Two Evil Eyes (1990)

Using a duo of Poe stories, George A. Romero and Dario Argento direct this little anthology film. In "The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar," Romero presents the stronger of the two as a deceitful couple's (Adrienne Barbeau & Ramy Zada) scheme backfires in the most unearthly way. Reminiscent of a great Tales From the Crypt episode, the modernized story works well as a cautionary warning against capitalism and greed while still doling out some chills. Argento tackles "The Black Cat" while smartly incorporating tidbits from some of Poe's other classics. Despite it being a more faithful adaptation, his portion is the weaker of the two. In an uninspired performance, Harvey Keitel plays the short-tempered lead, Usher. Arguably, this segment contains the most memorable climax, but a few of the scenes lead nowhere and some character choices are more than a little perplexing. 

3 boxes of teeth out of 5

Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)

The ape japes continue, this time from the viewpoint of the simians themselves. It may be delivered from a different perspective but the analogy works much the same. I'm not going to pretend that the story doesn't require a huge leap of faith from the viewer, but sci-fi has been asking that of fans for a very long time, and once we're able to accept the event in question then the film justifies its existence many times over by exploring a number of deep concerns and raising questions about causality.
Kim Hunter absolutely owns it with her work as Zira, the hot-headed advocate of the truth who satisfies her morals to the detriment of herself.
They could've ended the story here quite effectively. They didn't. Hollywood loves a cash-cow; they'll even milk ape tits.

3½ primitive inquiries out of 5

Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)

The principal cast members return to their roles but don't get the same amount of screen time as before. It's not a problem, though, because James Franciscus is an excellent replacement for Heston as the leading man. He plays Brent, an astronaut who's sent into space to determine the whereabouts of Taylor, but, as improbable as it sounds, ends up in the very same place and time.
Overall, it starts good, the first half is excellent, but as the story moves to the 'Beneath' part of the title the film begins to follow suit. It adds a lot of new elements but somehow they lessen rather than enhance the narrative, and it culminates in a half-assed climax with some silly contradiction.

3½ silent affirmations out of 5

Planet of the Apes (1968)

The original ape movie that started the hairy ball rolling.
Charlton Heston is our guide. He's the everyman; albeit an everyman with a cynical disposition, a will of iron and some well-groomed chest-hair.
The story isn't just just sharp social commentary (including powerful observations on such topics as the crippling consequences of having a government that places science and religion in the same bed, and the murky moral waters that too much pride can place a people in), it's also cold, hard science fiction that holds a mirror up to modern life.
The retail DVD box has perhaps the most spoilerific cover ever created; someone needs shot for that. Just because it's old doesn't mean that everyone's saw it - someone, somewhere has yet to experience it.

4½ tennis ball lips out of 5