Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966)

aka Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

The series returns from the terrors of outer space to the horrors of the deep sea; I’m happy with that, because some of the things that live down there are more alien than many sci-fi concepts anyhow.
Four guys get washed ashore on an island and flaff around for a while before the bad guys and their James Bond-esque nuclear bomb-making facility is introduced. If that wasn't bad enough, the creature attack is by a giant, cumbersome, unimaginative lobster. The slide into the ridiculous is cemented by the addition of some very dodgy music.
Putting the lobster-suited guy in shallow water was a cheapo way to imply scale on a reduced budget. It’s not as much fun as model cities being stomped, but the change in environment is worked well into the plot.

Ebirah was new but the film was Godzilla's 7th and Mothra's 4th.

2½ rubber legs out of 5

The Devil's Own (1997)

Provisional IRA member Frankie McGuire shaves his Irish beard and goes to America to buy weapons that’ll help him murder more people than he already has. Thankfully, it doesn't ask us to sympathise too much with a killer, but then it doesn't ask very much of us at all.
Harrison is his usual dreary self, exhibiting his default emotional state that’s good for little other than being Dekard.
Brad half-heartedly plays a flimsy version of Brad with a well-spoken Irish lilt to his voice. It’s not a role that'll feature in a list of Best Brad roles.
Natascha McElhone fares better with her accent, but her character doesn't get very much to do in a politically-arse movie from Follywood.

2 earthly works out of 5

ENEMY [2014]

Denis Villeneuve's latest film, Enemy, is a frightening psychological thriller that could sit neatly beside Lynch's Lost Highway, Kubricks's Eyes Wide Shut and Cronenberg's Spider.
Jake Gyllenhaal plays dual roles as two strangers who discover they look exactly like each other and begin getting tangled up in a web of lost identity and confused realities.  Dense with an unsettling atmosphere, claustrophobic photography, deeply disturbing music and a narrative that seemingly makes next to no sense, Enemy will please fans of Kafka and Burroughs alike.  Upon first viewing it probably won't make any sense to anyone not expecting it but with a careful eye and close attention to dialogue you'll start piecing it all together to find a deeply intelligent character study and dissection of our times.

4 spider-woman out of 5

MR. PEABODY & SHERMAN [2014]

I didn't think I'd want to see a CGI animated update of an old Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoon.
Mr. Peabody & Sherman proved me wrong with it's high energy, non-stop humor and all around time-travelling romp of a good time.
Directed by The Lion King's Rob Minkoff, the film is surprisingly fast-paced, jammed with witty historical jokes and enough heart to keep you smiling when the credits begin rolling.  It's nothing like it's source material but that really doesn't matter because, let's face it, the original cartoon was about as much fun as watching paint dry in a funeral home.
By no means will this become a classic but it's got enough flash and enthusiasm to enjoy multiple viewings and then some.  

3½ creepy boys out of 5

CALVARY [2014]

John Michael McDonagh's second directorial feature is the disturbing and satirical black comedy Calvary.
Brendan Gleeson is fantastic as a Catholic priest who is told he's going to be murdered in a week during a confession.  His performance is filled with depth that portrays anguish, love, contempt and buried anger that is ever so subtle.  He's surrounded by a flock of villagers that wouldn't be out of place in a town like Twin Peaks, where they all have unsettling quirks and nasty secrets.  The story unfolds like a stageplay with gnashing teeth, beautifully written dialogue and a cast of characters one could only dream of.  Let's not forget the wonderful photography which plays a part all it's own and Patrick Cassidy's heartbreaking score which forced a lump in my throat through the opening credits.
It tells a story that is deceivingly abstract that simply lets us know there's still good in this world using the most cynical, frightening and depressing ways possible.

5 paintings to piss on out of 5

Invasion of Astro-Monster (1965)

aka Monster Zero / Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

Where did King Ghidorah go after his attack on Japan? He flew into the next Godzilla movie, of course, which is the sixth in the series.*
The previous entries used elements of science fiction, but none of them went as far or fit the label quite as well as Astro-Monster. It’s less of a typical Godzilla film and more like an average mid-sixties science fiction flick with some creature guest stars thrown in.
Unfortunately, it also plummets Godzilla further into the realms of dodgy credibility by having him/her/it do something ridiculous.

