Toy Story 5 (2026)

The reason this franchise hits so hard is because it's clearly made by people who love film and have a fond remembrance of childhood. Each one has been about embracing and leaving behind the past, and as we get older, so do our memories. The farther away we are from those experiences, the harder it hits.

This one tells the story of how electronic devices are leaving the traditional brick and mortar toys in the dust and forcing kids to grow up too quickly. It's easily the most depressing entry of the series and makes me feel older and more obsolete than ever because it hits on an inevitable truth. It seems like it's on the verge of having something significant to say, but then bails out at the last minute. It's a shame. Can't disparage our technological overlords, I guess...

2½ Lilypads out of 5

Toy Story 4 (2019)

Boy, 2019 feels like a long way behind. This film features the vocal talents of Don Rickles, Carl Reiner, Betty White, Estelle Harris and Carl Weathers, all of whom are no longer with us anymore. It also predates COVID, which feels like simpler times. Film truly is a time capsule. It's important to preserve the past.

Likewise, this franchise understands the value of legacy while continuing to take risks and reinvent itself, branching out in all new directions. This film is about those left behind who must move on from the past in order to find new purpose. It does it in traditional Pixar fashion and succeeds with flying colors.

This would have worked better as the last film in the series, but, you know...

3½ sporks out of 5

Sketch (2024)

A monster movie where all the monsters are cute and creepy and drawn up by a little girl with a dark imagination. If you're a kid, this is pretty awesome stuff. Also, if you happen to be an adult with a twisted mind. It's wish fulfillment on a grand scale, but I found it charming and enjoyable. A kids' movie with real bite.

3 m'orphans out of 5

Opus (2025)

John Malkovich (channeling Nicolas Cage) plays what amounts to a cult leader at a commune under the guise of a musical prodigy who has just come out of retirement. Ayo Ebediri plays the only rational character in the film who questions his motives and all the weirdness surrounding them. It's a bit of the horror comedy persuasion (not unlike Get Out and Blink Twice), but feels like it could have gone much, much further. Standards must be slipping over at A24.

2½ bites of the communal bread out of 5

Quiz Lady (2023)

An introverted woman devotes herself to a quiet life watching her favorite quiz show every night. When her dog is kidnapped by a loan shark demanding to pay off her mother's gambling debts, she is forced on an unwilling road trip to audition for the show. This was a really entertaining watch. As a game show aficionado myself, I could easily place myself in her shoes of never having the guts to actually go through with it. Sandra Oh is a delight as the big sister who doesn't have her shit together, yet coerces her out of her comfort zone. It's a very funny film that reveals a surprisingly sweet nature at its heart.

3½ Ben Franklin Inns out of 5

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

This sequel places the Sanderson Sisters front and center, which is a mistake. What happened to the kids from the first one? Thora Birch is old enough now. Meh. It attempts to revive some of the magic from (*checks watch*) 29 years ago, but it simply survives on the charm and chemistry of its three witchy leads. Fuck the kids. There is new backstory added (to make the villains seem even less menacing), but the whole thing loses steam pretty quickly. Unfortunately, it lacks any sort of edge, stakes or endangerment, and feels more like a safe, modern Disney Channel movie. It just goes to show how things have changed in the past 30 years, and it doesn't really get me excited about new content. The movie was passable (barely), but nothing I'll remember 20 minutes from now. For fans of the original only; there will be no converts here.

Oh well, at least they got poor ol' Billy Butcherson back.

2 trips to Walgreens out of 5

Inside Out 2 (2024)

Lightning doesn't strike twice in this sequel to the 2015 Pixar classic. This time, Anxiety and her pals Embarrassment, Envy, Ennui, et al, are introduced into the mix, to torture poor Riley into her teens. While these are certainly relatable emotions, the plot of this film feels very much like a beat-by-beat retread of the original. There was another film released earlier the same year, Orion and the Dark, which does a much better job at dramatizing these deep existential fears of which this film only touches upon. (2024 was truly the year of Anxiety.) As it stands, this flick will work for the kiddos, but it won't resonate with adults nearly as much as the original did.

2½ panic attacks out of 5

YOGA HOSERS [2016]

After the disastrous box office results from Tusk, I don't know how Honorary Canadian director Kevin Smith miraculously made the second part of his True North horror trilogy.
Yoga Hosers follows teenage Canadian clerk BFFs, the Colleens, as they fend to save their convenience store from a horde of tiny Nazi Mounties made out of scrumptious sausage and sauerkraut.
While Tusk was disturbingly funny and disgusting, Yoga Hosers might be just as demented but it's really really dumb.  There might be some great chuckle-worthy Canadian in-jokes but everything is predictable, inane and quite frankly embarrassing.  Johnny Depp's Christophe Waltz-esque French-Canadian P.I.  and his ever-moving moles are the highlight of the film and that's not saying a whole lot anymore.  It's pretty awful but somehow I can't but help admiring Smith and his endless ambition to do whatever the hell he wants.

2 Pucky Charms out of 5

AMERICAN ULTRA [2015]

Project X director Nima Nourizadeh gives Jason Bourne a stoner makeover in the offbeat action flick, American Ultra.
A smalltown pothead discovers he's a sleeper agent killing machine, who's recently been activated much to the government's dismay, after they've tried to have him eliminated.
It takes the one-joke premise and manages to flesh it out into something with a little more substance than one might expect from such a film.  If not for it's two likable leads, the mean-spirited humor and malicious violence might have sucked out any sort of comedic appeal the flick had going for it.  It's bloody violent and seems to show no remorse in being so, however somewhere within all the smoke there's a small heart giving it a slight purpose.
It's a mess of a film but somehow entertaining if you're not the light-hearted type that believes in the good in everyone.

3 crazy, scary rabid puppies that murder people out of 5

THE HEAT [2013]

I really didn't expect much from Bridesmaids director Paul Feig's buddy cop comedy The Heat so it's hard to be disappointed with such expectations.
Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock have great chemistry and are serviceably funny as the foul-mouthed oil & water partners.  However it takes a good 40 minutes to get going making for a very dull introduction to a very predictable story and being an action-comedy that's hardly acceptable.  It's the type of film where you know exactly what you're getting into and if you're fine with that then it's okay.  If you're not fine with this sort of stupidity then steer clear.

2½ shit jerk dick fucker assholers out of 5

Archie's Final Project (2009)

AKA: My Suicide

For his high school class project, Archie decides to kill himself on camera, sparking debate and controversy among campus, parents and all so-called professionals involved. The film itself is treated as found footage, and it's full of jumbled thoughts, distorted feelings and raw emotion, as well as the regurgitated movies and media images that make up the conglomerate of a feverish teenage mind. It's the kind of movie I could have made. I can see people discarding it as emo bullshit, but to me it rings of authentic truth.

This also appears to be one of David Carradine's final projects.

4 viewing life like a movie out of 5