'Salem's Lot (2024)

If you don't talk about it, maybe it's not happening.

Stephen King adaptations just won't stay dead.

A vampire descends on the little town of Jerusalem's Lot, spreading its disease from one inhabitant to another, in the third screen version of King's seminal work (after the 1979 and 2004 miniseries). This time, they condense the story down to a span of two hours, and end up removing a lot of character development and suspense along with it, reducing it to a series of plot beats and jump scares. It reminds me of why King adaptations usually work, when they're actually given enough space and allowed to breathe. I'm much more partial to the earlier TV version as far as capturing that time period with any authenticity. This one is just plain dull and forgettable. If you've seen one vampire flick, you've seen 'em all.

2 glowing crosses out of 5

VFW (2019)

It stands for Veterans of Foreign Wars, and it wears its influences large and proud on its sleeve, the most prominent being early John Carpenter films. In short, it's like a cross between Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) and Escape from New York (1981), with some of Capcom's Dead Rising video game thrown in.
The basic plot has the residents of a veterans bar under siege from an army of angry druggies. For a while it's bloody great. I wanted to like it all, but the exaggerated colours of 80s nostalgia made me long for it to be over (or for the sun to come up). The music, however, I loved wholesale; it's as Carpenter-esque as the scenario and camerawork and remains captivating throughout.

2½ waltzes out of 5

BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY [1991]

Everybody's favorite dudes from San Dimas are back in director Peter Hewitt's Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, the sequel to the 1989 comedy cult hit.
This time around, the Wyld Stallyns are killed by futuristic robot versions of themselves and must enlist the help of Death to make a most triumphant return to the living.  The two leads are even more comfortable in their roles and it shows, especially if you keep your eye on Bill and all his hilarious mannerisms & gestures.  William Sadler as an Eastern European Grim Reaper steals every scene he's in with his deadpan delivery.  The film is a couple notches darker than it's predecessor and a helluva lot weirder but that's part of it's charm.  There's some incredibly inventive camera-work that's damaged by overly sloppy editing and awkwardly rushed takes.  Casual fans of the original feel this isn't as good, however dedicated fans feel it's even better.

3 heads of the Faith No More Spiritual & Theological Center out of 5

DIE HARD 2 [1990]

Bruce Willis is back as John McClane and is ready to have another shitty Christmas in director Renny Harlin's sequel to the action classic Die Hard.
Now the original had the element of surprise, Bruce Willis' charismatic persona and Alan Rickman's cold, yet delightful performance to allow it rise above the crop of other "American" action films of it's time.  Now without Rickman and the element of surprise, Die Hard 2 falls a little bit short compared to the original but has enough ridiculously fun action sequences to enjoy.  Sure the constant jokey references to the original like "oh no, not again" get a little bit tiresome but Willis still remains thoroughly entertaining and that's all I really wanted from this film.

3 tasers out of 5

THE MIST [2007]

Frank Darabont's adaptation of Stephen King's novella The Mist is a social commentary and dissection of Western humanity, thinly disguised as a creature feature b-film.

Mixing elements of Night Of The Living Dead and Lord Of The Flies, Darabont pieces together an impressively faithful adaptation of King's work, with the exception of the completely new ending which delivers an even more powerful punch than the original.  It suffers from some awkward pacing but still manages to please as a fan of horror films and the disgusting things they do.

3 Gunslingers out of 5

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION [1994]

Director Frank Darabont's film adaptation of the Stephen King novella Rita Hayworth & The Shawshank Redemption is one of those perfect films that doesn't come around that often.

It's a beautiful story of hope, patience and friendship in a world where prison frees your soul while the outside traps it.  All of it complimented by spot-on performances, a large cast of intriguing characters, gorgeous photography, iconic imagery, fascinating camerawork and a heart-wrenching score from Thomas Newman.  It's simply a timeless masterpiece that's touches my soul in the best of ways.

5 rock hammers out of 5

MAN ON A LEDGE [2012]

Asger Leth's Man On A Ledge is filled with plotholes galore, shoddy editing, some ridiculous coincidences, groan worthy dialogue, aimless side-stories and paper-thin characters but for some reason it remains pretty damned entertaining.

The whole time I was thinking it could have heavily benefited if it was filmed with Tony Scott's flair for silly action sequences, like swooping crane & copter shots and snappy editing.  Go in expecting nothing more than dumb fun and come out satisfied with just that.

3 long ways down out of 5