Black Friday (2021)

Two words: Bruce Campbell. What should have been a slam dunk ends up being a rather forgettable horror-comedy romp about rage-filled Black Friday shoppers infected by a contagious parasitic alien virus invading a department toy store (that old chestnut). If they hadn't leaned so far into the supernatural angle (real life shoppers are scary enough!), this could have been a bloody fun survival flick more in line with Dawn of the Dead. It's only partially successful, but since there aren't many other Black Friday-themed movies to flood the market, this one stands on its own as a B-movie cheeseball classic (of sorts).

2½ Dour Dennises out of 5

From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999)

A direct-to-video sequel staring Robert Patrick as Buck. He and his criminal cohorts plan to rob a Mexican bank, but they run into some bats along the way; not your regular garden-variety kind of bats - they're the Titty Twister kind.
In one scene the gang criticise a film on TV for its low quality and lack of memorable characters, when they themselves are that very thing in the movie they're starring in. I took it as a knowing, self-referential nod to its own failings, but it may have been just dumb luck. Elsewhere, references to better films and frequent use of odd perspectives made me think more than once that FDTD2 was probably more fun to make than it was for me to watch.

1½ peculiar POVs out of 5

Maniac Cop 2 (1990)

It wastes time by giving us a lengthy recap, and then later the very same flashback we had before. That’s just lazy, guys.
Alongside the two leads from the first film is the new Detective Gruff (not his actual name) and a female psychologist. The latter presented an opportunity to get inside the mind of the killer cop, but that doesn't happen. Instead, Cordell remains almost as blank as Michael Myers was in his later films.
It’s not as bad as it might sound, though, because there’s a hell of a lot more plot this time. Even so, the highlight is a stunt shot. Foly Huck! Maximum respect to whoever was in that blistering suit. I've not seen anything that good even in movies with millions to spend on FX.

3 busted doors out of 5

Maniac Cop (1988)

It’s not safe to walk the streets of NY because a cop is doing his job too well. He’s killing innocent folk with no apparent motive.
The script turns the slasher movie premise around, making a thing traditionally associated with protection into a malevolent killer who hides in convenient shadows with knife in hand. His inhuman strength makes it all seem partially supernatural; if you reject that then it all seems rather silly.
Tom Atkins plays the caring homicide Detective well; it’s a role he’s suited to. The usually reliable Bruce Campbell doesn't get to use his B–Movie charm and wit. He struggles to make us care about his two-dimensional character. Conversely, the ladies, Laurene Landon and Sheree North, both get stronger roles and do a grand job with them.

3 pigs in the shit out of 5

Mindwarp (1992)

aka Brain Slasher

I think the reason there’s a sliver of Ash in most of Bruce Campbell's characters is because there’s a lot of Bruce in Ash. He accentuates certain traits, of course, but they spring from something real. Furthermore, if he's one of the main stars of a film there’s a good chance he’ll be facing off against some kind of evil creature. Mindwarp is no different.
It goes for a 70s style version of the 21st century, which is something I really like; the poor-man’s pre-Matrix VGA port in the back of the neck was hilarious. The synthetic world that the female protagonist (Marta Martin) wants to escape is kind of similar, too, but the remainder of the film isn't. Much of it is set underground where the lighting is bad, but it helps hide budget limitations and makes sense because it's where the aforementioned evil lives.

3 skullfulls of blood out of 5

Escape from L.A. (1996)

Snake's back! He’s blackmailed into retrieving something from a lame criminal that resembles a boutique Che Guevara.
The political statements and satire are where you’d expect them to be, but something went very wrong with the rest of the film. It’s more comic book than before and the script is so bad that it comes off like a parody of the first film, which is something the last half hour seems to play up to. It'd be easy to pretend otherwise, but the truth is it's not a worthy sequel.

2 shitty modes of transport out of 5

THE WOODS [2006]

Something eerie is going on in director Lucky McKee's bizarre supernatural thriller The Woods.
McKee has a stylish and imaginative flair that brings this otherwise run of the mill Suspiria clone up a few notches where it allows us to know the characters and feel the atmosphere.  It never really frightens or disturbs like the director's other works but manages to keep it spooky beginning to end.
...and let's face it, we all want to see Bruce Campbell fight trees again.

3 glasses of spilt milk out of 5

Cars 2 (2011)

Cars is unpopular with Pixar fans for a number of reasons, but for me, its biggest flaw was the way its characters moved. Nearly all of Pixar's films are a master class in animation choreography. Just the tiniest things, like the way characters walk,  leaves me enraptured. Cars don't have the range of motion that toys, monsters, or humans controlled by rats do, which made the first Cars pretty visually dull (for a Pixar film).

The second movie lacks the sweetness of the first film, but the choreography issue has been fixed wonderfully. The opening chase scene was perfectly executed, and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. It could've been great if it'd only focused on the spy plot. It seemed like no one had any idea what to do with Lightning McQueen, and his scenes felt like an interruption. There's too much Mater, but I genuinely smiled at some of the moments between him and Finn McMissile. Considering how much I loathe him, that's saying something. I blame Michael Caine.

2.5 surprisingly bloodthirsty automobiles out of 5.

My Name Is Bruce (2007)

Bruce Campbell directs himself in this cheesy comedy that pokes fun at his movies and the fans. Essentially playing a smarmier version of himself (i.e. Ash), he’s a boozehound hack of a B-movie actor living in a trailer who's been recruited by a rabid fan to defeat Guan-di, the Chinese god of war, unwittingly unleashed from the local cemetery. Chock full of in-jokes that only BC fans will appreciate, it's probably the closest thing to an Evil Dead 4 that we’ll ever get. I might have enjoyed it more if it was played as a straight comedy, but it’s all in good fun.

3 bean curds out of 5

Man With The Screaming Brain (2005)

Bruce Campbell writes, stars and directs this affectionate nod to cheesy science-fiction of yesteryear. A-hole businessman Campbell is at war with himself after he gets half his brain spliced with that of a Russian cab driver's. There’s also the little matter of his unfaithful wife who's been transplanted into the body of a robot and the Gypsy woman who comes between them all. Channels some Army of Darkness self-abusive slapstick, almost as a service to the fans. Doesn’t get as much mileage out of the idea of dissociation as you would think, but it’s all meant to be harmless and goofy to begin with. Ted Raimi is a hoot. Shot in Bulgaria, so you get an idea of how cheap this movie is.

3.5 P-Money Mobos out of 5

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

From director Don Coscarelli (Phantasm) comes this fascinating character piece that examines old age, dying, and broken dreams. Now living in a retirement home where a mummy is feeding off the residents’ souls, it’s up to old Elvis (Bruce Campbell) and “dyed” JFK (Ossie Davis) to save the day. The internal monologues of the character and the dramatization of getting old are brilliant. Whatever else happens in this movie is secondary to the dilemma of the King, as he explores the meaninglessness of life, the futility of death, and it's somehow all done in a very touching and poignant way. Not bad for a “horror comedy.”  All is well.

4 pus-filled bumps out of 5

Army of Darkness (1992)

AKA: Evil Dead 3

The third in the Evil Dead saga, this was also the first movie of the series that I saw. As a standalone film, it's a rollicking fun action-comedy (with traces of horror), but as the third part of a trilogy, it is a brilliant conclusion. Seek out the original ending rather than the re-shot U.S. ending (both are equally satisfying, but the original is oh so tragically wonderful). I've seen this movie so many times, I can quote it from heart, and it never fails to put a smile on my face.

5? "...whoa, whoa, whoa...nobody said anything about 5" out of 5