An Empress and the Warriors (2008)

A film about duty, freedom, ambition, yadda yadda. There’s also a half-assed romantic love triangle thrown in for good measure. It’s all very efficient and safe, which is why it’s so boring. I don’t watch a Ching Siu-tung film to see safe. Where were the wild ideas and genre-breaking adventures that sometimes fall flat on their ass but impress with majestic flights of imagination while doing it? Absent, muted and suppressed.
Anyone fresh from film school could've made this formulaic crap.
I’m struggling to find something positive to say; the elaborate costumes were good, I guess, and Donie Yen almost managed to emote.

2 much hot air out of 5

Executioners: The Heroic Trio 2 (1993)

The world has changed since the Heroic Trio last fought together. It’s now post-apocalyptic. (I'm so damn tired of post-apoc settings. If we do ever blow the world up, let’s do it right and leave no one alive to make a film about.) Two of the women are being heroic in other ways. Wonder Woman has a daughter. Invisible Girl works to repay her debt to society. Only Thief Catcher is unchanged; she stills hunts for bounties.
The editing is still a little clumsy but it seems as if Ching Siu-tung has taken a more active role, meaning the fight scenes are better staged; although there’s still too much slow-mo. The story is less bat-shit crazy this time.

3 pieces of oath cloth out of 5

Wonder Seven (1994)

Aka: 7 jin gong

A fun but very confusing mix of martial arts action and gun-play from Dir. Ching Siu-tung. There are too many characters doing too many things to really get to grips with any of them, which is a shame because there’s some really interesting set pieces on display throughout.
Fans of Michelle Yeoh should be pleased as she gives a fine performance and looks radiant while doing so, although I have no idea why she’s on the cover dressed like a Chinese hooker, because that doesn't happen.

2½ wonka elevators out of 5

Edit:  The cover isn't even...  0_o

Dr. Wai in the Scriptures with No Words (1996)

Two stories happen simultaneously in this bizarre adventure. One is modern day harsh reality, while the other is an historical, pulp fictional adventure story. Jet Li’s character in the modern era is the writer of the other, wherein he becomes the hero of his own imagination, the titular Dr Wai: Adventure King. Modern Jet uses the fantasy world to compensate for his real world troubles. All goes well until the story gets some co-authors that create a very Gilliam-esque situation with a Chinese twist.

NOTE: Two versions of the film exist. The one I watched was the original Ching Siu-tung version (aka Hong Kong Dir Cut). Tsui Hark was hired to reshoot a large part of it for an International Cut, making it more linear.

2½ mighty pens out of 5

Naked Weapon (2002)

There are no prizes for guessing which HK cult classic the film takes its cues from. To be fair, it’s from the same writer, but that doesn't excuse the implied connection, of which there’s none. It stars Maggie Q as an assassin who uses her curves and her sex to get close to targets. All goes well until her past begins to intrude and her agenda becomes cloudy.
A better director, one less preoccupied with Hollywood slow-mo, could've did great things with Naked Weapon, but instead it’s a bit of a turd that smells strongly of wasted potential.

2 marionettes out of 5

Cause: The Birth of Hero (2002)

A documentary by Gan Lu about the making of Zhang Yimou’s Hero (2002) that’s almost twice as long as the film it documents. It’s a tedious, amateur film with no thought put into construction or presentation. The audio drops in and out frequently and the organisation is appallingly bad. It fails to capture the essence of its subject. It feels instead like a cheaply made wedding video, replete with wind noise and half-assed framing. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to watch it more than once.

1 wrap party out of 5

New Dragon Gate Inn (1992)

aka: Dragon Inn

A remake of King Hu's earlier Dragon Inn (1967) film. A power hungry eunuch, in employ of the Emperor but acting without his consent, sends his secret Black Arrow Troop to capture and kill the children of an army commander so that his goal of ruling China can get underway.
A quick scan of the people involved lets you know that you're in for a kinetic, balletic storm of action. It's a comedy/action wuxia adventure that takes some time to get going, but like all good wuxia films the ending is simply amazing; it even manages to do things that I'd not seen before anywhere else.

3½ drifting duckweeds out of 5

A Chinese Ghost Story III (1991)

aka: Sien Lui Yau Wan III: Do Do Do

A new setting and new characters mean this is a sequel in name only; if they'd changed the title before release no one would've noticed. It’s still good and still worth watching. It has monks, tree demons, exploding people and all the cool shit we've come to expect from these kinds of films. It’s a good thing it ended here, though; there were bits of CGI creeping in and too much of that crap would've been a huge mistake.

3½ bitches and money are always trouble out of 5

A Chinese Ghost Story II (1990)

aka: Sien Nui Yau Wan II: Yan Gaan Do

If the first film made you grin then this, more of the same horror comedy kung fu nonsense with a travelling magical Buddhist monk added to the mix and the comedy level raised a little higher, will have the same effect.

It lacks the same level of emotional content as before, but when the swords start flying it's possible to forgive it for that.

3½ one thousand year old bugs out of 5

A Chinese Ghost Story (1987)

aka: Sien Nui Yau Wan 

If you like Tsui Hark films you’ll like ACGS. He's only producer, but it does everything he usually does and does it well. Night shoots, fire, low camera angles, wire work, swords, super jumps and general badassery. The finale is worth the price of admission alone. Add to that the wonderful Leslie Cheung and Joey Wong as the achingly beautiful ghost of the story and you've got a classic of the Wuxia comedy ghost story genre.

4 biggest damn tongue I ever did see out of 5