Frosty's Winter Wonderland (1976)

It turns out Frosty gets more pussy than I do. He's given a snow wife named Crystal in this one, while mean ol' Jack Frost tries to spoil their fun. It attempts to squeeze as much material left out of the original song as it can, but that well was already scraped dry by the end of the first one. It's nothing special, but kids of a certain age will probably enjoy it.

2½ parsons out of 5

Hot Frosty (2024)

*sigh*

Why do I do this to myself, you might ask? Because I fucking hate myself, that's why. Why else would I tune into an "update" of the Frosty story featuring the snowman as an anthropomorphized hot dude? Jesus fucking Christ, what has Christmas become? A frigid woman sees a chiseled ice sculpture of a snow-bro in the park who is somehow brought to life by a magical scarf. That's it. That's the movie. Every woman's fantasy, I guess?

In all seriousness, this is a tongue-in-cheek take on Hallmark films and it knows exactly how ridiculous the premise is. That doesn't excuse it from being a steaming pile of yellow snow, but at least it's self-aware enough to not take itself seriously. There is a sweet innocence about the character that reminded me a bit of Elf because he's always trying to help everyone out.

What becomes most apparent is that life is that much easier when you're hot.

2 just get it over with and fuck already out of 5

Adult Swim Yule Log 2: Branchin' Out (2024)

This sequel to the surreal holiday classic takes a bit of a different tack as a flagrant parody of Hallmark movies. The result is a mixed bag that feels like a much more straightforward horror-comedy than the experimental nature of the original. You can really only appreciate the subtleties if you've seen your share of cheesy Hallmark movies. That doesn't mean it isn't a hell of a lot of fun, and it pushes its demented premise to the max. I love how it plays with aspect ratios, especially the darker widescreen vibe versus the cheerful full frame effect, to convey the characters' state of mind. It's not as memorable or unsettling as the original, but it does succeed in being its own unique thing.

3 clumsy hunks out of 5

Adult Swim Yule Log (2022)

AKA: The Fireplace

The Yule log. A standard winter tradition. Designed to be a bit of background noise, it sets the stage for the season with a crackling fire overlaid with some heartwarming holiday tunes for ambiance. That lasts for all of two minutes...

Like Casper Kelly's (Too Many Cooks) other ventures, it's not just about what it seems on the surface. Throughout the 90-minute running period, it finds new ways to reinvent itself and get mileage out of its clever premise. It turns into a Lynchian mindfuck before long, elevating it to something truly nightmarish.

If you're a fan of Adult Swim's 4am programming block, move this to the top of your Christmas list.

4 hanging trees out of 5

A Creature Was Stirring (2023)

A mother caring for her sick daughter must deal with strangers who break into her house in order to take shelter from a deadly situation brewing outdoors.

What a bizarre fucking fever dream of a movie. From the hyper-stylized comic book red-and-blue color palette to the weird symbolism steeped in religious allegory. I still haven't found a satisfying explanation for any of it. It's one of those shitty low-budget horror flicks that's so strange and hard to recommend to others, yet it's memorable for all the same reasons. Did I like it? Did I hate it? I still don't know. I feel like this movie will get stuck in my head for no other reason than how confounding it was.

2½ porcupines out of 5

There's Something in the Barn (2023)

A Norwegian horror comedy about an American and his family moving to his ancestral family home in Norway, where they encounter a mischievous barn elf that gives them some trouble. It's a little bit of Gremlins and a little bit of Rare Exports. I thought it was great. Way more silly and fun than I expected, and I found the family dynamics very heartwarming and the Christmas theme very festive. I especially love that white and blue Norwegian landscape set against the red and greens of Christmas. I'm probably giving this one way too much credit, but it's something I'd definitely revisit for the holidays.

3½ lutefisk out of 5

It's a Wonderful Knife (2023)

A high concept horror comedy in the same vein as Freaky and Totally Killer, revolving around the premise of It's a Wonderful Life (i.e. seeing how events would be changed by your absence). The first 15 minutes rolls out the usual Hallmark holiday tropes and standard slasher fare, and the killer is revealed before the title card is even displayed. But that's when the movie finally comes into its own. Oddly enough, this one actually put me in good Christmas spirits. I recommend it if you're in the mood for something dark and festive.

