THE GREEN INFERNO [2013]

After sitting on the shelf for two years, Eli Roth's cannibalistic horror film The Green Inferno finally sees the light of day, much to the dismay of the easily offended and/or folks who only like high quality film-making.
A pack of overly privileged university students attempt to save a section of the Amazon rain forest only to find themselves on the dinner menu of a tribe of colorful cannibals.  It's a thinly veiled tribute to Cannibal Holocaust with a weakly taught lesson tossed into to make up for how distasteful the whole thing is.  Sure it's disgusting and there's some squirm-worthy moments but I saw nothing I haven't seen on TV's The Walking Dead (Greg Nicotero's bloody FX work is showcased here too) and makes me wonder what all the fuss is about.  Maybe I'm a little desensitized to the whole cannibalism thing after Bryan Fuller's take on Hannibal but this empty vessel really didn't do a whole lot for this gorehound looking to be truly shocked and disturbed.

2½ bad times for the trots out of 5

DREW: THE MAN BEHIND THE POSTER [2013]

Even if you don't know the man's name, you most definitely know Drew Struzan's work.
Drew: The Man Behind The Poster documents the movie poster artist's career from his struggling start right up to his frustrating retirement.
Erik Sharkey's film doesn't do a whole lot to explore the artist's technique, where his passion comes from or much else outside of the timeline of his career so don't expect much else than many big names gushing over the beauty of Struzan's iconic work.  As a longtime fan of the man's work it's always nice to hear others speak highly of him as well but I would have liked to no a little bit more his troubled past.  It scratches the surface of a few low points in Struzan's life but never lingers long enough to give you a better idea of where he's coming from.
A really nice portrait of the man that might be just a little too nice at times.

3 welcomes to one's nightmare out of 5

From Vegas to Macau (2014)

aka The Man From Macau

Wong continues the God of Gamblers series with Chow back in a title role, but this time he's a card player named Ken, not the Ko Chun character from before.
The elements of a decent but familiar HK story are all there, millionaire bad guy, money laundering, undercover police, etc, but they're thrown together with little or no care. Even the action scenes, most of which could've been amazing, are wasted by being shot in an appalling handheld style.
I'm used to Wong ripping off both himself and others, but the first Tomb Raider movie? Really? That's the best he could find to emulate?

1 magic hand out of 5

L.A. SLASHER [2015]

Director Martin Owen's L.A. Slasher is a long out-dated, dim-wit attempt at an edgy satirical bite at everything that's wrong with modern pop culture.
A masked serial killer is driven by the trash that is today's entertainment business which includes reality TV "stars", socialite's famous for being famous, auto-tune drenched pop acts, social media celebrities who live by the Law of the Selfie, etc. etc.
With a tightly sculpted script with razor-sharp dialogue this might have worked (15 years ago) but sadly it has none of that and comes off as just as hollow as the crap it's trying to dissect.  Maybe that's the point?  Another example of what I like to call 'Natural Born Killers syndrome'.
Had this been funny, scary or gory it might attract a cult-like audience but there's none of that either and instead it just sits and makes me wonder who this was made for.

½ a teen mom starlet out of 5

THE STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT [2015]

Based on real events, director Kyle Alvarez's The Stanford Prison Experiment, recollects a disturbing university behavioral experiment set in the '70's by psychology professor Philip Lombardo.
A mock prison is set-up where 24 students are randomly selected to play prisoners & guards as a psychological study of imprisonment, however it begins taking a life of it's own and the abusive tactics become very questionable as the subjects being losing a grip on reality.
The subject matter fires all sorts of questions of ethics and reasoning at the audience which will probably result in a wide variety of reactions to the film.  No matter how you feel about it, one can't deny Alvarez's wondefully effective use of the camera, colors and ever-building tension to keep the uneasiness constantly in the foreground.   Without a single weak link in the ensemble cast, everything is craftily glued together in such a way that it all holds together tight enough when it easily could have been a silly and/or boring disaster.

3½ sausages out of 5

HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 [2015]

Director Genndy Tartakovsky returns to direct the poorly rushed and inevitable sequel to the 2012 hit Hotel Transylvania.
This time around, Drac is afraid his grandson might not be the monster he wants him to be and crazy animated hijinks ensue as he and his creepy crawly buddies try to remedy this.
With it's lack of wit and focus on more silly childish gags, it seems the film isn't even trying to equal it's predecessor and is comfortable focusing only on keeping the attention of the younger crowd.  There's a few clever gags but it's mostly just fast-paced zaniness leading nowhere resulting in even lesser of a bite than the first film barely mustered up.

