Animal Farm (1999)

Of all the various filmed versions of Orwell's dystopian novella, this one might be the most disturbing because of how uncanny valley it is to see this material adapted to live action. Through a combination of real livestock, puppetry and animatronics (courtesy of Jim Henson's Creature Shop), the effect is creepy as fuck, which is appropriate for the allegorical themes contained within. It tones down the political language, but despite the attractive way it's packaged, this is clearly not intended for young audiences. Somewhere in the dark recesses of my psyche, I always tend to conflate this film with The Island of Dr. Moreau.

2½ legs bad out of 5

Quo Vadis (1951)

A Hollywood epic set three decades after the crucifixion of Jesus, it follows the pursuits of an arrogant Roman army commander (Robert Taylor), whose lust for Deborah Kerr precludes a shit-storm of woe for almost everyone involved. The duo's feelings are often upstaged by the production values, but the highlight is Peter Ustinov as Nero, a self-important Emperor that lives in a bubble of his own-making, unaware that his needs are childlike and tactless. 

The film fails to make its love story particularly successful but succeeds with themes of manipulation and madness; although, perhaps not fully in the way that was intended. Putting the notions 'I am a god' and the equally lunatic 'God speaks to me' on opposing sides of a sympathetic line is Hollywood of old forcing a bias toward crowd-pleasing values, one that weakens the story.

3½ poetic sufferings out of 5

Spartacus (1960)

A slave trained by Roman oppressors to fight to the death as a gladiator in their barbaric games takes his fate into his own hands. Spartacus, the slave in question, applies what he learned in the arena to a cause greater than himself. His words and deeds give voice to the feeling in all slaves' hearts.
It certainly deserves its many accolades, but I have reservations when it comes to scoring. Being wholly subjective, many of the relationships point toward something greater than they themselves deliver upon. It's almost as if the message overpowers some of the emotions, whereas in a perfect world they would've been equals. If the film didn't repeatedly push my thoughts in that direction, then I'd no doubt be awed by it completely, but something ingrained in either it or me keeps me from giving it the full 5 stars.

4 stand up guys out of 5

Logan's Run (1976)

The future. 2274. A hedonistic utopia that demands a price of its citizens: on your thirtieth birthday you must take 'Carrousel' in a gamble to be ‘renewed.’ If, instead, you choose to flee, the Sandmen will hunt and terminate you. Logan is a Sandman and he’s nearing his ‘Last Day.’
LR is classic 70’s sci-fi with pertinent social commentary that’s obvious but isn't forced down the viewer’s throat; you can ignore it completely and still have fun with the campy, colourful sets and imaginative story.
Some of the decisions taken by the protagonists may seem a little stupid at times, but they aren't very bright by nature.
If dying at thirty is the price asked for having Jenny Agutter appear in your room at the press of a button... I’d be very tempted.

4 palm lights out of 5

The Comedians (1967)

The Comedians is set in Tahiti during the Papa Doc regime. It gathered together a wonderful cast including Richard Burton, Elizabeth Taylor, Peter Ustinov, Alec Guinness and James Earl Jones, and then delivered a stagnant bore-fest; even the cast looked bored out of their fucking minds.

1½ games of chance out of 5