Battletruck (1982)

aka Warlords of the 21st Century

Two excellent titles for one average movie. I feel that Battletruck suits the film better, seeing as how there's an actual armoured truck in it. The vehicle thunders along post-WW III roads in a typical Mad Max clone-movie setting.
To be fair, the production does carve out an identity of its own, it's just not a very exciting one and the bad rock music that accompanies the action scenes ruins any chance they ever had of being dramatic.
The hero rides into the story (literally, he's on a motorcycle), saves a girl in trouble and things progress slowly thereafter. Some of the cast try their best, some even succeed, but it's unlikely it'll net many new fans for the genre.

2½ horse-drawn cars out of 5

MEGAFORCE [1982]

Smokey and The Bandit director Hal Needham does a fine job at collecting Razzie nominations with his gonzo sci-fi box office flop Megaforce.
Barry Bostwick (acting like a cross between Barry Gibb & Zapp Brannigan) plays a full of himself commander of a secret army of international soldiers asked to protect a country threatened by a nasty group of terrorists.
It's got the  aesthetics of an old Japanese sci-fi action show that's combed over with a G.I. Joe-esque campiness and flamboyant characters that enjoy wearing tight shiny gold jumpsuits that showcase their unusually prominent dick bulges.  It's pure mind-numbing shit but the pleasant type of mind-numbing shit that requires minimal wiping.

1½ animated pig surprises out of 5

Xanadu (1980)

An artist dissatisfied with his rather good job throws caution and common sense to the wind when a woman who glows like a Ready Brek kid amorously assaults him in a public area. I'm not making this up. The mystery woman, who occasionally exists as a streak of light, is somehow drawn to the corny dialogue and piss-poor acting. If she had a résumé it would probably note that she likes roller-skates and enjoys fading in and out of corporeal existence.
Xanadu might well have been a fun idea on paper, but as a film it’s a train wreck, the colourful carriages of which were filled with fashion-crimes, surplus ELO albums and emergent dancers.

1 long lunch hour out of 5

The Warriors (1979)

When you’re far from home and the shit gets real it’s best to have friends you can trust, but there’s always one guy that has to ruin things for everyone else and more often than not someone else has to pay the price.
It's a B-Movie that resembles a John Carpenter film at times, but if you can laugh at its many flaws it has a great deal of fun waiting to be discovered.
The Director’s Cut adds some unnecessary cartoon styled intertitles and an intro that was supposed to have Orson Welles but sadly doesn't.
See it before the inevitable soulless remake comes along.

4 rumbles on the way back to Coney out of 5