The Velveteen Rabbit (2023)

A young boy is given a velveteen stuffed rabbit as a Christmas gift, who promptly becomes forgotten in lieu of other "modern" and mechanical toys. What the rabbit longs for more than anything is to be real, but it requires the selfless love of a child. I had somehow never read this story before so this was my first time encountering the material. It's a very touching tale that reminded me of a cross between Pinocchio, Winnie the Pooh and Toy Story.

(I'll be honest, I mostly reviewed this for inclusion in The Bunny Collection.)

3½ bitter Skin Horses out of 5

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994)

More faithful to its esteemed source than most, if not all, other films to date, Branagh's Frankenstein had the potential to be something very special. The first twenty minutes hold the same promise, referencing the social side of 18th Century life, the limitations of medicine, the reasons for Victor's infatuation with creating/sustaining life, and introducing some striking symbolism, but the unevenness that follows the set-up undoes a lot of the good work. He paints the work with broad, grimy strokes when a more delicate touch would have served the layers of feverish obsession and hubris better. The score is often turgid, pushing bombastic heights instead of exploring quiet percipience.
But points awarded for a successful repeated shift of our sympathies, inviting us to question morality in a similar manner to how Victor is forced to do.

3 raw materials out of 5

ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS [2016]

Director James Bobin spits out the colorful fantasy adventure Alice Through the Looking Glass, the sequel no one asked for to Tim Burton's live-action Disney remake of Alice in Wonderland.
Completely ignoring any thematic reasons as to why a looking glass was a part of the story in the first place, the story follows Captain Alice (?) as she steals a time-traveling object from Time in order to save a dying Mad Hatter.
I didn't think they could suck the soul out of the story anymore than they did with the first film but this one does a mighty fine job of it, while trying to hide the fact behind beautiful imagery with loads of Disney money piled on top of it.  Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway & Helena Bonham Carter might have been the highlights of the original but here they seem bored, embarrassed and almost as if their minds are wandering elsewhere.  It's the kind of shit that easily passes through the body and falls into the toilet to be forgotten within moments after wiping your ass of this slop.

1 Hatter family member out of 5

The King's Speech (2010)

The Duke of York, son of King George V, has a stammer that makes public speaking both problematic and terrifying. With his inaugural speech on the wireless looming, he seeks the aid of speech therapist Lionel Logue.
The grand settings are nice, but the real beauty is in the relationships that develop. With that in mind, Colin Firth doesn't get the credit he deserves as an actor; he proves once again that he's more than up to the task of carrying a lead role and giving it the nuances it deserves.
Geoffrey Rush as Lionel is great, too. His interactions with the Duke humanise the royal, showing him as more than just a privileged and pompous figurehead that the public at large were conditioned to respect and revere.
I wasn't at all surprised to discover after viewing that parts written for the stage were incorporated into the screenplay - they're easy to spot.

4 mouth marbles out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 [2011]

Director David Yates & the rest of the usual suspects brings the Harry Potter film franchise to a thrilling close in the 8th & final film, The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.
Long gone are the innocent Quiddich days of yesteryear, now it's full-on war at Hogwart's and the body count is beginning to rise at a terrifying rate for both characters and long-time fans of the series.
It's a wonderful conclusion to an already wonderful series, however the previous two films lacked any sense of magical wonder but all is put back in it's right place from the very get go.  Start to finish, the beautifully shot TDH2 is excitingly mysterious, darkly enigmatic and most of all deeply enthralling.  
Farewell, Hogwart's.  'Twas a bloody brilliant, if not bumpy, time.

4 dragon-riders out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 1 [2010]

Harry Potter & his wand-fondling pals reach the beginning of the end in the 7th installment of the popular film franchise, director David Yates' The Deathly Hallows: Part 1.
The gang are on the search for pieces of Lord Voldemort's soul to render him mortal again and defeat him once and for all.
Wisely splitting the final book into two parts seems like a bit much but with the amount of material that needed to be covered to do the series justice, it proves to be more than just a cheap way for the studio to squeeze out every last penny it can.  The consequences are dire and we definitely feel it through the dread, dreariness and dark passages that weave through the startlingly stark but beautiful visuals.  Non-fans of the series will be completely lost but if you're not into the series already how the hell did you get here anyway?  There's a complete lack of humor which sucks out a bit of the fun and when it does try to be funny it's rather distracting.  Not the perfect Potter film but it gets the audience ready for the grand finale.