2½  road trips out of 5

I AM BIG BIRD: THE CAROLL SPINNEY STORY [2014]

I Am Big Bird tells the loving life-story of a man whose work people of all ages have enjoyed over the past six decades but few know his name or would even recognize him on the street.
Caroll Spinney, the man who gave life to Sesame Street's Big Bird & Oscar the Grouch, as shown in this film, was quite clearly the most thoughtful and sensitive of the original core group of Muppeteers.  Through animations, archived footage and multiple interviews with Spinney and the many people that surrounded him, we're given a surprisingly deeply heartfelt look into the man's life.  With documentaries I come to expect that they almost always have a huge effect on me but this one took me for an emotional spin and more.  Like many others, The Muppets have had a profound effect on their lives, so hearing about Big Bird contemplating suicide was worse than discovering Santa wasn't real.  What's probably most endearing about the man and the film about him is it's will to smile and continue to do so as long as it generates the same reaction from it's audience.

4 tearful reunions out of 5

Rurouni Kenshin: Kyoto Inferno (2014)

Kenshin vowed never to draw his sword again, but when you stop one evil there's always another waiting to take its place. Furthermore, not everyone is happy with the new Meiji era government; a skilled swordsman is needed.
The first few minutes had me worried that the balancing of anime-style action and Jidaigeki realism was tipping in favour of the ridiculous, but what followed laid that idea to rest. The story is one of atonement, beautifully paced and emphasised with subtext and principles, set within an intricate framework that's tonally much darker than the previous film (2012).
A lot happens in the second half and not everyone is able to have the desired amount of screen time, but what we do get more than makes up for it.

4½ truths earned out of 5

THE LAST WITCH HUNTER [2015]

Director Breck Eisner and the guys who wrote Priest & Dracula Untold (feck, I should've seen those warning signs glaring in my face) grace us with the silliness that is The Last Witch Hunter.
Vin Diesel is an immortal medieval witch-hunter in modern day New York who's out to...well...hunt witches.  It's the type of film that brings all sorts of potentially great conflicts to the table but doesn't seem to recognize them resulting in immense frustration for anyone with half a brain.  It's even more frustrating when they do recognize the conflicts but do nothing to flesh them out making the danger as suspenseful as American Pie.  It's fun to see Vin Diesel wield a sword but beyond that there's absolutely no feeling of magic in this film about magic.

1 cat call out of 5

Tactical Unit: The Code (2008)

The first of five TV Movies set after Johnnie To's PTU (2003). You don't need to have seen the original film in order to follow the story of each one.
Three members of the PTU are captured on CCTV while beating up a civilian (i.e. crook), but the picture is grainy and their faces aren't clear. While an internal division that deals with corrupt cops hunt for the truth, the guilty trio hunt for the one man who can identify them, the man they left bleeding in an alley. It’s a race against time for both parties.
The English subtitles aren't the best, but, really, we’re lucky to have received a western DVD release at all, so I'm not going to bemoan the spelling errors and frequent mixed tenses too much. I've seen a lot worse over the years.

3 wrong steps out of 5

SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN [2015]

aka

Attack on Titan: Part 1

Director Shinji Higuchi (probably best known as the FX guy behind the 90's Gamera trilogy) brings Hajime Isayama's manga series, Attack on Titan, to life in the first of two live-action films.
In a post-apocalyptic future, humanity is enclosed within these large walls that keep colossal humanoid monsters from having a feast on the village folk but when the walls come a tumblin' down chaos ensues and nobody seems smart enough to actually know what to do about it.
It's obnoxiously loud, annoyingly over-acted, horribly shot and way too light on character development to make you give a rat's ass about these terrible folks.  These supposedly sympathetic pretty-haired fools are so wrapped up in their own soap opera drama or stupidity they're constantly attracting the equally inane Titans to gobble them up whole and make you wish it'd be over with sooner.

1 tasty church folk out of 5

PTU: Police Tactical Unit (2003)

aka Tactical Unit: Into the Perilous Night

A small team of Hong Kong police search for a comrade’s missing gun over the course of one eventful night. They’re the typical scumbag law enforcers that are common the world over, the kind that it's difficult to justifiably sympathise with, and yet somehow we do, and with each incremental, upwards notch of the danger level we're right there alongside them.
While it didn't have a huge budget, it has enough dramatic style and subtle humour to keep the meticulously paced slow burn engaging until the various threads of the story meet and the film becomes more than the sum of its parts; like the roads of a city, its avenues and pathways are interconnected.
There's music, occasionally, but mostly the sounds of the night time streets are what we hear, another subtle but perfect connection to the environment.

