Irréversible (2002)

Time destroys everything.

After viewing 2009's Enter the Void (a movie I once called "a masterpiece I never want to watch again"), I promised myself I would one day seek out the rest of Gaspar Noé's filmography. That day turned out to be today. Like Memento (although not nearly as ingenious) this film is shot in reverse order and makes next to no sense on first viewing. Making use of his trademark long tracking shots and dizzying overhead shots, this movie is mercifully shorter than Enter the Void, but that doesn't make it any more watchable. Pushes you to the limits of your patience but this time the road is not as enjoyable.

1 excruciating 5-minute rape scene out of 5

The Taint (2010)

(Trailer here)

Holy shit. This movie was...amazing. Actually manages to out-Troma Troma. The water gets tainted and turns the male population into misogynists with raging hard cocks that spew forth hot white foam. Over-the-top gory and hysterical; contains so many head crushes and shot-off glans, it'll put you off sex for awhile. The abortion scene itself managed to make me squirm.

3 coitus POV shots out of 5

Salt (2010)

Jolie was Russian or maybe she wasn't. I didn't care to find out. It took about two minutes to realise Salt was a piece of shit. If you like shallow Bond movies you might like it; they’re as bad as each other.

0 sleepers out of 5

The Art of Getting By (2011)

Each year, Hollywood likes to make the same "indie" drama over and over again. Fatalistic teen is obsessed with death and the meaninglessness of it all. Enter the most beautiful woman in the entire world (roll eyes) who just happens to come into his life. Do I even need to tell you how this movie ends? You want to know what the reality of this situation would be? She would have never looked his way. The lonely kid grows up into a lonely man, lives alone and dies alone. FUCK OFF.

1 unrequited hard-on in the middle of the night out of 5

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

I haven’t had much time to watch film the past few weeks, so when I did have a few hours to spare I chose this; I am regret. It’s a miracle I made it past the first ten minutes. To my shame I wanted to see Spinning Bird Kick in action, so I stuck it out for fifty minutes before reaching a suitable level of self-hatred that mercifully forced me hit the square button. Avoid or endure, it’s up to you.

0 Shadaloo my ass out of 5

The Long, Slow Death of a Twenty-Something (2011)

This indie comedy plays like the poor man's Clerks (wait a minute, Clerks was the poor man's Clerks...). A slacker's happy existence is thrown into misery when his longtime girlfriend breaks up with him and he's forced to examine the value of his life. He decides to dress and act the part of a popular douchebag in order to re-attract her feelings for him...and it works, until he realizes that the other half lives just as bad. This movie pissed me off more than once which accounts for the low score, but there's a speech near the end about my generation that nearly had me get off my ass and start cheering in my own bedroom.

2 blue red squares out of 5

Immortals (2011)

Empty, vapid, insipid.

0 tanned, chiseled hardbodies out of 5

Cars 2 (2011)

Cars is unpopular with Pixar fans for a number of reasons, but for me, its biggest flaw was the way its characters moved. Nearly all of Pixar's films are a master class in animation choreography. Just the tiniest things, like the way characters walk,  leaves me enraptured. Cars don't have the range of motion that toys, monsters, or humans controlled by rats do, which made the first Cars pretty visually dull (for a Pixar film).

The second movie lacks the sweetness of the first film, but the choreography issue has been fixed wonderfully. The opening chase scene was perfectly executed, and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. It could've been great if it'd only focused on the spy plot. It seemed like no one had any idea what to do with Lightning McQueen, and his scenes felt like an interruption. There's too much Mater, but I genuinely smiled at some of the moments between him and Finn McMissile. Considering how much I loathe him, that's saying something. I blame Michael Caine.

2.5 surprisingly bloodthirsty automobiles out of 5.

The Thing (2011)

The good thing about prequels is that it doesn't really hurt the original film as much as sequels and remakes do. The bad thing about this particular prequel is that it doesn't really add anything new to the table either. I watched it back-to-back with the original and it pretty much felt like an exact remake. I give the producers credit for doing their homework and keeping the look consistent (it remains very faithful in detail), but CGI will never trump practical effects as far as replicating the feel of the original. There is a coda at the end that leads directly into the original film, but that's the only real exciting part of it.