3 Weirdos out of 5

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Silent Night, Deadly Night meets The Terminator. An extremely low-budget slasher that knows exactly what it is and aims to be nothing higher. A couple of cheap thrills to be had, but it's your typical throwback horror movie set against bright red and green flashing lights. A momentary diversion and nothing more.

1 robot Santa out of 5

The Mean One (2022)

What if the Grinch went in the other direction, and instead of being accepted and knowing love, he ends up turning into a homicidal maniac who tortures the residents of Whoville Newville? This unofficial entry in the "Grinch" series (never once mentioned by name) is a low-budget pile of dreck starring David Howard Thornton (Terrifier) as the eponymous "green humanoid creature." There is absolutely no redeeming value to it, except to say that you survived watching it. It looks ugly, it's neither funny nor scary, and worst yet, it's just plain boring. Thornton is perfectly capable of inhabiting the Jim Carrey-esque physicality of the character, but he's given nothing interesting to do here. Somehow Cindy You-Know-Who ends up being the more interesting character.

½ an enlarged heart out of 5

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

I think I've always liked this film more than other people. That's because Jim Carrey is a walking cartoon, so he embodies the animated character so effortlessly. Ron Howard's adaptation of the misanthropic children's classic is a bit long in the tooth, but it's cemented itself in the minds of a lot of kids due to being aired annually on TV. It's not perfect by any means (they add a lot of backstory which I find a touch unnecessary), but it's a perfect accompaniment to the original, despite the fact that some of the Whovian make-up effects might trigger nightmares in smaller kids. But then again, isn't that what Christmas is all about?

Those prosthetic effects (by Rick Baker) are excellent, although Carrey had such a hard time during the production that they hired a CIA agent to give him torture endurance training. That's what I call suffering for your art.

When you think about it, this is the original Wicked.

3½ thirty-nine-and-a-half foot poles out of 5

The Naughty Nine (2023)

Wasn't expecting much, so I wasn't able to be disappointed. Basically Ocean's Eleven for kids, who try to pull off a heist at the North Pole (seriously, there must be an easier way to get the latest game console). I found most of the characters precocious and annoying, which I guess is the point. Makes for some bright Christmas eye candy, but left me mostly with an empty feeling.

1½ elf parties out of 5

8-Bit Christmas (2021)

A Christmas Story for kids who grew up in the '80s. All Jake Doyle wants for Christmas is a Nintendo Entertainment System, and he must beg and claw his way to success. This movie hits home if you intimately know that gnawing feeling of envy when your neighbor shows off the latest electronic toys and all you can do is admire from afar. Probably not so much if you were the actual spoiled rich kid in question. With tons of heart, humor and nostalgia in full force (as well as the pain and tears), this is a new holiday classic in the making.

3½ Power Gloves out of 5

A Christmas Story Christmas (2022)

Oh man, I really wanted to love this more than I did. Set in December 1973 (33 years after the first story), it reunites Peter Billingsley along with the original cast of kids in a sequel reboot that celebrates the nostalgia of the holiday as an adult. It opens with the announcement that the Old Man has died, which casts a dark cloud over the rest of the movie, while a 42-year-old Ralphie must now take over the role as family man on Christmas. While sweet in many respects, it's a far cry from the brilliance of Bob Clark's original film. As a lifelong fan, this had a lot to live up to and that proved to be a foolhardy task. As nice as it is to see familiar faces 40 years later, it's equally as disappointing to see how age has ravaged a timeless classic. It's just depressing. Getting old is sad. Lightning doesn't strike twice, even when they attempt to recreate certain scenes shot-for-shot. Also, it would have felt slightly more special if Melinda Dillon had come out of retirement to play the mom again (she passed the following year). But time will tell if people continue to watch this sequel 40 years later, or if they'll just default back to the original.

