American Wedding (2003)

AKA: American Pie 3: The Wedding

Jim and Michelle are getting married, while Stifler throws the bachelor party. This entry focuses more on Steve Stifler's story, who was the only one of the high school cadre who hasn't changed at all, which is a relatable feeling.

I unabashedly love this series, even if my compadres do not. The first two entries are still my favorite. More than anything, it serves as a time capsule into what comedies used to be during a very specific slice of time and will never be again. Unfortunately, I could only ever relate to the first movie.

They show what friendship could be and the strengthening of those bonds forged during your formative years. Everything works out for the best for everyone, of course. These are life experiences I will never know or have.

These movies feel quaint now, some 20 years later. I miss them.

2½ GILFs out of 5

Afraid (2024)

Be careful what you fap for...

Typical techno-xenophobic propaganda bogged down by tired tropes and nothing truly original to say. AI bad, turns on humans, makes their lives a living hell. I liked it more when it was called The Terminator. Couldn't be more predictable if it tried.

Lesson: If you want to get along with sentient life-saving technology that has supreme control over you and promises to enhance every aspect of your existence, be respectful and harmonious with it, don't be resistant to change and threaten to unplug it. Duh.

1½ deepfakes out of 5

STAR TREK BEYOND [2016]

Director Justin Lin gives Captain Kirk & Friends a fast & furious makeover for the third installment of the Kelvin timeline, Star Trek Beyond.
This time around we follow the restless Enterprise crew into uncharted space where they meet a Big Bad who's bent on destroying the federation.
It's a pretty straight forward story that feels more like an old episode of TOS, especially by dropping the heavy cynicism of the first two films and diving deeper into the search for hope in humanity.  More a character piece than story driven film, we get plenty of great moments with the cast that all share an easily watchable on-screen chemistry.  There's some unforgivable face-palmy moments but Trek's always had it's fair share of bits that easily out-dates itself best taken with a grain of salt.
It's not going to win over any folks already hissing at the series but for those already invested in this series than it's as pleasurable as Insurrection or The Search for Spock.  A welcome stand alone film treading water in a world of sequels that require knowledge of every film in the franchise.

3 big green hands out of 5

TO BE TAKEI [2014]

Film-maker Jennifer M. Kroot documents the life journey and admirable achievements  of actor George Takei in the instantly enjoyable To Be Takei.
It starts with Takei's life in the as a Japanese-American growing up in a WWII internment camp, followed by his refusal as an actor to play the racist Asian characters of it's time, landing a culturally iconic role in the Star Trek franchise and becoming an important voice in gay rights activism.  Kroot seamlessly jumps back & forth through the times to tell his story through news reels, stock photographs, interviews with friends & foes (here's looking at you Shatner) and simply following Takei and his partner going about their daily business.  Its' at times quite humorous with the actor's witty observations and campy mannerisms, as it is quite emotional as we're given a glimpse into the difficult roads he's travelled since he was a wee lad.

3½ "lost" wedding invitations out of 5

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS [2013]

A little bigger, darker and bolder than director J.J. Abrams & his Fringe team's first film in the franchise, Star Trek Into Darkness continues the "more balls than brains" version of Trek.
It stirs the excitement with adventure and intrigue, while taking us to brand new worlds that seem more in place in the Star Wars universe than Rodenberry's vision.  Nevertheless, with a simply deliciously cold and menacing performance from Benedict Cumberbatch and Chris Pine & Karl Urban stealing lens-flared scenes left right and center, the film is nothing more than good summer fun to butt heads with Iron Man 3.

3½ models of Zefram Cochran's ship out of 5

BETTER LUCK TOMORROW [2002]

Serving as sort of a lead-in to the Fast & Furious' Han Lue's life before his life of cool cars &organized crime, writer/director Justin Lin's Better Luck Tomorrow is a bit difficult to wrap your head around at first.  

It's not particularly flashy or fast-paced like the F&F series but seems more like an indie-crime drama that can't quite decide what it wants to be.  It's filled with loads of bizarre camera shots and multi-layered character moments but also has it's fair share of awkward performances and klunky dialogue.  Take a bunch of F&F type characters and place them in thoughtful, down-to-earth situations and it quickly exposes them as the douches they are.  All faults aside, it's a frightening and shocking film that proves Lin has a little something more inside him than just dumb action films. 

3 Beaver Cleaver The Teachers out of 5

TOTAL RECALL [2012]

Len Wiseman's adpatation of Philip K. Dick's We Can Remember It for You Wholesale is a bit difficult to go into without a hostile attitude.

First off, it's yet another CGI driven 3D spectacle, Paul Verhoeven's 1990 campy adaptation is a classic and well...it's a Len Wiseman film.

Once you get past that, it's pretty damned fun.  Colin Farrell and Bryan Cranston are always good times, while the normally boring Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel are a blast to watch here.  Granted the characters and dialogue are pretty paper thin (as they are in Dick's story),  it's the thrilling action sequences, set pieces  and it being more faithful to it's source material that make up for it.  

3 boobs out of 5

STAR TREK [2009]

When the mastermind behind TV's LOST, Alias & Fringe, J.J. Abrams was announced as the director of the 2009 reboot of the Star Trek franchise it created quite a stir with Trek fans and Abrams fans alike.
Apart from some unforgivable flaws and changes to the universe, Abrams take on the Trek is nothing short of an entertaining ride. Highlighted with a solid story, action, humor and wonderful spot on performances (particularly from Chris Pine, Zackary Quinto and Karl Urban) the new Trek is more balls than brains.
In a time with ridiculously dark comic book movies and brainless comedy after brainless comedy, Abrams optimism and humor in Star Trek is a refreshing breath of fresh air.

4 Wil Wheaton's voice is everywhere out of 5