*For Rodan fans who want to see his stints in order, Astro is third.

3 dangerous exports out of 5

LAST DAYS [2005]

Director Gus Van Sant's final film in his Death trilogy, Last Days is inspired by the final days of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain.
Already a ghost in his own home, the drug-addled rocker, eerily played by Michael Pitt, wanders around aimlessly searching for some sort of peace that seems to allude him by mere moments..  The film is slow, haunting and dreadfully quiet with the exception of few moments when Pitt picks up his guitar and breaths life into linear narrativ..
All in all, Last Days is paced way too slowly to keep interest and it's characters are all too distant to really grasp onto any sort of emotion beyond confused and cold.  Maybe that's the point but it sure isn't that enjoyable or interesting but Van Sant's direction keeps the viewer hypnotized until the bizarre finale.

3 figures in red out of 5

SEXY BEAST [2000]

Director Jonathan Glazer's feature length debut comes in the form of Sexy Beast, a profanity riddled crime drama where you know graphic violence is going to erupt at any given moment.
It follows the story of a retired thief who is bullied into doing one last job by a frightening gangster that won't take no as an answer.
The first half of this surprisingly short film is actually quite intriguing, mostly due to Ben Kingsley's absolutely phenomenal performance, that's executed with graceful viciousness and intimidating hilarity.  However the intrigue completely deflates in the second half as it falls into complete predictability and tries way to hard to set itself up as a run-of-the-mill crime drama reeking of Guy Richie.

3 heart-breaking boulders out of 5

Sinéad O'Connor: The Value of Ignorance / The Year of the Horse (2004)

A collection of two live shows previously only available on VHS.
The Year of the Horse (1991) was recorded in Brussels and Rotterdam during October '90. It's a typical concert film from the era that does its job well.
The Value of Ignorance (1989) is a shorter session recorded in June '88 in London. It's been put through various image filters to make it more appealing to people with a wavering attention span. In truth, you could smother the visuals in putty and shit, but Sinéad's voice, the vibrancy and the bubbling anger that threatens to burst forth like a geyser, would still make it worth watching. If you hadn't guessed already, it's my favourite of the two. That version of Troy! Fuck yeah, Sinéad.

4 spits of fire out of 5

Blue Valley Songbird (1999)

A lot of Dolly’s songs are self-contained narratives, but basing an entire film on just one of them seemed like a stretch too far. I expected to scratch the surface of BVS and find more surface, but it surprised me by having some depth; it wasn't a lot but it was better than nothing.
Dolly plays the role of a Country singer stuck in a rut. Part of the reason is the selfishness of her manager and partner Hank who's as nice as apple pie when he wants something but a conniving scum-bag when he doesn't get his way. He keeps her from achieving her full potential.
It’s Sunday viewing for mom with at least half a dozen decent Dolly songs.

2½ from the heart out of 5

OPEN GRAVE [2013]

Sharlto Copley stars as a man who wakes up in a pit of dead bodies with no memory as to how he got there in Open Grave, a horrific mystery/thriller from Gonzalo López-Gallego (the guy who shat out Apollo 18).
The concept is mildly intriguing and with each reveal the story becomes more and more interesting, even if it all reeks of nothing even remotely original.  Fortunately the little surprises tossed in here and there somewhat hide the tired story and horrible dialogue which almost makes up for it all.
It's not a wonderful film by any means but an entertaining one for a single viewing and no more once all the twists are revealed.

2½ inconvenient places to hide one's keys out of 5

JOE [2013]

After a long string of really terrible films Nicolas Cage returns to fine form in David Gordon Green's Southern Gothic indie-drama Joe.
It's wonderful to see Cage put on a good performance again that is layered with each troubled expression and seething word but it's Mud's Tye Sheridan that steals the show with a promising portrayal of a child who has to grow far too fast.  DGG's atmospheric direction is delicately subtle, frightening and disturbingly beautiful as it searches through the ugliness of a world long lost to poverty, alcoholism and violence.
However the one thing that truly can't go unnoticed here is the role of the menacingly violent father played with perfection by Gary Poulter, an alcoholic homeless man that DGG fought to keep in the film.
 Sadly he was found dead on the streets only months after the movie was completed, making this his first and only film.

