Smurfs (2025)

The little blue shits are back.

It doesn't feel good that I am once again nutting a Smurfs movie in 2025, but this is actually the fourth film (and second reboot) after the previous attempt went off the rails in 2017. Going back to basics, the little blue perverts exist blissfully unaware in Smurf Village, where their name dictates their entire personality and they are seemingly tethered to their fates from birth (this could be a good premise for a horror movie). Cue in: No Name Smurf, who is looking for his life's purpose, amongst the backdrop of a bright magical world.

The biggest draw of this one seems to be the dubious casting of Rihanna as Smurfette, which explains why this also happens to be a musical. I found the portal hopping kept my attention, even if it didn't lead anywhere worthwhile.

What's funny is that I used to be a big fan of the Smurfs as a kid, but I have no memory of why. Turns out I was just partial to the color blue.

1 Snooterpoot out of 5

Note: Another little-known fact about the Smurfs is that they all gang-bang Smurfette every single night. And she likes it. (Her nickname is Bonnie Blue.)

HOME [2015]

Director Tim Johnson's CGI animated kiddie-comedy, Home, doesn't even attempt to break any new ground but it's so damned lovably cute I really didn't mind it at all.
It's the familiar tale of a friendship that bonds between a teenage girl and an alien, both of whom are looking for a home for their heart and find it through colorful silliness, wacky hijinks and a plethora of family-friendly pop tunes.  Adults will get the most joy watching the kid's faces light up for the entire duration of the film and move on without giving it a second thought.  It follows the tired CGI animated formula like clockwork but has just enough flair and postitivity to make it a worthwhile waste of time.

3 number threes out of 5

BATTLESHIP [2012]

Peter Berg's loose "adaptation" of the Hasbro boardgame, Battleship, marks the first time I've Nutted a film without finishing it first.

One hour into it I gave up on this stupid film.  In the same style as Michael Bay's Transformers films, Battleship is noisy & generic, horribly written, badly acted and poorly edited with loads of childish humour to boot.  

No.  Just no.

½ chicken burrito out of 5