BlackBerry (2023)

1996: Waterloo, Ontario. Mike and Doug are two tech geniuses with an idea who hire the shrewd, aggressive Jim as salesman to whip their business into shape and start churning out results, in what would eventually become the prototype for the smartphone. Normally I find movies about start-ups boring, and I'm not sure how many liberties were taken, but it's a lot more interesting than it has any right to be, mostly due to the charisma of its two main leads. Innovation is the name of the game, and the BlackBerry was advanced for its time, but the world moves quickly and nothing ever stays the same for long.

3½ satisfying clicks out of 5

Nobody 2 (2025)

Taking a break from the usual grind, Hutch (Bob Odenkirk) decides to revisit a childhood vacation spot where he gets mixed up in the riff-raff and ends up beefing with meatheads, including the local badge. I enjoyed it up to a certain point, but then it just becomes the first movie all over again, except set in an amusement park. It gave me Beverly Hills Cop 3 vibes, especially the ending. It's very similar to its predecessor, only not quite as consistently amusing.

2 plush badgers out of 5

Nobody (2021)

An unassuming family man who is stuck in a rut gets pulled back into a dark past after a break-in occurs at his home. It's a lot like John Wick, except without all the baggage. There is a raw brutality to the fight sequences which feels satisfying. This fulfills the fantasy of being the everyman in society who everyone looks down upon, but then being able to kick their fucking asses up and down the block. There's one such centerpiece early on that takes place on a bus, but the rest of the film never quite matches up to that gritty potential.

2½ kitty cat bracelets out of 5

The Next Karate Kid (1994)

Mr. Miyagi gets drafted into helping an old army buddy's granddaughter (Hilary Swank) find inner-peace. She's an orphaned youth with anger issues, striking out at everyone, even those who wish to help her. Her only confidant is a hawk, a kindred spirit with a symbolic wounded wing.
The coachings in responsibility, acceptance and patience are delivered in the sensei's usual lesson-within-a-lesson system, but his having to adjust to the ways of a teenage girl adds an element of humour to the formula.
The three previous films weren't groundbreaking works, so there's no reason to expect any different from the fourth entry. It's a simple and enjoyable story that puts emphasis more on the importance of healing than on fighting.

2½ party monks out of 5

Scanners (1981)

The eponymous individuals are able to kill with just a thought. When a corporation that wishes to control the Scanners no longer can, they need the help of a Scanner to stop the others. Yay for dramatic irony!
Patrick McGoohan is excellent as the fatherly psychopharmacist; Michael Ironside is unquestionably good as a menace; but, I'm sorry to say, while Stephen Lack did okay as a lost soul, he didn't have the experience at the time to make the internal conflict of the lead role hit as hard as it should have.
If you're familiar with Cronenberg's early works, such as Stereo (1969) and Crimes of the Future (1970), you'll recognise trace elements of their structure beneath the action, mostly within the film's settings and concerns.

3½ head pressures out of 5

TERMINATOR SALVATION [2009]

Director McG does the impossible and finds a way to make a worse film than Rise of the Machines with the fourth instalment of the sci-fi/action franchise, Terminator Salvation.
Separating itself from the previous films, it's set in a dystopian future where the human race is smack in the middle of a losing war with the Skynet intelligence systems.  This is pretty much Christian Bale's vanity project and I'm not sure why because he's embarrassingly terrible as an adult John Connor.  Overweight heroin-addicted Eddie Furlong would have been more preferable.  The film lacks any sort of heart and therefore leaves not a whole lot to be thrilled about come the "danger".  With a slew of robotic creatures that seem like they were pulled out of Bayformers, McG's attempt at the franchise feels more like a big budget YouTube fan-made flick than a proper sequel to James Cameron's far more superior films.

1 callback to G N' R out of 5

The Shaft (2001)

aka Down

Dick Maas reprises his directorial role for the American remake of De Lift, a twisted little Dutch sci-fi/horror about a killer elevator. The original was surprisingly captivating and despite the godawful dubbing, had a delightfully sick sense of humor. The American-ized retelling actually attracted a decent cast (Naomi Watts, Michael Ironside, Dan Hedaya, Ron Perlman) but the quaint little source story is transformed into an over-elaborate action film. It's sad since the first half essentially captured the same dark humor of the original.

2 bio-chips out of 5

Highlander II: The Renegade Version (1995)

Three official versions of the film exist. The theatrical cut (100 mins), known as Highlander II: The Quickening (1991), is an abomination. The Renegade Version (109 mins), aka The Director's Cut, that surfaced in ’95 reconstructs the film by rearranging key scenes, fixing many of the continuity errors and best of all completely rewriting the ridiculous origin story of the theatrical cut. It’s still an illogical mess, but in comparison to its predecessor it’s a masterpiece. A subsequent Special Edition (2004) is reportedly the same as the Renegade Version but with extra CGI and some colour correction; I've not seen it to confirm if that’s true or not. Detailing all of that has left me no room to talk about the actual film. Create a list of synonyms for ‘travesty’ and pick the ten best. That should suffice.

1 shithead out of 5

STARSHIP TROOPERS [1997]

Director Paul Verhoeven takes Robert A. Heinlein's sickly propaganda pulp novel Starship Troopers and turns it into a satirical sci-fi slap across the face to war, fascism and the U.S.'s fear of the unknown.
As a war film it's ruthlessly violent, loud and deceivingly appears to glamorize violence, as a satire it's just as ruthless only on a completely different level of wit, humor and cunning.  Like Verhoeven's Robocop, the film works just as well as a cheeky satire as it does a SFX spectacle of explosions and death.  There's a few groan-worthy moments that don't do anything for the narrative or message but I suppose without it we wouldn't be engaged with these witless pro-militarized characters.

4 censored news reels out of 5

The Machinist (2004)

An emaciated Christian Bale plays a man ill at ease in his daily routine. His presence also makes other people uneasy. Is his insomnia making him a little crazy, or is the world just not quite right?
There’s a sense of strain prevalent throughout. Even when it’s referencing other sources it manages to keep its own identity fully intact, due in part to the understated lighting, but mostly thanks to a focussed narrative and Bale's commitment to doing what was needed. He was like a walking skeleton.

5 post-it notes out of 5

SURVEILLANCE [2008]

Director Jennifer Lynch follows in the perverse footsteps of her daddy with the violently weird mystery/thriller Surveillance.  

It's got hostile clueless local law enforcement, oddball humor, rumbling drones & sound atmospherics, bizarre camera angles and reverb-heavy swarmy music.  Unfortunately it just isn't as hypnotizing or intriguing as it could have been.  Mostly because it grounds itself too far into reality with such outlandish characters which don't really mesh with the overall tone of the film.  Still, it kept my attention from beginning to end and that's all I really asked for.

3 floaty dead people out of 5

Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)

Move over, Angela (of Night of the Demons) and say hello to Mary Lou. A promiscuous little tart gets murdered by her jealous boyfriend in 1957, and some 30 years later, comes back to possess quintessential nice girl Vicki and turn her into the bad girl. Here's another one of those sequels that breaks the mold and frees itself of formulaic ties in order to reinvent the series. This is such a superior flick to the original, I don't know why they didn't just retitle it and start its own franchise.

3 tiered tiaras out of 5

Watchers (1988)

Fuck the 50-word limit. This movie sucked ass.

1 cheesy gore shot out of 5