4 identical ringtones out of 5

ROGER WATERS THE WALL [2014]

...we came in?
Roger Waters The Wall concert film really doesn't need an introduction if you're familiar with Pink Floyd, their iconic album, the elaborate touring show production, the misfired cult film or the man behind the greater bulk of the compositions.
The film bounces back between extended sequences of his 2010-13 tour in various parts of the world to personally sublime moments of Waters traveling the European countryside, following in the tracks his father & grandfather made as soldiers during the World Wars.
The live sequences are beautifully shot, showcasing the intimacy of the Waters & the band as well as giving the viewer a good idea of the extravagance of the amazing live theatrics.  The 'intimate' melodramatic scenes in betwee, are clearly staged and all signs point to disaster, but Waters' sincerity allows us to truly believe in the moment.
Isn't this where...

4 more bricks out of 5

THE NEVERENDING STORY [1984]

Director Wolfgang Petersen made his English language debut by bastardizing Michael Ende's fantasy novel The NeverEnding Story.
The tale, set in the modern day, of young Bastian who steals a mysterious book from a off-beat bookstore is still firmly intact, however the rest about the fantasy world of Fantasia (Fantistica for you book readers) is nearly unrecognizable from it's source material.
Here's the thing though: it might be painfully inconsiderate of it's roots but as a standalone film for children, it's filled with wonder and imagination that will hopefully serve as stepping stone towards other fantasy novels.  Like some of the Jim Henson films of it's time, NES isn't afraid to explore some pretty dark themes that might be a bit much for the younger ones.  It also has some sloppy pacing and clunky ideas that have nowhere to go considering it doesn't take the novel's conclusion into consideration.  In the end, it's about embracing your imagination and that's where the movie stands true to it's source material, nostalgia goggles or not.

3 swamps of sadness out of 5

KUNG FURY [2015]

Swedish director David Sandberg makes his debut with Kung Fury, a bat-shit crazy homage to '80's American cop and martial arts films.
Broody Miami cop Kung Fury gains supernatural kung fu powers after being struck by lighting & bitten by a cobra and from there he travels through time to defeat the Kung Führer, better known as Adolf Hitler.
Digitally softened to give the film a VHS aesthetic, Kung Fury is graced with a tacky synth score, horribly delivered ludicrous dialogue and more green screen FX than Attack of the Clones ever saw.  It's Kickstarter trailer was one of the most amazing internet sensations of 2013, however this half-hour short film is almost too mind-numbing by the time the 15 minute mark passes by.

3 laser raptors out of 5

A Thousand Years of Good Prayers (2007)

Respect to Dir. Wayne Wang for taking on the difficult task of translating Yiyun Li’s prose into a film (Book Review Here); it probably helped that Li did the screenplay herself. Unlike the book, it’s a single story.
After twelve years apart, Mr. Shi (Henry O) flies from Beijing to America to visit his daughter Yilan (Feihong Yu). Whereas Yilan has adapted to the busy US lifestyle, her father is still very much a product of an older China.
The simple but captivating story steps softly through generations and over borders both cultural and personal, leaving a reflective and insightful pathway. A full appreciation requires an understanding that little things can be everything to an individual, and that life always has loose ends.

4½ notepad pages out of 5

THE VATICAN TAPES [2015]

After three supremely shitty films in a row it seems the directing team known as Neveldine/Taylor have gone their separate ways to see how it all goes.
Brian Taylor's off working on Twisted Metal and it seems Mark Neveldine's dipping into found footage devil possession horror with The Vatican Tapes.
"Found footage devil possession horror" is all I have to say in order for you to completely understand the story from beginning to end.  We've all seen it before but the question is does Neveldine bring anything new to the table?
No.  Not really.  The first 2/3's of the film are pretty weak, aside from Olivia Dudley's startlingly great performance, however once we get to the obligatory exorcism finale things pick up with some wonderfully chaotic moments that shock to great effect.

2 things that perch, and sit, and nothing more out of 5

VICTORIA [2015]

Director Sebastian Schipper pulls off the near impossible by crafting a breath-taking heist thriller, clocking in at over 2 hours and all in a single continuous take.
Victoria tells the tale of a few hours in a Spanish girl's night that takes a frightening turn when she runs into a pack of local Berlin guys from the wrong side of the tracks.
Unlike Birdman, there aren't any hidden edits or bizarre cuts along shadows, this is the real deal resulting in an entirely improvised script which forces some fascinating realism onto the characters.  Gimmicky as it first sounds, it overcomes all that with some wonderful performances, carefully planned dramatic sequences and an immense tension that builds ever so delicately.
Yes, it's a technical stunt that dazzles but most of all it's a dynamically told tale that unravels with such organic precision it begs repeat viewings to take it all in.