2.5 metal fillings out of 5

Sonatine (1993)

Another great (Beat) Takeshi Kitano film, again written, directed, edited by and starring the Japanese auteur. When a group of Yakuza are sent to Okinawa they end up with some free time on their hands. What do Yakuza do when they get bored?  Not what you’d expect. Violence and absurd hilarity trade places in some typically Kitano moments and the emotional heart of the film surfaces and hits hard. It’s not a comedy, don’t misunderstand, but there are some piss-inducing funny moments. Music is again by Joe Hisaishi.

4½ Yakuza on the beach out of 5

Hugo (2011)

"We could get into trouble."
"That's how you know it's an adventure..."

This movie is not at all what I imagined it would be. Taking place largely in a 1930s Parisian train station, it follows a boy who winds clocks, a reserved toy shop owner, a charming young girl, and an inept inspector as they try to piece together the mystery of a broken automaton (I can't help but recall Edward Scissorhands). But that's only a small part of the story. I figured it would involve a lot of gears and clockwork and steampunk values, but it actually ties into early cinema...I won't spoil it any further than that. This charming fable for adults (and advanced children) is a delight to watch, and the score by Howard Shore is marvelous.

4.5 heart-shaped keys out of 5

The Muppets (2011)

Jason Segel co-writes and stars in this loving tribute to the Jim Henson-era of Muppets. At once self-aware and self-referential, it recognizes and acknowledges the fact that the Muppets' popularity has declined in recent years and attempts to restore it to its former glory (the photos of Henson abound are a nice touch). Basically follows the plot of the first movie in which Kermit has to round up the entire gang in order to throw one last show to save the old Muppet theatre. This is of course done very tongue-in-cheek, with plenty of cameos, sight gags and in-jokes. I enjoyed it for all it was worth; it actually lived up to the Muppet name, which is pretty much all you need to know.

Note: This movie was directed by James Bobin and features songs written by Bret McKenzie so it has a very Flight of the Conchords-esque feel to it.

4 Mahna Mahnas out of 5

Hana-bi (1997)

aka: Fireworks (in the US)

Hana-bi is a truly wonderful film. Beat plays a cop who says very little, but when he takes action he does it with the full weight of his convictions.
Moments of contemplation and grace are punctuated with moments of extreme violence. It's the human story laid bare with nowhere to hide. It fills me with great sadness and joy every time I watch it, in part due to Joe Hisaishi’s beautiful piano pieces.
For me, Kitano is the greatest Japanese filmmaker since Kurosawa. Hana-bi is a good place to start if you’re new to his style.

5 but it deserves more out of 5

Pink Floyd: London '66-'67 (1967)

Worth a purchase if you want to see the full-length Pink Floyd performances that director Peter Whitehead recorded for his film Tonight Let’s All Make Love in London (1967). If reports are to be believed, it's a unique snapshot of what was happening in the city at that time. I wasn't there (I'm not that old), so I have to take it on faith that it captures the zeitgeist.
I suspect the cameraman scored some LSD before he went to work.
If you’re not a Syd Barrett era Floyd fan then cut my score in half.

5 spaced-out hippy-chicks out of 5

DISTRICT 9 [2009]

Making no attempt to mask the inspiration of the controversial events of District Six in South Africa, director/writer Neill Blomkamp crafts a brilliant sci-fi action thriller aptly titled District 9.
The film seamlessly blends all the elements of what makes a good action sci-fi with some disturbing themes of xenophobia and social segregation.
It's gritty and violent narrative throws in some mockumentary styled footage to act as a sort of an exposition. Meanwhile the backbone of the film follows the metamorphosis of a young man with a first-rate performance from newcomer Sharlto Copley.
The third act does fall into run of the mill shoot 'em up action but it's all fine because through all the gunfire the characters are still developing. An unsettling social satire at it's finest, District 9 proves that there are still smart FX films being produced.

