2 cave-ins out of 5

Longlegs (2024)

In my opinion, this film was slightly overhyped, but I bought into it hook, line and sinker. Every screening at my theater was packed, so the word of mouth and clever ad campaign (which revealed nothing about the plot) really paid off. I really loved the tone of the film right out the gate; it builds up a nice feeling of dread and suspense, right out of Silence of the Lambs or Se7en. 

FBI agent Lee Harker investigates a series of mysterious deaths in 1990s Oregon, potentially leading to a bigger conspiracy. Again, it benefits from going in with as little information as possible and allowing the experience to wash over you. Not quite as good as it could have been, given all the tools at their disposal, but still very dark and affecting. It gets weird, in a good way.

3½ birthday card clues out of 5

Moonstruck (1987)

Loretta Castorini (Cher) is an Italian-American woman living in Brooklyn, in a relationship with Johnny Cammareri (Danny Aiello). Her partner doesn't ignite much passion in her, but as a widower who fears she may be doomed to bad luck in such regards, she's willing to settle for the safety of 'good enough'. That's until she meets Johnny's unpredictable brother Ronny (Nicolas Cage) for the first time, and the dulled fires in her soul begin to ignite.
Human relationships are key in the work, many of which are influenced by mature feelings and a great big moon that hangs over the city, shining down upon the populace. Cher's character is the focus, but there are a number of others, each experiencing their own reinvigoration. I mean no disrespect when I say that it'll perhaps appeal more to viewers who are of a similar age to the protagonists (I'm in that same bracket) - it's simply that kind of drama.

3 modern miracles out of 5

The Rock (1996)

With hand on heart and no trace of facetiousness, I don't understand why Michael Bay's ham-fisted, cookie-cutter brand of bullshit action movie is so popular with moviegoers. With regards The Rock, the most convincing thing in it is Sean Connery. Nic Cage, on the other hand, is unconvincing even when his character is called upon to be unconvincing, if you get what I mean. Ed Harris' character gets one scene where he's not a B+W angry bad guy - the film cuts back to him every now and again to remind us that he's an actual part of it. The plot, something about toxic green balls (I shit you not), is a blundering mess.
Why it's released on the Criterion label is yet another mystery.

2 green flares out of 5

8MM (1999)

Private Investigator Tom Welles (Nicolas Cage) ignores the advice of Nietzsche as he delves deep into the realm of pornographers, sado-masochists and monsters. He is hired by a rich widow to track down the origins of her late husband's dirtiest little secret: a seemingly genuine snuff film. The gravity of the dark subject matter is downplayed in this day and age where everything is recorded and the most devious acts can be found online. What gives the story weight is the strength of performance and the plausibility of events. Tons of people go missing every year and there are plenty of sickos out there. The sleazy elements in the film are brought to life by great casting choices (such as James Gandolfini and Peter Stormare) and set design. The deeper down the rabbit hole 8MM plunges, the more the human side of things becomes important. In the end it centers less around a snuff film and more around the people affected by the atrocity.

3½ things you can't unsee out of 5

Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)

In order to save his reckless younger sibling from a fate worse than the film itself, brother Nick is tasked with stealing many cars, an activity that he retired from six years previously. But he's the selfless hero type, so after some badly scripted and hackneyed soul searching he obliges.
To its credit it adds a lot of story that wasn't in the original H.B. Halicki version (1974), but none of the additions are particularly interesting - some are even ruinous, nonsensical and weigh the plot down rather than lift it up.
One thing it does almost as well as its source is manage to be representative of the era in which it was made. Unfortunately, that means it replaces 70s chic with woeful 00's action clichés. The last half hour is particularly bad.

