Blue Moon (2025)

Ethan Hawke plays Lorenz Hart, lyricist to famous tunes such as "My Funny Valentine," "The Lady is a Tramp" and the title of this movie, on the opening night of his former partner Richard Rodgers's hit Broadway show, Oklahoma! The entire film takes place in a restaurant where Hart waxes poetic, bemoans his luck, and harps over a woman half his age. Unfortunately Hawke does such a convincing job at playing the neurotic, overbearing, snobby character that I found the entire movie insufferable and exhausting. It's like Woody Allen except without any of the humor. Also, I couldn't get over the fact that he's playing a five foot character. I kept imagining him crouching in every shot.

2 tiny freckles on her left cheek out of 5

Glass Onion (2022)

Rian Johnson follows up the successful Knives Out with another Benoit Blanc murder mystery that feels drastically different from the first. Taking place on a remote private island, it's a vacation mystery filled with high-tech gadgetry and hidden motives. Daniel Craig remains, but the rest of the cast changes, positioning him to become the next Hercule Poirot. It's an often convoluted puzzle box with the answers hidden in plain sight, which might detract from some of its thrills, but it's still worth the cost for all its opulent splendor. Craig is so great in the role, it might be the part he's remembered for over Bond.

3½ hourly dongs out of 5

Black Phone 2 (2025)

Way to ruin a good thing. Without spoiling too much, the Grabber is now on the other end of the line. We jump ahead four years or so into the 1980s, in a story that feels very much inspired by A Nightmare on Elm Street. A girl with visions of the future and the past tries to solve a decades-old murder mystery. It all feels a bit superfluous, but at least it isn't a patent carbon copy of the original.

2½ grainy images out of 5

The Black Phone (2021)

There's a new boogeyman in town. His name is The Grabber and he abducts children. A boy finds himself alone in a locked room with a broken telephone, where he receives mysterious messages that only he can hear. It's a simple but effective horror mystery. I especially enjoyed the stark 1970s aesthetic.

3 black balloons out of 5

Leave the World Behind (2023)

A realistic apocalyptic psychological thriller about what happens when technology completely breaks down and strands you from the rest of the world, and how quickly it devolves into chaos and mayhem. It's about how we’ve become so dependent on modern day conveniences and creature comforts that we are no longer able to function without them. The ultimate irony is that this aired on Netflix. We're all screwed. Hold onto all your physical media, folks.

3½ box sets of Friends out of 5

DEAD POETS SOCIETY [1989]

Director Peter Weir manages to squeeze out an early straight-faced performance from Robin Williams in the period drama Dead Poets Society.
Williams is impeccable as an unconventional English teacher, in a stuffy all-boys prep school, that takes it upon himself to teach his wide-eyed class about seizing the day and boldly take a free-thinking approach to the life that they want to lead.
It makes no attempt to subtly lay down it's message with many an emotionally manipulative moment that almost insults the viewer.  The heart overpowers it's intelligence, which it's lack of is hidden beneath strong performances, gorgeous cinematography and richly realized tone and atmosphere.  It's got it's heart in the right place but fails to find much of a free-thinking brain to equal it.

3 phone calls from God out of 5

Daybreakers (2009)

A decade after the majority of the world's population is turned to vampirism their food stock (i.e. fresh human blood) is in short supply. If an alternative isn't found the society that until now has continued to function just fine will begin to die out, but not before the thirsty citizens turn on themselves.
Ethan Hawke stars as a haematologist searching for a viable solution. He's in the belly of the beast, but is there for the right reasons.
It's certainly an interesting spin on the vampire myth, with an always pertinent social message as undercurrent, but the film rarely manages to break out of its own muted atmosphere. Perhaps it was never meant to and I'm wrong to assume otherwise? Either way, in my mind its sombre mood successfully elucidates its message but also prevents it from being more memorable.

3 light modifications out of 5

THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN [2016]

The Magnificent Seven is given the very unnecessary remake treatment by director Antoine Fuqua.
We all know the story by now but if not refer to ¡Three Amigos!, then add four and you get the general idea.
What Fuqua has made is a pretty solid shoot 'em up Western that is a rarity in this day and age, so I'll take what I can get.  However what he hasn't made is something that will stand the test of time like it's source material and other classic films in it's genre.  It's clear that the cast is having a great ol' time and in doing so it makes for a pretty entertaining ride for the viewer as well.  There's plenty of cheese and cringe-worthy moments but it's so briskly paced none of it is ever overly offensive to anyone afraid of losing brain cells.