3½ Bad Seeds out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE [2009]

Director David Yates really lays down the dark & dismal in the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series, The Half-Blood Prince.
With Voldemort & his Dark-Eaters waging war on both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds, Harry learns more about the Dark Lord and how he came to be, as well as discovering disturbing evidence of how much the two are actually alike.  While the previous films were a healthy balance of style and substance, this one leans more towards the striking visuals making it  just too damned dark to be much fun.  When it does have a bit of a laugh it breaks the tone and feels ridiculously out of place.   Even the actors, apart from Alan Rickman and Jim Broadbent, don't seem to be up to par with their previous performances.  Still, it is perhaps one of the most important chapters in the series, seeing as it's tragic ending leads to the explosive conclusion.
I like to consider this the calm before the storm.

3 bumpy bridges out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX [2007]

Director David Yates steps in for his first of four (and final) Harry Potter films, The Order of the Phoenix.
After Lord Voldemort (exquisitely played by Ralph Fiennes) came into full physical form in the previous installment, no one believes Harry, forcing him to band together a secret rag-tag army of Hogwart's students to help him fight in the inevitable war of magics ahead of them.  The film is a great deal different from it's source material, seeing as the book is the longest in the series but the film is the shortest of the eight cinematic outings.  No matter, Yates & co. carefully stick to it's heart, core themes and main story arcs resulting in a wonderful dissection of the British school system and a comparison of similarities & differences of adult and youth.  It's the most grimly sinister of the series so far yet and let's us know it's only going to get darker and more grave as the body count begins piling up more and more.  I'm squeamish with delight.

4 horrifying Maggie Thatcher/Queen Lizzie II hybrids out of 5

TERMINATOR SALVATION [2009]

Director McG does the impossible and finds a way to make a worse film than Rise of the Machines with the fourth instalment of the sci-fi/action franchise, Terminator Salvation.
Separating itself from the previous films, it's set in a dystopian future where the human race is smack in the middle of a losing war with the Skynet intelligence systems.  This is pretty much Christian Bale's vanity project and I'm not sure why because he's embarrassingly terrible as an adult John Connor.  Overweight heroin-addicted Eddie Furlong would have been more preferable.  The film lacks any sort of heart and therefore leaves not a whole lot to be thrilled about come the "danger".  With a slew of robotic creatures that seem like they were pulled out of Bayformers, McG's attempt at the franchise feels more like a big budget YouTube fan-made flick than a proper sequel to James Cameron's far more superior films.

1 callback to G N' R out of 5

FIGHT CLUB [1999]

Director David Fincher's abrasive adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk's novel Fight Club is like giving a monkey a loaded gun to viewer's how have no idea what the film is actually trying to say.
On the surface it's about a white-collar office worker, tired of what he's becoming, who creates an underground fight club with the help of a brutally honest social misfit.  Below that, you have a cynical social commentary on everything that's wrong with the adults of today, which appeals to most anger-fueled twenty-somethings.  Peel that away and it's picking apart those who live by those cynical ideals and proving that no matter how much knowledge you bestow, you're still an idiot if you don't know how to use it.  Like the fighting blinds the character's from what's going on around them, the sneering facade of the narrator's commentary blinds the viewer with what is actually going on.  With a bit of keen observance and careful deconstruction you'll find it works on numerous entertaining levels.

4 chemical burns out of 5

WALLACE & GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT [2005]

"Bunnies!  So many bunnies!" I thought to myself as I gleefully watched Wallace & Gromit's first feature length film, The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit.
Directed by creator Nick Park & animator Steve Box, the story follows our old pals as they hunt down a giant mutant rabbit that is ravaging the town's vegetable gardens.  While the previous cartoon shorts touched on the old sci-fi/horror b-movies only in their titles cards, this film finally goes all out and gets pretty hilariously weird without ever losing it's charm.  You can't help but love Peter Sallis' voicework as the oblivious but ever-caring Wallace while Gromit's facial expressions are just as good as they ever were.  It's not quite as good as the shorts are but still remains pretty damned funny and heart-warming.

3½ carrot gold bullets out of 5

CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY [2005]

Tim Burton directs the 2nd adaptation of Roald Dahl's classic novel Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and in turn we get a more faithful and darker version than Mel Stuart's 1971 film.
Johnny Depp is deliciously off the wall as he turns Willy Wonka into a germaphobe, child-detesting dandy with a love for latex gloves and flashbacks but it's Freddie Highmore who really impresses in the title role with a natural and likeable performance.  It's a Burton film so expect some awkward moments that seem out of place and disjointed bridges into the next scene.  As dedicated to it's source material as the film is, it still has a problem pinpointing where it's heart is, amidst all the outrageously bizarre sets and musical moments.  Nevertheless, it's a fine film to please Burton, Depp and composer Danny Elfman fans with it's paint-by-numbers style the team have come to be known for.