4½ Daawgs out of 5

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL [2014]

When speaking of a Wes Anderson film it becomes redundant to gush over the beautifully colored and framed visuals, but I'm going to anyway because The Grand Budapest Hotel is all that and more.
With it's delightful miniature sets, hilarious camerawork and dollhouse-esque set decoration a film-lover is sure to be in hog heaven.  Not only that but the off-kilter but humorously precise editing, character quirks & movements and all around zaniness had me giggling and chuckling from beginning to end.  Heavily inspired by Austrian writer Stefan Zweig, Hotel never takes itself too seriously but has enough substance to make you love it's characters and where the story will eventually end up.
Juggling silly and sophisticated at the same time, Anderson's latest is simply a delight that's ever so sweet.

4 bisexual, fucking faggots out of 5

SPRINGSTEEN & I [2013]

Inspired by Kevin MacDonald's Life In A Day, Bailie Walsh & Ridley Scott set out to produce a fan-made documentary featuring homemade videos of fans of Bruce Springsteen expressing what the artist means to them, the impact his music had on their lives and memorable concert moments.
Springsteen & I showcases fans from all over the world of all ages, ethnicities and cultures which makes for a wide variety of interesting stories to be told.  Some are funny, some are quite moving and some are...well..kinda creepsome.  The fan clips are intercut with rare performance footage and some lucky clips are of the exact performances the fans are speaking of.  The film plays without a narrative arc but is cleverly pieced together to never feel jarring or jumbled into a babbling mess.

3 Philly Elvises out of 5

ELEPHANT [2003]

Director Gus Van Sant's second part of his Death trilogy, Elephant is inspired by the events Columbine High School Massacre.
Utilizing the low-key minimalist style that he revisited in Gerry, Van Sant manages to make a powerful impact with the smaller moments in life that playout in long tracking shots, very little dialogue and his trademark cloud images.  By hiring real highschool kids with little or no cinema acting credentials gives the surreal world a sense of realism that is frightening, sad and silently haunting.
It never tells us why such horrible acts would occur but forces the viewer to question it instead without heavy-handed melodrama which most film-makers would be tempted to overplay.

3½ Gerry video games out of 5

22 JUMP STREET [2014]

Rarely is a sequel much better than it's original but Phil Lord & Chris Miller manage to pull it off with the overly goofy 22 Jump Street.
Like the original, it knows it's a Hollywood treadmill film and that's where it succeeds in a lot of it's humor, particularly Nick Offerman's side-splittingly hilarious meta-speeches.  However it's Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum's wonderful comedic chemistry that makes the film as funny and playful as it is.  This ain't high art or quality film-making, in fact it's probably the furthest thing from it but the film-makers and stars set out to have a good time with the hopes that you will too.

3½ Dumbass Americans out of 5

Bollywood Temptation 2004 Live Concert (2006)

Half a dozen of Bollywood's biggest stars act out dance routines on a stage in Westfalenhalle Dortmund (Germany) while miming to other people’s songs. Yes, that’s similar to what happens in films, but for some reason I don't feel cheated there. Do I call it a concert or is it musical theatre?
I would comment further on the legitimacy of Temptation 2004 if the actual film wasn't so unbearable. The audience are so damn loud; their screeching is painful to the ear. It’s like Beatlemania. The only let-up is during the backstage sections.
In short, it's a potentially enjoyable façade ruined by a paying audience who could've stayed at home and screamed for free.

1 high-pitched housewife out of 5

Zatoichi the Outlaw (1967)

The 16th Zatoichi film was the only one of the series directed by Satsuo Yamamoto. His style is noticeably different from what came before. It's busier and the world feels more populated, which isn't a bad thing, but it was unexpected. The film is also slightly longer than usual, perhaps to accommodate the lengthy passing of time that’s in the script.
Ichi’s usual good judgement fails him and he finds himself in the employ of the sort of people he usually avoids. While making amends he gets to once again display his unique shamisen skills and, of course, in the finale he exhibits his magnificent swordsmanship. During the bloodshed there's one scene in particular that had me grinning from ear to ear.

