THE RULES OF ATTRACTION [2002]

Director Roger Avary's theatrical follow-up to Killing Zoe is an adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' unhinged dark satirical novel The Rules Of Attraction.
It's the surreal story of three attractive Camden College students who lead jaded lives filled with sex, drugs and a multitude of selfish deeds.  Easton Ellis excels at creating despicable characters who we can't help but be intrigued by, knowing damn well he makes sure they all get their dues by the end.  Here, Avary does a fantastic job at capturing the non-linear storytelling of the novel, while giving it a gnashing bite all his own, which quite often you wish would be just a bit more subtle than it is.  The film completely lacks any sort of charm or anything even remotely pleasant to make it a comfortable viewing.  Front-to-back, it's pretty disgusting and if you realize that's exactly what it sets out to be and you're down with it, then it's pretty damned entertaining.  Who doesn't want to see Kevin Arnold shoot up heroin or Dawson Leery attack a guy with an electric carver?

3 vaginal infections out of 5

THE A-TEAM [2010]

I was told by a few folks that director Joe Carnahan's bigscreen adaptation of the beloved '80's TV show The A-Team is a lot more fun than you think it would be.
...I was lied to.
I was never a fan of the series, so maybe I'm missing something here but with a concept so inane and shallow, I'd be difficult to find something of much substance to begin with.  There's a few entertaining moments of groan-worthy action sequences but nothing that memorable or satisfying.  The cast looks like they're having a great ol' time but it's never enough to carry on to the viewer.  A boring, predictable, loud and violent waste of time if you ask me.

1 flying van out of 5

THE TRUTH ABOUT EMANUEL [2013]

Written & directed by Francesca Gregorini, The Truth About Emanuel is a dark, haunting drama that explores themes of death, grief, growing up and mental illness.
The film's greatest strength is without a doubt the two leading performances of Skins' Kaya Scodelario, who portrays a intelligent yet troubled kid with a smart assed response to everything, and Jessica Biel as a recently divorced single mother dealing with some loose screws.  They display a wonderful chemistry that is unfortunately sullied by some spots of horrible dialogue.  What's odd is the film has some moments of beautifully poetic dialogue that you won't soon forget.
The whole movie seems to rapidly teeter back & forth between a hypnotizingly original indie-drama and a overly melodramatic TV movie which can be quite frustrating at times.

3 fish out of 5

Blade: Trinity (2004)

I can think of a dozen very good reasons why you wouldn't want to watch the third and (hopefully) final entry in the franchise. I’ll list the top three:
1. Ryan Reynolds.
2. Ryan Reynolds.
3. Everything else.
It’s also too long; it should have been cut by about 122 minutes.

0½ a vampire vibrator out of 5

HITCHCOCK [2012]

Screenwriter Sacha Gervasi sits in the director's chair for the lightfare "biopic" Hitchcock.  Telling the story of the making of Alfred Hitchcock's slasher classic Psycho, the film never seems to be concerned with the facts.  It merely touches on Hitchcock's tyrant like behaviour towards his actresses to get the best possible performance and opts for more of genuine portrayal of his mind and manners.  It's a bit frustrating to see how it's all portrayed but once you get past that, it's quite an enjoyable little film that's more a nod to the fat man's filmmaking rather than his actual life.

3 famous silhouettes out of 5

THE TALL MAN [2012]

Pascal Laugier, the French Canadian writer & director of the extremely disturbing Martyrs, returns to the screen with a dark and gloomy film that sets out to haunt again. 

The Tall Man is a twist-filled mystery/thriller that keeps you guessing right up until the end, making sure your emotions are taken for a unsettling ride all along the way.  What took me off guard was Jessica Biel's ability to carry the film with an emotionally and physically demanding performance.  The focus gets a little out of hand and the dialogue is klunky at moments but with some moody atmosphere, amazing camera work and mesmerizing music, The Tall Man delivers the goods.

3 questionable radio sermons out of 5

TOTAL RECALL [2012]

Len Wiseman's adpatation of Philip K. Dick's We Can Remember It for You Wholesale is a bit difficult to go into without a hostile attitude.

First off, it's yet another CGI driven 3D spectacle, Paul Verhoeven's 1990 campy adaptation is a classic and well...it's a Len Wiseman film.

Once you get past that, it's pretty damned fun.  Colin Farrell and Bryan Cranston are always good times, while the normally boring Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel are a blast to watch here.  Granted the characters and dialogue are pretty paper thin (as they are in Dick's story),  it's the thrilling action sequences, set pieces  and it being more faithful to it's source material that make up for it.  

3 boobs out of 5