THE LOFT [2014]

Belgian director Erik Van Looy remakes his 2008 mystery The Loft for American audiences with very mixed results.
5 married men share a downtown loft to discreetly bring their mistresses to but things fall apart when they discover an unknown dead women there and begin suspecting each other.
At it's core, the film could have been a seedy thriller filled with over-the-top twists 'n turns that capture the audience no matter how unbelievable it gets.  Instead it's filled with terrible acting, clunky pacing, lack of suspense and characters so unlikable you're hard up for anything to grasp onto.  In the end we get a despicable albeit beautifully shot Hitchcockian wannabe that's better left forgotten.

2 keys out of 5

THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS [2016]

Director Chris Renaud supplies the laughs and heart by the truckloads with the CGI animated comedy The Secret Life of Pets.
Two dogs (one big & one little) end up getting themselves lost in New York City which leads them into all sorts of trouble and adventures all in the span of a single day.
Like most Illumination Entertainment & Dreamworks animated films, it doesn't quite hold the same sort of depth or story subtleties of Pixar's output but it still manages to pack in the jokes, sometimes even better than the reigning CGI animation company.  It doesn't really ask a whole lot of the viewer other than to sit back and enjoy the ride, which is really easy to do considering the lovable characters we get to follow around for the jam-packed 90 minute running time.

3½ sewer-bunnies out of 5

IDENTITY THIEF [2013]

With the exception of a handful of films, actor Jason Bateman does mostly shit outside of Arrested Development. Bridesmaids Horrible Bosses director Seth Gordon's crime caper comedy Identity Thief falls under that "shit" category.
Normally with films like these I expect it to be predictable from beginning to end but count on it to provide some good throwaway laughs.  This film spurts a few minor chuckles and very little of anything else.  I really like Melissa McCarthy but even her schtick can't save this from being a complete bore.

1 throat punch out of 5