5 rooftops out of 5

MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS [2015]

Director Wes Ball returns for more pulpy YA action in the second installment of the Maze Runner series, The Scorch Trials.
Picking up right after where the previous film left us, Thomas & his buddies are on the run from WCKD and this time must deal with the deadly desert, a horde of zombie-esque creatures and a slew of colorful stragglers with questionable motives.
Like the first film, the action is non-stop and doesn't actually give any room for any sort of character development but if you've seen the first one then you probably won't be surprised.  The action sequences all do a great job at keeping you at the edge of the seat, constantly questioning what is going to get thrown next and leaves no room to breathe.  Sadly, if when it does have some downtime you're given time to pick out all it's silliness, plot-holes and questionable decisions made by the point A-to-B characters.

3 killer songs out of 5

A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY [2015]

Directors Grant Harvey, Steve Hoban & Brett Sullivan (the regular collaborators behind the Ginger Snaps series and TV's Orphan Black & Darknet) continue the odd Canadian tradition of producing Yuletide bloodbaths with the twisted anthology tales in A Christmas Horror Story.
Willy Shatner plays a drunken radio host who has the dismal task of working on Christmas Eve while a horrible occurrence is taking place at the local mall.  Four other stories are sloppily wrapped around this narrative that all vary immensely in tones.  Whether it be hilariously entertaining, effectively creepy or downright disturbing, the different story's tone and atmosphere are constantly broken because of the silly idea of going back & forth between the different tales.  If not for this glaring pacing mistake it'd be a thoroughly entertaining holiday horror classic in my books.

3 bad-ass monster-slaying Santas out of 5

Glory to the Filmmaker! (2007)

The second film in Kitano's surrealist autobiographical trilogy continues the 'deconstruction' of his career by conceptually examining the films he didn't make. Fans of the director will understand how that approach relates to what was presented in Takeshis' (2005), but everyone else will be very lost. It's a superb, self-referential madness that lasts for approximately half the film.
The second half, by comparison, is a kind of return to the Kitano of years past, the one that made his name in Japan being half of a Manzai act. It's an impenetrable clusterfuck that relies heavily on slapstick.
The first half makes it clear that he no longer cares about living up to past glories, or will rely on the safety net of falling into what's expected of him, but if not for the mother and daughter storyline (and their stuffed animals) I'd have thrown the towel into the ring before the end of the second.

3 discordant Beats out of 5 (i.e. an average of 5 for the first half and 1 for the second).

TANGERINE [2015]

Director Sean Baker (one of the oddballs behind Greg the Bunny) brings us Tangerine, a dark comedy filmed entirely on the iPhone 5s to great effect.
It's Christmas Eve in Hollywood and two transgender prostitutes & an unlucky cab driver's lives keep throwing shit at them no matter what day it is.
Tangerine sounds like a gimmicky low-budget hipster film but given the chance, you'll discover it's a fast-paced, well-acted and oddly humorous story about friendship, betrayal & donut shops.  Not once are you ever reminded that "it's that iPhone movie about transsexual hookers".   Baker embraces the limitations of the iPhone's capabilities with his visual storytelling, coloring the film in faded hazy colors and moments of a stark drabness within all the colorful skylines and Christmas lights.

4 car-wash cock sucks out of 5

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 [2011]

Director David Yates & the rest of the usual suspects brings the Harry Potter film franchise to a thrilling close in the 8th & final film, The Deathly Hallows: Part 2.
Long gone are the innocent Quiddich days of yesteryear, now it's full-on war at Hogwart's and the body count is beginning to rise at a terrifying rate for both characters and long-time fans of the series.
It's a wonderful conclusion to an already wonderful series, however the previous two films lacked any sense of magical wonder but all is put back in it's right place from the very get go.  Start to finish, the beautifully shot TDH2 is excitingly mysterious, darkly enigmatic and most of all deeply enthralling.  
Farewell, Hogwart's.  'Twas a bloody brilliant, if not bumpy, time.

4 dragon-riders out of 5

THE MISSION [1986]

Director Roland Joffé's historical drama The Mission tells of the 1750 Spanish–Portuguese Treaty of Madrid when when Spain handed over part of South America to Portugal.
Here we follow a small group of Spanish Jesuits who attempt to protect a remote native tribe from being abducted into slavery.
All sorts of controversial themes are explored within the richly woven storytelling, some which will be seen from a vastly different sort of minds and ideals that existed when the film first came out.  Amidst all it's gorgeous photography and a particularly beautiful score, courtesy of Ennio Morricone, is a very cold-hearted exploration of Christianity and how helpful and/or damaging it is.  Wherever you sit with the ideals, one can't deny the power of the film and what it sets out to do.