2½ dirty ladies out of 5

Con Air (1997)

I’m not exaggerating my opinion when I say that Con Air is a revelation. I dug it when I saw it in theatres, and I LOVE it now. The inmates are a wonderfully strong and quirky crew of personalities, which is good because they have to shoulder the majority of the screen-time. Cage is incredibly subdued, but he makes it work with the slightest little hints of Cage-yness bubbling up around the seams. There’s some great visual symbolism on display and Buscemi steals the show as a breathing piece of philosophical social commentary. Like NEVER’s Kyosui, the flamboyantly gay character isn’t degraded for who he is and is relied upon the same as the others. I can’t say that it’s enjoyable cheese, because I genuinely believe it’s a well-made action movie with something to say. 

It’s quality.

4 Bruised, yet Bona Fide, Birthday Bunnies out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

Snake Eyes (1998)

The lengthy opening scene is superb logistical work by all concerned and lets us know that we’re in for a real spectacle. Viewing it is like being a kid at the circus, waiting for the next exotic eye-opener to waltz into the ring.
The story happens mostly in one vast Atlantic City arena. Nic Cage is a less than perfect detective investigating an assassination. Through his questioning we experience the murder more than once, the same moment in time as seen from many eyes, the different angles and agendas completing the whole.
Cage keeps his madness to an acceptable level and the picture’s momentum at a heightened one. It falls apart in the last third, leading to a badly muddled ending, but the first hour is pure class.

4 bloody notes out of 5

MATCHSTICK MEN [2003]

Director Ridley Scott takes up an interesting change of pace with the comedic con-caper drama  Matchstick Men.
Nicholas Cage portrays a mentally troubled con artist who has him and his partner's long con shaken up when he discover he's the father to a 14-year old girl who wants into his crime-riddled life.  Scott's smooth eye makes for a clever little film that absorbs the viewer into it's multiple character arcs that play out better than the actual story their based around.  Cage does a fine job at giving a lot of heart to the film but still tires with his "I'm crazy" shtick, whereas Alison Lohman excels as Cage's energetic teenage daughter who might be too curious for her own good.  It threatens to wander off the rails more often than I'd like but it's overall an enjoyable film that proves Scott can still tell a human story that isn't outrageously epic.

3 cans of tuna out of 5

JOE [2013]

After a long string of really terrible films Nicolas Cage returns to fine form in David Gordon Green's Southern Gothic indie-drama Joe.
It's wonderful to see Cage put on a good performance again that is layered with each troubled expression and seething word but it's Mud's Tye Sheridan that steals the show with a promising portrayal of a child who has to grow far too fast.  DGG's atmospheric direction is delicately subtle, frightening and disturbingly beautiful as it searches through the ugliness of a world long lost to poverty, alcoholism and violence.
However the one thing that truly can't go unnoticed here is the role of the menacingly violent father played with perfection by Gary Poulter, an alcoholic homeless man that DGG fought to keep in the film.
 Sadly he was found dead on the streets only months after the movie was completed, making this his first and only film.

4½ Daawgs out of 5

Knowing (2009)

Nic Cage didn't fuck this one up; the writers did it before he got there.
It’s a sci-fi/disaster movie that attempts to do something different but only succeeds in dragging its corpse through an uncultivated field of ideas for two hours. A determinism Vs randomness aspect is tacked on in an attempt to deepen the not very interesting mystery.
I got the feeling that it was striving to give the viewer food for thought, but if you take that bait and think about the logic of events for even a second the whole thing comes crashing down. Even Shyamalan would balk.

1½ whisper people out of 5

THE FROZEN GROUND [2013]

After over a decade of terrible films, Nicolas Cage returns to fine form in Scott Walker's serial killer thriller The Frozen Ground.
Based upon the Alaskan serial killer, Robert Hansen, the film oozes with moodiness and a dreary atmosphere that immediately sends chills down your spine.  John Cusack is impressively creepy, and like The Paperboy, he finally steps away from playing the emo-bastard he's been doing for the past 30 years and is driven by something entirely different and more disturbing.  However it's Vanessa Hudgens, who's wiped away her Disney tween star persona with a bit more grace than her peers, that steals the show with a solid performance that oozes with emotional damage.  Wonderful performances aside, the film is a bit of a generic bore that never quite has the impact it should have.

2½ plane rides out of 5