[REC] ² [2009]

The sequel to the Spanish found footage film [REC] falls off it's feet right from the very get go, mostly due to the inane ending of it's predecessor.  

Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza both return to the roles of writers & directors, 15 minutes after the events of the first film so it's nice to have a bit of continuity. Halfway through the film it abruptly changes character focus on another group, which happens to be simultaneous with the first half of the film.  I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff, so it became a bit better from then on, still not enough to prevent some huge yawns.  

2 rocket launching blow-up dollies out of 5

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE [2010]

Scraping the bottom of the barrel for horror remakes results in something like the merciless I Spit On Your Grave.  

The first hour is realistically repulsive and utterly degrading to females that it really made me wonder why I would keep watching it but my Nut duties call for it.  Where the second hour turns into a gory revenge film that threw all realism out the door, making it much more watchable. Now this sudden change makes me think it defeats the whole supposed "purpose" of the first half.  Apart from performances and a score better than the film deserves, it's easy to recommend skipping this one.

2 shotguns up the ass out of 5

GLADIATOR [2000]

Director Ridley Scott brings the historical epic drama back to the big screen in the hugely successful Gladiator.  

Russell Crowe does a fantastic job at portraying the larger-than-life lead role of Maximus while still scaling the character down to give him an every man feel.  With some extravagant sets & costumes, beautiful photography and hypnotizing score courtesy of Hans Zimmer & Lisa Gerrard, Gladiator sets out to entertain and it does so with jaw-dropping flair that will leave an impression for many years to come. 

4 wheat fields out of 5

CHINATOWN [1974]

Jack Nicholson shines opposite Faye Dunaway in director Roman Polanski's neo-noir classic Chinatown.

More like a classic hard-boiled detective film of the Golden Age, Chinatown never really relies on harsh language, violence or sex to blanket it in the broody, dark atmosphere it relishes in.  The story starts out quite simple then builds in well-paced complexity but never so much it loses the viewer.  

Classy film-making at some of it's best.  

5 nicks in the nose out of 5

Nine (2009)

Some films are more than the sum of their parts; Nine has the misfortune of being the opposite. It has a great female cast, some interesting set pieces, some clever lighting that reminds of Gregg Toland’s work, and occasional smart editing, but they never gel into a satisfactory whole. Like the main protagonist’s mind it’s directionless and empty when it should be focused and impassioned. If that was a conscious decision, designed to reflect his crippling lack of imagination, it was a bad one. It's a yawn-fest with some bad music.

1½ cabaret music videos out of 5

Peter Kay: Driven to Distraction (2005)

One of Peter Kay’s first comedy ventures, from the New Voices comedy show from 1997. It puts his trademark Lancashire idiot persona in a car with two other Lancashire idiots on their way to carry out a heist. It’s a short 25 minute sketch that will raise a few chuckles.
Alexei Sayle pops up and doesn't make me want to kill him for once.
Disc extras are two episodes of British Soap Coronation Street. That depressed me. I hate Corry, with a passion. Kay had a cameo in one and featured as a full character in the other. I skipped to his scenes and am loathe to admit they were kind of fun in a tragic way.

1 legally owned getaway car out of 5

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Ed Norton channels his inner Bill Bixby. He gives a solid and understated performance as the troubled scientist with the anger issues. It really does feel like the spiritual successor to the 1970's TV series of the same name, even teasing us with a short musical cue. Sadly, the story gives him very little to work with after the first half. It changes direction but offers nothing and no one worth caring about. I stuck it out to the end, but the urge to hit stop was a compelling one.

2½ pairs of purple pants out of 5

The American (2010)

Anton Corbijn made an Italian Western that isn’t a Western. I’m not talking out of my ass. Watch it and you’ll understand. Clooney is perfect as the silent man with a gun that rolls into a quiet town. He fits seamlessly into every frame, expertly envisioned by Corbijn’s decades trained photographer’s eye. It’s a slow film, full of moments of observation that reveal more about what Clooney is feeling than words could. Words are distracting when all you need are subtle actions.

3½ spaghetti not included out of 5

Iron Man 2 (2010)

While the ultimate goal is to separate you from your money, this sequel has two other reasons to exist. Firstly, it has a standalone plot, which has too much Paltrow and too much Rockwell, both of whom bring nothing to the table. Conversely, Mickey Rourke says very little and is both more appealing and more interesting than either of the other two.