4 heavy loads out of 5

The Mission (1999)

A HK gangster film considered by many as Johnnie To’s best work to date.
It follows five men of differing skill levels, each hired to protect a Triad boss who fears for his life. In-between gunfights the men spend their downtime getting to know each other in a roundabout way.
There’s an odd choice of music throughout. It takes the edge off the hardened setting, but is a crucial part of what gives the film its unique identity, so it’s best to just accept it and let it do its job.
Even if you dislike the overall approach that To took, you can’t dispute the fact that it’s an interesting addition to the genre.
I wasn't on the edge of my seat the whole time. I was, however, completely attentive and eager to see what would happen next.

4 walks of life out of 5

GET HARD [2015]

Some tiny little voice in my head told me that director Etan Cohen's wasted opportunity of a Will Ferrell/Kevin Hart comedy Get Hard might actually be funny.
I've since shot that tiny little voice in the back of the head and left him to rot deep in the woods.

1 mad dog out of 5

BONE TOMAHAWK [2015]

S. Craig Zahler (known mostly as the writer of the craptastic Asylum Blackout) makes his directorial debut with the western/horror hybrid Bone Tomahawk.
Four not very prepared Wild West cowboys set out to save some folks from a pack of native cannibals hidden in the caves of the desert.
Greeted with multiple rave reviews, I was pretty excited about this odd little film and was met with immense disappointment.  It was fortunate enough to have a particularly strong cast but they have a painfully dull script to work with that will put you to sleep with it's boring dialogue sprinkled with only a few brief moments of cheeky wit.  Each character has a few short moments of interest but otherwise come off as sloppily boring, which is odd considering the 2 hour plus running time of the film.  There was something quite hilariously and disgustingly entertaining lost in this tedious genre mash-up that doesn't quite rise to the occasion.

2½ skull-splitters out of 5

NIE YIN NIANG [2015]

aka

The Assassin

After a lengthy absence from cinema, acclaimed Taiwanese director Hou Hsiao-hsien is back with the poetically slow-burning wuxia Nie yin niang.
During the 9th century Tang Dynasty, after failing to finish a job, because of her sensitivity, a skilled female assassin is sent to kill her cousin instead.
It includes all the usual ingredients of your typical wuxia fable, only told in such a lingering pace many viewers, looking for a quick fix of fancy martial arts action, will be turned off with immense boredom.  Visually it's quite stunning with each frame composed with a delicate painting like care that breathes life into the story in such a subtle manner it's highly recommended that you watch the film more than once before deciding on how you feel about it.  Without any knowledge of the history of this grand nation, you're bound to be completely lost, that is if the odd character introductions and multiple sub-plots haven't already lost you.
As a lover of film, I couldn't help but be completely entranced with the beauty and nuance of this tale but found myself completely baffled more often than I'd like to admit.

4 zithers out of 5

Swades (2004)

A quote from Gandhi sets the tone for the kind of life-journey that not everyone is brave enough to take, and sadly the people that do manage it don’t always pause long enough to properly look around.
SRK is a NASA scientist with an important job, a large apartment and a salary to match. His life is lacking just one thing and whilst striving to acquire it he encounters a way of life that he'd all but forgotten existed.
It showcases the natural beauty of India and the potential that exists inside of all of us, nestled in the human heart. Even though it’s predictable in all the usual places, films like Swades can change the people who watch them.
Music is by A. R. Rahman and is of his usual standard of excellence.

4½ fiery sparks out of 5

ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING [2015]

With big names like Simon Pegg, Eddie Izzard, Joanna Lumley, Robin Williams & all the living members of Monty Python involved, you would think writer/director Terry Jones' goofy fantasy Absolutely Anything would be comedy gold.
Sadly this is not the case and we're treated to a dim-witted bore about an average Joe who's given alien powers to do anything he could ever imagine which may or may not be a good thing.
With such an absurd idea and this sort of maniacal talent Jones should have let his cast improvise and let loose a little but instead everyone seems way too restrained and following the script line-to-line.  There's a few lukewarm laughs but in the end it does nothing but severely disappoint and make it feel like there really is bugger all down here on Earth.

2 Intergalactic Council of Superior Beings out of 5

DICK TRACY [1990]

In an attempt to cash in on the comic book blockbuster hoopla of 1989's Batman, writer/actor/director/egomaniac Warren Beatty adapts Chester Gould's Golden Age comic strip, Dick Tracy, for the big screen.
Beatty stars as the yellow-cloaked detective who's life is made complicated by the rise of eccentric mob boss Big Boy Caprice.  Staying overly faithful to it's source material makes for a pretty one-dimensional story filled with a gaggle of one-dimensional characters.  On the plus side, it's all brought to life by some dazzling colorful visuals and entertaining performances from all the actors portraying the comical villains.  Even 25 years ago, Beatty was too old to play the action-hero and it shows with some clumsily executed stunts that reveal his fragility and inability to seem comic-book dashing.  The flashiness of the film is both it's greatest strength and weakness resulting in a beautifully unique wall of nothing.

