MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING [2012]

Joss Whedon's idea of taking time off from his busy schedule is directing, producing and scoring an adaptation of Shakespeare's romantic comedy Much Ado About Nothing.
Whedon collects a gaggle of his usual suspects, including Alexis Denisof, Amy Acker, Fran Kranz, Clark Gregg and many more, in a modern day black and white world that works quite well.  Unlike most Shakespeare adaptations that are set in the modern day this film doesn't resort to flashiness or extravagant setpieces and instead is a quiet, sweet little piece that lets the words speak for itself.  Like in most of Whedon's work, the actors do a seamless job at switching from dramatic to hilarious without missing a beat.  Nathan Fillion and Tom Lenk play off each other wonderfully making for some of the biggest laughs.

4 Happily ever afters for Fred & Wesley out of 5

Top Gear: The Perfect Road Trip (2013)

There’s no James May this time, so Hammond and Clarkson go it alone as they travel across part of Europe in the ‘perfect mode of transport’ for the terrain. What that means is seven days of faux spontaneity alongside some genuinely funny ad-libbing as the two men attempt to humiliate and outdo the other at every turn. The comedy means a love of cars isn't necessary. I lost my shit at the homemade sponsorship stickers. GJ, guys.

3 lesbo corners out of 5

The Blue Lagoon (1980)

I hadn't watched TBL before but was aware of its overinflated reputation.
Stranded on a tropical island from a young age, the two protagonists lack any kind of knowledge about what it means to be an adult. It’s interesting to speculate how their spiritual and emotional growth would develop when removed from society, but unless you approach it from a sociological and anthropological point of view it’s not a very satisfying story. It just kind of drifts along like a dead fish for a long time, shaken up by the occasional eddy. The ending is forgettable.

2½ old B+W photographs out of 5

The Penultimate Truth About Philip K. Dick (2007)

Emiliano Larre's documentary offers a brief glimpse into the complicated life and mind-bending legacy of the celebrated sci-fi author. There’s a rather pointless and oft-times disrespectful framing device that should’ve been removed, but the confessionals and armchair psychoanalysis from people that knew him are fascinating. There’s very little content that will be new to Dickheads, but having the info gathered in one place is helpful when it comes to comparing and contrasting the old stories.

3 topics that don't exist out of 5

THE SITTER [2011]

David Gordon Green directs The Sitter without a single ounce of enthusiasm.
What a waste of time and the talents of Jonah Hill and Sam Rockwell, whom I enjoy both quite a bit.
It didn't laugh out loud once and found only a few minor smirks.  Nobody involved in the film really seemed like they wanted anything to do with it and viewers should do the same.

½ shart out of 5

HOW I LIVE NOW [2013]

Based of the young adult novel by Meg Rosoff, How I Live Now is a terrifyingly bleak World War III film, directed by Kevin MacDonald, that's carried by the always wonderful Saoirse Ronan.
There's some wonderful acting, beautiful tones of a bi-polar nature, great scenes of tension & emotion and never tries to be smarter than most films like this would attempt to do.  There is however some brief moments of horrendous dialogue curiously scattered throughout the film, which is suspect might be last second rewrites.  I had some problems with a lot of aimless plot points that really served no purpose to the story and couldn't help but question the sexual relationship between the cousins.  What?  It's written as if the viewer is to accept as any other sort of relationship in a film.
All in all, it's an beautifully enjoyable hit and miss experience.

3 water tablets out of 5

DRINKING BUDDIES [2013]

Written & directed by Joe Swanberg, Drinking Buddies is a quiet little mumblecore drama that I found I didn't realize how well done it was until the final 4 minutes.
With the actors completely improvising their dialogue, it's wonderful to see how well it was edited and pieced together to form a slow-burning but seamless pace.   Most drivelling dramas like this would have the characters spilling their emotions out onto the floor as the lame Top 40 song plays, but here we're quite often left guessing what the characters are feeling and makes for a more intriguing story.

4 Reservoir Dogs in Casablanca out of 5

Top Gear: At the Movies (2011)

Two of the Top Gear team (Richard Hammond and James May) celebrate the use of the car in cinema by racing, rating, recreating and exploding some vehicles. It’s the typical scripted Top Gear tomfoolery. The budget from Auntie's wallet didn't stretch to showing you the actual film footage that the guys refer to, so you’ll have to seek that out on your own.