The second reason Iron Man 2 exists is to further advance The Avengers, which is again designed to separate you from even more of your money.
It's ironic that the part which should feel like an intrusion, and is in reality an unfinished story, is more entertaining than the main part of the film, which descends into an obligatory explosion-heavy finale.
Once again, Robert Downey Jr proves to be the best cast Superhero in the entire Marvel universe.

3 very silly suitcases out of 5

Iron Man (2008)

An Iron Man origin story that sadly lacks a good villain, a factor that could've been easily compensated for by elevating the conflict between Tony and his limitations, or between his conscience and his past, but unfortunately neither of those things are given enough attention. Most of the time it really doesn't matter because Robert Downey Jr is simply amazing as the arrogant, billionaire playboy with the silver tongue and well-groomed facial hair. He makes the film more than the sum of its parts. Without him, it would be just another superhero film.

4 Stark raving awesomes out of 5

Dream Home (2010)

I want to like Dream Home more than I do. I love that someone made a slasher flick about the Hong Kong housing market. I love that it makes some really insightful social commentary. I love that it takes the time to show its victims as normal people. And I love the darkly comedic moments it squeezes in. I just don't like the way everything works together.

The over the top nature of the deaths completely clashes with the realistic way they're portrayed. This isn't a dumb film, and I'm sure this was a deliberate choice, but the final effect is uncomfortably torture porn-y. Cheng Li-sheung is fascinating on paper, but Josie Ho's portrayal is flat. I enjoyed parts of this film very much, especially the early flashbacks and the ending, but overall I feel like something was lost in translation.

2.5 eyesballs squished under a shoe out of 5.

Bachelorette (2012)

I frequently get curious about movies I don't think will be any good. Usually, I'm content to read plot spoilers on Wikipedia. There was something about Bachelorette that made me want to watch it. I blame the cast - it's full of actors I like, such as Adam Scott, Lizzy Caplan, and Kirsten Dunst.

Bachelorette is one of those movies that gets worse the more you think about it. The cast sells the hell out of the lousy script, but they can't save it, nor can they do anything to fix the shockingly inconsistent characterization. The movie flirts with being both dark and realistic and a standard rom-com, but never commits to either and winds up a mess. There were hints of something interesting here, especially with Isla Fisher's character, but the film discards this in favor of a forced happy ending. Boo.

1 My So Called Life reference out of 5

Oliver Twist (2005)

An adaption of the classic Dickens tale starring a straggly bearded Ben Kingsley as the stooped and crooked Fagin, supported by a number of TV actors relatively unknown outside of Britain.
There’s very little of the real Polanski on offer; it’s mostly bloodless and the violence is handled respectfully.
The kids are uninteresting which is not ideal in a film like this. Bill Sikes’ big moment is either badly presented or was heavily cut in my version.
What saves it are Kingsley’s ability to be both comedic and tragic and the passion of the young Nancy (played by Leanne Rowe).
Overall it's good but could've and should've been much better.

3 civil words from an avaricious old geezer out of 5

Taxi Driver (1976)

Travis has a methodical and direct approach to life, but the bustle of the streets and the filth of the alleys make him sick with revulsion. His conscience eats at him daily as he watches it fall deeper into sin.
De Niro is utterly believable as the lonely night worker at odds with the city and its vices. His reasoning guides the film narrative; his words characterize the world in our mind and we become sympathetic to his subjective interpretations.
Scorsese's direction, De Niro's anti-hero and Bernard Herrmann's last ever score were a match made in film heaven. Essential viewing,

5 bouts of insomnia out of 5

I Start Counting (1969)

A little-known British coming of age drama about a teenage girl deeply in love with her brother; it also disturbingly weaves in the story of a serial killer. It was controversial at time of release for its depiction of teenage girls having traditionally 'adult' thoughts of sex. That part will seem less shocking to most modern viewers, but there's a much darker and less conspicuous narrative simmering beneath it that's decidedly more unsettling.

The world feels alive, but some of the secondary characters feel underdeveloped. In retrospect, when you consider that the tone reflects a youth's mind, then the tapered focus makes a kind of sense.

3 happy songs out of 5

The Good, The Bad, The Weird [2008]

Director Kim Ji-woon's bizarre and highly entertaining Western film The Good, The Bad, The Weird is a wonderful delight front to back.

There's some obvious nods to the classic western genre, humorous action set pieces that reminds me of the outrageous choreography of the Pirates Of The Caribbean series and outlandish, yet strangely human performances that all make up for some pretty damned good fun.

If it's a thought provoking character-driven story, I might go elsewhere.  This is just good fun and attempts to be nothing more.

