The Fear 2: Halloween Night (1999)

aka The Fear: Resurrection

Using the same strange wooden man from the first Fear, the writer attempts something very similar but with slightly better results. For low budget, straight-to-dvd standards, the film is actually watchable. The story is mildly interesting as a man haunted by his bloodline performs a ritual with his friends on Halloween. But the creepy mannequin Morty is still entirely pointless and looks ridiculous in his wooden underpants. With stiff acting and a massive, unexplored plot hole in the opening scene, The Fear's sequel is the same turd but with better lighting. And something this shitty should be kept in the dark. 

½ toilet drownings out of 5

Painkiller Jane (2005)

Special Ops Captain Jane Browning develops regenerative powers and heightened abilities that make her an even better soldier.
We've been swamped with more than enough comic books, novels, crap films and TV shows with a similar premise. The only real difference is PJ has Emmanuelle Vaugier, who can do better given half a chance.

1½ bleeding orifices out of 5

Dolan's Cadillac (2009)

Christian Slater plays a mobster with his fingers deep in trafficking. His bad acting clashes with Wes Bentley’s bad acting and it’s left to Emmanuelle Vaugier to keep the film from falling into a giant-sized pot hole. They should've used her more. She was one of three things that kept it from being ejected from my player. The second thing was the director's passion for the material. And finally, the material itself; it was based on a Stephen King short that owed a huge debt to Edgar Allan Poe. I love Poe.

2½ specific varieties of Sherry out of 5

SAW II [2005]

The sequel to the torture porn franchise, SAW, ends with another impressive "didn't see that coming" ending.
Unfortunately that's about it.
The rest of the film seems like it was bullshit piled on top of this golden ending. Almost as if the writers came up with this brilliant finale and just needed something to fill up the space.
The acting is a little better this time around but the script and the direction is so horribly juvenile and unevenly paced. The first film had a twist-filled plot driving the story, while this one just had ridiculously forced violence you and your friends could come up shit-shooting on a forum in one night. :p
2 down, 5 to go. Fuck.

1 ½ New Kids On The Block out of 5