2½ creative licences out of 5

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)

Catching Fire is both an excellent adaptation and a sequel that improves on its predecessor in every way. Gone is the shaky cam and the confusing narrative. In its place is a two and a half hour movie that doesn't feel boring for a second.

The movie isn't perfect - there's a lot more telling than showing, and a few of the performances aren't stellar - but as a whole, it's pretty great. The cast is stuffed with good actors and Jennifer Lawrence is especially fantastic. I'm not sure this would be enjoyed by anyone who's not a fan of the franchise, but it's a solid film I look forward to seeing again.

3.5 hilarious faces in elevators out of 5.

Election: Volume 1 (2005)

Every two years the Wo Shing society (Triads) hold an election to appoint a new leader. It’s hoped that he will respect the society’s traditions and lead them into prosperity until the next election comes around. But what if the losing candidate doesn't like to lose? What then?
This first volume (of two) is less stylised than some of Johnnie To’s other films and consequently a lot more believable. For most of the running time it not only gives the impression that the events portrayed on-screen could happen, but that that they actually do happen within that world.

3½ expirations out of 5

THE WAY WAY BACK [2013]

The Descendants' Nat Faxon & Jim Rash write, direct and co-star in the coming of age dramedy The Way Way Back.
The Killing's Liam James carries the film as a outcast 14 year old kid and with the help of some scene-stealing performances from Sam Rockwell and Allison Janney, the overly familiar plotline is heightened by it's warmth, humor and finely tuned dialogue.  Nothing will leave you blown out of your mind or your jaw on the floor from a crazy twist or new idea but this quiet little film isn't about that and instead leaves you with a smile on your face for a nice change.

3½ wonky eyes out of 5

RED 2 [2013]

Galaxy Quest director Dean Parisot slips into the director's chair for the sequel to the 2010 action/comedy Red.
Once again Bruce Willy does what he does best and that's not take his action acting too seriously making for a pretty fun ride.  Mary Louise-Parker scene steals like no tomorrow with her adorably funny performance, while Helen Mirren & Byung Hun Lee bring an awesome Fast & Furious attitude with some wicked guns and vehicular carnage.  It's still wildly violent to the point of ridiculousness but manages to never keep a straight-face while the bullets fly and bones snap 'n crack.  As much fun as the film is, it's a bit too generic and feels like we've seen this story over and over and over again, leading me to believe if not for the fantastic cast it'd be pretty dull.

3 tingles for a Pringle out of 5

An Adventure in Space and Time (2013)

A film that's both a kind of biopic of the late William Hartnell's later years and a docudrama about the events surrounding the birth of the Dr Who series at the BBC in 1963. Don’t be put off by the ‘docudrama’ tag, it does both things exceptionally well.
While it'll obviously appeal to fans of the sci-fi show the most, David Bradley, who plays the crotchety old Hartnell, does such an astonishing job that people who don't care for the series will still find something to latch onto, especially his truly heartbreaking performance in the second half.

3½ cups of piss and vinegar out of 5

The Institute (2013)

This is one of those fake documentaries.
Or is the documentary real but the topic fake?
Are the people for real? Some are idiots, some are clearly just pretending to be idiots, and some pretend so well that they actually become idiots.
Will you give out personal information to strangers?
Will you dance in the street if a voice on a phone tells you to?
Will you give a shit once the joke wears thin?

1½ expensive mindfucks out of 5

Diabolique (1996)

A remake of a 1955 French thriller about a murder at a boarding school that creates and sustains a thick, oppressive atmosphere. There are some superb camera movements that heighten the drama or elevate the uncertainty. It’s not unfair to say that it’s a little bit Hitchcock.
Sharon Stone occasionally slips into melodrama but mostly she does a fine job, and it goes without saying that Kathy Bates is always good, but for me it was the fragile Isabelle Adjani that stole the show.
It tries a little too hard to make the twists at the end extra twisty but that didn't detract from the quality performances of the three women that got the story to that point.