3½ spikes up the bum out of 5

Afterwards (2008)

A film about death and one man's reluctance to accept that it can be predicted.
After an opening that had me literally gobsmacked the film plummets into an almost intolerable audible experience due to Romain Duris' inability to enunciate in the English language. It’s not his native tongue, so maybe the blame ought to lie more with the casting director. Nevertheless, the thick French accent meant I couldn't understand a damn thing he said. (If the situation was reversed he'd probably, rightfully say the same about me.)
Malkovich is good as a quiet, confident doctor with an unusual ability.
Had the film been made either entirely in French, or with a lead that could speak clearly, it could've been much better than it currently is.

2½ white lights out of 5

EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE [2011]

Director Stephen Daldry puts on his schmaltzy Oscar suit for the adaptation of Jonathan Safran Foer's 9/11 aftermath novel Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.

The story itself could have had great intentions but got lost along the way to ruthlessly tug at the heart strings and make us feel good.  Those intentions are so crystal clear it's pretty offensive the producers didn't think anybody would see right through this Oscar bait bullshit.
What a manipulative pile of shit.  

1 answer in the palm of the hand out of 5

WALKING THE DEAD [2010]

A reporter's latest story leads him into a creepy Chinese village that makes Twin Peaks seem like Mayberry in director Melanie Ansley's Walking The Dead.

It's not necessarily a scary (or even a good) movie but the setting and atmosphere reminded me so much of a video game I enjoyed it a bit more coming from that angle.  The acting is terrible and awkward, the script is a boring and predictable mess, it's void of any sort of thrills and it's the longest 1 hour and 24 minutes I've endured in a long time.  

1 too many stupid coincidences out of 5

Shine a Light (2008)

A Strolling Bones concert directed by Martin Scorsese that’s very similar to what he did with The Band in 1978. It includes guest musicians, candid behind the scenes documentary footage and archive TV footage, which, embarrassingly for Marty, is a lot more interesting than what he caught in his lens. The guests range from superb (Buddy Guy) to just awful (Jack White); Christina Aguilera is also amazing. The set list is disappointing, for me at least, but the performances are top class. They may be prehistoric rockers but they have more energy than I do on even my best days.

3 doll houses out of 5

Beck (2010)

Beck isn't really the sort of movie I'd normally watch. When it comes to Asian cinema, I gravitate towards action, horror, and animation. However, Beck had a cast packed full of tokusatsu actors, which I couldn't resist. Who doesn't want to see Kabuto and Den-O jam together?  Don't answer that.

I got my jam sessions, but I also got a fun drama/comedy I would have enjoyed without the Kamen Riders. The characters are well developed, and the cast has tons of chemistry. I don't see myself grabbing the soundtrack, but the music is nice in the moment, especially when the movie sells the passion behind it. Unfortunately, there were some weird stylistic choices that pulled me out of the moment each time they occurred. Had they been handled differently, this could've been great, but as is, it's just "pretty good".

3 seriously why would you mute Takeru Sato out of 5.

From Up on Poppy Hill (2011)

I love the fantastic, magical worlds brought to life in Ghibli movies, but there's a very special place in my heart for the films that are a little closer to reality. Still, I wasn't sure about this one. It was directed by Goro Miyazaki, who gave us the lackluster Tales from Earthsea. I felt a little uneasy when I pressed play, but my fears soon faded.

This isn't on par with Ghibli's best but it's still a very good film. It's a sweet, simple love story that caught me a little by surprise - I wasn't expecting it to be so moving. The animation is excellent, and the backgrounds are stunning. I loved the town and its characters, and the music was wistful and lovely. I wish this had a little more whimsy, but it's still charming.

4 fights with a cat out of 5.

BETTER LUCK TOMORROW [2002]

Serving as sort of a lead-in to the Fast & Furious' Han Lue's life before his life of cool cars &organized crime, writer/director Justin Lin's Better Luck Tomorrow is a bit difficult to wrap your head around at first.  

It's not particularly flashy or fast-paced like the F&F series but seems more like an indie-crime drama that can't quite decide what it wants to be.  It's filled with loads of bizarre camera shots and multi-layered character moments but also has it's fair share of awkward performances and klunky dialogue.  Take a bunch of F&F type characters and place them in thoughtful, down-to-earth situations and it quickly exposes them as the douches they are.  All faults aside, it's a frightening and shocking film that proves Lin has a little something more inside him than just dumb action films. 

