HIDDEN [2015]

Writer/directors The Duffer Brothers make their debut with the uniquely slow-burning epidemic thriller, Hidden.
A family of three have taken cover in a bomb shelter from deadly virus that's wiped out humanity and turned the rest of the survivors into killers known only as "Breathers".
What's unique about this little film, is 3/4 of it takes places in the bomb shelter and depends on captivating the audience with everything that could go wrong within the confines of the fallout shelter.  The so-called "Breathers" aren't seen or heard of until the final moments of the film, so "zombie" fans need to go elsewhere if they're seeking out a fast-paced gore-fest.  The lead performances help elevate the film into believability and raise the tension, which could have been a real bore had it not been executed with more care.   It's by no means a perfect film but does a fantastic job at holding one's attention with very little to work with.

3 dirty dollies out of 5

Raincoat (2004)

A simple title for a powerful film about two past lovers spending a rainy afternoon together. They share lies and half-truths and paradoxically, through a mingling of misdirection and symbolism, reveal more about their inner-feelings than even they’re aware of. It’s adapted from O Henry’s The Gift of the Magi (1906) short story, but even familiarity doesn't weaken it.
Ajay Devgn takes the idea of a broken man with a wounded heart and uses it as motivation for his every action. Aishwarya’s role is one that’s equal parts active and reactive, using one as a mask to hide the other. She allows the finely-drawn subtleties of her character to work their secret magic at the expense of her usual luminosity. Both actors are excellent. TV star Mouli Ganguly also impresses in a secondary, supportive role.

4½ unseen securities out of 5

THE OTHERS [2001]

Tesis director Alejandro Amenábar's English language debut, The Others, is a good old fashioned Gothic ghost story.
Nicole Kidman plays a troubled mother of two ill children who live in a big ol' isolated house which plays host to a series of supernatural events.  Kidman is at her best when she's playing slightly mad people and here she excels, with the help of some impressive child casting, the always mildly creepy Fionnula Flannagan and some truly creepy photography.  Instead of needing flashy FX or rapid edits, The Others slowly chills the bones with it's slow-burning reveals and quiet but really eerie atmosphere.  I love me a good ghost story and this one delivered the goods with full satisfaction.

4 foggy days out of 5

SE7EN [1995]

Director David Fincher's moody psycho-thriller, Se7en, is still one of the only worthy rivals to The Silence of the Lambs as one of the most disturbingly traumatizing of it's kind.
In a rainy unnamed city, two detectives, one on the brink of retirement and one brand new to the decaying city, investigate a series of grisly murders, all inspired by the seven deadly sins.
With it's simple premise, it easily could have been yet another gritty crime film but it rises above that with Fincher's ability to build the tension & atmosphere with dreary neo-noir photography and two fantastic performances from it's two leads.  It hypnotizes the viewer with a thick air of unsettling horror that starts with the Nine Inch Nails-scored main titles sequences and doesn't let up until the jaw-dropping finale that will haunt you for long after it's done.

4 soothing, relaxing, vibrating homes out of 5

THE FINAL GIRLS [2015]

Director Todd Strauss-Schulson rolls the trashy '80s' slasher flick through a Pleasantville-esque puddle of blood in the horror-spoof The Final Girls.
A modern teen & her friends find themselves magically pulled kicking and screaming into her dead mother's famous 80's cult-slasher, Camp Bloodbath and must face-off with the machete wielding killer while trying not to affect the course of the original film.  With it's elements of Back to the Future, the film tries but doesn't quite reach the wit of The Cabin in the Woods or Scream but gives the bad horror film genre a delightfully fun run for it's money.  However what it lacks in cleverness (and scariness), it makes up for with non-stop humor and a surprising amount of heart.

3 self-aware slo-mo shots out of 5

CURE [1997]

aka Kyua

Pulse director Kiyoshi Kurosawa subtly creeps into your psyche and makes a mess of it without you even realizing it until it's too late in the chilling slow-burning thriller Cure.  

