The Odyssey (2026)

Two things:

1) This is the best version of Homer's Odyssey ever committed to film.

2) This is far from the best telling of this story.

No one was less excited about this movie than me. Even with Chris Nolan at the helm, a 3-hour epic based on a 3,000-year-old text is a big ask. I'm glad to be proven wrong. Matt Damon leads the big budget, all-star cast as Odysseus. Following a 10-year battle in Troy, it details his 10-year journey to get back home to Ithaca, told confusingly out of order. It's Greek mythology conveyed through grounded realism, captured practically for the most part on real-life locations. In order to emphasize its epic scale, it's also the first feature to be shot entirely on 70mm IMAX film, which comes with its own set of caveats. I found the colors on screen to be a bit drab and the sound mixing is absolutely horrendous. I watched it in IMAX, and for half the film the entire theater was rumbling, making it even harder to decipher dialogue. It's an all-out assault on the senses, although it makes the quieter moments stand out. No one would ever accuse Nolan of being a bad director, but he tends to be a little self-indulgent at times. However, there are moments here where you are held at rapt attention. As a fan of cinema, you owe it to yourself to check it out on the biggest screen possible, even though I still maintain it's far from perfect. 

4 gods defied out of 5

Note: If you enjoyed this modern retelling, I highly recommend The Return, which focuses on the final part of this story. 

Mother Mary (2026)

Mother Mary is a pop artist at a point of crisis, who goes to her seamstress for a new look. The way this movie unfolds is exasperating and a test of divine patience as the two speak cryptically with one another while the audience struggles to keep up. There's a bit of a Lynchy thread running through it, but don't get your hopes up. It's a mystery and a ghost story of sorts, yet it's the imagery that sticks in my head even though it defies logical narrative sense. Anne Hathaway sings all of the songs and performs her own choreography, which is the one bright spot in all this mess, but it belongs to a better movie.

2 halos out of 5

The Devil Wears Prada 2 (2026)

It's weird to think how 20 years has passed by in a blink. Feels like the first movie barely came out, now suddenly it's cemented as a 'classic.' Everyone returning from the original has aged two decades but still looks great. Then you realize you've aged the same and you look like shit. It's a sobering fact.

Lots of things have changed in the past 20 years. Print media is obsolete, other roles have been made redundant. You get a few good character moments strewn here and there, but for the most part it's wearisome and lacks bite.

2 HR complaints out of 5

The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

A journalist applies to be a personal assistant to the domineering editor at a fashion magazine, where she's confronted with impossible standards and forced to change herself to fit the ideal and try to beat her at her own game.

What annoys about this movie is that it hinges on Anne Hathaway playing a "fat" girl with no style who is treated like shit until she decides to wear the right clothes and then suddenly she's "beautiful." It's fucking stupid. I've never understood fashion and I've never cared about it. A bunch of pretentious gits. But Meryl Streep is so good in the role, you can't help but enjoy it for what it is.

2½ clackers out of 5

COLOSSAL [2017]

Director Nacho Vigalondo comes up with one of the more unique films of the year so far with the hilariously strange sci-fi/drama Colossal.
Anne Hathaway does a fantastic job as an alcoholic who moves back to her home town, where she discovers she somehow controls the actions of a kaiju that simultaneously appeared in South Korea.
The carnage the monster causes takes a subtle back seat to the emotional wreckage caused by the leading character's alcohol addictions and social interactions.  If you're at all familiar with the disease then there's plenty to be found in it's far-fetched yet small-scope intimacy.  Unfortunately some of the plotting is sloppily aimless and that's where it loses the impact of what should have been an instant cult-classic.

3 black-outs out of 5

ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS [2016]

Director James Bobin spits out the colorful fantasy adventure Alice Through the Looking Glass, the sequel no one asked for to Tim Burton's live-action Disney remake of Alice in Wonderland.
Completely ignoring any thematic reasons as to why a looking glass was a part of the story in the first place, the story follows Captain Alice (?) as she steals a time-traveling object from Time in order to save a dying Mad Hatter.
I didn't think they could suck the soul out of the story anymore than they did with the first film but this one does a mighty fine job of it, while trying to hide the fact behind beautiful imagery with loads of Disney money piled on top of it.  Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway & Helena Bonham Carter might have been the highlights of the original but here they seem bored, embarrassed and almost as if their minds are wandering elsewhere.  It's the kind of shit that easily passes through the body and falls into the toilet to be forgotten within moments after wiping your ass of this slop.