3½ crooked paths out of 5

PRINCE AVALANCHE [2012]

After two excessively horrible mainstream comedies in a row, director David Gordon Green successfully  returns to his indie-drama roots with Prince Avalanche.
Based upon the Icelandic film Á annan veg, DGG manages to make it seem worthwhile and completely different with a simple setting change and culture, unlike so many other American remakes.  It follows the exact same story of two highway roadworkers lost in isolation as they work in a burnt down forest but by the simple changes it arrives at an entirely different conclusion that is haunting, thoughtful and quite frankly, brilliant.
It's funny, reflective, beautiful and most of all, not at all what it may seem until you really give it some thought afterwards.

4½ flappy-armed orgasms out of 5

THE MONUMENTS MEN [2014]

George Clooney directs an all-star cast in his enthusiastic war film, The Monuments Men, which tells the story of WWII platoon that set out to retrieve stolen artwork from Nazis near the tale end of the war.
The film sets out with good intentions but gets lost in a mess of humorous & serious tones that never seem to really find a favorable balance.  It's spreads it's ensemble cast of characters out too thinly and therefore we never really connect with any of them at all.  However by showing us a different reason to fight a war is what it set out to do without the cynicism & hatred and I really admire that.  A pity it's such a mess.

2 good times for a cigarette out of 5

THE RAILWAY MAN [2013]

Director Jonathan Teplitzky adapts The Railway Man, the autobiographical novel written by Eric Lomax, with powerful results due to precise story structure and compelling performances all around.
It's a psychological war story that tells of the suffering several decades later which is something we rarely ever seen portrayed on-screen and makes for a vigorous impact I wasn't prepared for.  Beautifully photographed as it gracefully moves back & forth through time and settings, the film never overwhelms with images and remains steadily focused on the message it's portraying.
This one is going to linger with me for quite sometime and it's really something I feel it set out to do so.

4 train rides out of 5

Exposed (1971)

A low budget movie about a young woman named Lena with an adventurous spirit. It begins with her wanting to break away from an older lover who seduced her into seedy activities. Unfortunately for Lena the guy isn't done manipulating her for his own sadistic pleasure.
While on the run she begins to see things more clearly. The journey provides the time needed to formulate a plan, but if it wasn't for Lena’s imagination occasionally straying into sinister and tragic territory there would be little to keep the attention other than Swedish star Christina Lindberg doing what she did best in the 70s.

1½ friendly people out of 5

GERRY [2002]

Director Gus Van Sant creates a haunting experience with the indie-minimalist drama, Gerry.  The first part of his so-called Death trilogy, a series of films inspired by real life events depicting youth & death, Gerry tells the story to two close friends who lose their way in the desert, loosely based on an incident in New Mexico.
Van Sant makes great use of this trademark extended tracking shots and wide frame landscapes that seem so vast compared to the tiny dots that are Matt Damon and Casey Affleck.  As the story progresses the dialogue, sound effects and musical score become more sparse which effectively adds to the dread, panic and hopelessness of the dire circumstances.  It's not a film I particularly enjoyed but definitely one I quite admired for it's brilliant style and technique.

3½ mirages out of 5

TAKEN 2 [2012]

Liam Neeson is back as the scary-as-hell father on a mission for vengeance in the sequel to the surprisingly fun action/thriller Taken.
With Pierre Morel out of the director's chair, it seems like a no-brainer to get The Transporter 3 director Olivier Megaton behind the camera seeing as Luc Besson is still involved.
While the first one as a refreshingly violent and brainless thrill-ride, the second one is dull, predictable and pretty much seems like the first one only tamer, tired and completely forgettable.  As an action star, Neeson is still a joy to watch but nothing much more is worth seeking out in Taken 2.

2 grenade triangulations out of 5

NEIGHBORS [2014]

Director Nicholas Stoller sticks to his frat-pack roots for the raunchy comedy Neighbors (obviously not based on the Aussie soap opera).  