2½ cement baths out of 5

AMERICAN ULTRA [2015]

Project X director Nima Nourizadeh gives Jason Bourne a stoner makeover in the offbeat action flick, American Ultra.
A smalltown pothead discovers he's a sleeper agent killing machine, who's recently been activated much to the government's dismay, after they've tried to have him eliminated.
It takes the one-joke premise and manages to flesh it out into something with a little more substance than one might expect from such a film.  If not for it's two likable leads, the mean-spirited humor and malicious violence might have sucked out any sort of comedic appeal the flick had going for it.  It's bloody violent and seems to show no remorse in being so, however somewhere within all the smoke there's a small heart giving it a slight purpose.
It's a mess of a film but somehow entertaining if you're not the light-hearted type that believes in the good in everyone.

3 crazy, scary rabid puppies that murder people out of 5

Gamera: Super Monster (1980)

The final entry in the Shōwa era incorporates a ton of existing footage from the previous films and intercuts it with newly filmed footage, all the while pretending that the bouts Gamera is having with the half a dozen kaijū (Barugon, Guiron, Gyaos, Jiger, Viras and Zigra) are current. It compensates for the shameful act by having a crazy story about a young boy who befriends a trio of upstanding ladies that own a magic van and henshin into costumed space-women. The women even have a decent role to play in the madness.
The two uses of anime footage are from Space Battleship Yamato and Galaxy Express 999, respectively, but I've no idea why they're even there.

2 costume altering ear-pulls out of 5

EVEREST [2015]

With an ensemble cast of this many well-known names, it's pretty obvious that director Baltasar Kormákur's true story survival thriller, Everest, was aiming for some serious attention come awards season.
A harrowing screen adaptation of the tragic 1996 expedition up Mount Everest that left eight dead, the film's greatest strength is the powerfully dizzying photography that begs to be seen on a proper IMAX screen for maximum effect.  It's biggest weakness is the large number of characters thinly spread throughout the narrative not leaving a whole lot of time for in depth introductions.  However the acting (particularly Clarke & Knightley) and key scenes are strong enough to let you bypass that and get back to the frightening battle of man against planet.
After the vertigos worn off, I can honestly say I have no interest in enduring such a task as experiencing this sort of torture to my mind, body and soul.

3½ flags out of 5

CRIMSON PEAK [2015]

Visual director Guillermo del Toro creeps over familiar territory with his Gothic romance/thriller Crimson Peak.
After a tragic event in her life, a young American woman moves to England with her new husband to a spooky old mansion that quite obviously has some bloody secrets buried beneath it.
Before, del Toro's non-English films were noticeably more mature than his North American films but here he seems to have finally found a way to lie between that border and revisit some of the themes, visuals and ideas he brought up in The Devil's Backbone.  It's a beautiful homage to the Hammer films with it's bright reds only representing death, the suffocating shadows and melodramatic music.  It's beautifully detailed atmosphere, well-spaced camerawork and extravagant set & costume designs almost make you forget the story is a little weak and offers no real surprises but if you're a fan of the director's previous films than this shouldn't present much of a problem.

3½ delicate butterflies out of 5

HITMAN: AGENT 47 [2015]

After the Xavier Gens' shitfest 2007 adaptation of the long-running video game franchise, first time director Aleksander Bach gives the world Hitman: Agent 47, a film reboot of the series that no one asked for.
A great deal more faithful to it's source material than the first film, Agent 47 runs around Eastern Europe diving head-first into adolescent video-game violence for straight-faced shits 'n giggles.  It's a pretty dumb film but quite often it seems to know it and fly that flag with pride and honor, amidst all the jarring product placements in the fancy action sequences.
It's not a very good film but in a weird unexpected way,  it's really not an insanely horrible film either.

2 jet engines out of 5

Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)

While the film is busy educating viewers on the importance of looking after the environment, particularly marine life, a crafty alien spaceship slips into the ocean.  Such sass and irony!  It threatens mankind in a notable ‘shoe on the other foot’ kind of way, but the flying chelonian hero is soon on the case, selflessly fighting for the survival of all mankind.
Although not commented upon directly, if you use your noggin you can figure out a legitimate reason why the invading alien presence knows how to speak fluent Japanese. That's called progress, folks.