2½ sled jumps out of 5

A Christmas Story 2 (2012)

Set 6 years after the first story, Ralphie is now a teenager and less interested in that Red Ryder air rifle and more interested in a Mercury Eight convertible and a girlfriend. A direct-to-video sequel (ignoring 1994's My Summer Story) that unfortunately squanders away all the goodwill from the original. At the very least, you've got Daniel Stern playing the Old Man, but the rest of the recasts don't exactly sit right with me. It's best to pretend this one doesn't exist at all (just like the subsequent film did).

1 used car lot out of 5

Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)

I'm not one for unnecessary hyperbole, but this might be the worst piece of shit movie I've ever seen in my piece of shit life. This type of plot makes no sense in 2021, where the world is more connected by technology than ever, and a 10-year-old rich kid left home alone hardly feels like cause for alarm, especially considering he's never in any real danger. And there's no way a spoiled brat like that has the old-school know-how to booby trap a house. I found the overuse of slow-mo to depict physical comedy to be grating and insulting to my intelligence. All of the choices in this film are so contrived and insipid, like they took the original film and stripped it of every beat of heart and humor until it is barely recognizable (it does not deserve the grace of "Somewhere in My Memory"). And who thought the one character we needed reprising from the original was Buzz?

This whole movie feels like a pointless cash-in of a franchise that has been in the trash since 1997, so I guess it's no big loss. Kids movies these days suck. Disney+ ruins another beloved holiday classic, and the whole production has the tacky quality of a made-for-TV movie. I feel so bad for the children who will grow up on this garbage. It's like they're training kids these days to become as dumb, boring and shallow as this film.

0 "ugly boy" dolls out of 5

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

13 years later, Willie and Marcus are back at their holiday con job again, and this time Willie's Bad Mother (Kathy Bates) is involved for good measure.

This is one of those films that manages to erode the good memories you had with the original by replacing them with crappier ones. It's completely unnecessary and so "try-hard" to be vulgar that it actually fails in more than one respect. Had they brought back Terry Zwigoff's wicked sensibilities and leaned further into the melancholy, it might have felt a bit more consistent with the tone of the first film. This one relies completely on nostalgia for the past, which might work better depending on which time of year you view it.

2 fat kids all grown up out of 5

Violent Night (2022)

Owing equal parts to Die Hard and Home Alone, this action-comedy sounds a lot better in theory than the sum of its parts. David Harbour plays Jolly Old Saint Nick as a straight-up murderer of bad guys who threaten to ruin one family's holiday. I feel like it wanted to be much more subversive and anti-Christmas, like Bad Santa, but it kind of wimps out on itself. It certainly delivers on the violence, similar to Fatman, and I definitely wasn't expecting Santa to go all Kratos from God of War on everyone. The reason this movie works at all is because it doesn't take its ridiculous premise seriously and has fun with the depraved concept. Christmas sure looks a lot different now than it did as a kid.

2½ deadly Home Alone booby traps out of 5

Silent Night (2023)

A man seeks vengeance for the senseless loss of his family on Christmas Eve, which has also rendered him unable to speak. I love the idea of a "silent" action thriller that anyone around the world can watch and understand without subtitles. John Woo's technical mastery and flair for dramatic edge is on full display here. While the music and sound design carries you through in lieu of dialogue, it does start to feel a little repetitive about halfway through and sort of lulls you into a hypnotic state. And given the nature of the material, it does all seem a bit inevitable. A very odd "holiday" movie, not unlike Die Hard.

3 unopened presents out of 5

Y2K (2024)

Gen Z portray Millennials in a recreation of the Y2K hysteria that occurred towards the end of 1999. This time, the threat of a looming robot apocalypse is real and the computers start enslaving humanity. It's a weird movie, but not nearly good enough to secure itself as a future cult classic. It tries hard to evoke comedies such as Superbad and This is the End, but fails on all counts. Somehow, it all still feels too safe and sanitized. This is a far cry from the 1999 of my memory. I can't figure out if it's supposed to be bad on purpose because it's trying to imitate a '90s movie, but everything about it feels off, from the awkward casting to the overall tone. SNL's Kyle Mooney (Brigsby Bear) writes and directs. That's probably why the whole thing feels like a bad sketch that goes on for too long.