Normally I quite enjoy these types of films for cheap laughs and obnoxious guffaws and for some reason this one didn't quite deliver.  Sure, there were a handful of moments that made me laugh out loud but for the most part it really fell short of the good belly chuckles or anything memorable.  It was nice to see Seth Rogen and Zac Efron have a great comedic chemistry together, so it was dissapointing to see the script they had to work with didn't quite hit the over-the-top crazy it could have been. 

A real misfire for what could have been immature, tasteless fun.

2 not balloons out of 5

ALL CHEERLEADERS DIE [2013]

Normally uber-moody director Lucky McKee teams up with I Know Who Killed Me director Chris Sivertson to create All Cheerleaders Die, a horror/comedy film that's reminiscent of Idle Hands and Jennifer's Body.
Now, if you're familiar with any of the three films I just named then you're probably aware of the quality of the flick we're talking about here and I don't need to go into further detail about the pros & cons of it.
It's premise is incredibly stupid but it's fully aware of that, which makes for a hilarously wicked and completely bat-shit crazy good time for anybody willing to toss their brain out the window for 90 minutes.

2½ "cold" girls out of 5

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964)

If proof were needed that adding more monsters to a film doesn't necessarily make it better, look upon exhibit A. It’s the first to feature King Ghidorah, but what’s not evident from the title is that it’s also the fifth Godzilla film and continues the story of Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964).*
A storm of meteorites lights up the night sky, bringing with them the three-headed King of destruction. Meanwhile, the big G and Rodan are going head to head, dragging the franchise into new territory. There are elements of slapstick creeping into the bouts. Nut shots were okay, but did we really need a game of keepie-uppie with a rock? Bloody hell.

*If you want to keep track of the other monsters, it's the third outing for Mothra and the second for Rodan who each had their own series.

2½ stubborn creatures out of 5

PAYBACK (Theatrical Cut) [1999]

Brian Helgeland makes his directorial debut with the violent action/thriller, Payback starring Mel Gibson as low-life criminal on the warpath for bloody vengeance. 

The film is noticeably lighter than the 2006 Director's Cut, by adding in a noir-ish voice-over narration, more humour and a vastly different final act.
If not for Gibson's knack for portraying the ultimate crazed "protagonist" with a taste for violence the film wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.  It's predicable and not much worth noting but it's always nice to see one of the bad guys become the one you're cheering for. 

3 boiled eggs out of 5

Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964)

Forget that rubbish King Kong entry. M vs G is how to do a crossover!
There are two main villains, the angry Godzilla and a greedy businessman, but only one of them gets to wear a rubber suit in public.
It takes place mostly outside the city in an open landscape, so the sets are more expansive and less claustrophobic. That extra room gives Mothra space to swoop and fly around in. I really like Mothra's imago form. She’s colourful, noble, fights to the bitter end and has her own cool theme song.
It contains a similar kind of explosive imagination and charm as Ray Harryhausen's Sinbad films, but in a very, very Japanese way.
There's no doubt that the first film had more socio-political depth, but for pure awesomeness in the Shōwa era I go with Mothra vs. Godzilla.

3½ super-conductive metal nets out of 5

ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE [2013]

There are no sparkly bloodsuckers to be seen in director Jim Jarmusch's oddball vampire love story Only Lovers Left Alive.
With it's subtle sense of humor, love for music, wicked fashion sense, vast knowledge of literature, claustrophobic photography and some particularly fantastic performances from Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton, Jarmusch crafts a refreshing take on the vampire genre.  It's gloomy but manages a sly smirk on it's face throughout which makes for a delightful experience that any fan of the actors and director will revel in.

4 sunglasses out of 5

Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris (1999)

The final entry in the Heisei era Gamera trilogy is the best of the lot. Of course there’s kaijū fights, but even better is the story. It explores, from the perspective of one orphaned girl, what it means to have been in the thick of the action during GOTU (1995) and watched everything you love be destroyed: the cold and callous name for which is collateral damage.
The visible enemy resembles something from a JRPG. There’s tentacles that admittedly would be more challenging (however not impossible) to do without CGI, but I wish they’d been less liberal with it elsewhere, because it's the only stain on an otherwise astonishing display of super-detailed models and guys in rubber suits being awesome.