A burnt-out Tokyo police detective is investigating a gruesome series of seemingly unrelated murders where each killer has no idea recollection of the violent acts they've performed.  

It's an emotionally distant chiller that sends shivers down the spine with it's long wide-shot takes, sparse sound design and isolated photography that will most likely frustrate the average viewer looking for the usual cat-and-mouse psychopath thriller.  Normally a film so emotionally detached would be it's biggest failure but here Kurosawa makes it work to great effect that leaves an unsettling chill long after the disturbing final frame is over.  

4 excessive X's on the exes out of 5

EL DIA DE LA BESTIA [1995]

aka

The Day of the Beast

From the Spanish director Álex de la Iglesia comes El día de la Bestia, a gonzo satirical horror-comedy that is criminally unknown within Western culture.  

It follows a priest, who commits as many horrible sins possible, when he discovers the birth date of The Antichrist and means to get in the Beasties' inner circle to put an end to it before it can destroy the world.  Late actor Álex Angulo does a fantastic job at portraying the bumbling priest who may or may not be batshit insane, while the rest of the cast hand in some pretty hilarious performances that add a bizarre mixture of warmth, evil and all around craziness to the already off-kilter tone of the film.  It's low budget is hidden beneath some outlandish camera work, fascinating editing and wonderful set-pieces that all compliment the insane fun to be had.

4 acid "trips" out of 5

Physical Evidence (1989)

The opening few minutes of PE pulled something exciting from its bag of tricks that I’d never seen before. Unfortunately, that left the bag empty. The remainder of the story, about a suspended cop and his stiff-assed attorney together on a mission to clear his name, is forgettable stuff.
I like Theresa Russell but fully acknowledge that she needs the correct kind of role in order to be believable, the same way Keanu or Jennifer Tilly do, but PE certainly isn't it and if it’s your first time seeing her you’ll maybe be put off for life. Furthermore, the only appealing element in Burt’s tired role is what he brought to it simply by being Burt.
It throws a few moments of courtroom drama into the mixture to break up the investigative side of things; they’re just as bland.

1½ nuisance phone calls out of 5

TALES OF HALLOWEEN [2015]

Featuring a gaggle of well-known and not-so well known genre directors, including Neil Marshall, Lucky McKee & Darren Lynn Bousman, Tales of Halloween, is an anthology film that seems like it's set out to compete with Michael Dougherty's modern cult-classic Trick 'r Treat for the most amount of fun a Halloween film can be.
Does it succeed?  Almost.
There's a few weak shorts in the bunch but for the most part it's really sick and twisted gory fun that keeps on rolling right up to the final frame.  Even the weaker shorts are enough fun to keep it from ever really losing steam.

3 spooky Mick Garris' out of 5

BACK IN TIME [2015]

It might not be essential viewing but director Jon Aron's Back to the Future documentary, Back in Time, comes out during it's 30 year anniversary making it a no-brainer must-see for fans of the time-travelling trilogy.
Covering the production of the film, it's obsessed fans and the cultural impact the series made, the film manages to explore quite a bit in it's hour and a half running time.  There were a few moments that had me wondering why it was in the film but for the most part, as a fan, it's a wonderful companion to the series that wipes the bad taste of that nasty Kirk Cameron-hosted BTTF doc that came out so many years ago.

3 Skytrains for the Doc out of 5

Julie (2004)

I feel bad scoring the film as I do, because it redeems itself amazingly well at the end, but the journey there is plagued with problems and I have to take those into account. The titular character’s move from a small town in Goa to the vice-ridden Mumbai is accompanied by a putting aside of modest ideals.
Julie (Neha Dhupia) is a call girl/prostitute, a profession that isn't looked upon favourably in India, so even the song and dance scenes are more down to earth than usual, reflective of the seriousness of the story. Most of her poor decisions are tied to instances where she was used by people she felt romantically attached to, a situation that’s surely universally relatable.

