GOAT (2026)

In an anthropomorphic world of animals, a goat wants to be the 'greatest of all time' at basketball. And that's the end of any originality this film has to offer. Stylistically, the animation is bright, colorful and very appealing to the eyes, but the subject matter is trite and uninspired. Another dull and forgettable sports underdog comedy. Easily impressionable kids will dig it, I suppose.

½ a cloaca out of 5

One Last Adventure: The Making of Stranger Things 5 (2026)

A fly on the wall documentary highlighting the production of the final season of Stranger Things, which encompasses 10 years of development building up to its culmination. Combining 1980s nostalgia with the coming of age genre and Stephen King-style of horror, it became a global phenomenon to a whole new generation of kids, in the tradition of E.T., The Goonies and Stand by Me. As a fan of the show, I found it a cathartic look at saying goodbye to childhood.

3 emotional table reads out of 5

Note: There are Ups and Downs, but I'd rate the show 4 Demogorgons out of 5. 

Thunderbolts* (2025)

Jesus Christ, are we into the summer blockbuster season already?

The latest tentpole from Marvel takes a page out of indie studio A24's book with a more intimate, character-based approach, which is a huge improvement in my opinion. It follows up and reunites characters from Black Widow (Yelena Belova, Red Guardian, Taskmaster), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Bucky Barnes, John Walker/U.S. Agent) and others (Ghost) in a team-up ensemble flick meant to evoke The Avengers, except on a much smaller scale. I'm more fond of this ragtag group of losers and misfits (akin to Guardians of the Galaxy) than even the "serious" heroes. But it's so much more than the sum of all its parts. At the center of the story is a mysterious new character known only as "Bob."

This was so enjoyable compared to Brave New World. Sometimes the MCU can still surprise you, even 36 films into it. This is the final installment of Phase 5; to be followed by The Fantastic Four: First Steps, due later in the summer.

3 taco shields out of 5

Night of the Zoopocalypse (2025)

Based on a "concept" by Clive Barker (believe it or not), a timber wolf and a mountain lion reluctantly team up to survive a shapeshifting mutant zombie alien horde (or something like that) after a meteor strikes the zoo after hours.

Computer generated animation used to be a real novelty, but now they're a dime a dozen, with no real creative vision to distinguish one from the other. This is better than some, but still not enough to set itself apart from the pack.

2 Gum-beasts out of 5

A Working Man (2025)

New year, new Statham.

This time he's a construction worker/ex-Marine who is tasked with recovering a missing girl and—you know what? It doesn't matter. Heads get bashed. There are a lot of people speaking in vague Eastern European accents. Bald goons a dime a dozen. This wasn't half as good as The Stath's last effort. It feels like it's being made for the lowest common denominator. The schtick is wearing thin. 

Tune in next time. Same Stath time. Same Stath channel.

1 tipped chair out of 5

Violent Night (2022)

Owing equal parts to Die Hard and Home Alone, this action-comedy sounds a lot better in theory than the sum of its parts. David Harbour plays Jolly Old Saint Nick as a straight-up murderer of bad guys who threaten to ruin one family's holiday. I feel like it wanted to be much more subversive and anti-Christmas, like Bad Santa, but it kind of wimps out on itself. It certainly delivers on the violence, similar to Fatman, and I definitely wasn't expecting Santa to go all Kratos from God of War on everyone. The reason this movie works at all is because it doesn't take its ridiculous premise seriously and has fun with the depraved concept. Christmas sure looks a lot different now than it did as a kid.

2½ deadly Home Alone booby traps out of 5

Hellboy (2019)

Guillermo del Toro wasn't allowed to complete the final entry of his trilogy, and Ron Perlman refused to return without his involvement, so a decade later we were treated to a hard reboot of the comic book franchise. This time they opt for an R-rating with lots of blood and guts, but it's the overreliance on CGI which hurts the most. David Harbour turns in a decent characterization as Big Red, though he can't match up to the wry heights that Perlman brought to the series. Its main flaw is being directly compared to del Toro's previous adaptation, of which it pales in comparison. It's technically competent, but mostly forgettable, due to the fact that there is too much going on and they tried to cram it all into a bloated 2-hour runtime. However, it's a big-budget action-horror extravaganza, so depending on your appetite for the genre, you might get your money's worth.

2 Excaliburs out of 5

PARKLAND [2013]

Journalist Peter Landesman made his directorial debut with the dramatically effective, yet ultimately pointless, historical drama Parkland.
Set in the three days that immediately followed JFK's assassination, we follow an ensemble of ordinary folks who aren't well remembered names that played a big part in the events, such as the doctors, reporters, policeman, secret service men and relatives of the larger than life names.
It offers a unique perspective on the controversial subject matter but it runs off into too many directions to really allow the viewer to become emotionally attached to any of the characters being explored.  There's some excellent performances from the long list of who's who of indie-films, particularly the always wonderful Paul Giamatti, James Badge Dale and Jacki Weaver.  With an extra 45 minutes (yes, that much) I think it could have been a great film but instead it's nothing but a valiant but uncompelling effort.

