The Beastmaster (1982)

One of the better sword and sorcery flicks regards Dar, a babe born unto a cow (!), who gains the ability to telepathically communicate with animals and wages battle against an evil wizard. Visually, Marc Singer looks the part, which is half the battle, while Tanya Roberts accompanies him as the beautiful slave girl. With such an intriguing premise, I don't know how they manage to make a number of these movies so boring. They could have easily shaved a half hour off the runtime to make it more palatable. Anyway, take the good with the bad.

3 eagle screeches out of 5

Phantasm II (1988)

With production backed by Universal this time, Phantasm II trumps the original in not only scope but linear storytelling. Compromises with the studio resulted in the recasting of main character Mike (now James Le Gros) and a less illusory nature, which somewhat hampered the first Phantasm. The unlikely action heroes Mike & Reggie scour the countryside for the elusive Tall Man (Angus Scrimm) as he leaves a veritable wasteland of abandoned towns in his wake. With a higher budget they were able to pull off impressively disturbing creature and gore effects. Despite this, there are still signs of amateurish cinematography, such as focusing and editing problems. But most fans will dismiss these minor issues in favor of this satisfying adventure. 

3½ gold spheres out of 5

JOHN DIES AT THE END [2012]

Gonzo director Don Coscarelli (The Beastmaster & Bubba Ho-Tep) adapts Cracked editor David Wong's internet serial novel John Dies At The End, all of which guarantees it a spot in the hall of horror-comedy cult classics.

It follows the story of two college dropouts that end up in the middle of a demonic invasion set out by a living organism in the form of a narcotic known as "Soy Sauce".  Sound weird?  That's just scratching the surface of what surreal and insane passageways the film takes you down.  It's not particularly well made or acted but there's so much enthusiasm put into it's production you can't help but like it for the weird crap that it is.

3 Eyes Wide Shut worlds out of 5

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

From director Don Coscarelli (Phantasm) comes this fascinating character piece that examines old age, dying, and broken dreams. Now living in a retirement home where a mummy is feeding off the residents’ souls, it’s up to old Elvis (Bruce Campbell) and “dyed” JFK (Ossie Davis) to save the day. The internal monologues of the character and the dramatization of getting old are brilliant. Whatever else happens in this movie is secondary to the dilemma of the King, as he explores the meaninglessness of life, the futility of death, and it's somehow all done in a very touching and poignant way. Not bad for a “horror comedy.”  All is well.

4 pus-filled bumps out of 5