2½ bottom line commas out of 5

LOST BOYS: THE THIRST [2010]

Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander reprise their roles as the vampire-slaying Frog Brothers in the third Lost Boys film, The Thirst.
The second film basically remade the first, so it's a welcome decision to aim for something a little different this time around.  A vampire drug, known as The Thirst is making it's rounds around the rave culture and threatens transform a whole crowd into blood-sucking fiends.
It attempts to make smart jabs at the Twilight franchise but is never smart enough to actually be funny.  In fact it really is a stupid film but for the most part seems to know it, which still doesn't make it okay.
A fine example of really bad film-making.  Really bad.

0 fang dentures out of 5

Event Horizon (1997)

A lone recovery ship travels to the deep, murky edges of known space to investigate the reappearance of a vessel that was previously lost. When they get there they don’t find powdered milk and space cookies.
It’s a solid science fiction/horror premise that has a decent build-up, thanks in part to some of the cast, but ultimately fails to deliver anything worthwhile. The final third in particular is lacklustre and overly-formulaic, leaving even the bigger questions unanswered.
There seemed to be no practical reason why the ship interiors would look like they do, but they’re certainly the most visually interesting and memorable part of the whole thing. The fake bulkheads are the star of the show.

2 bespoke terrors out of 5

Shabd (2005)

Dir. Leena Yadav’s début feature stumbles in the early stages while trying to sit two very different aspects comfortably side by side, but it finds its feet as it progresses, ultimately delivering an experience that’s daring and should be applauded for doing something different with the usual love-triangle.
It’s about successful author Shaukat Vashisht. He takes a critical blow to his ego from critics. When his urge to write returns he tackles the most difficult of subjects, pushing events in his real life to breaking point, hoping to use the conflicts as material for his fictional world, potentially becoming a more tragic character than the one he hopes to give life to.

3½ embraced words out of 5

Anathema: Universal (2013)

If you’re one of the people who are comfortable with Anathema’s evolution from early years doom and gloomsters into the majestic Pink Floydian entity that they are today, then the live concert contained on the disc, filmed at the ancient Roman Theatre of Phillippoplis, is essential viewing.
At first I didn't think the deeply moving music would work in a live setting, but I was very, very wrong. It works. The band is joined by conductor Dave Stewart and the Plovdiv Philharmonic Orchestra. They support but never overpower or fade; whoever set the levels did a grand job.
Everyone is on top form, but for me the most amazing moments come courtesy of Lee Douglas, whose voice is like unfiltered emotion transformed into a beautiful sound. She takes my heart from my chest, heals it, makes it better than it ever was before, and gently places it back in its proper place.

5 dreaming lights out of 5

The Osterman Weekend (1983)

A government agency seeks to use one man to catch a group of others in a game of cat and mouse. Or is it cat and cat? Maybe it’s mouse and mouse?
It’s an adaptation of a Robert Ludlum novel, so there are the usual scenes of important men getting nervous over dodgy dealings and a twisty-turny ending. It makes you aware that not everyone sees friendship in the same way, and may even stir you to question if the people who claim to be your friends really are when they aren't beside you.
There’s an unusual car chase and a few scattered moments where Peckinpah piqued my interest technically, but, despite a strong cast his cinematic swansong isn't as memorable as much of what preceded it.

2½ trophy hunters out of 5

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

The first third of FMJ illustrates the hell that new recruits are put through in order to become USMC killing machines. The tyrant drill instructor breaks them and then rebuilds them his way. It’s a barrage of verbal, physical and mental abuse that’ll have you howling with inappropriate, guilty laughter.
Once the recruits are deemed worthy they’re categorically shipped to Vietnam to put their killing skills to the test. You’d expect the pace to increase in the field, but it actually slows, giving the soldiers time to reflect on why they’re even there, and offering a viewer a glimpse into the different kinds of pressure each one feels. Mostly it follows Pvt. 'Joker' Davis (Matthew Modine), but, as usual, the stylised eye of Kubrick dominates everything.

