F1 (2025)

Car goes vroom-vroom. The audience cheers. Humans are simple creatures.

A grizzled, disgraced former Formula One driver (Brad Pitt) returns to the sport after a 30-year absence and clashes with a young hotshot in an effort to save their losing team. Each attempts to prove themselves for their own reasons, while breaking the rules along the way. It's basically Days of Thunder for a new generation. There aren't too many surprises to be found here. It circles the well-traveled path and arrives pretty much where you would expect.

2 pit stops out of 5

Dune: Part Two (2024)

Picking up more or less where the first entry left off, we're treated to...more fucking sand. Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya make great decorative scenery against the bleak, unforgiving landscape, but the real highlight of this episode is the epic sandworm taming scene. I honestly found the majority of this film boring, and—surprise, surprise—we're left with yet another cliffhanger at the end of a three-hour snooze fest. Will they even make a Dune Messiah at this point? Who knows...it takes so long for them to come out with these movies, I doubt I'll even care by then. Sorry, it just wasn't for me. 

2½ sandworm goatses out of 5

Dune (2021)

People love these movies, but I can't stand them. I find them pretentious as fuck. Still, the VFX are nice and the direction is accomplished beautifully by Denis Villeneuve. Maybe what annoys me the most is how long they are. Do we really need to devote 2½ hours to approximately one half of a novel? It travels at a leisurely snail's pace, but maybe that's the point. And there's sand, sand everywhere. It's like Tatooine: The Movie. Personally, I thought the 1984 version was superior, because at least it told a "complete" story. I'm being generous here with my rating because I don't want the fanboys to come after me.

3 stillsuits circulating your own urine out of 5

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES [2017]

Directors Joachim Rønning & Espen Sandberg take Captain Jack Sparrow out for a fifth spin Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.
Once again Sparrow is in search of a mystical treasure while a ghostly revenge-seeking pirate is hot on his trail.    You know the deal when it comes to these films.
After the previous film was so dismally dull it's nice to see the enthusiasm is back, even if the series has clearly run it's course.  It's a tighter story, more well-paced and with lowered expectations there's actually quite a bit of silly fun to be had.

3 ghost sharks out of 5

THE COUNSELOR [2013]

With Ridley Scott directing a star-studded cast in an original screenplay by novelist Cormac McCarthy I was expecting quite a bit from The Counselor but in the end found much to be desired.
The first hour drags quite a bit with more than enough quirky criminal monologues about next to nothing to make you wonder if it's supposed to be funny.  The second half of the film is where things get interesting and more intense as several themes of sexuality, human nature, death and consequences begin to be explored.  McCarthy's novels are near poetic perfection but his film dialogue isn't quite as interesting and this film is built on spoken words rather than actions.  There's plenty of memorable moments but it simply doesn't satisfy the hunger for a smarter thriller than this.

3 car fuckers out of 5

SKYFALL [2012]

Daniel Craig returns as James Bond in director Sam Mendes' first journey into the world of 007 for Skyfall.

Craig takes the role of Bond and makes it his own, adding layers of varied emotion and vulnerability to the character that's been mostly absent in past incarnations.  While Javier Bardem is able to ham it up a bit, seeming more like a Nolan Batman villain rather than a Bond baddy, with his motives and cunning ideals.  Thankfully, Mendes is concerned with building up character arcs just as much as he is with throwing some extravagantly entertaining action pieces at us as well.  Skyfall does threaten to fall apart under it's own weight near the end but wraps up nicely as it looks back at it's roots.

3½ wastes of good Scotch out of 5

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN [2007]

The Coen Brothers take us through another nihilistic and violent world in the western noir film No Country For Old Men faithfully based off of Cormac McCarthy's novel of the same name.

Feeling like a throwback to Blood Simple, The Coens masterfully create tension, broodiness and an underlying killer sense of humor in this tale about fate and circumstance.  It's ruthless, disturbing, hypnotizing and all around great filmmaking at it's finest.

5 #114 out of 5