Bullet Train (2022)

Brad Pitt finds himself on a high-speed rail train from Tokyo to Kyoto with a bunch of trained assassins who are trying to kill him. It's a nonstop thrill ride that propels itself through highly stylized action-comedy sequences which can feel a bit excessive at times. Like Boy Kills World, it's a fun, turn-off-your-brain film, even though it runs a bit long and gets repetitive at a certain point. My favorite parts were all the surprise cameos, which I won't spoil here. Could have used more Karen Fukuhara, though. Her entire part was in the trailer.

3 Momomons out of 5

The Fire Inside (2024)

A biographical sports drama about a female boxer who trains to make the Olympics. It does exactly what you think it's going to do without any deviation. You've seen this before. You'll see it again. You're supposed to pat yourself on the back afterwards for a job well done. It's intended to be an inspiring true story about overcoming the odds, but there's nothing inspiring about a substandard formulaic film. The most interesting discussions come towards the very end, but then it quickly settles back into the mold.

2½ (yes, there is a gun trained on me right now) out of 5

Transformers One (2024)

Admittedly, I'm not the target audience for this film, but I'm not entirely sure who it was made for. Kids who have no prior exposure to Transformers? Certainly not the adults who grew up on the '80s cartoon or Megan Fox's ass. This lighter PG animated fare is bright and full of color, but the CG character designs look dull and ugly. The anthropomorphized robots act goofy and incessantly argue with each other, interspersed with some inane and frantically edited action sequences that get tiresome quickly. The tone becomes slightly darker by the end, but I was already checked out by then. As a prequel to the franchise, the whole thing is just a flimsy excuse to show how Optimus Prime and Megatron came to power. There are no surprises here.

One of those movies where you contemplate your life in the margins while you're waiting for it to mercifully end. This one is strictly for the kiddies.

½ a solid REM cycle out of 5