1 half-pipe gone wrong out of 5

Werewolves (2024)

Why did I think this movie would be good? Here's a fun concept: A supermoon event triggers everyone on the planet to turn into werewolves for one night, where they all kill each other but a select few. The following year, the survivors are faced with the same dilemma with the upcoming supermoon.

Unfortunately, we're told all this information in the first two title cards and we never get to see any of it. The rest is a cheap, insipid B-movie with subpar special effects starring Frank Grillo (aka, The Grill. Will that catch on?), when all we really wanted to see were the events depicted in those title cards.

½ a good premise squandered out of 5

Get Away (2024)

AKA: Svalta

This one was a bit of a bizarre curiosity. A UK family unit takes a holiday to a remote Swedish island village that is celebrating their annual Karantän festivities, where they find themselves unwelcome by the thorny inhabitants. The unfriendly locals try to warn them away from attending, but they insist on staying anyway. Nick Frost scripts this underwhelming horror-comedy which features some odd twists and turns, but ultimately runs out of steam.

2 voyeuristic perverts out of 5

The Return (2024)

20 years after the Trojan War, Odysseus washes up on the shores of Ithaca, unrecognizable and treated as a common beggar. During all that time, his wife Penelope has refused to remarry, despite the many suitors knocking down her door, and the treatment of her indignant son Telemachus who never knew his father. This adaptation of Homer's Odyssey removes most of the mythology but leaves the subtext intact. Ralph Fiennes is such a great actor whose eyes say so much; the stillness of his performance speaks volumes. It's a very slow movie—almost too slow—but it's very well made for what it is. Also marks a "return" (of sorts) for Ralph and Juliette Binoche from The English Patient.

3 arrows through the eye of an axe-head out of 5

Annette (2021)

I feel like anything I say about this movie won't do it justice, so I'll let it speak for itself. Leos Carax (Holy Motors) directs this rock opera (featuring the music of Ron and Russell Mael from Sparks) about a rocky romance between a stand-up comedian (Adam Driver) and an opera singer (Marion Cotillard) who have a baby. Their baby happens to be a wooden marionette puppet named Annette.

It's weird. It's sad. It's dark. It's tragic. The music is great. Most importantly, it's memorable. My rating is irrelevant. You'll know whether this is for you.

4 stormy nights out of 5

The Whale (2022)

Darren Aronofsky brings us this masterful adaptation of the play of the same name. Charlie (an Oscar-winning performance by Brendan Fraser) is a morbidly obese 600-pound man who hides away from the world in his apartment with his on-again nurse. He teaches an online English course to students (with the webcam off) and binge eats at the cost of his own health and the relationship to his daughter. If you've ever been stuck in this vicious cycle of trauma, the material will speak volumes to you. This is an excruciatingly painful movie to endure, but essential to an empathetic understanding of human suffering. That being said, I never want to see it again. My poor heart can only take so much.

4½ honest words out of 5

Empire of Light (2022)

In a quiet English coastal town in 1980, a lonely, aging woman works at the Empire Cinema as a theatre manager. A new, much younger hire threatens to shake up her world. Sam Mendes's romantic drama serves as a stirring homage to cinema that didn't quite resonate with me as deeply as I would have hoped. The romantic aspect wasn't entirely convincing, and the story quickly shifted into something else completely different. I kind of wish they chose to focus more on the history of the theater and the magic of the movies. I thought the most interesting character was Norman, the projectionist, especially when he stayed late to screen Being There for Hilary. The sweeping cinematography and music was in fine form (especially the rooftop fireworks scene depicted on the poster), but the end result feels more than a little underwhelming.

