Say Anything... (1989)

Cameron Crowe's debut feature is a classic romantic comedy/drama about an underachiever who falls for a valedictorian, and the class struggles that ensue as they court romance within their disparate social groups. It's a charming film full of memorable performances that only seem to get better with age, even though it's filled with tropes that have been overused for the past 40 years.

3½ boomboxes outside your window out of 5

One Crazy Summer (1986)

Savage Steve Holland's follow-up to Better Off Dead had similar quirky comic sensibilities, but leans a bit too far in the direction of absurdity to thoroughly recommend. Regardless, I still choose to revisit it often because there are just enough memorable scenes that make me laugh. The plot is entirely secondary here; it's just a series of oddball misadventures set on the island of Nantucket.

2½ Godzilla suits out of 5

Scary Movie 3 (2003)

The third in the series loses the secret weapon of the Wayans and installs the director of The Naked Gun, while lowering the rating from R to PG-13. It gets dumb in a hurry, with most of the humor coming from broad physical gags and people getting hurt. I was always disappointed how quickly it devolves into lowest common denominator humor, but watching it with fresh eyes, it has a lot going for it. As long as you don't directly compare this to the two films that preceded it, it's rather enjoyable in a way. Parodies include The Ring and Signs.

2½ cursed tapes out of 5

Primitive War (2025)

During the Vietnam War, a platoon stumbles upon unconvincing CGI dinosaurs. 

This Jurassic knock-off was probably the biggest piece of shit I've seen this year...if I hadn't seen War of the Worlds, that is. I suppose if you're into a bunch of jarheads shooting imaginary bullets at CGI things for two and a half hours, this is just the movie for you. I felt every single second passing on the screen. The acting is atrocious, and all the night scenes are lit so badly, it's too dark to see anything. Which is fine, since there's nothing worth seeing here anyway.

This was just excruciating to sit through. I don't know why I do this to myself.

0 convincing Russian accents out of 5

PCU (1994)

A "pre-frosh" visits the campus of Port Chester University and soon becomes embroiled in the politics of college life between The Pit (the party house) and the politically correct factions, including the Cause-Heads, the Womynists, the Afrocentrists and other protest groups. It's an amusing premise for sure, but never quite reaches its satirical potential. Mainly, I find it a curiosity as to how much PC culture has changed in the intervening 30 years. This feels very, very tame compared to the madness that exists today. Weirdly, the most relatable character is played by David Spade, who is deemed the villain here. Ironically, the film lacks the conviction to lean into political incorrectness. Perhaps if it were R-rated, it would have more bite. Compared to classic college comedies like Animal House and Dead Man on Campus, it doesn't really hold up.

2½ Caine-Hackman theories out of 5

Judgment Night (1993)

Out on the town for a night of debauchery turns sour when four friends cross a nasty drug dealer on the wrong side of the tracks. Despite a decent cast of up-and-comers (Jeremy Piven, Cuba Gooding Jr., Stephen Dorff) this thriller falls flat. This begins with the lackluster performance of Emilio Estevez as the lead. While his performance is high in intensity, he is remarkably outshined by antagonist Denis Leary. As a convincing sociopath, Leary spouts his lines like a man with more than a few gripes. His constant chase and unruly behavior is what keeps the suspense at a steady pace. The climax is anything but as the film ends with a soft thud.

2 wrong turns out of 5

THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS [2012]

Director Peter Lord & Aardman Animation brings Gideon Defoe's The Pirates! books to life in The Pirates! Band Of Misfits.

The colorful characters and gorgeous sets are beautifully animated with the always dazzling stop-motion technique. With a wonderful voice cast and rousing music, The Pirates! manages to entertain leaving a smile on the face from beginning to end.  It's not particularly up to par with Aardman Animation's other feature but it's still pretty darned fun.

3 monocles on monkeys out of 5

SMOKIN' ACES [2006]

Writer/director Joe Carnahan attempts to go for a hip, violent and witty crime film in Smokin' Aces but just narrowly misses the mark.

It's a bit of a mess, lacks any sort of interesting character developments and never fully realizes it's own potential but can be pretty damned entertaining at times.  It's got a huge cast which keeps you guessing who's going to bite the bullet next and makes for a pretty intense finale but it just simply tries to hard to be "cool and shocking". 

2½ white trash karate kid boners out of 5