4 steps toward extinction out of 5

Cujo (1983)

In a world before mobile/cell phones, a family-friendly St. Bernard turns rabid and terrorizes the guilty and the innocent alike.
It would be a terrifying ordeal for the people involved, but it never quite reaches those peaks for the viewer, unless you have a real fear of dogs and see every canine as a potential slobbering killer.
Alongside the dog’s descent into madness is the story of a married couple’s descent into potential break up. They have a young son (Danny Pintauro) who looks genuinely shit-scared when the dog attacks.
It's not a film that will take pride of place on a King fan's shelf, but it's unlikely they'll feel the need to hide it along with a few of the others.

2 strings of doggy-drool out of 5

JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME [2011]

Stepping away from their mumblecore roots, Mark & Jay Duplass dip their feet into the mainstream with the light drama Jeff, Who Lives At Home.
With a few hints of comedy, Jeff is mainly a character piece that depends largely on the goofy charisma of it's leads, Jason Segel and Ed Helms.  The Duplass Brothers have always been ones to focus on the smaller moments in life to build a story and with this style of film-making it almost works if not for the feeling like it's been over-polished.  It's still sweet, realistic and genuinely funny but something isn't quite right here.  While it passes the time by quite nicely, it's just as forgettable as well.

2½ signs from M. Night out of 5

Robinson Crusoe on Mars (1964)

Daniel Defoe’s Crusoe story has pervaded popular culture so deeply that it’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking we know all about it, but I've only ever read an abridged version, so while I spotted the obvious parallels it’s very likely that a lot of the smaller ones were missed.
On the surface it’s the story of an astronaut (Paul Mantee), a monkey named Mona and a slave (Victor Lundin) as they struggle to survive on Mars. Beneath that framework is a more rewarding study of how the human spirit can endure in the face of seemingly impossible odds.

3 squeeze-tubes out of 5

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS [2008]

David Gordon Green steps further into the mainstream with his first, and so far only good comedy, the buddy action flick, Pineapple Express.
Inspired by the idea of taking Brad Pitt's stoner character from True Romance and seeing what he does when he gets his ass off the couch is pretty much what this film is.   Like most of these Rogen, Franco, McBride & co films, it's the ridiculous yet strangely realistic bickering dialogue that makes it funny and laughably stupid at the same time.  For some bizarre reason the film does get outrageously violent near the end, leaving a somewhat baffled feeling that's torn between laughter and disturbed.  There's shades of DGG's style of film-making here but beyond that it's hardly recognizable as one of his films, which would be all but gone with his next two shit-fests.

3 birthday cakes for a dead cat out of 5

IN YOUR EYES [2014]

In Your Eyes is a delightful romantic fantasy from director Brin Hill and written by some guy called Joss Whedon.
A young woman and man, living on different sides of the country, have a connection by being able to see through each other's eyes which leads to feelings and choices they never thought they'd make.  The film starts off with a lot of promise, mostly thanks to the warmly charismatic leads and Whedon's clever dialogue but it soon falls short about half-way through as it steps into the genre's usual tropes.
Still, it's a fine film that is incredibly cute, occasionally quite funny, flavored with just a hint of melancholy and generally harmless all around.

3 double-whammy pool cues out of 5

2081 (2009)

An adaptation of Kurt Vonnegut Jr's 'Harrison Bergeron' short story that takes a moody, dramatic approach to the subject matter. Harrison (Armie Hammer) is portrayed older than he was in the text, but otherwise it sticks very close to it; so close that it's hard to see why some of the smaller changes were even made. His parents (Julie Hagerty and James Cosmo) are better cast and earn all of the viewer's sympathies.

If you haven't read the original short, it's well worth seeking out. See also Harrison Bergeron (1995) for a less aggressive take on the same story.