3 Beaver Cleaver The Teachers out of 5

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

There's a very real possibility that the third film in the series got green lit simply to enable the producers to create a sexy female Terminator that they called the Terminatrix. I fear someone got paid a sizeable bag of money to come up with that. As a film, it fails. Using Arnie as the butt of some immature visual gags was the least of its problems. The acting was bad. The story was flat-out boring, except for the final twist. It out-shits even Alien 4 for being unnecessary and unwarranted. They even screwed up the sexy. The Terminatrix (sorry to use it twice) lacks any kind of allure, even while jaywalking with her ass out. Bad. Bad. Bad.

1½ coffin carrying idiots out of 5

The Loved Ones (2009)

I have a weakness for school dance slashers. They're overwhelmingly terrible, but it's just more fun to watch people get maimed when they're wearing formalwear. I would've liked The Loved Ones even if it had been awful, but it's a smart, surprising, darkly funny horror flick that's a masterpiece by prom movie standards.

Robin McLeavy's Lola is a bubblegum psycho I'd love to see bump arms with the horror movie greats. She dishes out horrors that are so imaginative and fun that the movie never feels like torture porn even at its goriest. Brent could have been a dull or irritating character, but Xavier Samuel plays him perfectly. My only real complaint about the movie is that one of the subplots felt completely pointless. It's easily the most fun I've had watching a horror movie since Cabin in the Woods.

4 walls covered in torsos out of 5.

Asylum Blackout (2011)

I watched Asylum Blackout mostly because the poster caught my attention, and I was mostly disappointed. I think there's a really fun film hidden in here somewhere, but it's lost in a sea of torture porn, and the paper thin story does nothing to elevate it. Add an eyeroll inducing ending, and you're left with a movie that could use a good MSTing.

There are a few genuinely spooky sequences, and I think first time director Alexandre Courtès has some talent. The leads are reasonably likable and smart (for a horror movie), and while the inmates feel like stock characters, some of them are entertaining anyway. I think Courtès might make a movie I really like someday, but this isn't it.

1.5 more flayings than plot out of 5.

Norwegian Wood (2010)

Murakami is my favorite author, and although Norwegian Wood isn't really representative of his work, it still holds a special place in my heart. It's well suited for adaptation, and I was excited to see what director Tran Anh Hung would bring to the tale.

Maybe it's because I've read the book, but the movie felt like it was missing something. At times, it's an affecting tale of loss and longing, but in other moments, it plays like a generic teen drama. The film itself is visually stunning, and there are a few scenes I could watch again and again. All the performances are strong, but Rinko Kikuchi is particularly impressive. In some respects, Norwegian Wood was a disappointment, but I liked it anyway. I have a feeling it'll stick in my head for a while.

3 girls who once had me out of 5.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

It’s clear from the beginning of Benjamin Button that you’re in for an emotional experience, but it never quite reaches the lofty peaks it promises, except in the frame narrative which made me shed a manly tear. I wasn't seeking more schmaltz, but more affecting relationships, deserving of the quality cast, aided by a less reserved Despalt score would have been very welcome.
The most astonishing thing of all was that it was directed by David Fincher. I didn't think him capable of such a reflective and delicate piece.

3½ hummingbirds out of 5

Juno (2007)

Juno is a coming of age comedy/drama that proves once again that even on a small budget (it was shot for just $6.5 million) a great cast and a great script are superior to 90% of what the major studios drop out of their inflated, protracted asshole. It deals with teen pregnancy in an intelligent and non-judgemental manner that only a bloodthirsty religious zealot would take exception with.
Ellen Page is perfect. J. K. Simmons is hilarious. Michael Cera is Michael Cera. Even Jennifer Garner can’t ruin it.

4½ blue slushies out of 5

IN BRUGES [2008]

Writer/director Martin McDonagh's feature length debut, In Bruges, is a wonderfully dark and humorous crime drama that slowly unravels Hell into Heaven.

Some brilliantly comical and tragically human performances compliment the wonderfully executed script and pacing.  It starts off a little slow but all can be forgiven as the situation cleverly snowballs into something far more complicated than what we're initially led to believe.  

3½ fucking cunt kids out of 5

SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMEN [2012]

Director Rupert Sanders' Snow White & The Huntsmen takes the dark overtones of the original fariytale and enthusiastically runs with it.

The idea has potential to be quite a startling piece of cinema, nodding it's head to Guillemero Del Toro and Ridley Scott, but doesn't quite reach that height.  Riddled with some uneven acting, a mess of a plot and forced moments that seem it's trying to hard to be different from previous incarnations of the tale.  Strengthened by strong female roles, (particularly Charlize's slightly over-the-top performance) and some glimpses of great imagination, Snow White's world could have been wonderful and begs to be further explored.

