Zootopia 2 (2025)

Sequel to the popular Disney film about anthropomorphic animals, featuring the unlikely partnership of Judy Hopps (sexy bunny) and Nick Wilde (sly fox) on a slithery mystery adventure that threatens to expose the origins of their storied utopia. Not quite as enchanting as its predecessor, in some ways, this feels like The Bad Guys all over again, except these are clearly the good guys. It's cute, it's cuddly, it's colorful, it's innocuous. No one is changed for it.

And I'm just going to come right out and say it. I want to fuck that rabbit. 

2 gateways to furryism out of 5

CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE [2016]

Director Rawson Marshall Thurber's action/comedy Central Intelligence should win points for it's "Little Hart/Big Johnson" tagline alone.
Kevin Hart & Dwayne Johnson are reunited before their 20 year high school reunion only to find they couldn't anymore different than what they were during their glory days.  And like all good high school reunions there's guns, exploding cars and plenty of hilarious espionage.
The two leads have a wonderful chemistry that gives the film a big ol' warm heart that the script so badly needs.  Without Hart & Johnson it wouldn't be nearly as entertaining as it is.  There's plenty of laughs to be had but it's mostly the goofy performances and ad-libs rather than the ridiculously unbelievable script.  

3 black Will Smiths out of 5

ZOOTOPIA [2016]

aka Zootropolis

Directors Rich Moore & Byron Howard put together a colorfully thoughtful feast for the eyes (and brain) with their gorgeously animated Zootopia.
Like Disney's 1973 animated Robin Hood adaptation, the viewer is brought into a world of anthropomorphic animals, seemingly living side-by-side in peace and harmony.  That is until their differences are put to the test, forcing the society to question whether they are as enlightened as they think they are.
With your usual garden-variety talking animal films (usually featuring martial arts panda bears) it's refreshing to see this one add in some intelligence and a number of important themes to ponder upon, like racism, sexism, unfair hierarchys and a heavy dose of xenophobia in a time of terrorism.  As Animal Farm-ish as it sounds there's no shortage of gags, excitement and all around good fun to be had for all ages.    

4 law-enforcing bunnies out of 5

THE GIFT [2015]

Actor Joel Edgerton makes his directorial debut with the standard fare yet highly effective thriller, The Gift.
A socially awkward oddball from a husband's past places himself into the married couple's lives and get's weirder and weirder as his obsession with the couple begins to grow.
It's a premise most will be familiar with much earlier thrillers like Fatal Attraction or The Hand The Rocks the Cradle, Edgerton crafts the film in such a way that it still feels fresh while never covering any new ground.  The pacing, character reveals and thrills are all perfectly timed so much that it never outstays it's welcome.  It manages to steer away from the usual shocks most films these days would go for and instead disturbs the audiences with it's unsettling character subtleties that'll have your head spinning by the final act.

3½ fish out of 5

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Yet another raunchy Apatow production, this time written by and starring Freaks and Geeks alumnus Jason Segel. Drawn from personal bad break-up experience, his story follows Peter (Segel) as he attempts to escape his split with the beautiful Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell), only to end up at the same Hawaiian resort as her and the new boyfriend (Russell Brand). In his directorial debut, former Undeclared writer Nicholas Stoller doesn't stray too far from the Apatow formula with copious amounts of improvisation and maddeningly awkward moments. The editing starts off promising with cuts happening concisely at the climax of each scene, but it quickly degrades into lingering shots of drawn-out ad-libs. While completely entertaining with many quirky characters and imaginative set-ups, it never really produced a particularly unexpected or side-splitting laugh in me.

3 rock operas about Dracula out of 5

HORRIBLE BOSSES 2 [2014]

Nick, Dale & Kurt are back for more crimes gone hilariously wrong in the sequel to 2011's smash hit, Horrible Bosses.
This time around, the hopeless trio hatch a kidnapping scheme that quickly spirals out of control when their victim wants in on the job.  What's interesting is to see how much the chemistry of three lead's chaotic banter seems to play more like co-star Charlie Day's TV show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, which makes for a delightful surprise not seen in the first film.  Sure the jokes are rudely moronic, outrageously offensive and questionably tasteless but with the right timing they're perfect.  If you're a fan of the first then you're almost guaranteed to enjoy this one just as much if not more.

3 permanent markers out of 5

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU [2014]

Director Shawn Levy tones things down from his usual fare for the quiet dysfunctional family drama, This Is Where I Leave You.
After the death of their father, four big city siblings are forced to return to their suburban home to live with their mother for a week which reveals many things about their messy past, present and futures.  It saunters through overly familiar territory but with it's dynamic cast (not a weak link in the group), realistically written potty-mouthed script and amusing moments galore it still manages to capture the heart by the end.  As great as the cast is, there's just so damned many characters, some of the more interesting ones are never fully explored and you're left yearning for just a bit more.  In a way it's a delightful wasted opportunity that just narrowly missed the mark from becoming what it wants to be.