3 skinhead marches out of 5

The Fabelmans (2022)

Steven Spielberg's personal coming-of-age story is an ode to cinema and the great filmmakers that have come before. Loosely inspired by his life and the relationship to his parents, it's the sweet tale of a boy who falls in love with the movies and longs to make his own films (not unlike Cinema Paradiso).

What I found fascinating is how detached the character was while viewing life through a lens. I suppose that's a way of dealing with the heavy things in his life, but I didn't find Sam to be the warmest character, which is kind of ironic since critics tend to peg Spielberg as a shameless sentimentalist. If anything, I found this film to be remarkably restrained at times, which works to its credit. Even though it's semi-autobiographical, you get the sense that the subject matter is still being treated somewhat at a distance. It occurred to me that this film might be acting as a catharsis for someone recounting their past traumas. Regardless, it's a lovingly constructed tribute by a filmmaker who has earned his dues and remains at the top of his craft, and it shows all the way through.

4 perfect revenges against the childhood bully out of 5

Babylon (2022)

Damien Chazelle (La La Land) directs this epic historical black comedy about Hollywood's rocky transition from silent film to "talkies" in the late 1920s. And particularly, just how difficult an adjustment that was for certain performers.

I thought it was beautiful, in a frenetic, drug-addled way. I love how it tells the evolution of film history in a much darker fashion than Singin' in the Rain ever could back in 1952. It celebrates the wild excesses of a time long gone by as a very entertaining fever dream with great original music (by La La Land's Justin Hurwitz) throughout. It's not as personal a story as The Fabelmans, but it's just as relevant to understanding the ways the world has changed over the past century. It's about those who came before us and those who will be there after us. I found it very existential amidst all the crazy orgies and bodily fluids.

4 "it girls" out of 5

Saltburn (2023)

A pitch-black comedic thriller about a lower-class university student that develops a crush on his rich classmate who invites him to spend the summer at his family's mansion, where he quickly adopts their hedonistic lifestyle. The excesses in this movie rubbed me the wrong way the whole way through, until you finally realize the stakes of just what is happening here. Will push buttons and engage the audience ick factor more than once, but it's worth the price of admission. The end result is rather twisted and insane, but kind of brilliant.

3½ sips of bath water out of 5

The Holdovers (2023)

This was a very charming movie and a pleasant way to spend two hours. I especially dug the way it revives that raw and gritty 1970s film aesthetic. 

A student is stuck at university over Christmas break with his strict, humorless teacher and the no-nonsense cafeteria lady, where he gets into trouble due to the boredom and frustration of his circumstances. This is the kind of film that grows on you and manages to win you over with an anti-holiday sentiment that somehow perfectly encapsulates the spirit of the season. I forgot how much I missed Paul Giamatti in a leading role like this because he commands every scene he's in, and it earned him a well-deserved Oscar win. The whole movie contains understated moments of brilliance which really hit home.

4 wonky eyes out of 5

Nutcrackers (2024)

After his estranged sister dies, a man temporarily takes custody of her four feral children, attempting to curb their unruly ways all the while trying to find them a permanent home. I'll give you two guesses as to how it all ends.

Despite the predictability of the plot, there is something strangely irresistible and charming about the raw, low-key nature of the film and its performances, as long as you're feeling in a generous mood. The kids here weirdly reminded me of the Herdmans from that other Christmas movie.

2 boobies + privates = babies out of 5

Dear Santa (2024)

A dyslexic kid writes a letter to Satan, and he comes a-calling, tricking the boy into making three wishes in exchange for his soul. I would have thought this was a novel concept had I not seen Letters to Satan Claus a couple of years back which had this exact same premise. With the Farrelly Brothers and Jack Black involved, I was expecting this to be a hard R-rated raunchfest, but it's more like a PG movie that tries so hard not to be offensive that it's actually offensive. Anyway, there are a couple of gags that got me, but this is a far cry from the Farrellys' best work. You're better off watching Krampus instead.

