Hoppers (2026)

Pixar's latest opus is a conservation sci-fi comedy about an activist attempting to rescue her childhood forest glade from being torn down and renovated into a freeway. To accomplish this, she utilizes an advanced technology to "hop" her consciousness into that of a robotic beaver and round up the woodland creatures in an effort to save their sanctuary. Like most movies of this nature, it's cute and cuddly and ultimately harmless, but its charm is irresistible.

3 paws of the king out of 5

Confess, Fletch (2022)

After a number of fits and starts, we finally get a follow-up to Fletch, but it leaves much to be desired. Jon Hamm steps into the role as the investigative journalist hired to track down a missing art collection, but he has big shoes to fill. Unfortunately, this iteration is missing a lot of the trademark wisecracking humor and almost all of the disguises. It wasn't completely terrible, but the plotting is predictable and it's not something I would choose to watch again.

1½ yachts out of 5

Transformers One (2024)

Admittedly, I'm not the target audience for this film, but I'm not entirely sure who it was made for. Kids who have no prior exposure to Transformers? Certainly not the adults who grew up on the '80s cartoon or Megan Fox's ass. This lighter PG animated fare is bright and full of color, but the CG character designs look dull and ugly. The anthropomorphized robots act goofy and incessantly argue with each other, interspersed with some inane and frantically edited action sequences that get tiresome quickly. The tone becomes slightly darker by the end, but I was already checked out by then. As a prequel to the franchise, the whole thing is just a flimsy excuse to show how Optimus Prime and Megatron came to power. There are no surprises here.

One of those movies where you contemplate your life in the margins while you're waiting for it to mercifully end. This one is strictly for the kiddies.

½ a solid REM cycle out of 5

KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES [2016]

Director Greg Mottola's action/comedy Keeping Up with the Jonseses joins a long list of potentially very funny dumb movies that never live up to it's potential.
When a mysteriously perfect couple move into the neighborhood, a boring husband & wife think there's more than meets the eye...and there is.
Sure there's plenty of chuckle-worthy moments but it gets you going and then constantly hits a wall of unfunny boredom.  The first half of the film is so paint-by-numbers by the time you get to the better final half the film has almost lost all hope.  The always entertaining Isla Fisher and Jon Hamm keep the film from getting too ho-hum but it's nearly not enough.

2 snake bars out of 5

MINIONS [2015]

You'd have to be living under a rock that's under another rock in order to have avoided the 2015 marketing campaign for the Despicable Me spin-off/prequel film, Minions.
It's set in London, 1968, where three of the little yellow buggers have left their clan to track down the next despicable leader they need to follow and find it in Scarlet Overkill & her 2nd fiddle husband (scene-stealers Sandra Bullock & Jon Hamm). The Minions were funny in the DM films but they are simply just too much here, with their gibberish language, easy to distract little brains and general all around irksome presence. It's impressive to see that the writers got as much mileage as they did out the wordless yellow bastards for 30 entertaining minutes but clocking in at nearly an hour and a half was more than enough.  There's some really hilarious moments scattered throughout but when it was all said and done I would rather these little yellow lumps stick to minor characters, their own animated shorts or rolling down the streets of Dublin.

2 tea & scones out of 5

THE CONGRESS [2013]

Ari Folman crafts a uniquely beautiful live action/animated work with The Congress, a philosophical satire loosely inspired by Stanisław Lem's The Futurological Congress.
In her best performance to date, Robin Wright portrays a science-fictionalized version of herself that echoes that of a character that wouldn't be out of place in a Charlie Kaufman piece.  The Congress explores a number of themes including mortality, appearances, the pro & cons of advanced technology in film, all while taking some mature and delicately executed swipes at the Hollywood mainstream.  Folman returns to his Waltz with Bashir crew to help animate a world that looks like a Jean-Pierre Jeunet world seen through the eyes of Ralph Bashki.
A very important cinematic achievement that I urge any lover of thoughtful storytelling in cinema to experience.

4½ animated Dwarfs out of 5

FRIENDS WITH KIDS [2011]

Writer, director and star Jennifer Westfeldt reassembles half the cast of Bridesmaids for her indie-comedy Friends With Kids.
Unfortunately it's not the least bit humorous and it's characters are unintentionally douchey and annoying.  It's such a waste of a normally funny ensemble cast that all seem to be in it as a friendly favor to Westfeldt.  Her ego is inflated with the notion that she can write a story about "real humans" doing "real stuff" because she understands it all so well, when in fact she does nothing but waste your time with this unrealistic dribble.

1 case of explosive diarrhea out of 5

THE TOWN [2010]

Based upon Chuck Hogan's crime thriller novel, The Town, actor/director Ben Affleck gathers together an amazing cast and takes us on another moody and atmospheric trip through Boston.
Like his directorial debut, Gone Baby Gone, Affleck allows the city to play the leading character while setting up the captivating story and characters around it. With brutally realistic action pieces, believable performances and tension that builds at the perfect pace, The Town shows that Affleck is an incredibly talented director and storyteller.

4 Nuns With Guns out of 5

Bridesmaids (2011)

What a stupid fuckin' movie.

Billed as the female version of "The Hangover," it failed to deliver even on a raunchy level. There is only one scene I even laughed at, and that involved diarrhea and vomit. There was also a great meltdown scene at a bridal shower, which I had never seen before. Other than that, it's your usual mainstream Hollywood crowd pleaser, filled with forced laughs and dumb broads (stand-outs here are Kristin Wiig as the hopeless maid of dishonor, and Melissa McCarthy as the Chris Farley character).

The headlines in the poster above lie.

1.5 despicable chick flicks out of 5