3 Jewish atheists out of 5

BAD WORDS [2014]

Actor Jason Bateman makes his directorial debut with the twisted comedy, Bad Words.
Filled with some hilariously mean-spirited one-liners, the film is sure to offend and disturb anyone who's a bit too light-hearted to indulge in this sort of nasty sarcasm.  Bateman is superb as the vulgar and unlikable lead adult character who pushes his way into a child's national spelling bee contest.  As funny as the film can be, it falls short of anything memorable or a lack of topical conversation afterwards.
To put it simply, Bad Words is just alright.

3 girls without nipples out of 5

DISCONNECT [2013]

Director Henry Alex Rubin's Disconnect is a riveting drama that does a fantastic job at intertwining several seemingly unrelated stories into a intense tale about the horrors of modern day technological communication.
At times it gets a bit too "preachy" and occasionally a bit heavy on the drama but it's perfect pacing and ensemble cast keep it from never getting boring.
It's infuriating, heartbreaking, morally confusing and when it all comes down to it asks the viewer to compassionately look at humanity from all different angles whether you want to or not.  
Definitely a film that wholeheartedly deserves more attention than it's woefully received.

4 anagrams out of 5

IDENTITY THIEF [2013]

With the exception of a handful of films, actor Jason Bateman does mostly shit outside of Arrested Development. Bridesmaids Horrible Bosses director Seth Gordon's crime caper comedy Identity Thief falls under that "shit" category.
Normally with films like these I expect it to be predictable from beginning to end but count on it to provide some good throwaway laughs.  This film spurts a few minor chuckles and very little of anything else.  I really like Melissa McCarthy but even her schtick can't save this from being a complete bore.

1 throat punch out of 5

Juno (2007)

Juno is a coming of age comedy/drama that proves once again that even on a small budget (it was shot for just $6.5 million) a great cast and a great script are superior to 90% of what the major studios drop out of their inflated, protracted asshole. It deals with teen pregnancy in an intelligent and non-judgemental manner that only a bloodthirsty religious zealot would take exception with.
Ellen Page is perfect. J. K. Simmons is hilarious. Michael Cera is Michael Cera. Even Jennifer Garner can’t ruin it.

4½ blue slushies out of 5

Up in the Air (2009)

Ryan (Clooney) travels a lot. His job requires that he hop quickly from State to State, sometimes on a daily basis.
Relationships aren’t something he has the time, nor the motivation for.
When he gets dragged out of his comfort zone he has to adapt the only way he knows how.
Your enjoyment of this comedy/drama will hinge solely on your feelings for the three main cast members, because the actual plot is wafer thin. It lacks impact but will pass a two hour gap in your schedule.

3 empty backpacks out of 5

SMOKIN' ACES [2006]

Writer/director Joe Carnahan attempts to go for a hip, violent and witty crime film in Smokin' Aces but just narrowly misses the mark.

It's a bit of a mess, lacks any sort of interesting character developments and never fully realizes it's own potential but can be pretty damned entertaining at times.  It's got a huge cast which keeps you guessing who's going to bite the bullet next and makes for a pretty intense finale but it just simply tries to hard to be "cool and shocking". 

2½ white trash karate kid boners out of 5

THE SWITCH [2010]

Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston star in The Switch, a light-hearted romantic film from the goofs that wrote and directed Blades Of Glory.

You know exactly how it's all going to play out the instant you hear what the premise is but for some reason it's still passable for the performances, particularly Jeff Goldblum.   Not really a great film but at least it's not fucking Julia Roberts.

2 cum in a cups out of 5

Hancock (2008)

An interesting premise about a thoughtless, tactless superhero down on his luck is turned into a film less interesting than watching turd dry. Both Will Smith and Charlize Theron can do much better than this.

1 head wedged in ass out of 5

The Change-Up (2011)

A lecherous bachelor and a grounded married man are offered the opportunity to test drive each other's lives after a chance piss encounter in a fountain one night. Hasn't this idea been done to death by now? At any rate, it's better than I expected it to be and both actors do a fine job of channeling the other's energy. The comedy level is raunchy, but as expected, ultimately sweet and everything ends up for the best, unlike, say, life. Sure, it's a waste of two hours of my life, but it's not like I was going to do anything better with it anyway.

2 squirts of shit in the mouth out of 5

Horrible Bosses (2011)

Hilarious. The bosses (Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, Colin Farrell) are standouts here. Essentially a movie about three disgruntled employees planning their murderous revenge (a la Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train), it is satisfying, perverse and very funny. I've never found Jennifer Aniston sexier than this slutty dentist role.

3.5 Motherfucker Jones's out of 5