3 bad nuts out of 5

BIG FISH [2003]

Tim Burton's most mature work to date, an adaptation of Daniel Wallace's novel Big Fish is a fantasy flavored Southern Gothic tear-jerker that is sure to please fans of the director's work.
Like most of Burton's personal films, he ditches the idea of a standard narrative and tells it like a fairy tale vingette layered over a bigger picture as the heart of the picture, almost like a zanier version of Forrest Gump.  It's themes of father & sons, the curious mysteries of a bigger world and determination for what you believe all join each other seamlessly and will form a lump in your throat as you realize this.  It relishes itself in fantasy and larger than life storytelling but never loses touch with reality enough to insult your intelligence or lose your belief in it all.

4 soles in Spectre out of 5

Burton and Taylor (2013)

The pairing of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton for a theatre production of Noël Coward's 'Private Lives' pretty much guarantees a sold-out show every night, but what of the drama that goes on behind the curtain?

The story really wasn't that interesting, but both Carter and West captured well the vulnerability of their respective stars. Helena's portrayal of Liz's off-screen persona, showing that even when she wasn't supposed to be acting she was still filling a role, playing up to an ideal to lure Burton away from his other concerns, was well-played out. She was less successful in other ways. West had the easier task of being a man torn between what he wants and what he knows he can have but shouldn't. It took half an hour to get interesting, but it comes good by the end.

3 befuddlements out of 5

THE LONE RANGER [2013]

Director Gore Verbinski and Johnny Depp of Pirates Of The Caribbean re-team for the first film adaptation of The Lone Ranger in well over 30 years.
Like all Verbinski adventure films, it's overly bloated and a running length that could use a good 20-25 minutes lopped off.   However it's Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp's humorous chemistry and the silly but outrageously fun action sequences that kept my interest till the very end.  I went in expecting a modern day action film in the style of Buster Keaton's The General and that's exactly what I got.  Expectations met and that's just fine with me.

3 uber-scary bunnies out of 5

LES MISERABLES [2012]

The King's Speech director Tom Hooper succeeds in adapting a spectacular film version of  Claude-Michel Schönberg & Alain Boublil's musical butchering of Victor Hugo's epic novel, Les Misérables.

It's filled with beautiful set-pieces, colorful photography and strong performances, particularly Hugh Jackman and the all too brief appearances of Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter & Sacha Baron Cohen.  Sadly, the stage musical itself is a poor adaptation of Hugo's novel, being as it only covers about 1/3 of the actual story, therefore loses most of it's purpose and complete emotional punch.  Still, the film itself is quite the spectacle that's filled with passion and dedication.  

3½ empty chairs at empty tables out of 5

CORPSE BRIDE [2005]

Tim Burton & Mike Johnson co-direct Corpse Bride, a lovely little stop-motion film based on an ancient Jewish folktale entitled The Finger.

It's hard not to compare this to Burton's earlier stop-motion film The Nightmare Before Christmas but once you get past that, it's actually quite a charming and impressive film on it's own.  Obviously the gorgeous animation and character designs are the stars here but it's carried by the noteworthy voicework as well. Whether or not this is a kid's film I find it difficult to tell.  It's not really the type of story that would interest children or at times is it suitable subject matter either but it's sure to please Burton fans nevertheless.  

3½ Peter Lorre maggots out of 5

DARK SHADOWS [2012]

Director Tim Burton's big screen adaptation of the 60's gothic horror soap opera Dark Shadows rounds up the usual suspects: Johhny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Christopher Lee, Danny Elfman and quirkiness.

It's still fun to see these folks all work together, granted the material is quality, sadly that is not the case here.  Burton's usually good at blending campy humour with gory Hammer type horror but unfortunately he never seems to find the right balance and it hurts the film quite a bit.  As a dedicated longtime fan of Burton's work I still found some limited enjoyment in this mess but I'd advise you steer clear if you have no love for the man.

2½ glass witches out of 5 

ALICE IN WONDERLAND [2010]

Director Tim Burton seemed like the perfect choice to take up the task of recreating Lewis Carrol's Alice In Wonderland for the silver screen.  Unfortunately he sets us up for a colossal disappointment. 

The highlights of this film are, surprise surprise, the colorful visuals and Danny Elfman's quirky music.  Mia Wasikowska holds her own very well against the wonderfully crazed performances from Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway and Helena Bonham Carter.  The problem here is the boring story, and lack of emotional character development.  By the end of the film, I couldn't help but feel this was one big pointless spectacle.

2½ "Where's My Obligatory Tim Burton Main Titles Sequence? God Dammit!" out of 5

Till Human Voices Wake Us (2002)

Regret, sadness and loss are things we try to avoid in life, but they often make great viewing in film. Till Human Voices deals with youth, aged wisdom, decisions and consequences, with just enough poetic and lyrical beauty in its composition to keep the misery at bay and the attention focussed. I don't know how to make it sound less boring without touching on the real reason it should be viewed. Worth it if you want to take a chance on something beautiful, but make sure to NOT read the ruinous spoiler blurb on the back of the box.

3 word association games out of 5