1 Hatter family member out of 5

THE INTERN [2015]

I'm willing to lose what little credibility I had in admitting I don't actually mind light, predictable fluffy movies, like director Nancy Meyers' The Intern.
A likable old widower decides to liven up his life a little by getting a job as a senior intern at an internet fashion site, where he takes orders from a career-crazed woman that can't seem to get a grasp on her personal life.
It's very much a fantasy world where all big crisis' are solved with a short conversation and a hug, resolutions are a plenty and all the evils of the real world are non-existent.  With that being said, it's easy to call it a flick purely made for dear old mom to escape to for two hours.  De Niro & Hathaway's chemistry is actually quite convincingly cute with such a charm I quite enjoyed each scene they shared together.  To call this is a comedy is giving it too much credit but it has some warming humor in it, mostly from it's great cast of supporting characters, who are more than just silly padding.

3 Ocean's teams out of 5

INTERSTELLAR [2014]

Christopher Nolan's latest fanboy's wetdream comes in the form of the colossally sized, yet thoughtful, sci-fi drama Interstellar.
It follows the of a team of inevitably doomed explorers who travel through a wormhole in search of a planet that can be support life to allow the human race to continue to exist.  The frighteningly beautiful photography is both lonely and busy as it dizzies the viewer with an overly complex plotline that overpowers the heart of the story.  Nolan has high ambitions but he bites off just a bit more than he can actually chew.  Although he states that the sound effects and music purposely drown out a lot of the clumsy dialogue it comes off as nothing more than frustratingly distracting.
In the end, it's a spectacular visual feast with a wonderful cast that never ceases to entertain and that's where it's at it's most powerful.

3½ bookshelves out of 5

PASSENGERS [2008]

If it weren't for click-and-instantly-watch-them services like Netflix and Video On Demand, I'd probably never see ho-hum films like Rodrigo Garcia's snoozy supernatural thriller Passengers.
A grief counsellor is assigned to work with a group of odd-ball plane-crash survivors that all seem to be part of something bigger.  Well. I'll tell you I had the whole thing figured out not even 10 minutes into the what was supposed to be a suspenseful story.
For what it lacks in originality and mystery it somewhat makes up for with a well-rounded cast that seem to be giving it more than what the material really deserves.  If you like any of the actors involved then it might be worth watching for that...if not, then skip it.

2 barking dogs out of 5

LES MISERABLES [2012]

The King's Speech director Tom Hooper succeeds in adapting a spectacular film version of  Claude-Michel Schönberg & Alain Boublil's musical butchering of Victor Hugo's epic novel, Les Misérables.

It's filled with beautiful set-pieces, colorful photography and strong performances, particularly Hugh Jackman and the all too brief appearances of Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter & Sacha Baron Cohen.  Sadly, the stage musical itself is a poor adaptation of Hugo's novel, being as it only covers about 1/3 of the actual story, therefore loses most of it's purpose and complete emotional punch.  Still, the film itself is quite the spectacle that's filled with passion and dedication.  

3½ empty chairs at empty tables out of 5

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES [2012]

The final installment of director Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises is a fitting grand finale to arguably one of the best superhero film series ever made.

It mucks around a bit at the beginning but comes all together pretty quickly and wastes no time charging forward into the darkness.  As gloomy as the film may be, it explores themes of hope for humanity, the will to  keep fighting and some questionable political views.  While it might not have the same impact, well choreographed fight scenes or the smarts of the previous film, The Dark Knight Rises is a huge messy spectacle that is sure to please the fans of the series and leave them wanting more.

3 Moroccoan chants out of 5

LOVE & OTHER DRUGS [2010]

Director Edward Zwick takes a bit of a turn for himself in the romantic drama genre with Love & Other Drugs.

Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal have a fantastic chemistry together, that I fear without them, the whole film might have fallen apart.  The story is predictable, although there are some interesting new elements thrown into the tired formula, but the relationship between the two is so well written it kept my interest.  It's not everyday a film perfectly captures an adult relationship like this and not come off as overly phony.

Not a great film but in the end, you realize it could have been A LOT worse.

3 crutch drugs out of 5

ALICE IN WONDERLAND [2010]

Director Tim Burton seemed like the perfect choice to take up the task of recreating Lewis Carrol's Alice In Wonderland for the silver screen.  Unfortunately he sets us up for a colossal disappointment. 

The highlights of this film are, surprise surprise, the colorful visuals and Danny Elfman's quirky music.  Mia Wasikowska holds her own very well against the wonderfully crazed performances from Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway and Helena Bonham Carter.  The problem here is the boring story, and lack of emotional character development.  By the end of the film, I couldn't help but feel this was one big pointless spectacle.

2½ "Where's My Obligatory Tim Burton Main Titles Sequence? God Dammit!" out of 5

RIO [2011]

Another computer animated film with talking animals and all the wacky characters they meet on their adventure.

With the exception of some great voice work from Anne Hathaway, Leslie Mann and George Lopez, the rest of the voice performances are boring and awkward.

The story is pretty straight forward and the animation is, while colorful and clean, very uninspired.

2 Marmosets out of 5.