5 boom booms, long time out of 5

The Bourne Identity (1988)

A two-part adaptation of Robert Ludlum’s novel (1980) of the same name. Richard Chamberlain is Bourne, a man for whom identity is a problem. Having been shot and lost his memory all he knows is that he's handy with a gun and people want to kill him. It's a cliché, no doubt, but the turns in the story, particularly near the end, are strong enough to overcome the familiarity.
Bourne's journey to uncover his past takes him to high class hotels and seedy, graffiti covered motels, aided by Charlie's Angel Jaclyn Smith.
It would be a terrifying ordeal not knowing who you are. The two parts try their best to illustrate that on a TV Movie budget.

3 puzzle pieces out of 5

WE ARE STILL HERE [2015]

Director Ted Geoghegan's feature length debut, We Are Still Here, is a loving homage to the works of Lucio Fulci with a heavy dose of American Gothic.
After the tragic death of their son, a middle-aged couple move out to an isolated country home that is feared by the townsfolk that surround it...and with good reason.
Like The House of the Devil, the film mimics the look, tone and editing techniques of the '70's and it does so with great success making for a short but scary little ghost story.  The gory practical effects take center stage, but it sure helps that classic scream queen Barbara Crampton is on board, almost shadowing over Lisa Marie's painfully horrible performance.  It's refreshing to see a cast of old folks take on the nasty ghoulies, which makes for unfamiliar territory resulting in scares that are all the more effective.

3½ tasty socks out of 5

Rica 2: Lonely Wanderer (1973)

After a hasty escape from wherever it was she was imprisoned, the delinquent Rica goes searching for a friend that’s recently gone missing. Along the way she encounters a dangerous yakuza clan that want her dead.
The story makes repeated references to the missing girl’s mixed-race background, teasing us with pertinent criticisms of racism and xenophobia, taking inspiration perhaps from Hasebe's Stray Cat Rock: Sex Hunter (1970), but it ultimately chooses to forego deepening that aspect in favour of a safer pinky violence option; i.e. stylish fights that put the knee-high booted Rika Aoki centre stage. And, of course, she still finds time to sing a few songs.

3 bold patterns out of 5

TOMORROWLAND [2015]

Director Brad Bird's second live-action feature Tomorrowland is a breath of fresh air in a world of sequels, prequels, adaptations and reboots.
Unfortunately the lively sci-fi blockbuster doesn't quite add up to a whole lot once you peel away it's shiny skin.
By telling the tale of a young girl and a broken man who embark on a journey to find a futuristic world they've both visited in memories, Bird & screenwriter Damon Lindelof dissect the negative world that we live in.  They push the viewer into wanting to bring a positive outlook on life to make the world a better place but it's so heavy-handed one can't help but roll their eyes.  There's some wildly imaginative action sequences and beautiful visuals but they trounce all over the heart that should make the story more easier to side with.
It raises some questions and makes some strong statements while being throughly entertaining, so maybe it did exactly what it set out to do.

3 pintresting tubby times out of 5

LOST BOYS: THE TRIBE [2008]

Corey Feldman desperately grasps onto what he once had in Lost Boys: The Tribe, the PJ Pesce directed straight-to-video sequel to Joel Schumacher's 1987 cult classic vampire film.
It's pretty much the exact same story as the first, doing little to update tones, mood or the generation of youth who should but don't act any differently than the late 80's pack of misfits.  If not for the bad cheap alt-metal acts sloppily inserted in all the "right" spots, you'd think it was an exact remake made with worse actors.
If you're a fan of the thirst and think this might be fun, no matter how bad it is, think again.  It's a piss-poor imitation that never should have seen the light of day.

1 greasy fat saxophone player out of 5

KNOCK KNOCK [2015]

Keanu Reeves stars in director Eli Roth's home invasion thriller Knock Knock, a remake of a 1977 B-movie, Death Game.
Family man Keanu is home alone for the weekend, when one rainy night two soaking wet young girls knock on the door asking for help, so naturally the gentleman that he is invites them in and things begin to get out of control in the worst (or best?) ways.
Roth, who's known for extreme gore, opts to disturb the viewer with unsettling subject matter and squirm-worthy situations that are at times so outrageous they're hilarious.  As always, Keanu's acting goes from embarrassingly terrible to almost believable but it's actually to the two unknown girls (one is Roth's wife) that steal the show with their deliciously psychotic violent tendencies.
The film is pure trash, that may or may not be trying to make a statement but still it's too much bad fun to stop watching.