3½ baptisms out of 5

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

‘O Brother’ is the reason I like Clooney. He plays one of three guys, none of whom are the sharpest tool in the box, as they set out on a journey from point A to B. It’s not that simple, of course, because the law are hot on their hayseed heels every step of the way.
It doesn't strive for realism. It exists in a kind of made up version of the South with elements of classicism that imbue it with a magical quality without stretching the credulity too much.
Repeated viewings enable a deeper appreciation and reveal just how beautifully constructed it all is. And that soundtrack! Oh, my.

5 obstackels out of 5

CHARLIE COUNTRYMAN [2013]

Fredrik Bond's feature length directorial debut comes in the form of the stylish crime drama Charlie Countryman which seems to channel Nicolas Winding Refn and Danny Boyle.
...in other words, it's kind of crazy.
Toss in a heavy dose of twisted rom-com elements and you have yourself the type of film that is visually dazzling, well-acted and unpredictable with a great soundtrack to boot.  A wave of melancholy is washed over the tension, humour, debauchery, insanity and brutal violence to give it a sense of warmth in the center.  It's simple enough to scare away the snooty film nerds but a bit too weird to attract the average movie-goer and in the end probably won't find much of a home in many viewer's hearts with the exception of the odd-bird scattered around the world.

4 tuba players out of 5

PRISONERS [2013]

Canadian director Denis Villeneuve has a knack for leading the viewer down some dark, disturbing and truly haunting passageways.
Prisoners is no exception.
A beautifully lit thriller that's dreadfully cold, tightly calculated and more emotions and reactions within each scene you can't help but want to follow each character as they go their separate ways.  This is easily Hugh Jackman's absolute  best work to date as he layers his troubled character with so many demons, emotional complexities and vulnerabilities that your heart wrenches with each thought he makes.
Quite easily one of the best films of the year that won't be for everybody due to it's cold, unsettling atmosphere.

4½ bunny socks out of 5

HOURS [2013]

Paul Walker carries about 90% of writer/director Eric Heisserer's dramatic thriller Hours completely on his own.
...and he nearly succeeds.
Unfortunately he's dragged down by dull as doornails dialogue, a complete lack of tension or suspense and a flatlining plotline that ignores it's potential of an interesting premise and setting.  Walker might deliver his performance with the wooden finesse of a blond Keanu Reeves but there's a certain amount of likeability about him that I can't quite pinpoint so that's about all this film really had going for it.  Beyond that, this film felt like it went on for hours and hours and hours....

2 rescue dogs doing a bad job out of 5

GREEN DAY: ¡CUATRO! [2013]

If you're a hardcore fan of pop-punkers Green Day and/or their ¡Uno!, ¡Dos!, ¡Tre! album trilogy then you might find something enjoyable in the "making of" documentary ¡Cuatro! directed by Tim Wheeler.
Anybody else best be advised to steer clear of this snoozefest.  It doesn't really offer anything particularly interesting from an artistic point of view in the recording or compostions or much to add any sort of substance to the already hollow albums it's documenting.
As a fan of the band it's always entertaining to watch the boys in their private enviroment goofing around and trying to figure out what power chord to play next but even then it gets pretty boring as a feature length film.

2 Dirty Ole' Dirnts out of 5

DISCONNECT [2013]

Director Henry Alex Rubin's Disconnect is a riveting drama that does a fantastic job at intertwining several seemingly unrelated stories into a intense tale about the horrors of modern day technological communication.
At times it gets a bit too "preachy" and occasionally a bit heavy on the drama but it's perfect pacing and ensemble cast keep it from never getting boring.
It's infuriating, heartbreaking, morally confusing and when it all comes down to it asks the viewer to compassionately look at humanity from all different angles whether you want to or not.  
Definitely a film that wholeheartedly deserves more attention than it's woefully received.

4 anagrams out of 5

A FIELD IN ENGLAND [2013]

Director Ben Wheatley's Sightseers and Kill List were whacked out genre-hopping films, so I should have expected A Field In England to one up those in the completely crazed "what the fuck" department.
Imagine a black & white 17th century English Civil War film told like a 1960's arthouse flick, then drenched in a heavy dose of mind-warping awkwardness & feverish psychedelia and you get a faint idea of what this bizarre little piece of cinema is all about.
Wheatley paints his films with a gleefully grotesque cynical view of the world and this one is his boldest yet.  I'm more than certain it's going to force viewers to scratch their heads till they bleed and occasionally that hurts the enjoyment of the film, as the actors don't seem to entirely understand what they're doing either.