4 "was that a pig?"s out of 5

The Human Centipede II [Full Sequence] (2011)

I wasn't sure what to expect with this one. I went into it blindly and emerged somewhat surprised. First off, it's presented in black-and-white, which only enhances its creepiness factor. The portly dwarf character who lives with his mother and is obsessed by the original movie is a far cry from Norman Bates, but I couldn't help but draw comparisons. Not much else goes on apart from endless vicious sado-masochistic torture, but it did succeed in making me feel mostly uncomfortable, which I think is a smashing success.

3 sandpaper handjobs out of 5

The Human Centipede [First Sequence] (2009)

Not much I can say that hasn't been said before. A mad doctor connects three victims ass-to-mouth in his "100% medically accurate" science experiment. It gets points for a novel concept that has permeated pop culture but that's it. The movie is remarkably vapid when you get down to it; we've seen this kind of torture porn before (although not so graphically and horrifically portrayed).

2 extended scream sequences out of 5

Anonymous (2011)

What a piece of garbage. The trailer had me hyped because I thought it was going to be some sort of mystery-of-the-ages thing like with The Da Vinci Code, but it was just a load of fabricated nonsense. Yes, its plot is entirely plausible, but that doesn't make it any less snoozeworthy. Maybe I just don't like "historical" dramas. One long, boring piece of quasi-entertainment that I do not soon plan to revisit.

1 nom de plume out of 5

J. Edgar (2011)

Leo DiCaprio becomes Philip Seymour Hoffman as J. Edgar Hoover in Clint Eastwood's award-season pic of the year. Some nice acting performances, but all in all felt much too overlong and DULL. The nuances of Hoover's life are treated very delicately and subtly, which is fine, but it didn't deliver much as far as emotional punch. It's difficult to make such an asshole seem sympathetic, but it at least succeeds in that regard (blame it on the parents).

2.5 wire-taps out of 5

The Rum Diary (2011)

Johnny Depp more or less inhabits his Fear and Loathing role (this time with alcohol) in yet another adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson's works. He plays a struggling writer fresh in Puerto Rico trying to save a newspaper company. It's certainly more cohesive than the former role, but somehow the movie only feels half-finished. I don't know. There are some charming character moments, but for the most part I say "pass the rum."

2 hermaphroditic oracles of the dead out of 5

THE DEPARTED [2006]

Iconic director Martin Scorsese seems to make a career defining film every 8 years or so. Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas and now The Departed. Based upon Andrew Lau's 2002 Hong Kong crime drama, Infernal Affairs, Scorsese takes that story and makes it his own by changing the setting, a few of the characters and the ending and it's all for the greater effect of the cultural differences.
The cast is quite frankly amazing (Mark Wahlberg steals the show), Howard Shore's suitably tango flavored music is nothing short of excellent, the camera work is top notch and the pacing is perfect in every way.
This is American film making at it's best and Scorsese & crew deserve every single amount of acclaim they've received for this film. Hell, even Andrew Lau was thoroughly impressed and that has to count for something.

5 "X" marks the spots out of 5

City Lights (1931)

Audiences applaud the athletic antics of Buster Keaton, but I've always been more of a Chaplin man. He's been accused more than once of over-sentimentalism, so if that means associating me as a sentimentalist, so be it. This silent classic finds the Little Tramp attempting to raise money to pay for a blind flower girl's eye operation. Contains so many classic slapstick sequences, I struggle to contain myself. I cry like a bitch at that ending every time. Enough said.

5 boxing rounds out of 5

Modern Times (1936)

My favorite Chaplin film of all was also his last silent film (9 years after the first talkie, always the procrastinator). As usual, he writes, directs, composes and stars, in true auteur fashion. A harsh criticism on industrialization, Chaplin plays an overworked factory worker who decides he's much better off in prison. Paulette Goddard plays the quintessential orphan girl (who I am madly in love with). Contains the strongest, most beautiful, yet simplest ending images I've ever seen in a movie...the only true remedy against "modern times."