2½ vinyl collections out of 5

The Allnighter (1987)

The story of a group of friends on the eve of their college graduation, some of whom are aware they’ll be following different roads once the shared accommodation of college life is ended. Molly (Susanna Hoffs) is the most thoughtful of three girls; she longs still for the one big College romance, recognising the importance of having something that she can use as a marker for her future, giving her something to look fondly back on.
There are the beginnings of a half-decent film under all the crap but it never manages to surface for long enough to take any kind of significant hold.

2 alleged sluts out of 5

FANTASTIC FOUR [2015]

Chronicle director Josh Trank enters into Hollywood blockbuster circle with the comic book movie adaptation of the Fantastic Four, only to be swiftly tossed out of the circle.
It's the good guys origin story sloppily sharing time with a bad guy trying to destroy the world schpeal only without any sort of personality.
The first act of the film is actually kind of okay but it quickly falls apart into a dull emotionless crap-fest that seems like it can't wait to get to the end and be over with.  There's absolutely no chemistry between the four core characters, the villain means next to nothing to the big picture and it lacks any sort of humor, fun or spirit that makes the MCU films so much fun.
Even Stan Lee couldn't have been bothered with his obligatory Marvel films cameo.

1 power outage out of 5

THE GIFT [2015]

Actor Joel Edgerton makes his directorial debut with the standard fare yet highly effective thriller, The Gift.
A socially awkward oddball from a husband's past places himself into the married couple's lives and get's weirder and weirder as his obsession with the couple begins to grow.
It's a premise most will be familiar with much earlier thrillers like Fatal Attraction or The Hand The Rocks the Cradle, Edgerton crafts the film in such a way that it still feels fresh while never covering any new ground.  The pacing, character reveals and thrills are all perfectly timed so much that it never outstays it's welcome.  It manages to steer away from the usual shocks most films these days would go for and instead disturbs the audiences with it's unsettling character subtleties that'll have your head spinning by the final act.

3½ fish out of 5

The Savage Girl (1932)

I loved how it reassured viewers at the beginning that it was okay to indulge their feelings of wild abandon while watching, not that it provided any original material worth abandoning your rational self over, except perhaps Hollywood lady Rochelle Hudson. She’s the star of what’s probably as close to the Tarzan story as they could legally get on the limited budget and short running time.

1½ giant steps for mousekind out of 5

NOROI [2005]

aka The Curse

Japanese director Kôji Shiraishi succeeds in making a decent found footage flick with the supernatural horror film Noroi.
It takes the usual video footage filmed by a missing documentarian story and fleshes it out into something both run-of-the-mill and oddly unique at the same time.
What starts out kind of silly and slow-moving, quietly unfolds into something far more creepier and haunting as it threatens to explode into madness and leave the viewer a quivering mess.  Shiraishi might use a lot of the over-used tropes of the genre but he slyly twists them into something to push the story forward and make them all his own.
It's seldom I'm thoroughly impressed with the found-footage genre but this one is a pretty solid inductee that definitely deserves more recognition than it's received over the years.

3½ tin foil coats out of 5

BLACK MASS [2015]

After an extended string of crappy films, Johnny Depp returns to form in director Scott Cooper's American true crime film, Black Mass.
The film depicts the rise & fall of the infamous Irish-American crime boss, Whitey Bulger who became an FBI informant in order to get away with as much as he possibly could in Boston during the 70's and 80's.
Aided by an impressive cast, Depp gives a subtle yet empowering performance that kept me uncomfortably mesmerized.  However I couldn't help but feel the story needed a good extra hour of padding to really give it the impact it appeared to be aiming for.  There was so much going on that they briefly skimmed over, as a whole it never really explores anything we haven't seen before with a film like this.  In the end it's a slightly above average film with some really great performances.