2 "every time a grown man sharts himself, a demon earns its horns" out of 5

Ricky Stanicky (2024)

The Farrelly Brothers tackle R-rated comedy after 13 years and it's a welcome return to form. Three childhood friends invent an alibi called "Ricky Stanicky," who they use as a lifelong excuse to get out of trouble and family obligations. When they are finally caught in the lie 20 years later, they hire a struggling adult entertainer (who sings dirty song parodies) in order to inhabit the role. John Cena always kills it when he goes straight for the comedy and leaves his ego at the door, and William H. Macy always remains a highlight for me. The three friends were mostly forgettable though, and I didn't really care what happened to them, even though that was the very crux of the movie. Ricky Stanicky was too damn likeable and all they kept doing was trying to get rid of him the entire time. Let's face it, we could all use a Ricky Stanicky in our lives.

At the end of the day though, all I'm going to remember are those dirty song parodies. Seriously, that shit made me laugh so hard because I thought I was the only one who turned every lyric into something perverted. "Weird Al Wankovic" was right there the whole time.

3 air-dickers out of 5

Old Dads (2023)

Three aging fathers find themselves raging against an increasingly politically correct world that is out of step with how they grew up. If you're a fan of Bill Burr's anger-fueled stand-up rants, this'll be right up your alley. Personally, I found it refreshing; the anger is cathartic. My only complaint is that it doesn't go hard enough. Some of the conventional choices in this film kind of took the steam out of it. It always bothers me whenever people try to claim this stuff is conservative or "boomer" humor (technically Gen X), when it's merely calling out the bullshit and the hypocrisies of modern life. I find it very telling that I relate more to these "old dads" than I do to people of my own generation.

3½ rap lyrics you sing when no one else is around out of 5

Babes (2024)

Girl gets knocked up (unplanned, of course) and while the father is out of the picture, her best friend (who has recently given birth) supports her in her decision to keep it. This inevitably leads to a falling out since one of the women is much more immature than the other. It's a modest comedy that sounds a lot shittier on the surface, but the relationship between the two friends feels very realistic and I had no regrets by the end of it (though you definitely have to be in a particular type of mood). It kind of plays like a cross between Broad City and Better Things, so I'd recommend it to fans of those shows. John Carroll Lynch's hair journey throughout was fucking hilarious.

3 satanic children out of 5

Scrambled (2023)

A comedy about a single woman whose biological clock is running out and decides to freeze her eggs (an expensive procedure without guarantee of success), as she tries a last-ditch effort to see if any of her exes are suitable partners. I thought it was decent enough; a movie about normalizing freezing one's eggs and waiting for the right one. I identified a lot with the loneliness and the plight of the character running out of time. Some fun anxiety humor and overall sweet moments, but ultimately I was left feeling like women are in control of every aspect of a relationship; they hold all of the power.

2½ geriatric pregnancies out of 5

Anyone But You (2023)

A very traditional type of R-rated romantic comedy that isn't made very much these days. It's a cute story, but so so predictable. One of those movies where if people would just talk to each other and explain themselves, they could avoid so much of the misunderstanding and complication that occurs. But I suppose that's the very definition of a rom-com. It survives on the chemistry of the leads alone, but it's so stupid because you already know how it's going to end. They're the two hottest people in the film. I'll just leave it at that.

I liked it, despite myself. I'll never know this kind of happiness in my life.

3 "they've gone full Titanic" out of 5

Challengers (2024)

Challengers, aka "that tennis threesome movie," tells the story of a tennis prodigy (Zendaya) and her back-and-forth relationship between two competitive players who volley for her affections over the course of a 13-year period. The material is directed with kinetic style and grace by Luca Guadagnino (Call Me By Your Name) along a thumping techno score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross. This film is certainly competent and an entertaining piece of escapism, but it fails to elicit the kind of response from me that it seems to have had on the culture at large. It's good, but let's not get too crazy.