3½ heavyweights out of 5

DOOMSDAY [2008]

Director Neil Marshall takes obvious inspiration from films like Mad Max, Escape From New York, Aliens and 28 Days Later for his violent futuristic thriller, Doomsday.
While the films I mentioned above all seem to have an overly serious look on their faces, Doomsday is nothing but violent fun that just wants to take you for an unsettling and sometimes hilarious ride.
With it's well-timed pacing and bone-crunching enthusiasm on it's side, hopefully one can forgive it's many plotholes.  This is b-movie material and not too much more.  Marshall knows this and seems to be interested in entertaining himself first and giving the critics a nail-bat over the cranium instead of something a bit more meaty.

3 all-seeing eyeballs out of 5

AFFLICTED [2013]

The idea of watching yet another found footage horror film didn't really pique my interests...at all.
Much to my delight, I discovered Derek Lee & Cliff Prowse's Afflicted gave the genre a much needed kick in the gut.
Some of the idea behind why it's all being film gets a little outrageous but as long as your willing to accept it then you're in for a pretty wild ride.  It's well executed and cleverly written, with some excellent action sequences that all reminded me of the underrated Chronicle.  It's never particularly scary but does deliver with some truly disgusting and shocking moments that will please horror fans galore.
Truly an impressive debut feature that shows found footage films can still be effective when you throw some brains into the mix.

3 tasty dishes of pasta vomit out of 5

GODZILLA [2014]

Inspired by the '50's kaiju films, Hollywood decides to give the Godzilla franchise another go, after the dismal shit-heap that was birthed by Roland Emmerich in 1998.
Director Gareth Edwards knows a thing or two about giant beasties based on the success of his first feature, Monsters.  Naturally he's one of the better choices to take the helm for such a film and he really doesn't disappoint with this loud, flashy romp of a good time.
It's a slow-burning start to establish mood and setting, which left some movie-goers impatient but I found that to be part of the excitement when the entire theater finally did rumble and shake from the title character's mighty roar.  It's pretty thin on characters and hardly subtle with it's "nuclear power bad" message but when things start blowing up nothing else matters.

3 cases of nasty breath out of 5

PASSENGERS [2008]

If it weren't for click-and-instantly-watch-them services like Netflix and Video On Demand, I'd probably never see ho-hum films like Rodrigo Garcia's snoozy supernatural thriller Passengers.
A grief counsellor is assigned to work with a group of odd-ball plane-crash survivors that all seem to be part of something bigger.  Well. I'll tell you I had the whole thing figured out not even 10 minutes into the what was supposed to be a suspenseful story.
For what it lacks in originality and mystery it somewhat makes up for with a well-rounded cast that seem to be giving it more than what the material really deserves.  If you like any of the actors involved then it might be worth watching for that...if not, then skip it.

2 barking dogs out of 5

SNOW ANGELS [2007]

With the dramatic thriller Snow Angels, director David Gordon Green steps a little further away from his usual arsty surreal tones and sways a little closer into the standard mainstream.
Even though he's heavily scaled back on the dreamy thoughtful moments and sullen voice-overs, Green is still sternly focused on bringing realistic characters to the screen and that's what carries the film.  Sam Rockwell is great as always but it's Kate Beckinsale that surprises.  I haven't seen her in much but I just sort of figured she was just another pretty "action" star.  Here she displays all sorts of emotions and characteristics that turn what could have easily been a repulsive character into something sympathetic.
It's a grim, grim story that you know is going to end in tragedy by the opening 2 minutes but with so many layers and interesting characters it keeps you gripped onto exactly how it's going to end.

4 forgotten bunnies out of 5

Black Moon Rising (1986)

For the John Carpenter completist, BMR is another of the lesser known films that he wrote but didn't direct.
Tommy Lee Jones plays a resourceful thief who gets embroiled in a large-scale criminal operation. There’s 80s hair, a prototype car and a heist that requires crucial timing and possibly half a dozen beers to enjoy.
It won’t stay in the memory long after viewing, but nor does it bore at any stage. It’s just average and there’s no shame in being average.