3 confused doormen out of 5

48 Hrs. (1982)

It’s a 'buddy cop' movie with one San Francisco cop and one smart-talking convict who's given a 48 hour get out of jail pass card. The usual precinct clichés are in abundance, shouty Chief, hookers getting booked at desks and officers shuffling around in the background, but elsewhere it’s less formulaic.
I don’t like Murphy’s attention-grabbing screen persona very much, but I’m a fan of director Walter Hill’s ability to put us into the dramatic heart of a scene without overplaying it or making it seem false, so even though I was kept at a distance by the former I was pulled back into the story by the latter.
In short, it’s an entertaining 80s cop drama in an overcrowded genre arena.

3½ crummy days out of 5

MAX PAYNE [2008]

Director John Moore brings a lot of visual style to his cinematic adaptation of the third-person shooter video game series Max Payne.
Thinly based upon the first game, Max, a fallen New York City detective obsessed over finding the murderer of his wife and child, while stumbling into a much larger case involving a new strain of powerful narcotics.
This mess of a film is riddled with bad dialogue, illogical plot advancements & actions and terrible acting from just about everyone involved.  If it's goal was to make Frank Miller's work look mature, then it succeeded on every level with the cheeseball violence and overly stylized gruffness.

1½ watches out of 5

VACATION [2015]

The fifth installment of the long-running Vacation series has Ed Helms stepping in for Chevy Chase in the lead role as Clark Griswold's son, Rusty, now all grown up and with a suffering family of his own.
It basically follows the story of the first film, only now it's a whole new generation of Griswolds making their way to the infamous Walley World amusement park.
Overprotective fan-babies of the original series will scoff at the change in tone from the original films but it's not like they were cinematic gold to begin with.  The films were directionless silly humored and not particularly intelligent but they supplied laughs-a-plenty and that's where this film succeeds if you're ready and willing to lower your expectations to a not-so-classic but highly cherished comedy series of the '80's.

3 "mud" facials out of 5

Oblivion (1994)

A pulpy sci-fi western with tongue so far in cheek that it punches a bloody hole right through to the other side of the cheek. Why did I even watch it? Because the screenplay is by Peter David, someone that I know can do good work from time to time. Some of the dialogue is clever, almost too good for what it has to exist alongside, and even though it was overall pretty high on the scale of terrible cheese I never once considered turning it off.
It includes a small handful of TV stars making fun of roles that made them famous, such as Julie Newmar (good fun) and George Takei (awful).

2 shared feelings out of 5

Foxes (1980)

A coming of age drama centred around four city girls, average age 15-16 going on 30, who have yet to shake off the kind of failings that define teens who want to be treated as equals in the adult world.
As best friends they see themselves more like a family, sharing their ups and downs and taking responsibility for each other (if little else).
It’s interesting that the adults seem like they’re all either suffering from, or on the verge of having, a genuine mid-life crisis. Their inability to be good role models to their offspring plays a part in why the four girls have grown up so fast. It’s all very chaotic, but often in a good way.

3½ extra party guests out of 5

Yojimbo (1961)

Toshirô Mifune stars as the titular yojimbo (bodyguard), a masterless samurai feeling the economic pinch of the era in Kurosawa's much-imitated jidaigeki. He positions himself between two rivals, one at each end of a small town, and outmanoeuvres them both. He knows that being in the middle is a dangerous place to be, but it offers the best possible view of both sides.
One of the film's strengths is its straightforward delivery. For both director and actor actions are more important than words. The old man that shelters the rōnin provides backstory for the viewer, followed by the yojimbo advancing the plot as and when the story needs it. In contrast to the story, Mifune's role is multifaceted and yet he somehow makes it seem as effortless as his character's manipulation of the idiotic antagonists.