3 wood trolls out of 5

UNSTOPPABLE [2010]

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting much at all going into the late Tony Scott's final film, Unstoppable.  

I was a fool.  What I got was a highly entertaining, tightly wound, heart-stopping action film that's difficult not to get wrapped up into.  The premise and characters are pretty thin but we're here for the action and that's where the film excels relentlessly.  Only Scott can make a crowd of onlookers in industrial smalltown USA look just as exciting as a high speed car chase in New York City. 

Popcorn fun at some of it's finest.

3½ breakfast cereal storms out of 5

TMNT [2007]

Nearly 15 years after their last venture onto the big screen Eastman & Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back in the CGI animated film TMNT.

The film follows the world already set up in the live-action films, while attempting to distance itself simultaneously, which surprisingly works quite well.  The plot is a little paper-thin and the dialogue isn't quite as fun compared to previous Turtle films, but the animation is beautiful and the action sequences are cleverly choreographed to make it easy to forgive.  Plus, it's the Turtles who are just good times anyway.

3 Silent Bob's in a diner out of 5

THE BOONDOCK SAINTS 2: ALL SAINTS DAY [2009]

After a 10 year absence, Troy Duffy's American/Irish badboy vigilante brothers are back in the follow-up to the cult hit in, The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day.

After a rather crowd-pleasing original, it's hard to follow-up and this fails in almost every way.  The dialogue is flat and uninspiring as hell, the action sequences are inanely dull, it's horribly uneven pacing and Billy Connolly is painfully underused.  Aside from a few humorous moments, All Saints Day is an utter disappointment and waste of time.

1½ cats on a bar out of 5

Up in the Air (2009)

Ryan (Clooney) travels a lot. His job requires that he hop quickly from State to State, sometimes on a daily basis.
Relationships aren’t something he has the time, nor the motivation for.
When he gets dragged out of his comfort zone he has to adapt the only way he knows how.
Your enjoyment of this comedy/drama will hinge solely on your feelings for the three main cast members, because the actual plot is wafer thin. It lacks impact but will pass a two hour gap in your schedule.

3 empty backpacks out of 5

Ong Bak 2: The Beginning (2008)

For about ninety percent of the running time Tony Jaa breaks arms, legs, faces and throats using his fists, feet, elbows and knees. He’ll get adventurous occasionally and use knives, swords, sticks, flails and an old fashioned rock. OB 2 is less of a film and more of a collection of fight scenes thrown haphazardly together. The script remembers in the last thirty seconds, literally, that it’s supposed to be a prequel to the first film, so it adds a weak connection lest we accuse it of cashing in on a name.

1 wiggy finger out of 5

Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005)

The first attempt at an Exorcist prequel, held back and eventually released because the other one stank, is a better film than its successor but only just. It tells of Father Merrin’s first brush with the demon that would take control of Regan twenty-eight years later.
This one puts the emphasis on characterisation, so Skarsgård is again the focus. Sadly, the supporting cast suck. The film suffers greatly from the absence of Izabella Scorupco.
Dir Paul Schrader wanted a film about a man, full of dramatic parallels, but the studio wanted a bankable horror and consequently it ended up as neither.

2½ fake hyenas and a box of matches out of 5

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

The second attempt at an Exorcist prequel, confusingly released first, fails to excite. It’s a shame because the cast, particularly Skarsgård, are excellent. It paints a very believable back-story for Father Merrin, which is handled well and enriches the character. Vittorio Storaro's cinematography is great, as always, although the post-prod team went a little crazy with the colour correction. Hollywood really need to stop doing that. Alas, the last third plummets into a mess of lazy CGI action and audience-pleasing predictability.

2½ fake hyenas and a genuine Zippo lighter out of 5

The Exorcist III (1990)

Wisely ignoring the events of Exorcist II (1977), part three takes place fifteen years after the original. It’s written + directed by William Peter Blatty, the author of the novel that started the series. What does a writer know about directing a film? A hell of a lot, it seems. He creates a tightly woven eerie film that's packed with tension, psychological terror and some excellent dialogue.
Brad Dourif is simply amazing as the psychotic vessel.
Studio interference forced a new ending that's abrupt and unnecessary. Had Blatty been allowed to retain the original footage he shot it surely would've been more in keeping with the aesthetic, and potentially could've made part three have almost equal the original film's reputation.