3 shitty treasures out of 5

This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006)

When I first watched this movie, I was so amazed by its content that I didn't pay much attention to the film itself. It's not quite as impressive the second time around, but it's still fast paced, funny and interesting. I would have gladly sat through another hour's worth of information.

For film fans, this is a must see. For everyone else, it may not be quite as intriguing, but it's still worth watching. It's a shame the movie is so America-centric, because I'd love to learn about how movies are rated in the rest of the world.

4 vital pieces of evidence stored in trashcans out of 5.

ROMANCING THE STONE [1984]

Director Robert Zemeckis' big breakthrough film came in the form of the comedic adventure/romance Romancing The Stone.
As fun and entertaining as it was back in it's younger days, the film doesn't hold up as well as it should.  In fact I found it to be a bit boring, apart from Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito's entertaining performances.  Michael Douglas seems a bit out of place at first but you slowly get used to him as the dashing hero.  Zemeckis' usual imaginative flair isn't present as the studios didn't quite trust this young whipper-snapper to carry a film without any interference.  It's fun but not quite enough to whole-heartedly recommend.

3 celebrations with one's cat out of 5

Macbeth (2006)

When last I read the Scottish Play I must have missed the parts that had gunfights, drug deals, laptops and that it wasn't even set in Scotland.
This crap keeps the Bard’s language but mars it with a modern setting.
The witches are unruly schoolgirls. Need I go on?

1 more foul than fair of 5

THE EAST [2013]

The East is an eco-terrorist thriller starring & co-written by Brit Marling and directed by Zal Batmanglij.
The story takes no time spinning itself into a cleverly woven espionage tale that is sure to intrigue, even if it does take itself way too seriously.  However you soon find as much as the film is driven by plot it seems to forget about the human element of these characters and therefore loses any sense of danger it might have had.
It's got some heavy strengths and weaknesses all of which make for a briskly paced thriller that doesn't quite hit the intensity it should of but never outwears it's welcome.

3 doc's named Doc out of 5

The Bride with White Hair (1993)

TBwWH is a little different from the majority of Chinese fantasy martial arts movies because it spends more time developing the romance side of things than it does on showcasing the mind-blowing action scenes. The story of the two lovers with different backgrounds and their eventual struggle to be together is basically Romeo of Wu Tang meets Juliet of the Evil Cult.
It's only in the finale that it really lets loose with the flying and the fabric and the swords and the people getting torn in half, so don't be disappointed if the trailer made you think otherwise.

2½ bad hair days out of 5

THOR: THE DARK WORLD [2013]

After Kenneth Brannagh shat the bed with the first film, I figured Game Of Thrones director Alan Taylor could only do better on Thor: The Dark World.
I was pleased to find my assumptions were slightly correct.  The first act is a dull bucket of boredom, however it's the second act where the story and conflict picks up into some enticing adventure and then it falls into an overdone grand finale of CGI effects and noise.  The only thing the first film had going for it, besides Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston was it's duck out of water humour which is sadly gone here.  It seems to take itself a bit too seriously, apart from a hilarious scene stealing Kat Dennings who fortunately gets a bit more screentime on this ride.
It's an improvement from the first film but doesn't stand up against it's Marvel counterparts.

2½ dreamy Cappy Americas out of 5

LINKEROVER [2008]

aka LEFT BANK

Belgian directer Pieter Van Hees crafts the broody, slow-burning horror/thriller linkeroever about a girl who discovers her new boyfriend's apartment building holds some terrifying and baffling secrets.

Eline Kuppens does a believably fantastic job as the protagonist who somehow juggles insecurities and strengths into a well-rounded and natural performance.   The tone, dreary photography and plot of the film echoes that of Rosemary's Baby, The Wicker Man and Dark Water which works quite well and effectively unsettling if you're patient with the snail's pace of a plot.  While it's strengths tower over some of the pointless plot points and terrible ending, I couldn't help but feel a bit ripped off as soon as the credits started rolling.  Still, it's a impressive and hypnotizing ride that gets you to the lacklustre end.