5 nonsense songs out of 5

The Great Dictator (1940)

Chaplin's first feature-length "talkie." I was always surprised to learn that he was British, because the Tramp is such a traditional American character. This one directly takes on the whole Chaplin/Hitler debate (a revenge for Adolf stealing his trademark mustache) and is hailed as the first mainstream movie brave enough to take on Naziism at the time (in a thinly veiled, tongue-in-cheek sort of way). Chaplin's inspiring speech at the end concerning freedom never fails to brings a tear to my eye. Bravo.

5 globe dances out of 5

THE DARK KNIGHT [2008]

Chris Nolan's Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight, joins that small league of film sequels that are just as good or even better than the original.
It's essentially a fast-paced study of the psyche of good and evil and the blurry lines between them and then masked as a vastly large action film with some wonderful performances to boot.
It does lack in heart and emotional impact in quite a few spots but makes up for it in the powerful conclusion. The story takes a few pointless turns into useless complications but quickly steer away from them and it keeps on charging full steam ahead.
Heath Ledger disappears into the role as The Joker, which sadly overshadows Aaron Eckhart's wonderful performance as District Attorney Harvey Dent.
Sit back and enjoy for this is popcorn entertainment at some of it's finest.

4 Heat montages out of 5

Panda! Go, Panda! (1973)

One of the earliest examples of the working relationship between Isao Takahata and Hayao Miyazaki. It’s fun to see a number of themes that would later be used to better effect in Miyazaki’s My Neighbour Totoro (1988), but there's little to hold the attention of an older audience otherwise, particularly in the second half. It's full of heart and good intentions but will be of little interest to non-Ghibli fans.

2½ pipe smoking panda bears out of 5

BATMAN BEGINS [2005]

Heavily inspired by comic books Batman: Year One and The Man Who Falls, director Christopher Nolan gives the Batman movie franchise a well-deserved makeover.
Primarily focusing on humanity, fear and identity in this film, Batman Begins attempts to bring a heavy dose of realism to the world of Gotham City and does a damn fine job at it as well.
The first hour is perfect in every sense, without relying on any special effects, the story charges forward in a beautifully executed character driven fashion. While the second hour focuses more on action, it's good but to be honest I'm far more interested in the Bruce Wayne aspect of the film rather than the hokey sounding Batman.
Like former Batman director Tim Burton praised of this film "Nolan certainly got more to the root of what the Batman comics are about." ...and that's character.

4 Blade Runner homages out of 5

FIRECRACKER [2005]

Film noir is a difficult genre to master without coming off as too boring or really silly. Rising independent director Steve Balderson's Firecracker doesn't quite nail it but tries it's damndest.
Karen Black turns in a pretty decent performance in dual roles, while Faith No More frontman Mike Patton isn't quite as successful. Performing dual roles as well, Patton nails one character with menacing grace and is terrible in the other.
It's like a David Lynch mixture of Pleasantville and Something Wicked This Way Comes with heavy doses of The Wizard Of Oz. The ideas, atmosphere and half of the photography is picture perfect. The performances, editing and the other half of the photography is not. There was something really special here but got lost somewhere in the mix. Still not a complete waste of time if you're a fan of film noir.

3 Enigmas out of 5

Meatball Machine [2005]

Co-directors Juh-ichi Yamato and Yūdai Yamaguchi's remake of Meatball Machine really isn't for everybody. With it's schlocky overly bloody violence, disturbing yet hilarious imagery and ruthless "kill people of all ages" attitude, Meatball is a cult film to the core.
The acting is mediocre and some of the editing and photography is choppy but it's the wild creature effects that's the star here.
It's like a slightly less frantic tentacled version of Tsukamoto's Tetsuo films, sprinkled with a little bit of Alien and David Cronenberg for good luck. Had it been 15 minutes shorter, I probably would have enjoyed a great deal more. Oh well...still some good fun to be had.