3 wild cards out of 5

The Bikeriders (2023)

Based on the photograph book of the same name, Jeff Nichols's film loosely chronicles the exploits of a midwestern motorcycle club in the 1960s called The Vandals. The story is told via interviews by Kathy (Jodie Comer), who recalls her rowdy romance with Benny (Austin Butler) and describes the gang's violent history throughout the years. As more chapters grow across the country, the more unruly it gets, until enigmatic leader Johnny (Tom Hardy) is no longer able to keep a lid on it. As a film about motorcycle counterculture, it reminded me of classics like The Wild One and Easy Rider.

3 jacket patches out of 5

Fly Me to the Moon (2024)

Set against the 1960s Space Race between the United States and the Soviet Union in their rush to get to the moon first, an ambitious advertising executive (Scarlett Johansson) is teamed up with a reluctant NASA flight director (Channing Tatum) and tasked with creating a fake moon landing as a back-up plan in case the actual Apollo 11 mission fails, with the intention of running that film regardless of the outcome. This movie succeeds in blurring the lines between fact and fiction and those conspiracy theories that claim the moon landing was faked. To me, this is actually the most plausible explanation.

3 cats on the set out of 5

Argylle (2024)

This movie was a hell of a lot of fun, at least up to a certain point where it all falls apart. I still enjoyed it, though. In the vein of Romancing the Stone and The Lost City, a mousy novelist who writes about spies soon finds herself embroiled in a real-life espionage mission. It has some great action set-pieces, especially that fun bullet ballet with all the colored smoke (which was oddly romantic and visually satisfying). The production also quickly scooped up the last-ever Beatles song ("Now & Then") as its musical centerpiece. I would call this movie stylish and cheesy (in the best possible way), but fuck it, I liked it. I'm even down with Matthew Vaughn's future plans to try and fold it into the larger Kingsman universe (as long as its poor box office performance doesn't get it cancelled first).

3 whirlybirds out of 5

The Fall Guy (2024)

An update on the '80s TV series of the same name, Ryan Gosling plays Colt Seavers, a Hollywood stunt double who suffers a career-ending injury and struggles to reclaim his earlier glory. When hired for a part on his bitter ex-girlfriend's film, he finds himself embroiled on a mission to track down the lead actor who has mysteriously disappeared. There's not a ton of surprises to be found here, but it's all very charming and jovial, and all the parts work well even though we've seen them all before. It's a perfectly acceptable action-comedy handled by two very capable leads. Employing minimal CGI, and a whole lot of practical stunt work and impressive choreography, it serves as a loving tribute to stunt performers, past and present.

3 cameos during the mid-credits out of 5

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)

Nic Cage plays Nick Cage in a film that tries hard to be deep and offer meta commentary like Adaptation, but ends up settling into a standard action-comedy formula that feels trite and uninspired. It's a shame they downplay all the esoterism and obscure film references, and instead provide some kind of conventional middle-ground to appease general moviegoers. As a lifelong fan, I was rather disappointed by the waste of potential that was suggested in the title. I appreciate all the in-jokes and references to earlier films, but once you're in on the joke, no amount of nouveau shamanic acting can save it. It's worth it for the Cage factor alone (he plays two versions of himself, including his younger, idealized Wild at Heart self), but don't expect to be wowed by it.

2½ golden prop guns out of 5

Jackpot! (2024)

God, this movie was so fucking dumb, but it's kinda fun if you buy into its wacky premise. In the near future, California hosts a Grand Lottery, whereby the winner must survive by sundown in order to collect their winnings. In the meantime, everyone has carte blanche to kill the ticket holder and take it for themselves (the only caveat being that no guns are allowed). It's basically The Purge: Lottery Edition. Which makes less sense the more you think about it, but it's just a flimsy excuse for ultra levels of violence and over-the-top mayhem. I like Awkwafina and John Cena so I enjoyed it enough, although the bloopers at the end were probably the best part of the whole enterprise.

1½ Machine Gun Kelly panic rooms out of 5

Quiz Lady (2023)

An introverted woman devotes herself to a quiet life watching her favorite quiz show every night. When her dog is kidnapped by a loan shark demanding to pay off her mother's gambling debts, she is forced on an unwilling road trip to audition for the show. This was a really entertaining watch. As a game show aficionado myself, I could easily place myself in her shoes of never having the guts to actually go through with it. Sandra Oh is a delight as the big sister who doesn't have her shit together, yet coerces her out of her comfort zone. It's a very funny film that reveals a surprisingly sweet nature at its heart.