3 hairy infections out of 5

Rita's Last Fairy Tale (2012)

A Russian film that weaves a slightly strange story around the lives of three women. Firstly, there’s Rita, who’s placed in a run-down hospital ward with bricked-up windows but doesn't know why. No doctor comes to see her. Then there’s Nadya, Rita’s friend and a nurse at the hospital. And finally there’s Tanya, who looks after Rita. Tanya takes a pride in her work but she’s not a nurse; she’s something else.
The contrast of the women’s classic, painted beauty with the architecture’s decaying allure gives the film a semi-surreal uniqueness that had me transfixed. It drifts purposefully between almost vérité and pure fairytale like the title suggests. It’s very unusual and very beautiful.

3½ portals out of 5

Legend of the Liquid Sword (1993)

A wuxia comedy from Wong Jing that finds ample opportunity for some wonderful wire-fu fights to break out. I was only vaguely aware of what the hell was going on with the story most of the time, but I didn't care because it was the perfect antidote to the CGI crap that China churns out these days. The bombastic style over substance won me over.
Don’t be fooled by the appearance of Gordon Liu on the cover, he only gets about two minutes of screen time.

3 Jesus punches out of 5

Daleks' Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D. (1966)

Peter Cushing's second outing as the Doctor is only slightly better than his first adventure. Cushing doesn't attempt to expand the nuances of his character whatsoever, so it's left to the villains to bring anything interesting to the table. Those villains are once again the Daleks; although they're slightly more threatening this time, as are the Nazi-style militant underlings they control. Unfortunately, any kind of atmosphere built up by the mechanical menaces is destroyed frequently by the awful music that seems to have been left over from a BBC sit-com.

2 motorised dustbins out of 5

Boogie Woogie (2009)

A collective of pretentious pricks in the London contemporary art world masturbate their egos in what I assume was supposed to be for comedic effect. Watching was like self-harming without the scars.

0½ canvas out of 5

Don't Go in the Woods (2010)

When it comes to horror and musicals, I'm willing to forgive a lot. Unfortunately, Don't Go in the Woods is both a subpar horror movie and a lousy musical. The premise is solid, but the script feels like it was cobbled together in a few days. The songs range from "not that good" to "oh god I need to skip forward", and the horror elements feel tacked on.

D'Onofrio is talented, even when he's making a bad movie, and there are some really nice visuals here. If he'd committed more to the horror aspect, this could have been something cool. As is, it's a mildly unpleasant experiment. I wanted badly to like this one, but I just couldn't.

 1.5 bad Conor Oberst impressions out of 5

9 to 5 (1980)

Three women from different backgrounds join together to combat the "sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot" male boss who controls their office environment with an eager-for-beaver hand.
There's shenanigans and some awkward situations to overcome, but it's not as 'screwball' a comedy as some reviews would have you believe. It's safe, early 80s empowering fun that doesn't overstretch itself.

2½ angry hens out of 5

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

The familiar tune fills me with hope. The glimmer of hope ends when Jamie Lee’s cameo ends. Why was she even on the cover?
Yes, Michael’s back. He still lives. He still lurks. He still has the ability to make any knife he holds swish with a magic metallic sound in empty air.
Someone sets up a live internet stream from the Myer’s house in 240p. Are you kidding me? This is the plot? This is the best they could come up with?
MM should get a medal for helping keep the slut population down.
Resurrection almost (but not quite) makes me glad that Zombie’s remake happened because it stopped any more sequels after this.

0½ for Laurie out of 5

Woochi: The Demon Slayer (2009)

An over the top fantasy/action movie from South Korea with Wizards, Goblins and Taoist Gods. At the risk of making it sound better than it is, when it worked it was like a combination of Monkey Magic and a Japanese tokusatsu show. When it failed, which was more often, it was in danger of slipping into Stephen Chow shit comedy territory. Yikes.