3 of the world's most famous rolls of 8mm films out of 5

SUICIDE SQUAD [2016]

Director David Ayers digs the DCEU's grave just a little more deeper with the third film in the negatively received franchise, Suicide Squad.
After Superman's death in BvS, the government decides it's time to assemble a team of disposable warriors, in the form of a group of imprisoned super-villains, should they ever face such a powerful alien-like threat again.
It's an intriguing refreshing premise to root for the villains but after some heavy duty studio meddling we get yet another superhero film with Hot Topic anti-heroes who are less intimidating than the new Supes and Batsy.  It's not nearly as nihilistic as it seems to think it is and that's mostly due to the poorly written characters that all fall flat on their faces, even if some of the performances are particularly spot-on (not you Leto. You just sucked).  The irksome attack of instantly familiar pop/rock songs every other minute felt like it wanted to be a 90's Michael Bay version of The Dirty Dozen but it doesn't have the attitude or heart to ever feel it.

2 homicidal math lessons out of 5

BLACK MASS [2015]

After an extended string of crappy films, Johnny Depp returns to form in director Scott Cooper's American true crime film, Black Mass.
The film depicts the rise & fall of the infamous Irish-American crime boss, Whitey Bulger who became an FBI informant in order to get away with as much as he possibly could in Boston during the 70's and 80's.
Aided by an impressive cast, Depp gives a subtle yet empowering performance that kept me uncomfortably mesmerized.  However I couldn't help but feel the story needed a good extra hour of padding to really give it the impact it appeared to be aiming for.  There was so much going on that they briefly skimmed over, as a whole it never really explores anything we haven't seen before with a film like this.  In the end it's a slightly above average film with some really great performances.

3 confused doormen out of 5

THE EQUALIZER [2014]

Director Antoine Fuqua turns The Equalizer into something completely unrecognizable from the '80's TV series it's apparently based on.
Denzel Washington stars a quiet hardware store employee that extracts violent revenge on the nasty evil-doers of Boston.  The acting is effective as are the brutally violent actions scenes and moody backdrops but it doesn't detract from the fact that the plot is entirely predictable and full of tired clichés.  It's a pretty average gritty thriller and with those expectations in place you'll probably find some enjoyment in this preposterous yet engaging flick.

3 shot glasses out of 5

A Walk Among the Tombstones (2014)

Writer/director Scott Frank attempts to bring the popular literary figure Matt Scudder, a former NYPD-cop, now private investigator to the silver screen. Liam Neeson's experienced and thoughtful nature lends well to the character. It's obvious he has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and demons in his past. Hired by a drug trafficker (Dan Stevens), he must track down a pair of grisly serial killers who ransom their victims. The film is paced extremely well with a bulk of the proceedings dealing with Scudder's meticulous and determined pursuit. The hit-and-miss supporting cast is really the only blight on the film. While I was impressed with Olafur Olafsson's sullen performance of the third culprit, it's a shame so much runtime was wasted on Scudder's adolescent wingman TJ (Brian Bradley).

3½ unfortunate bullets to the eye out of 5

SNITCH [2013]

Ric Roman Waugh, director of Felon, lets Dwayne Johnson carry the tense crime drama Snitch on his shoulders and he does so in a very convincing performance.
I honestly went into this film expecting brainless, excessively violent fun but instead got a pleasant surprise with something dark, broody and emotionally high-strung with very minimal violence.  Not only is Johnson great but he's joined by a strong supporting cast that knows their place and plays it well.  The only real drawback is the generic purpose of the film seems to get lost around the halfway mark and we're suddenly reminded at the very end why all this went down in the first place.

3 special deliveries out of 5

END OF WATCH [2012]

David Ayer (writer of Training Day and The Fast & The Furious) sits in the director's chair for his crime thriller End Of Watch.

No stranger to films about the crime riddled streets of South Central Los Angeles, what Ayer lacks in originality he makes up for it with stark realism.  Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Peña give everything they've got for their bold and surprisingly heartfelt performances.  The film's biggest problem is it's pointless use of a "found footage" style of shooting that at times is quite distracting.  Still, it's a pretty solid film that sadly seems to have been quickly forgotten for some reason.

3 knives in the eye out of 5

THE GREEN HORNET [2011]

Director Michael Gondry's bromance superhero adaptation of the 1930's radio serial, The Green Hornet reeks of studio interference, last minute re-shoots & rewrites and multiple cast changes.

Besides Gondry's beautiful use of color and inventive camera work, everything else is just a huge mess.  The cast all look like they know they're out of their element except for Cameron Diaz who seems natural.  I suppose she's used to being in shitfests.  A misguided flop of a film that I so wanted to be a lovable underdog but fails on all levels.

2 one-inch punches out of 5