3½ Ben Franklin Inns out of 5

Thelma (2024)

93-year-old Thelma (played by the wonderful June Squibb) lives alone and is close to her grandson, who checks in on her often. When she receives a call from a scammer who claims he's been arrested and requires bail bonds, it forces her to leave her comfort zone and piss off everyone along the way. 

The whole thing is enormously charming and entertaining and carried on the shoulders of its very capable lead. The whole rebellious spirit of the piece gave me Little Miss Sunshine vibes. The plot is similar to The Beekeeper, if the sweet old lady fought her own battles. Richard Roundtree (Shaft) also has a significant role, and it was a fitting final film before he passed. The moral? Don't underestimate the old folks!

3½ mobility scooters out of 5

Goodrich (2024)

Andy Goodrich is an art dealer with a failing gallery who is hardly involved with his family and is coming apart at the seams. He receives news that his wife has entered rehab and left their 9-year-old twins in his care. His 36-year-old daughter from his first marriage also resents him for their strained relationship, so he clearly lacks the proper parenting skills. This forces him to reassess his priorities and attempt to right the wrongs of the past, et cetera. It's a light comedy that feels very predictable in its execution (and was accomplished to much better effect 40 years ago in Mr. Mom), but a charming performance from Michael Keaton manages to elevate it to watchable.

2½ late excuses out of 5

Lousy Carter (2024)

Carter is a failed animator who has settled into a life of boring academia. He goes to his doctor and finds out he has only 6 months to live. What will he do with his time left? Not much, it turns out. David Krumholtz embodies the deeply sardonic deadbeat who is already so indifferent to life that it doesn't really affect him much. The most unsurprising part is that it lives up to its name.

Bob Byington (Somebody Up There Likes Me) is an interesting indie filmmaker who I respect a lot more than most of his output. His films have been labeled "mumblecore" because they're mostly dialogue-driven, but I value the amount of weirdness he imbues in his characters, even when it's not a total success.

2 bowling alley funerals out of 5

Between the Temples (2024)

Suffering a crisis of faith after the loss of his wife, a man finds comfort in reuniting with his childhood music teacher, while she seeks to have the bat mitzvah she was denied as a child. Both of their families disapprove.

I kind of really didn't like this movie at all. Don't get me wrong; I think Carol Kane and Jason Schwartzman are great, but I didn't buy the Harold and Maude angle in the least, especially because it seemed strangely one-sided and completely out of the blue. Meanwhile, he's got this great girl fawning over him and he rejects her? Does not compute.

2 car BJs out of 5

A Real Pain (2024)

Two estranged cousins take a tour of Poland following the death of their Jewish grandmother. Benji (Kieran Culkin) is the driving dominant personality, outgoing and intense, while David (Jesse Eisenberg) is more buttoned-up and tries to keep his emotions in check. It's hard to sell this movie to others, but I found it very relaxing despite the tough thematic issues at hand. It's very open, honest and raw, and I can relate with both characters in different ways. It's a nice break from movies that have so much going on in them, to just take some time out and give yourself a breather from the grind of life.

4 stones on the grave out of 5

Fallen Leaves (2023)

A lonely woman. A depressed man. Pain and tragedy wait in the wings. If only life and love could be this simple and real. There's such an inherently sad yet sweet quality that comes from being altogether poor and having nothing. It reminds me a lot of Chaplin's works. What I realized about halfway through is that its narrative is told so simplistically, I was able to follow along and understand what was being conveyed without the use of subtitles. It's almost like a silent movie in that sense and wears its heart on its sleeve, so to speak. I'll have to check out the rest of Aki Kaurismäki's 'Proletariat' trilogy since I was previously unfamiliar with it.

4½ mini bottles of wine out of 5