Protector (2025)

Milla Jovovich enters her Jason Statham era. She needs a new nickname now. The Mill? Jovie? I'll work on it. After her daughter is kidnapped, an ex-Special Forces soldier infiltrates a trafficking ring, in this Taken-like scenario. It's an ultra-violent action thriller that gets bloody quick, but it's full of weird pacing, slow exposition and poor acting skills. It gets laughably bad at times, but it's the kind of movie you could have a lot of fun with under the right influence.

There is a great, dark reveal at the end that saved it from POS status for me.

2 kill boxes out of 5

CUTTHROAT ISLAND [1995]

Director Renny Harlin's action/adventure CutThroat Island will go down in history as one of the biggest box office flops of all time.
Geena Davis is spotty at best as a pirate captain who races against her nasty old uncle (fabulously played by Frank Langella) to retrieve a vast amount of hidden treasure.
Davis' and Matthew Modine's chemistry is no where to be found, making for some painfully empty moments which can also be the fault of the equally hollow character writing.  However it's the swashbuckling adventure we're here for and it delivers in spades.  It's everything you'd expect from a pirate film (minus a parrot) but doesn't offer anymore substance to make up for it's overly long running time.

2½ maps on a scalp out of 5

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

The first third of FMJ illustrates the hell that new recruits are put through in order to become USMC killing machines. The tyrant drill instructor breaks them and then rebuilds them his way. It’s a barrage of verbal, physical and mental abuse that’ll have you howling with inappropriate, guilty laughter.
Once the recruits are deemed worthy they’re categorically shipped to Vietnam to put their killing skills to the test. You’d expect the pace to increase in the field, but it actually slows, giving the soldiers time to reflect on why they’re even there, and offering a viewer a glimpse into the different kinds of pressure each one feels. Mostly it follows Pvt. 'Joker' Davis (Matthew Modine), but, as usual, the stylised eye of Kubrick dominates everything.

5 boom booms, long time out of 5

Transporter 2 (2005)

The Stath returns for a sequel that’s like the first movie but kicked into a much higher gear. He hasn't time to deliver any packages this time because he’s too busy busting bad guy's heads and breaking limbs, as his honour demands. He’s unstoppable, like a cocky T1000 with five o'clock designer stubble. It has a kinetic fight scene with a hosepipe that even the great Jackie Chan would swell with pride to be a part of. Teams Stath with Jason Flemyng again which was fun to see. My only criticism is that it’s too short.

3½ crazy stunts in high heels out of 5