2 shark notes out of 5

PIXELS [2015]

With lowered expectations Chris Columbus' Adam Sandler sci-fi/comedy, Pixels, is actually pretty watchable as something mildly entertaining.
It is indeed a fantasy universe when it's folks like Sandler, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage & U.S. President Kevin James saving the world from aliens who have taken the form of classic '80's arcade characters.
It'd be too easy to dismiss Pixels as simply dumb but it really is just that.   Sandler steps back, yawning, and allows Gad & Dinklage to steal every scene they're in which makes for the best bits in the movie (which still isn't much).  There was a lot of potential to get something as hilariously imaginative as Ghostbusters but instead we get another Evolution.
Funny how all three films mentioned in this review feature Danny Aykroyd.  Coincidence?

2 Paperboys out of 5

DARKMAN [1990]

Director Sam Raimi lays down the melodrama something fierce in his comic book-esque mad scientist thriller Darkman.
A brilliant doctor is left for dead by a group of thugs and unknowingly extracts revenge on each of them from within the shadows in this kitschy homage to olde tyme Universal horror films.
Although Raimi shows restraint from the same type of goofiness his Evil Dead flicks displayed, one can't help but notice how Darkman teeters between horror camp and straight-up spoofiness.  The plotting is occasionally a far-fetched mess but that's all part of it's charm, that is if this is your thing.  If it's not your thing then it's best advised you steer clear from this one because Raimi doesn't hold back from the popcorn cheese here.  No matter what, I like this movie and all it's operatic sequences, over-played tragedy and goofball cinematic atmospherics.

3 pink elephants out of 5

SHAUN THE SHEEP MOVIE [2015]

Writer/directors Richard Starzak & Mark Burton bring Nick Park's stop-motion dialogue-free animated series Shaun The Sheep to the big screen.
Shaun & the rest of the gang end up in the big city after a slight mishap which leads them into all sorts of trouble and wooly hijinks.
Like previous Aardman Animations, Shaun takes it time setting up jokes and situations instead of rapidly firing chaos at the viewers from all sides and that's where it's greatest strength lies.  Sure it's irresistibly cute but it packs enough smarts and gentle slyness in it's humor to make it worthwhile for the whole family.  Amidst all it's simplicity lies some wonderfully crafted harmless sight gags, a startling attention to design & detail and a welcome delight after welcome delight.

4 close shaves out of 5

DOPE [2015]

Writer/director Rick Famuyiwa hits gold with the coming-of-age crime-drama, Dope.
Growing up in a rough neighborhood of modern L.A., three teenage outcasts, obsessed with 90's hip-hop, have their lives turned upside down when they receive a rare opportunity to attend an underground nightclub party.
A perfect blend of incisive humor, keen observation, social issues and a fast-pace make Dope some of the most fun I've had with a film this year.  The three leads are an absolute hoot to watch, as they never get too goofy but allow the outrageous situations around them make up the funniest moments.  With a story that is all about going against typecast it shouldn't be any secret that one should expect the unexpected with this hidden gem.

4 pound cakes out of 5

ALL THE PRETTY HORSES [2000]

Billy Bob Thornton directs All The Pretty Horses, a film adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's dark romance-western novel.
It tells the tale of a Texas cowboy, working in Mexico, that falls in love with a rancher's daughter which leads him into all sorts of trouble.
Billy Bob demonstrates some good ol' fashioned Western film-making with this lushly photographed piece where quite often the imagery tells the story more than the dialogue.  Sadly, his vision was gutted when the studio demanded a good 40% of the film be cut due to length.  A lot is lost, particularly the emotional punch the novel carried, but somehow it manages to tread water with some strong performances and interesting situations.

3 cowboys out of 5

DARK PLACES [2015]

In what seems like riding on the coattails of David Fincher's popular film adaptation of Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl, director Gilles Paquet-Brenner gives Dark Places a stab in the...dark.
A loner of a woman revisits the gruesome Satanic murders of her family, when she is agrees to take part in a club obsessed with horrific crimes of the past.
An impressive cast is assembled for an overly rushed script that lacks any sort of bite to it.  In fact the whole thing feels more like a TV movie of the week rather than a dark passageway into the character's minds like the novel did so well at doing.
It feels like themes and ideas are ready to be explored but nothing is really said or done about them and in the end it's nothing more than pointless, yet somewhat easy to watch pulp.

2½ rituals out of 5

THE DIVERGENT SERIES: INSURGENT [2015]

Director Robert Schwentke takes over as director for Insurgent, the second film in the Divergent series, loosely based off of dystopian YA trilogy of novels (and in this day and age means we'll get four films).
Tris & her friends (and their amazing hair) are all back, now on the run, must chose sides as their society is on the brink of a full-fledged war that threatens...well...you know the rest.  The genre has been done to death by now and there isn't a whole lot that differs from film-to-film.  Fortunately, this second film is brought to life with some nifty set-pieces, imaginative action sequences and stronger confidence in itself that relieves the viewer from the bore that was the first film.    It doesn't do anything to distinguish itself from it's peers but with a bolder sense of direction it doesn't feels as aimless.