3 card tricks out of 5

IN A VALLEY OF VIOLENCE [2016]

Director Ti West, known mostly for horror movies, takes a dedicated shot at the Western genre with the gritty revenge tale of In a Valley of Violence.
A moody stranger, and his awesome dog, saunter into a penniless town and get into a scuffle with the wrong folks: the Marshal's dim-witted hot-headed son and his gang of equally brain-dead hooligans.
There's no re-invention of the wheel here but we are spoiled with solid storytelling, acting and an yet another excellent film score from Jeff Grace.  James Ransone, Karen Gillan, Burn Gorman and Jumpy the Dog all offer tongue-in-cheek performances that you know they're all having a great ol' time, while Ethan Hawke, Taissa Farmiga and Travolta all play it straight which suits the tale just fine.  West's faithful traditional Western won't fill seats in the cinema but it will certainly please fans of genre looking for a good time.

4 wooden legs out of 5

BOYHOOD [2014]

Filmed over a period of 12 years, director Richard Linklater aimed high with Boyhood and fortunately met all expectations with this engaging journey.
It follows a 6 year old boy (and his family) growing up in a broken home up until the age of 16, all while contemplating existence, love, friendship, fear and all the lessons learned that make up a human being's journey into adulthood.  It focuses on each year for 10-15 minutes each before jumping into the following year but never goes for deep impact, instead gently taps into a naturalism that makes it all the more memorable.  Linklater was wise to use the exact same cast for the full 12 years, allowing us to watch the mother & father (wonderfully played by Patricia Arquette & Ethan Hawke) develop as well, which make for some profoundly heartbreaking & warming scenes as well.  On the outside it might seem a bit aimless at times but when it all comes to a close, you realize not a moment was put to waste or tossed into fill time.  It's simply Linklater's masterpiece that speeds by right before your eyes.

4 solo Beatles out of 5

THE PURGE [2013]

The Purge is an intense and quite often frustrating home invasion thriller from writer/director James DeMonaco.
It starts out quite intriguing with an attempt to deliver a message to viewers but ultimately gets lost in the mix of stupid character choices and mind-numbing predictability.  I expected the worst, based on the more than horrible reactions but I suspect a lot of it had to do with the touchy material that most "wishy washy" people found very uncomfortable to think about it.  The film's biggest disappointment is that with a bit more thought the fantastic concept wouldn't have been put to waste with such a shitty execution.

2 flower bouquets out of 5

SINISTER [2012]

Director Scott Derrickson gives us his usual brand of potentially great horror in 2012's ultimately disappointing Sinister.

Ethan Hawke carries the film as a hack true crime writer that stumbles upon a collection of 8mm snuff films opening up a whole box of haunted problems for him.  While it's Shining like story of obsession is intriguing, the film can't help but draw comparisons to the much more superior Insidious and falls completely short of it's frightening potential.  There's some great sound design, a scene stealing performance from The Wire's James Ransone and some genuine creepiness coming off of the snuff films but ultimately the big baddie that looks like a cheap Immortal band member reject ruins it all.

2 paintings on the wall out of 5

Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

Jean-François Richet’s remake of John Carpenter’s version (1976) of Howard Hawks' Rio Bravo (1959) adds more guns in the hope that it’ll be enough to distract you from the fact that they removed the point of the previous entry entirely.
Ethan Hawke said it was the best action script he’d ever read; I think he needs a new agent. Without Laurence Fishburne I’d have tossed the shit-fest out the window long before the end.

1½ hours I wasted on this crap out of 5

Training Day (2001)

Denzel bores the wind out of my ass with the Mr Serious routine in most of his films, which makes Training Day all the more enjoyable; he's fantastic as the cop with a hard-on for his job as a bent NARC. Ethan Hawke also shines as the butt-hurt noob with good intentions. It’s safe, predictable and over-long but has two damn fine performances from both leads.
Did I just recommend a Denzel film? I think I did. If it had a better ending it'd have scored higher.

3½ Jesus white-boy shower curtains out of 5