The Shaft (2001)

aka Down

Dick Maas reprises his directorial role for the American remake of De Lift, a twisted little Dutch sci-fi/horror about a killer elevator. The original was surprisingly captivating and despite the godawful dubbing, had a delightfully sick sense of humor. The American-ized retelling actually attracted a decent cast (Naomi Watts, Michael Ironside, Dan Hedaya, Ron Perlman) but the quaint little source story is transformed into an over-elaborate action film. It's sad since the first half essentially captured the same dark humor of the original.

2 bio-chips out of 5

THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN [2014]

Director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon's The Town That Dreaded Sundown is simultaneously a remake of the 1976 grindhouse slasher of the same name and a bit of a meta-sequel.
Set in the same town, the story takes place in a world where the 1976 film is a cult classic and watched annually only to birth a copycat killer that follows the film's murders from beginning to end.  This grim and atmospheric little piece has some wonderful tracking shots and scene set-ups with some great performances to boot but in the end it just isn't all that scary.  Which is fine but it seems to take itself way too seriously, so the fun of cheap laughs are quickly tossed out the window as well.  It's nowhere near as shitty as any of the other slasher flick remakes as of lately but it doesn't quite succeed in standing aside any of the more recent originals either.

2½ trombones of death out of 5

The Electric Grandmother (1982)

I'm going to be treading on a lot of people’s childhood with this review, but have no fear, I'm a fan. It's based on Ray Bradbury's short story 'I Sing the Body Electric' from the book (1969) of the same name.
A family in need of love gets something that might fit the bill in the shape of Maureen Stapleton, but you can’t please all the people all of the time…
It’s a decent slice of sentimental Bradbury pie that will reacquaint you with your emotions and maybe even birth a tear or two in your eye.
It was also adapted into a Twilight Zone episode twenty years previously (S3 E35), but unfortunately I've not seen it yet.

3 inaudible noises out of 5

THE LOST BOYS [1987]

Joel Schumacher is a real hit and miss filmmaker. Fortunately, his venture into the vampire lore is a supremely entertaining and funny one.
It's slick, stylish and silly with a kick-ass '80's soundtrack to boot.
Normally you'd ask yourself what the hell am I watching, with lines like "Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster" or "We trashed the one that looked like Twisted Sister" but somehow The Lost Boys pulls it off with smirking grace.
Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander steal the show as self-proclaimed vampire hunters, Edgar and Allen Frog.
It's not necessarily scary but it's a wild romp and funny at all the right moments.
Just the way teen vampire flicks should be.

3 ½ Greased up muscly saxophone players of 5

Son of Morning (2011)

Going nowhere 20-something Phillip is propelled to stardom when he is photographed crying blood and hailed as the next Messiah. All the responsibility and power goes to his head, even as he says and does nothing and the media project their own ideals unto him. Then there's also the little matter of the Sun dying... Loses momentum after awhile, but it's a wild ride on the way there.

3.5 "More talking gerbil" out of 5