Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die (2026)

A man comes ranting and raving into a diner, attempting to recruit a group of saviors to help prevent an upcoming apocalypse. Turns out he's done this 117 times before, but has yet to select the right combination of patrons. It's a plan enshrouded in mystery and flashbacks, so just go with it. Sam Rockwell heads this loopy high concept sci-fi comedy by Gore Verbinski, which blends a Terry Gilliam aesthetic with Black Mirror dystopian vibes. This film is unhinged in the best way possible and I loved it. Go into it blind for the best possible results.

4 countdown clocks out of 5

Roofman (2025)

An escaped convict makes his home at a Toys 'R' Us store where he lays low during the day and comes alive at night. Meanwhile, he develops a relationship with an employee there and must juggle two separate lives while keeping on the down-low. Channing Tatum makes the performance, in a sometimes sad and wistful comedy, which I also found quite charming. Based on a true story.

3 peanut M&Ms out of 5

Venom: The Last Dance (2024)

The third and final film in the Venom trilogy (The Nutshell is a bit behind) continues the saga of Eddie Brock and the alien symbiote which has attached itself to him. The latest threat is a Xenophage who hunts Venom and attempts to separate him from his host forever. As always with these films, the charm lies in the complex relationship and back and forth arguments that arise between Eddie and his apparent split personality (also voiced by Tom Hardy). However, all the CGI extravaganza stuff just bores me at this point. I enjoy these movies so much more as buddy comedies than superhero action flicks.

2½ Venom horses out of 5

BLACK MASS [2015]

After an extended string of crappy films, Johnny Depp returns to form in director Scott Cooper's American true crime film, Black Mass.
The film depicts the rise & fall of the infamous Irish-American crime boss, Whitey Bulger who became an FBI informant in order to get away with as much as he possibly could in Boston during the 70's and 80's.
Aided by an impressive cast, Depp gives a subtle yet empowering performance that kept me uncomfortably mesmerized.  However I couldn't help but feel the story needed a good extra hour of padding to really give it the impact it appeared to be aiming for.  There was so much going on that they briefly skimmed over, as a whole it never really explores anything we haven't seen before with a film like this.  In the end it's a slightly above average film with some really great performances.

3 confused doormen out of 5

St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold (2009)

It's a new term at St Trinian's, but instead of terrorising the classroom the girls are out hunting for pirate gold. It’s a ludicrous story far removed from the scholastic concerns that you'd expect to see, but somehow slightly more entertaining because of it. You could call it a kind of history lesson, I suppose.
As before, Firth and Everett kept me from slipping into unconsciousness.

2 under studies out of 5

St Trinian's (2007)

Our reintroduction to the all-girls school is alongside rich girl Annabelle (Talulah Riley), who gets enrolled by her waste-of-space father. She’s ill at ease in an institution where the girls make moonshine in the Chemistry lab and some of the staff are on drugs.
The Minister for Education is a wanker (art imitating life?) who wants to make an example of them, so the girls have to fight for their right to party.
Unless you’re a fourteen-year-old girl (or think like one) then it's a complete washout. For adults, the allusions made to things outside the film are likely to be the most entertaining (e.g. the horny dog, Darcy).

1½ belles with (hockey) balls out of 5

HORNS [2014]

Director Alexandre Aja adapts Joe Hill's bizarre dark fantasy novel, Horns, for the screen with great ambition.
Daniel Radcliffe plays a young man who begins sprouting devil horns after he's accused of murdering his girlfriend.  Sound pretty weird?  Your assumptions are correct.  Unfortunately the film is a tonal mess of horror, comedy and surrealism that never feels comfortable settling down enough to find a heart.  Radcliffe pulls off his best performance yet as he's surrounded by some beautifully shot scenery but it just isn't enough to make it a memorable film.  Granted it's weird enough to make you wonder just how it's going to play out but once all is said and done it leaves much to be desired.

2½ cherry pies from Annie out of 5

MALEFICENT [2014]

FX Guru Robert Stromberg makes his directorial debut with Maleficent, Disney's reinterpretation of their own Sleepy Beauty, which in turn was a  reinterpretation of a combination of old folktales.  
Obviously with Stromberg at the helm, one can expect a gorgeous looking film that is like watching a masterpiece painting come to life.  Unfortunately one can also expect that the rest of the film will sorely lack in any real substance.  From a distance you get a colorful looking fantasy film but under the microscope it's very much a date-rape revenge film that bounces between the conflicts of two different societies, one run by capitalism and the other socialism.  Angelina Jolie shines through the wooden script with a diabolically riveting performance that turns the title-character into a anti-hero of sorts.  As for the rest of the impressive cast?  They have absolutely nothing to work with and that's where it hurts the film the most, almost to the point of no recovery.

2 iron allergies out of 5

Lovelace (2013)

A biopic of infamous knob-gobbler Linda Lovelace. It's bookended by before and after, but mostly covers her time spent in the porn industry. It captures the look of the era but lacks any real spark elsewhere.
The main focus of the story is in showing the manipulative nature of the relationship between the two leads, Linda and her husband Chuck. They're the only characters with any real depth, and even then it's the shallow end of the pool. It's a shame Robert Patrick got so little screen time; his understated performance was one of the highlights. Amanda Seyfried carried the film the rest of the time and looked beautiful throughout. Peter Sarsgaard oozed sleazy and looked like documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock's evil twin.

2½ freckles out of 5

SMALL APARTMENTS [2012]

Director Jonas Åkerlund's insanely weird black comedy Small Apartments is the type of film that could fall flat on it's face if not for it's perfect casting of each character.
It centers around Matt Lucas as a strange little bald man, who lives alone (with the exception of his landlord's corpse) and wears nothing but his undies & a new wig with each venture into the cruel world that surrounds him.  Åkerlund seems to have a firm grasp on his characters, as each aren't particularly great people but all are interesting and sympathetic.  The only problem is the narrative occasionally loses it's balance with some wonky pacing.  All in all, it's an enjoyable, sad and thoughtful quirky comedy that disturbs just as much as it makes you laugh.

3½ merkins out of 5

KILLER JOE [2011]

Killer Joe is a brutally sadistic over-the-top black comedy from William Friedkin based on Tracy Letts' play of the same name.

It's gifted with some brilliant performances, particularly Matthew McConnaughey, who as outrageous as they all are, never seem to fall into cartoony type of characters.  Like a David Lynch film, you're never sure if you're supposed to be laughing or looking away at the graphic violence unfolding before your eyes.  Sadly, the film can be so repulsive it's completely unlikable, especially when you consider how nothing ever really serves a bigger purpose.

2 fried chicken blowjobs out of 5