Ladies First (2026)

A misogynist hits his head and wakes up in a misandrist's world dominated by women, effectively inverting their positions. Once you get the joke that every single gender role is reversed, the plot doesn't get any deeper than that. What doesn't make any sense is that the men are all feminized and the women are endowed with masculine qualities, which contradicts the very message it's trying to put across, so I'm not sure what this film is trying to say. The endless moralizing on screen comes off condescending, exhausting and insufferable. And without any of the male empowerment roles that are afforded to women, the men here are all portrayed as either weak or evil, with no in-between. It might be considered problematic if the whole thing wasn't so fuckin' stupid. 

Remake of the French film, I Am Not an Easy Man, which I have no plans to see.

0 testicle bras out of 5

IF (2024)

Bea is a 12-year-old girl going through a rough time in life who begins to see the imaginary friends (IFs) of the kids who have outgrown them and left them behind. I thought this movie was adorable. Made me sad for many reasons, but it was very sweet and had its heart in the right place. Reminded me a bit of Spirited (also with Ryan Reynolds), mixed with Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and of course, Harvey. I feel like Cailey Fleming is going to be a huge fucking star one day. She's been great in everything I've seen her in.

There's a bit of a credit cookie at the very end for Louis Gossett Jr. (RIP), who plays Lewis, the old bear. I kept wondering the whole movie, whose IF was he?

3 invisible IFs (played by Brad Pitt) out of 5

That Christmas (2024)

An animated ensemble film about the residents of a small town experiencing their individual ups and downs. Most of the stories feel like vignettes that don't interconnect, so it lacks an altogether cohesive structure, while Santa (featured front and center in the advertising) merely narrates and hardly gets involved. This movie takes its damn time and meanders about, by which point I had already checked out. Normally, I'm able to give saccharinity a pass during Christmas, but this was just plain grating and corny. It had its opposite intended effect and put me in a bad mood.

1 turkey out of 5

The Black Dahlia (2006)

Like The Untouchables (1987), Black Dahlia has a few exceptionally good scenes strategically placed within a historically interesting background that nevertheless feels overwhelmingly empty and lifeless.
Josh Hartnett is okay in the lead role, but a De Palma film needs a protagonist more than just 'okay' if he or she is to hold their own and not be swallowed up by the director's self-interests. The only two characters that manage to do just that are the murdered Dahlia (Mia Kirshner – amazing!) and the actual murderer (whom I can't praise directly because it would be spoiler).
It was reportedly three hours long cut down to a more palatable two, but while the pacing may have been improved if the additional footage was put back it's unlikely the overall feeling of boredom would've changed much.

2½ veneers out of 5

THE ENGLISH TEACHER [2013]

TV director Craig Zisk dips into the theatrical world with the comedy/drama The English Teacher.
Julianne Moore leads the cast and does a wonderful job as always, allowing the viewer to easily care for her character.  Greg Kinnear, Nathan Lane, Lilly Collins and Michael Angarano all play their parts with charming charisma.  Each character is given believable life with their strengths and weaknesses, all of which are never fully resolved giving them more of a three dimensional heart than most light-hearted comedies like this.  However the film falls short with a resounding thud in the comedy department.  Apart from a few chuckles it wasn't particularly funny.  If not for the well-rounded cast I might have wandered out of the room looking for laughs elsewhere.

3 pepper sprays to the face out of 5