2½ angry man-sized warrior bunny kicks out of 5

Caligula (1979)

Tinto Brass' film has a reputation for being violent, vulgar and pornographic. It’s all those things, but leaving aside the flames and the flesh for a minute, is it any good? The answer is yes and no. Yes because Malcolm McDowell remains engaging even when everything else goes off the rails. His portrayal of the degradation of sanity by power and paranoia is superb. Unfortunately, Tinto's direction is flat; his lack of diversity begins to bore long before the end of the 156 mins running time. It’s possible the decadence of the Roman Senate could've reached the levels of debauchery and self-indulgence depicted in the film, I was fine with that, but the additional sex scenes added later offer nothing other than titillation and distraction. It's an expensive B-Movie.

2½ insane adjudications out of 5

MAN OF TAI CHI [2013]

The Chinese martial arts film, Man Of Tai Chi serves as actor Keanu Reeves' directorial debut.
It's a story about an underground fight club and...well...you can probably guess the rest from that alone.  As simple as the story and characters are, it's the wonderfully choreographed fight scenes that take center stage here.  Reeves has a great eye for photography as he makes use of all sorts of camera techniques, simple yet used to their maximum effect without distractions.  It's evenly paced plot never gets in the way of the fights and if that's what you're here for then you won't be disappointed...that is until the terribly corny third and final act that derails all the great fun we were having before that.

3 "security" jobs out of 5

THE LAST DAYS ON MARS [2013]

If you've seen any horror/thriller films placed in outerspace in the past 40 years or so then you really don't have to see Ruairi Robinson's ho-hum space zombie flick The Last Days On Mars.
The word "generic" is a nice way of describing this snoozefest.  It's a colossal waste of the talents of Liev Schreiber, Olivia Williams & Elias Koteas that I couldn't---...yawn.
I think I hear a bunny calling.

1 dust storm of death out of 5

CORALINE [2009]

Acclaimed stop-motion director Henry Selick brings Neil Gaiman's dark fantasy children's novel Coraline to the big screen with flourishing passion.
Beautifully designed sets & characters and wonderfully set up shots keep the eyes in complete awe as we're whisked away into a twisted Narnia In Wonderland sort of world.  Unfortunately the dull voice acting, flat dialogue and boring characters make for a rather long journey at times.  The character of Coraline is a bratty little bint, so it makes it hard to care what happens to her or anything that surrounds her life.  It pains me to say this as I am a huge fan of both Gaiman and Selick's work and was eagerly anticipating this film but in the end it feels like a bit of a misfire that needed a bit more work on the script to truly give it the heart the story deserves.

3 boring Mark Ryden paintings out of 5

Thor: Tales of Asgard (2011)

Dramatic cover art, eh? It’s a lie. The animation style isn't like that. I'm not saying it's badly animated, it certainly isn't, it's just different.
The story is about a young Thor, not yet a man. He’s impetuous and, frankly, a bit of a dick. Before he had Mjölnir he had a sword, but in order to get that sword he had to defy Odin and be even more of a dick.
It’s a story separate from the larger Marvel universe, so you don’t need any comic knowledge whatsoever to enjoy it.
There’s a few silly decisions made that could've been handled better, but characterisation is surprisingly good, so it wasn't a complete washout.

2½ problems with grip out of 5

FOUR LIONS [2010]

Four Lions is a hilarious satirical comedy from Chris Morris about a group of bumbling British jihadists who aspire to be better than they could ever be.
Based on its premise you'd expect it to be full of racist or overly silly jokes but in truth it's actually quite a spot on witty comedy that speaks more truth about both sides of the war against and for terrorism.  At times it reminded me of a Christopher Guest film with its inanely hysterical banter between the leading characters but it never felt unrealistic and actually made you root for these poor fools.  It's shot in such a way that it seems there's always someone watching these guys from a distance but not in the overdone "found footage" style and more or less like TV's 24.  I don't remember the last time I've laughed this much during a film and whole-heartedly recommend it.