2½ cross-dressing bullies out of 5

BATMAN & ROBIN [1997]

How do you make a bad Batman movie with Robin in it worse than it all ready is?
You add Batgirl into the mix.
Joel Schumacher's notoriously bad film is every shitty thing they say it is. The dialogue is terribly sloppy and predictable, the acting is half-assed and the story is nothing short of "who gives a shit?"
The only thing this film has going for it is the colorfully attractive sets and the loopy music by Elliot Goldenthal.
I know it's purposely hokey at times but this is just insulting to our intelligence. Pure bat guano.

1 star out of 5

OFFICE SPACE [1999]

Beavis & Butthead creator, Mike Judge's satirical comedy cult classic Office Space is a prime example of his various different types of comedic styles.
With it's wicked sense of humor, believable characters and a superb ensemble cast, Office Space is without a doubt one of the definitive workplace comedies ever produced. It speeds along with non-stop laughs until that final 15 minutes where it suddenly just falls apart. Almost as if Judge didn't know how to end it or had to do some sudden rewrites. No matter, the rest of the film more than makes up for it.
If you love laughing and hate your job then this one comes highly recommended from myself and legions and legions of other jaded folk with a chronic case of the Mondays.

4 Edward Scissorhands BBQs out of 5

BATMAN FOREVER [1995]

Ditching the dark, gritty timeless atmosphere Tim Burton had established for the Batman franchise, hit & miss director Joel Schumacher went for a more colorful "modern" Tokyo look which was deemed more MTV family friendly.
Val Kilmer does an adequate job at replacing Keaton as The Caped Crusader. Tommy Lee Jones doesn't seem to have a clue who Two-face was and comes off as more of cheap knock-off of Nicholson's Joker. Jim Carrey is on auto-pilot as The Riddler but is nonetheless entertaining. Nicole Kidman snoozes her way through the unintentionally skanky female lead. And Chis O'Donnell as Robin? No. Just no.
The painfully titled Batman Forever is embarrassingly bad at times and yet somehow manages to entertain just enough for the most part. It's not as horrible as it could be but it's a sure sign of the troubled times to come.

2½ Bat-butts out of 5

Sex and Zen (1991)

aka: Yu pu tuan zhi: Tou qing bao jian

One of China’s most famous Category III films is a weird experience. A scholar wants to hump his way through the female population, but only has a tiny mouse penis, so he replaces it with a horse penis (literally) and the remainder of the film documents his sexual exploits.
Perhaps I've gotten too old to appreciate shallow, soft-core, female nipple-rubbing, comedy-porn from Asia; that’s a depressing thought.

1 wrong way to play a flute out of 5

'Shitsurakuen': jôbafuku onna harakiri (1990)

aka: Lost Paradise

Shitsurakuen is a horrendous film. If you know Masami Akita's music project Merzbow then you're half-prepared for what he'll assault you with visually. It features a woman committing Seppuku (Japanese ritual suicide by disembowelment) for what seems to last forever. It's difficult to watch. It's obviously fake, but has just enough ick factor to make you want to turn away. The implied sexual pleasure she receives from the self-inflicted torture turns it into a weird fetish film that will offend many. It’s also very boring. I can’t even rate it. It’s like fake snuff.

BATMAN RETURNS [1992]

Tim Burton never does sequels, so Batman Returns was somewhat of an oddity...in many different ways.
Michael Keaton is welcomed back sporting the cape and cowl, while he is joined by a host of other creepy characters. Danny Devito is both repulsive and oddly tragic as The Penguin, Michelle Pfeiffer is seductively hilarious as Catwoman and Christopher Walken is a delight as the shrewd cold-hearted businessman Max Schreck.
The satirical Returns comes off as more of a Tim Burton film this time around, with it's disjointed storytelling, Metropolis like sets swept over with a Christmas snow and wonderfully ludicrous humor.
It's my favorite of the live-action Bats flicks, because it never tries to replicate reality. This is pure dark fantasy and exactly what I want in a superhero film.

