ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS [2016]

Director James Bobin spits out the colorful fantasy adventure Alice Through the Looking Glass, the sequel no one asked for to Tim Burton's live-action Disney remake of Alice in Wonderland.
Completely ignoring any thematic reasons as to why a looking glass was a part of the story in the first place, the story follows Captain Alice (?) as she steals a time-traveling object from Time in order to save a dying Mad Hatter.
I didn't think they could suck the soul out of the story anymore than they did with the first film but this one does a mighty fine job of it, while trying to hide the fact behind beautiful imagery with loads of Disney money piled on top of it.  Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway & Helena Bonham Carter might have been the highlights of the original but here they seem bored, embarrassed and almost as if their minds are wandering elsewhere.  It's the kind of shit that easily passes through the body and falls into the toilet to be forgotten within moments after wiping your ass of this slop.

1 Hatter family member out of 5

The King's Speech (2010)

The Duke of York, son of King George V, has a stammer that makes public speaking both problematic and terrifying. With his inaugural speech on the wireless looming, he seeks the aid of speech therapist Lionel Logue.
The grand settings are nice, but the real beauty is in the relationships that develop. With that in mind, Colin Firth doesn't get the credit he deserves as an actor; he proves once again that he's more than up to the task of carrying a lead role and giving it the nuances it deserves.
Geoffrey Rush as Lionel is great, too. His interactions with the Duke humanise the royal, showing him as more than just a privileged and pompous figurehead that the public at large were conditioned to respect and revere.
I wasn't at all surprised to discover after viewing that parts written for the stage were incorporated into the screenplay - they're easy to spot.

4 mouth marbles out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN [2004]

Director Alfonso Cuarón gets darker and weirder for the third Harry Potter film, The Prisoner of Azkaban.
It's back to Hogwart's and that means trouble is brewing, as Harry discovers a prisoner has escaped from the wizard's prison and means to put an end to the boy wizard.  The film is significantly darker and actually scarier than Chris Columbus' previous films, as it dives deeper into the heavy emotions that are beginning to weigh Harry down more and more as he grows older and more powerful.  The core characters are becoming more complex as is the storytelling, which finally begins to spiral into something more fleshed out and interesting than it ever was.   Cuarón brings a visual flair to the series which gives it a unique character all it's own, without straying too far from the tones that have already been established.  This is definitely the Potter film that finally proves the series deserves all the praise it's received.

4 snarky shrunken heads out of 5

VACUUMING COMPLETELY NUDE IN PARADISE [2001]

Vacuuming Completely Nude In Paradise is a bizarre little black comedy from director Danny Boyle.
It deals with the hell of a struggling salesman in the near poverty stricken working class in Lancashire, England.  There's plenty of uncomfortable laughs to be had with some of the surreal situations but also several thoughtful moments of disgust and sadness.  Unfortunately Boyle's frantic and overly stylish camerawork takes away from many of the intimate moments but never enough to deplete the sickening enjoyment of the film.

3 cats ears & undies out of 5

Appaloosa (2008)

I love a good western. Appaloosa delivers. It’s not particularly innovative in the story department, two men are hired to protect a town from a violent antagonist, but the main characters are so wonderfully rich that you won’t mind. The friendship between Viggo Mortensen and Ed Harris is a beautiful thing. The bond between them is constantly reinforced as they share screen space much of the time. The cinematography is subtle but flawless. It’s piss-inducing funny at times, too.
Ed Harris adapted the story, directed, starred and even did a song for the end credits. It's his baby.

4 what's the word I'm looking for? out of 5

Gothic (1986)

The meeting of Lord Byron, Percy Shelley and his lover Mary Godwin has passed into legend as the night the seeds of Frankenstein (1818) were born.
Ken Russell creates his own hysterical imbued fiction around those events, in his unique debauched style. With a carnival ride through the themes of abortion, adultery, blasphemy, incest, self-mutilation and vampirism it’s business as usual for the British pervert. It starts great and ends great, but it’s flabby in the middle. Special kudos to Natasha Richardson as Mary.

3 poets, like schizos, are never alone out of 5