4 bunnies without ears out of 5

THE ENGLISH TEACHER [2013]

TV director Craig Zisk dips into the theatrical world with the comedy/drama The English Teacher.
Julianne Moore leads the cast and does a wonderful job as always, allowing the viewer to easily care for her character.  Greg Kinnear, Nathan Lane, Lilly Collins and Michael Angarano all play their parts with charming charisma.  Each character is given believable life with their strengths and weaknesses, all of which are never fully resolved giving them more of a three dimensional heart than most light-hearted comedies like this.  However the film falls short with a resounding thud in the comedy department.  Apart from a few chuckles it wasn't particularly funny.  If not for the well-rounded cast I might have wandered out of the room looking for laughs elsewhere.

3 pepper sprays to the face out of 5

Dolores Claiborne (1995)

Dolores is practical and strong. A World War wouldn't prevent her doing her laundry. She finds herself at loggerheads with an old adversary after a tragic event puts her in the right place at the wrong time. Her past and present collide, affecting everyone around her in a small coastal town.
Kathy Bates is masterful at communicating the unsaid. She gives an even better, more nuanced performance here than she did in Misery (1990). I can’t think of anyone more suited to the role.
The film is lit in such a way that the coldness of the environment seems to permeate the film negative for the longest time, until it’s necessary for it to be removed. When the chill lifts there’s some unforgettable imagery that plays up to the era in which it’s set. It's magnificent.

4½ confessions out of 5

Zatoichi and the Chest of Gold (1964)

The blind swordsman's 6th film opens in style and lets you know you’re in for something a little different this time. There are scenes that are very obviously played out on a set, but I suspect they’re deliberate. Like the opening, in those moments the setting is of less importance than what’s said or the actions taken by the cast. It’s good that they’re there, because the basic plot isn't anything new. Ichi gets wrongly accused of theft and must clear his name or face the consequences.
It was heart-warming to see him embrace music and as thrilling as always to see him share screen space with Tomisaburô Wakayama.

3½ avoidances out of 5

Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon (2013)

Unfortunately, no one stopped Tsui and so he made a sequel that's a prequel to The Mystery of the Phantom Flame (2010). It was inevitable, I suppose, seeing as how the first one made millions of dollars for many pockets. It’s another CGI-heavy actioner with wild reasoning, aka 'detective' work. Some islanders want to bring down the entire Tang Dynasty. Elsewhere, on a more personal scale, there's a Beauty and the Beast scenario that plays out exactly like you imagine it will. The film looks pretty, but it left me colder than a witch’s tit and dropped a similarly sour taste in the mouth.

1½ cups of tea out of 5

Midnight Ballad for Ghost Theater (2006)

Musical horror comedies are rare to begin with, but Midnight Ballad for Ghost Theater is truly a movie all its own. Part ghost story, part love letter to the theater experience, Midnight Ballad is a delightful bit of weirdness aimed at film nerds specifically. Its songs aren't anything I'd listen to on my own, but they're performed so wonderfully it was hard to keep the grin off my face during each musical number.

It's far from perfect, but it's relentlessly charming and full of heart. There are times when the story drags, but little things the characters do help keep things interesting. It all builds up to a spectacular ending that was nothing like what I was expecting. I hope this gets a proper western release someday, because I could watch it again and again.

3.5 variations on throat cutting and gut pulling out of 5

The Crying Game (1992)

Films that use the conflict in Northern Ireland as a backdrop to tell their story tend to be pretty grim. While parts of The Crying Game certainly fit that description, there are moments where the gloom cracks and the light of hope shines through because it's essentially a love story.
Neil Jordan's film style certainly won't appeal to everyone. On the surface it seems languid and cheaply made, but if you don't turn off too soon you'll be rewarded with a well-crafted second half that's a deeply considered exploration of the secrets of the human heart.

3½ tools of the trade out of 5

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You (2011)

The story of a seventeen-year-old intelligent but disillusioned loner whose family want him to fit in with their functioning dysfunctional lifestyle. I usually enjoy this kind of film, but the youthful James (Toby Regbo) has almost nothing to actually complain about. His problems are as shallow as the people he criticises. A good kick up the ass would sort him right out. Even when something meaningful happens it just skims off the surface of his underdeveloped self, not penetrating the core of the character. I enjoyed it for what it was but felt it could've been so much more.
Regbo reminded me of a younger version of Jude Law, which I realise is a cruel thing to say, but it's true.

2 breakfast rhythms out of 5