Two Evil Eyes (1990)

Using a duo of Poe stories, George A. Romero and Dario Argento direct this little anthology film. In "The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar," Romero presents the stronger of the two as a deceitful couple's (Adrienne Barbeau & Ramy Zada) scheme backfires in the most unearthly way. Reminiscent of a great Tales From the Crypt episode, the modernized story works well as a cautionary warning against capitalism and greed while still doling out some chills. Argento tackles "The Black Cat" while smartly incorporating tidbits from some of Poe's other classics. Despite it being a more faithful adaptation, his portion is the weaker of the two. In an uninspired performance, Harvey Keitel plays the short-tempered lead, Usher. Arguably, this segment contains the most memorable climax, but a few of the scenes lead nowhere and some character choices are more than a little perplexing. 

3 boxes of teeth out of 5

SUBURBAN GOTHIC [2014]

Director Richard Bates, Jr.'s sophomore effort comes in the form of a piece of shit called Suburban Gothic.
 This "zany" horror-comedy tells the tale of a lost in life twenty-something who moves back into his parent's house to discover there's angry dead folk floating around.  While leads Matthew Gray Gubler & Kat Dennings have enough personality to make them a delight to watch, the film itself is a mish-mash of unevenly timed humor, embarrassingly horrible CGI FX and moments of contrived weirdness, many of which seemed sloppily improvised.  With a pack of cameos from cult-film staples like John Waters, The Soska Sisters and Jeffrey Combs the film has it's audience built-in however they should prepare to be disappointed.

1 musical toenail out of 5