4 invitations to the dance out of 5

DAN IN REAL LIFE [2007]

Writer/director Peter Hedges does such a good job at writing family turmoil I'm not quite sure I'm always comfortable with it, even when it's a harmless comedy-drama like Dan In Real Life.

Steve Carell and Juliette Binoche do an exceptional job as the realistically written pair unwillingly falling for each other.  It's simple and not particularly original but the cast and the characters keep it from getting too stale or tiresome.  Just a pleasant view and nothing more or less.

3 murderers of love out of 5

THE BOONDOCK SAINTS [1999]

Writer/director Troy Duffy channels his inner Tarantino in the cult classic action flick The Boondock Saints.  While the film may never give the viewer much to think about, rapidly fires flat dialogue at us or even solidify it's characters enough to care about them, the rest of it is pretty damned over-the-top fun, particularly Willem Dafoe's performance.  It attempts to convince us it has some sort of higher purpose but in the end it just seems like it's more interested in setting up some really cool execution scenes.  

3 obliterated cats out of 5

Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

A 120 minute steaming, festering, locust covered turd.
It was my third attempt at watching the shit-fest, I had face-palmed myself into a coma the previous two times. I was determined to make it to the end. Determination is overrated. Never again.

0½ pseudoscientific quasi-religious bullshit out of 5

The Exorcist (1973)

I don't think it's the scariest film of all time, but it is a disturbing one and an eerie aural experience. It's slow to begin but creeps under your skin, unnoticed, until it settles into your consciousness with an intensity that's very hard to define. Friedkin's direction is almost vérité which adds to the realism and heightens the unease. Unlike many Hollywood films it remains as objective as possible; it doesn't preach or attempt to influence the viewer's established notions of good and evil. It simply is what it is.
The unintentional humour is the only thing that keeps it from being perfect.

4 the pea of soup compels you out of 5

DARK SHADOWS [2012]

Director Tim Burton's big screen adaptation of the 60's gothic horror soap opera Dark Shadows rounds up the usual suspects: Johhny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Christopher Lee, Danny Elfman and quirkiness.

It's still fun to see these folks all work together, granted the material is quality, sadly that is not the case here.  Burton's usually good at blending campy humour with gory Hammer type horror but unfortunately he never seems to find the right balance and it hurts the film quite a bit.  As a dedicated longtime fan of Burton's work I still found some limited enjoyment in this mess but I'd advise you steer clear if you have no love for the man.

2½ glass witches out of 5 

Ping Pong (2002)

Japanese drama based on a manga about two friends and their love of ping pong. It’s a sports movie on the surface but that’s just a device, it could be any sport, even golf (yawn) and it’d still have a beautifully crafted heartfelt story of friendship and honour beneath.
Dir Sori keeps the story focussed on the players, adding just enough flair when needed. If it was an American production they’d be pulling off impossible shots and I’d have cringed.
It's clear from the beginning what you're going to get, but it won't diminish the enjoyment gained from watching it.
It’s hard to find in the West, but it’s worth the effort.

3½ eyebrows out of 5

CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE [2009]

The Stath returns with Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam & others, for more frantic absurdity in Crank: High Voltage.

As silly and mindless as the first one is, this film pushes the boundaries even further and doesn't even try to use it's brain, which makes it even more a of good, sleazy & violent time.  Littered with cameos from Bai Ling, David Carradine, Corey Haim, a gaggle of porns stars and members of Nine Inch Nails, TOOL, Linkin Park and The Spice Girls. Crank 2 is the definition of quality schlock that goes out of it's way to make the sensible person loathe it. 

3½ strawberry tarts out of 5

SAFE [2012]

The Stath delivers an auto-pilot performance in Boaz Yakin's uninspired formulaic dud Safe.

Sooner or later action stars have to do the "save the annoying, smart-assed little kid" film.  It seems it was The Stath's turn to bite the bullet.  Feck.  My heart sank just reading the premise.

Quick, Stath!  Shoot the little bint in the head before she insults your intelligence again.

2 Staths On A Train out of 5

LIFE OF BRIAN [1979]

I honestly couldn't find a reason why Monty Python's extremely controversial third film Life Of Brian doesn't deserve anything less than a five.

It's killer funny & intelligent, jam-packed with the Python's trademark silliness and smarts and still politically & religiously  relevant today.  Unlike The Holy Grail, this film is an evenly paced, thought provoking tear at the idiots who don't understand their own religion. 

5 leaping lepers out of 5