2½ bruises out of 5

CENTURION [2010]

Just because director Neil Marshall steered away from the horror genre, doesn't mean he left his Splat Pack roots behind with the excessively gory historical action film, Centurion.
The film tells the story of a small group of Roman soldiers in 117 A.D. fighting for survival behind enemy lines as the escape from a pack of Picts hunting them down.  As entertaining as the film is, it lacks any real characterization or believable dialogue and therefore becomes somewhat tiresome by the third act.  If not for the beautiful photography, talented cast and wonder how they're going wrap things up, it might not have been quite as enjoyable.

3 witches out of 5

X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST [2014]

Director Bryan Singer returns to the X-men franchise for the prequel to his own series and a sequel to the excellent prequel, Days Of Future Past.
Confusing?  Yes and no.
As long as you have your nerds hats on and are fairly knowledgeable of the comics then you shouldn't have a problem.  If this isn't your case you're still in for a pretty great ride that never ceases to entertain and enthral with it's many character moments and extravagant action sequences.
Like the best of the X-films, this one carries an emotional punch that will have your heart left in a grey area as to what is right and wrong, depending on your love for humanity.
It's a story that threatens to collapse under it's own weight but never does thanks to Singer's wonderful storytelling and impressive ensemble cast.  Overall, it's easily one of the best X-films to date.

3½ cameos, cameos, cameos out of 5

MAGIC MIKE [2012]

I'll admit it, I didn't think director Steven Soderbergh's Magic Mike, a dramatic comedy about the life of Florida male strippers, would be the least bit interesting.
To my surprise I found it to be very entertaining and occasionally quite enticing.
Loosely based on actor Channing Tatum's early career as a male stripper, the film delves into areas of the profession I had never thought about before and what it does to both your personality and personal lives.  It's well-written, directed with precision and filled with a slew of strong performances all of which make for some well-placed funny moments that carry some serious weight to it with good reason.
So yes, folks, this isn't just a male stripper film but a story about choice, consequences and the occasional penis pump.

3 little piggies out of 5

THE LEGO MOVIE [2014]

From director/writers Phil Lord & Christopher Miller (the guys behind Clone High, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and the 21 Jumpstreet films), The Lego Movie seems like it would be one big commercial to sell more toys.
However with Lord & Miller's background one can expect a high-energy, colorfully told story with plenty of tongue-in-cheek moments of snappy dialogue and sight gags all wrapped in a big well-placed heart.
At times it's just a bit too schmalzty and simplistic to really be as smart as some of it's CGI animated counterparts but it's got enough flair to never lose it's enjoyability.
...and let's face it, folks, didn't we all want to see Batman for the douchey ass that he really is?

3 weird cat things out of 5

UNDERTOW [2004]

David Gordon Green dives a little deeper than before into the murky Southern Gothic world of rural America with the poetic and unsettling Undertow.
Like before, he nestles his stories into a seamless blend of realism and surrealism that's both simultaneously repulsive and beautiful.  DGG's flair for ignoring the bigger picture and focusing heavily on moments of truth, self-discovery, emotion and lost thoughts is what makes his films so memorable and lasting, compared to so many dramas that feel the need to be bigger than they ought to be.  Unlike his previous films, Undertow doesn't quite gel together as tightly in the end but it's the moments before that leave the lasting impression.

3 tasty pails of paint out of 5

Shocker (1989)

A slasher/horror/black comedy from the era when all American high school kids looked like twenty-eight-year-olds who ought to know better.
Dir. Wes Craven uses many of the same tools from his bag of tricks that he used on the superior A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). Parts of it are essentially the same film in a different skin.
It’s 100% hokum. What saves it from permanent shit-bin residency is Mitch Pileggi’s willingness to embrace the cheese.

2 bad jolts out of 5

THE A-TEAM [2010]

I was told by a few folks that director Joe Carnahan's bigscreen adaptation of the beloved '80's TV show The A-Team is a lot more fun than you think it would be.
...I was lied to.
I was never a fan of the series, so maybe I'm missing something here but with a concept so inane and shallow, I'd be difficult to find something of much substance to begin with.  There's a few entertaining moments of groan-worthy action sequences but nothing that memorable or satisfying.  The cast looks like they're having a great ol' time but it's never enough to carry on to the viewer.  A boring, predictable, loud and violent waste of time if you ask me.

1 flying van out of 5