The Electric State (2025)

In an alternate timeline, Walt Disney's animatronics have given birth to the robot uprising, which leads to an all-out war between robots and humans, until Mr. Peanut (played by Woody Harrelson) signs a coalition with Bill Clinton. It sounds like I'm kidding, but I'm not. No wonder it cost $320 million for a direct-to-Netflix film. Most of that must have gone to keeping the lawsuits at bay.

While the above sounds like a wild premise, all that information is condensed within the first 7 minutes of the movie. The rest of the film involves a teenage girl and an affable cartoon robot on a mission to find her long-presumed-dead brother, alongside a scoundrel and his wisecracking sidekick. On paper, this all sounds awesome, but for some reason it doesn't really work. The execution is painfully average and somehow manages to feel slow and uneventful despite everything going on in it. There's just no reason some movies need to be over two hours long. Cut 30 minutes out and maybe it wouldn't feel so superfluous.

The graphic novel this was based on appears to be highly acclaimed however, so perhaps interested parties should seek that out instead.

2 Neural Bifurcation™s out of 5

Captain America: Brave New World (2025)

Let's recap: Following Steve Rogers's (Chris Evans) retirement in Avengers: Endgame, the shield is passed down to Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie), who makes his transition to Cap in the Disney+ limited series The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Meanwhile, Harrison Ford takes over the role of Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross following the passing of William Hurt in 2022. Still with me?

Let's be clear. The only reason to watch this is for Red Hulk, which was ruined in all the marketing, including every single teaser and poster. That's it. There's nothing else to do but introduce yet another direction for this series to go. All these movies exist to do is cynically set up the next phase of the MCU (we are currently nearing the end of Phase 5 with this and Thunderbolts*). At this point, there are hardly any surprises left. How long can they keep doing this bullshit at the end of the credits where they tease a better movie? How long can they keep getting away with it?

2 gamma pills out of 5

Abigail (2024)

A group of criminals kidnap a young dancer and hold her hostage at a lavish estate while attempting to extort her father for a huge ransom. When the girl informs them that he has no intention of paying, they get cold feet and attempt to leave, tripping the security system and sealing them inside the secluded manor which happens to contain an evil, mysterious presence within.

Oh, wait...you mean all the posters and promotional materials spoiled this initial twist? Yeah, the little girl just happens to be a vampire ballerina who delights in playing with her prey and picking them off one by one. This one doesn't do anything special, but it's fun if you're in the right mood for a rip-roaring horror-comedy.

2½ deadly pirouettes out of 5

MaXXXine (2024)

"In this business, until you're known as a monster, you're not a star." -Bette Davis

The third in the "X" series, though it is not necessary to watch every entry in order to follow along. While the first movie was an homage to '70s slasher flicks and the second was a dark melodrama reminiscent of 1950s Douglas Sirk, this third entry goes straight for the era of gaudy '80s excess with heavy giallo influences. 

Maxine arrives in Hollywood in 1985 in order to pursue her dreams of becoming a horror actress (and leave her sordid past behind). In the meanwhile, there is a leather-clad serial killer going around knocking off all her colleagues. Mia Goth once again steals the show as the young ingénue and proves to be the best part of this series, even though this entry features a lot of fun nods and peeks behind the curtain. 

Originally envisioned as a trilogy by creator Ti West, he now admits he's left it open to revisit in the future, though this film more or less provides a satisfying close.

3½ Bates Motels out of 5

Megalopolis (2024)

There comes a time in every filmmaker's life where hubris eclipses genius and talent. This is that moment. Francis Ford Coppola's magnum opus of shite is a sprawling epic futuristic mythological fable which already sounds like a mouthful just to describe it. The plot has something to do with an alternate version of New York called "New Rome," where an architect with the ability to stop time (which never really comes into play) has plans to build a utopian city, while clashing with the forces around him. After that, your guess is as good as mine. It's as if the Wachowskis teamed up with Chris Nolan to make a Charlie Kaufman flick, but failed on all counts. Coppola tried to swing for the fences and make his Metropolis, but somehow he made Caligula instead (minus all the fun bits). I can admire doing something bold and daring and different, but there is no excuse for a bad, boring, incompetent movie. This was a complete and utter waste of time, and my experience of life has not been enriched for it.

1 boner bow and arrow out of 5

BATMAN: ASSAULT ON ARKHAM [2014]

Batsy plays second fiddle to the Suicide Squad in director Jay Olivia & Ethan Spaulding's animated film Assault on Arkham.
Ol' Amanda Waller sends the Squad out on a mission to hunt down The Riddler, imprisoned in Arkham Asylum, who is holding onto a flash drive that contains some very important secret information.
I normally like me a heist film but somehow this one comes off as predictable, boring and easily forgettable.  It misses the opportunity to explore some interesting character conflicts and instead it blindly rushes into the action and mayhem without any reason to give a shit.  Is it better than the recent live-action Squad film?  No.  Not really.  It's about the same with even less flare.

2 bullet-proof prison cells out of 5

THE JUNGLE BOOK [2016]

Joining Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland & Maleficent, director Jon Favreau's The Jungle Book is yet another addition to Disney's growing line of live-action remakes of their own animated classics.
This version mostly follows the plot of the animated film of an orphaned jungle boy being hunted down by a tiger, while leaning more towards the moodier and more vicious tones of Rudyard Kipling's anthology stories.  
It's an astonishingly beautiful film to look at with CGI animals that have convincing personality once you get past the fact that they don't quite look like the real thing.  There's not a whole lot of subtext or plot details to relish in, so it's best to take it with a grain of salt and accept that it's a wonderfully crafted summer adventure film.  

3½ bad ol' mama cuckoos out of 5

MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS [2015]

Director Wes Ball returns for more pulpy YA action in the second installment of the Maze Runner series, The Scorch Trials.
Picking up right after where the previous film left us, Thomas & his buddies are on the run from WCKD and this time must deal with the deadly desert, a horde of zombie-esque creatures and a slew of colorful stragglers with questionable motives.
Like the first film, the action is non-stop and doesn't actually give any room for any sort of character development but if you've seen the first one then you probably won't be surprised.  The action sequences all do a great job at keeping you at the edge of the seat, constantly questioning what is going to get thrown next and leaves no room to breathe.  Sadly, if when it does have some downtime you're given time to pick out all it's silliness, plot-holes and questionable decisions made by the point A-to-B characters.

3 killer songs out of 5