3 sleepy suicides out of 5

THE END OF THE TOUR [2015]

Director James Ponsoldt adapts writer David Lipsky's memoir Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself into the deeply profound and affecting The End of the Tour.
It tells of Lipsky's 1996 five-day road trip interview with David Foster Wallace, the author of the critically acclaimed Infinite Jest.
It's a deeply woven character study that dissects the fabricated camaraderie and lies told when it comes to a journalist and the human subject at hand.  However it explores an unexpected and brief friendship that is born at different stages of these two men's lives.  Jesse Eisenberg perfects his awkward personality with exquisite execution but it's Jason Segel as the deceased author that completely surprised me with multiple layers of sadness, hatred, intelligence and observation.

4 Big Ships out of 5

Gamera vs. Jiger (1970)

Even after acknowledging a number of glaring contradictions in the story it’s still a lot better than the previous film. The adults work alongside the children this time, balancing pragmatism with unchecked intuition, resulting in a more interesting film for all ages. The introduction of the threat is good times and Gamera’s response to it much quicker. The rocky set/location is really excellent. The city one less so but is impressively huge by comparison, highlighted beautifully when Dir. Yuasa tracks along the entirety of it. Overall, it’s far from perfect, but at least it tried to take a step in the right direction.

3 unlawful entries out of 5

Lone Wolf and Child: Assassin on the Road to Hell (1989)

aka Baby Cart In Purgatory

Dir. Tokuzô Tanaka's film attempts to tell the entire LW+C story in just 140 mins. Hideki Takahashi stars as Ogami Ittō and in a strange but welcome role reversal Tomisaburo Wakayama dons the eyebrows to play the treacherous Retsudo Yagyū. If that wasn't interesting enough, it also has Meiko Kaji.
There's one significant change to the story, but otherwise it packs in a ton of good stuff, revolving primarily around the Yagyū letter arc. The script understands that even though secondary characters only get a brief time onscreen, that doesn't mean the tragedy attached to them need be weakened.
Keeping in mind that it's a TV Movie and judging it as such, it's a worthy addition to an existing fan's shelf. If you're new to the LW+C story, however, the original films are still a better, if lengthier, introduction.

4 cart modifications out of 5

Gamera vs. Guiron (1969)

Film number five has a a trio of plucky pre-teens investigating a spaceship that landed not too far from their location. Plot A leads effortlessly to plot B, resulting in the blade-nosed Guiron going pointy-head to turtle-head with the titular, heroic kaijū (who spends more time getting to the actual battle than he does engaging in it, but at least he made it, right?) There’s flame-breath and city destruction for kids; the aforementioned space-ladies in figure-hugging, spangly polyester for dads; and, no, sorry, nothing of note for moms.

2½ irregular waves out of 5

ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL [2015]

Director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon's teen drama, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, is one the most pleasant unexpected surprises of the year.
High-schooler Greg is an awkward movie-loving outsider, afraid of intimate social interaction, that has his outlook on life changed when he accidentally befriends Rachel, a classmate recently diagnosed with leukemia.
It's too easy to compare it to The Fault in Our Stars but the film (and the Jesse Andrews novel it's based on) is completely different in tone, mood and themes.  There's no love story to be found but a coming-of-age story about friendship, finding one's purpose and the stark pain of reality.  There's moments of gut-busting hilarity to compliment the mature heartbreak.  It's rare that each character, major & minor, chew up each scene they're in but that's the case here.  They're all interesting and entertaining to come familiar with.  The photography is both beautiful and startlingly creative with it's dizzying camerawork and snippets of stop-action animation.

4 Big Ships out of 5

THE HARVEST [2013]

After being absent for over a decade, director John McNaughton makes his return to film with the oddball dramatic horror film, The Harvest.
An overly protective (and batshit crazy) mother is put to the test when her terminally ill son befriends a new girl in town.
Samantha Morton is the star here, with her frightening performance that outshines the majority of the film.  The rest of the cast is fine but the writing isn't necessarily bad but it needs just a bit more sprucing up to make it memorable.  At first, it all felt like an overly sappy TV movie but slowly morphed into something far more sinister and twisted.  It's not a standard horror film but depending on what character you side with depends on what sort of horror it might be.
Sound interesting?  It is in a way...but somehow simultaneously falls pretty flat as well.

2½ scarecrows out of 5