4½ Elephant Man references out of 5

11-11-11 (2011)

What kind of moron makes a movie that's only relevant for one day? It's just like 2012. After 2013, who gives a shit anymore? The worst part is that it's being released today, which means that for the majority who see it, the events will have already passed...eh, whatever. As someone who sees the numbers 11 11 almost every day, I thought this was going to be spooky or enlightening or just plain thought-provoking, but it ended up feeling cheap and contrived. This is what this movie is: set-up, set-up, set-up...what the fuck?

1 barely redeeming ending out of 5

La tête en friche [My Afternoons with Margueritte] (2010)

Gérard Depardieu dons a fat suit in thi—wait a minute, nope. No. That’s all him. Here he plays an illiterate man who meets an old woman in the park whom he develops a special friendship with... She reads to him every day while he listens. I was expecting Harold & Maude, but instead got Forrest Gump. It's a gentle, soft-spoken story that is moving at times, but feels much too uneven to thoroughly recommend.

2 pigeon poops out of 5

Nightmare Detective 2 (2008)

What made the first Nightmare Detective entertaining was its beautiful visuals, and these are fully on display in Nightmare Detective 2. Where Nightmare Detective fell short was its cliche riddled plot, but that isn't really an issue in the sequel. Shinya Tsukamoto does away with the standard catch the killer plot, and instead spends time exploring the tortured Detective Kagenuma.

This film is much more ambigous than its predecessor, but that only makes it more appealing to me. At times, the movie drags, but for the most part, it's an involving feast for the eyes. If this rate of improvement continues, I'm looking forward to Nightmare Detective 3.

3.5 sleep deprived schoolgirls out of 5

Nightmare Detective (2006)

Sometimes, you want to curl up with a good mystery. And sometimes, you're willing to watch any movie with the word "Detective" in the title. The latter is why I watched Nightmare Detective, but the film wound up being a pleasant surprise. Unbeknownst to me, Nightmare Detective is the work of Shinya Tsukamoto, who has built a cult following thanks to his Tetsuo films. While I wasn't always a fan of the movie's shaky camera work, Tsukamoto's talent for visuals is on full display here, and the dream worlds are wonderful eye candy.

Unfortunately, the film's plot was a little generic. This movie seems to rely on a lot of American horror movie tropes, and the script never measures up to the bleak, creepy visuals. Kyoichi Kagenuma is an interesting hero, but most of the other character were lacking. If you don't mind the film's derivative nature, it's an interesting watch, and even if it does put you off, it's still a visual treat.

3 metaphoric murders out of 5

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010)

The opening five or ten minutes of Apocalypse are superb. Unfortunately, it drops a planet sized ball after that. It's billed as a sequel to Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009), but the connection is limited mostly to news reports heard in the first five or ten minutes.

Batman picks up a young girl (not like that!). Superman takes on the father figure role for her. The big D from Apokolips wants a piece of her, too, so he pulls up his socks and heads to Earth.

It's pretty banal and lacking the characterisation of the Jeph Loeb penned source material. It needs more batman cynicism.

2½ Boom Tubes out of 5

Sleeping Beauty (2011)

Emily Browning. Erotic drama. My penis in my hand. Scratch that last part. Emily plays a whore woman who joins an unusual type of escort service in which old rich white guys pay top dollar to spend the night with her unconscious body, with the only restriction being "no penetration." This ranges from innocent spooning to more disturbing practices. Browning's raw, brave performance contains a lot of nudity, and her petite figure only makes her seem more vulnerable and innocent. There are traces of Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut here, but not really. And the ending is deliberately vague and alienating. I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

3 bikini waxes out of 5

Not Another Not Another Movie (2011)

This is not a spoof movie. What is this? It's a satire on movie-making and taking shortcuts in the film industry from the perspective of a clueless PA. There are some parodies here and there (Titanic II, Die Hard In Space), but they're freestanding scenes that aren't really connected to the rest of the movie. So is it funny? Well, yes and no. There's actually some talent here; David Leo Schultz is hilarious in a broad, slapstick sort of way and you've got a bunch of big supporting names (Burt Reynolds, Chevy Chase, Michael Madsen, Vinnie Jones) rounding out the rest of the cast, but the movie itself feels like one big chaotic editing mess. So do I recommend it? Eh...only if you're in the mood for a purposefully bad comedy*.

