Lethal Weapon (1987)

While some might prefer Die Hard around the holidays, I was always more of a Lethal Weapon kind of guy. A suicidal cop with no fucks left to give is teamed up with a straitlaced, by-the-books detective and it creates buddy comedy magic. Mel Gibson and Danny Glover were on top of the world here and their enthusiasm for the material is contagious, while director Richard Donner keeps the action moving along at a good clip. Nobody ever talks about the fact that it's also a Christmas movie. I'll get around to nutting the sequels another time.

4 "I'm too old for this shit" out of 5

Two Evil Eyes (1990)

Using a duo of Poe stories, George A. Romero and Dario Argento direct this little anthology film. In "The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar," Romero presents the stronger of the two as a deceitful couple's (Adrienne Barbeau & Ramy Zada) scheme backfires in the most unearthly way. Reminiscent of a great Tales From the Crypt episode, the modernized story works well as a cautionary warning against capitalism and greed while still doling out some chills. Argento tackles "The Black Cat" while smartly incorporating tidbits from some of Poe's other classics. Despite it being a more faithful adaptation, his portion is the weaker of the two. In an uninspired performance, Harvey Keitel plays the short-tempered lead, Usher. Arguably, this segment contains the most memorable climax, but a few of the scenes lead nowhere and some character choices are more than a little perplexing. 

3 boxes of teeth out of 5

Maniac Cop (1988)

It’s not safe to walk the streets of NY because a cop is doing his job too well. He’s killing innocent folk with no apparent motive.
The script turns the slasher movie premise around, making a thing traditionally associated with protection into a malevolent killer who hides in convenient shadows with knife in hand. His inhuman strength makes it all seem partially supernatural; if you reject that then it all seems rather silly.
Tom Atkins plays the caring homicide Detective well; it’s a role he’s suited to. The usually reliable Bruce Campbell doesn't get to use his B–Movie charm and wit. He struggles to make us care about his two-dimensional character. Conversely, the ladies, Laurene Landon and Sheree North, both get stronger roles and do a grand job with them.

3 pigs in the shit out of 5

Escape from New York (1981)

Snake Plisskin is one of the best roles Kurt Russell ever had. He’s a kind of inner-city version of Clint Eastwood’s no-nonsense cowboy persona but with impaired depth perception. He’s military trained but cares little for authority, so when he’s offered the opportunity to gain a little more freedom from society’s grip (and keep his ass out of prison) Snake has little choice but to say yes. What follows is an action movie in the inimitable John Carpenter style filled with great characters, shifting shadows and a pulse courtesy of a score from the Carpenter/Howarth pairing.

4 nervous passengers out of 5

MY BLOODY VALENTINE [2009]

Patrick Lussier aims high in remaking the notorious Canadian cult classic slasher My Bloody Valentine in hilariously entertaining 3D.
The cast is lead by a pack of ageing youth TV series stars including Jensen Ackles, Kerr Smith & Jaime King in an attempt to cash in on the modern teen slasher flick craze that's worn out it's welcome 10 years prior to this film.  With it's gratuitous nude scenes, overly played out kills, lame dialogue and wooden characters it feels exactly like a passionate ode to the slasher films of yesteryear and that's why it really isn't that good.
Fun but lacks any sort of innovation or sparks of inspiration.

2 heart-shaped boxes out of 5

NIGHT OF THE CREEPS [1986]

Night Of The Creeps is a comedy/horror film from director Fred Dekker doing his best to make it so bad it's good.
Starting off on an alien ship, in a Star Wars homage, it quickly turns into a weird slasher flick set in the 50's and then a zombie film in the mid 80's making for a bumpy narrative that somehow ties it all together rather sloppily.  At times it is actually quite funny in a bad way and at other times it's just plain stupid but is too short to wear out it's welcome.  With a bit of better casting choices it might have actually become better than what it is but I'm more than sure it has it's legions of cult classic followers.

3 "zombies, exploding heads, creepy crawlies and a date to the formal" out of 5

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The much-maligned third film in the franchise has a stupid plot but I don’t think it deserves the hate it gets; instead, it deserves a second chance.
People wanted more Michael Myers. They got a story about masks and an evil Irishman’s plot to poop on every kid’s party with the help of some ridiculous pseudo-science and ancient magic... erm... yea...
Tom Atkins is a decent actor. The film is better paced than Halloween II (1981). The tense and occasionally terse music of Carpenter and Howarth raise the atmosphere to an extraordinarily high level, heightening the already well-developed intent. The cinematography is great in places. The finale is balls, but the very end scene is classic stuff.

3 happy TV jingles out of 5

The Fog (1980)

The fictional Antonio Bay is the setting for a traditional ghost story with a John Carpenter twist. The Bay's residents are proud of their community, unaware that it has a shady past. But when their 100 years celebration comes around, the sins of the past demand a recompense from the present.
There's not much more to the plot other than scary fog and green lights, but it’s the atmosphere, the tension and the overall Carpenter vibe that raise The Fog above its B-Movie origins. Fans of the director will know what I mean.

3½ gold doubloons out of 5