The Bible ...In the Beginning (1966)

An adaptation of the Book of Genesis, beginning with the void (prior the creation of the Earth) and ending with the story of Abraham. After well-groomed Adam and Eve discover shame things take a major dive. The utterly ridiculous Noah section is extra embarrassing for the film's director because he stars as the beardy boat-builder; it's John Huston, who provides the voice of God, too. The majority of the first half is wretched stuff. Things get a little better thereafter, and there's even a few scenes that have some merit (the Tower of Babel, Sodom, etc) but overall it's a disaster of... er... epic proportions. Further adaptations were planned but, mercifully, none were made.

2 renamings out of 5

The Unforgiven (1960)

It's perhaps an unpopular opinion to have, but I don't have the affection for Audrey Hepburn that many, many other folks appear to have. Also, from a non-technical POV, the films of the much-revered John Huston often leave me disappointed. Nothing in The Unforgiven caused me to reevaluate either of those viewpoints. It's a story of racism and family set in the old west that had the potential to be extremely hard-hitting, but the stilted acting too often fails to give the topic adequate support, even when allowing for trends of the era. Burt Lancaster's character starts to fit in more comfortably during the final third, but the saving grace for me was the wonderful Lillian Gish.

2½ night musics out of 5

Sherlock Holmes in New York (1976)

Roger Moore's only onscreen stint as Holmes paired him with Patrick Macnee as Dr. Watson (his first but not last time in the role). Moore is simply Moore with a deerstalker and pipe, prancing about hurriedly when there's "devilry afoot!" Macnee gives his character a trait, but forcing a voice that sounds like the morning after a potcheen binge was an odd way to go about it.
The story has Moriarty, butt-hurt and angry he vows to commit the crime of the century, one that Holmes will be powerless to solve, thus demeaning the esteemed hero and sullying his reputation. What follows has some interesting twists and turns, and the manner in which Moriarty (a miscast John Huston) uses the Baker Street sleuth's investigative drive against him is a shrewd plot device. Overall, there are better and worse Sherlock films than SH in NY.

2½ profundities out of 5

The Visitor (1979)

It started life as a planned rip-off of The Exorcist (1973), but along the way it crashed into a WTF train and derailed everything in its path. The end result is closer to The Omen (1976) with added aliens (maybe?), bald disciples and a single blonde Jesus. It throws you in at the deep end from the very beginning so you don't have to wait to be bewildered. The story is confused, as are some of the cast. Characters disappear for long periods of time or disappear completely for no discernible reason. The camerawork and editing are either intentionally unconventional or the product of a deranged mind. The use and timing of music is reminiscent of Dario Argento, as are some of the spiralling narrative threads. Overall, it's a mostly incoherent mess of a film that somehow managed to hold my attention throughout.

3 angry birds out of 5

Reflections in a Golden Eye (1967)

Given the chance I’ll always opt for the director’s preferred version of a film. I’ve never regretted that decision so badly before. John Huston coloured everything with a golden hue to make the title more relevant. It’s as if the film negative has been covered in amber or steeped in piss. It was distracting and hideous. Searching for pictures of the full colour version that was subsequently released turned up imagery that looks beautiful, lively and altogether more appealing. However, with Brando’s incomprehensible accent, awful acting and the stagnant plot being the same, the chances of me ever sitting down to it a second time are nil.

1½ peepers out of 5

Candy (1968)

Everyone wants a piece of Candy. Her innocence and willingness to do good land her in a lot of water and not all of it’s hot.
It's a satire based on the book by Terry Southern, a significant player in the counter-culture movement of the 1960s. It attracted a quality cast, so I assume it was considered of great importance among cult viewers of the era, but it's nothing more than a string of farcical sexual encounters and a number of great men embarrassing themselves thrown haphazardly together. That may well have been Dir. Christian Marquand's intention, but for me the absurdity never really satisfied.

1 Beatle in the bushes out of 5

CHINATOWN [1974]

Jack Nicholson shines opposite Faye Dunaway in director Roman Polanski's neo-noir classic Chinatown.

More like a classic hard-boiled detective film of the Golden Age, Chinatown never really relies on harsh language, violence or sex to blanket it in the broody, dark atmosphere it relishes in.  The story starts out quite simple then builds in well-paced complexity but never so much it loses the viewer.  

Classy film-making at some of it's best.  

5 nicks in the nose out of 5

Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)

The original simian saga ended with a sequel to the Theatrical Cut of the previous film. It's a story of Caesar told in flashback. Twelve years after the end of the human/ape war the two races live side by side but aren't equal. The apes rule. The humans work the fields and clean the apes' houses. There's peace, yes, but it's an uneasy one held in place by fear and one-sided politics.
I suppose it's possible that the entire ape population could've learned to speak by this stage, but it does seem highly improbable.
The script tries hard to inject moments of real feeling by comparing and contrasting the family unit with the civil one, but even when tragedy strikes it doesn't hit as hard as it should have. And while the Kane and Abel element does its job well enough, the whole film feels unnecessary.

1½ paths rebuilt out of 5