2.5 baby ninjas out of 5

*results are probably enhanced under the influence of alcohol

Blade (1998)

The Taxdodger is the Daywalker. He kills vamps and strikes poses in dark shades; he doesn't actually need them, he just likes to look cool as he tears out throats with his bare hands. Most of the time he looks a chump.
If you scratch beneath the surface of Blade the plot, about a blood god that'll do something or other, I forget, it was dull, is terrible, really awful. If your expectations are adjusted well enough, however, it's entertaining for about 90 minutes; but the big showdown was a big letdown.

3 for Traci Lords with her clothes on out of 5

Cherry (2010)

Snoozefest. Fresh into college, Aaron meets hot older woman Linda in his art class and her equally beautiful daughter, Beth. Vying for both their affections, there are the typical repercussions, matters are resolved, or not, blah blah blah, roll credits. There's nothing technically wrong with the film, it just depressed me so.

1.5 affairs that I never had in college out of 5...*sigh*

EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED [2005]

Actor Liev Schreiber makes an impressive directorial debut with this 'roadtrip in the Ukraine' film, Everything Is Illuminated, based off of Jonathan Safran Foer's novel of the same name.
Elijah Wood suits the role of the American-Jewish man who travels to the Urkaine in search of the woman who saved his grandfather's life during the Nazi invasion. However, it's Gypsy punk-band, Gogol Bordello's frontman, Eugene Hütz that steals the show as a flamboyant tour guide who almost has a grasp on the English language.
There's nothing amazing or mind-blowing in this film but it's the emotional journey that counts here. It's laugh out loud funny in several moments, completely heartbreaking in others and very thoughtful throughout. It's a film I've throughly enjoyed with each revisit and probably will many more times.

4 "Seeing Eye Bitches" out of 5

Living Will... (2010)

The late Ryan Dunn (Jackass) shines in his first and only starring role before his untimely death earlier this year. After bursting a blood vessel while straining during constipation (one of my biggest fears), Belcher (Dunn) decides to stick around and haunt his best friend Will. This causes a rift between them because in death, as in life, Belcher is an asshole who makes his world a living hell. There's also a romantic subplot involving his cousin which feels cheap, but there are still plenty of genuine laughs to be found (Belcher uses his ghost abilities to look at naked chicks and trip total strangers). It's a shame this was his final role, because he shows such promise here as an actor...especially given the subject matter of the film.

2.5 glasses of bacon grease out of 5

Girl Walks Into A Bar (2011)

Something about downloading a freely distributed movie feels wrong to me. I don't get that same satisfaction of illegal piracy. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

This low-budget/big-name feature starts out like a David Mamet play with some good writing and snappy dialogue, then falls into dull routine like a cheap knock-off of a Robert Altman ensemble comedy. The subject matter involves random conversations in 10 bars with a common thread running throughout...which is all but abandoned by the halfway point. The main problem is that this movie never really goes anywhere, and I didn't find the individual scenes enjoyable in and of themselves.

If you want to see it for yourself, it's here (only available in the U.S.).

2 black censored bars out of 5...fuck you

The Brainwashers (2002)

The Brainwashers is 12 minutes of terrifically cool puppet animation. Movies like this often have a certain sweetness to them, but The Brainwashers embraces the inherent eeriness in the way its characters look and move. It's not what I'd call a scary film, but there's a vague creepiness to it that's really compelling.

However, as visually interesting as The Brainwashers is, it's the sound that steals the show. The film contains no audible words, but every rustle, squish, crack and moan goes miles in telling the movie's story. The music is also really effective, especially in the ending sequence. The Brainwashers is an absolutely fascinating watch, and one of the coolest short films I've seen in a long time.

If you'd like to check out The Brainwashers, you can do so here.

4.5 two-headed chimney sweeps out of 5