4½ hungry dogs out of 5

The Driver (1978)

Specifically a driver of a getaway vehicle who hires himself out for jobs, but only if he thinks you’re professional enough to meet his exacting standards. His code has kept him safe for years; he's never been caught. On the opposite side of the law is a Los Angeles detective that wants to change all that.
Keeping the main protagonist (Ryan O'Neal) as an unnamed, rarely speaking, mystery figure works in the film's favour. In that respect it borrows some of its tricks from Melville's Le Samouraï (1967), and consequently will likely appeal to a similar audience. In turn, it has itself been influential to modern film-makers and to at least one video game developer.

3½ player streaks out of 5

The Asphyx (1973)

aka Spirit of the Dead / The Horror of Death

Robert Powell plays the adopted son of Sir Hugo Cunningham (Robert Stephens), a man of science who harbours some morbid preoccupations. Sir Hugo’s goal is to capture the asphyx, a supernatural entity that holds power over an individual's life and death, but Hugo’s compulsion to see his interests fulfilled invites disaster into his home.

The concept is certainly creepy, but a large portion of the film lacks the kind of atmosphere needed to keep it affecting. It’s Peter Newbrook’s only solo directorial credit and despite that earlier criticism he did okay, creating what’s essentially a cautionary tale with some very cruel twists of fate.

2½ perplexing smudges out of 5

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)

An emotionally damaged but toughened Max exists now as a kind of extension of the wasteland environment in which he moves. But he’s just one small part of the equation. In a world where construction has become a process whereby new things are bodged from old things, for some folks the gasoline that powers their machines is a commodity more precious than life. A noble purpose is something that tends to get you killed. Max finds a purpose.
Even though it’s occasionally rough around the edges, Road Warrior is the quintessential wasteland flick. The environments are perfect and the locations convincing. And while they’re worlds apart in almost every other way, it has the same kind of timeless quality as Conan the Barbarian (1982).

4 white line nightmares out of 5

Mad Max (1979)

As enjoyable as the first MM movie is, in hindsight it works better if you can look upon it as an extended prologue to the more entertaining MM 2 (1981), where the world is no longer on the verge of going to shit, as it is here, but has actually tipped over and fell face-first into it.
The first film has the feel of a B-Movie, but the on-the-road carnage is much better than what you’d normally get in that kind of commercial venture, and it’s not without some black humour to keep it from sinking under the weight of its own gloomy subject matter. The crew is to be applauded for making the scenario believable. Max, however, is kind of boring as a family man/highway interceptor, but gets a lot more interesting once he gets his ‘mad’ on.

3 fuel injected threshold moments out of 5

The Vindicator (1986)

Meddling scientists and an industrial 'accident' birth the vindicator. It's very much a case of what you see is what you get. The alternative title is Frankenstein '88, which sums it up a lot better than I could.
It looks cheap and the editing is of the bread knife variety, but the effects are decent (courtesy of Stan Winston) and some of the actors at least try to do good work. If you're old enough to remember the days when "All back to mine for beers and a movie!" meant you had to first make a trip to the nearest VHS rental store, then The Vindicator might give you some temporary jollies.

2 rage responses out of 5

The Mummy (1959)

Archaeologists (i.e. sophisticated thieves) forcibly enter the well-lit tomb of an Egyptian high priestess and in so doing invite the wrath of a centuries old curse upon their heads. Their transgression was in the name of education not profit but the distinction is unobserved by certain parties, one of which is a bandaged Christopher Lee who has every right to be pissed off.
Hammer had successfully set Lee against Cushing in Dracula (1958) and The Curse of Frankenstein (1957), so it made sense to have the pair return for a third year running with classic horror's third big hitter.
Attending to the relationships, familial on one side and romantic on the other, helped make it more than a simple tale of dusty revenge.

3 grave dangers out of 5

The Godfather: Part II (1974)

Part II is a sequel, as you’d expect, but also a well-timed prequel showing how a young Vito Corleone (played by Robert De Niro) rose from village youth to absolute power, attaining the position the films are named for. It’s so good that it could've easily been the beginnings of a standalone film, but perhaps then the dramatic contrasts with the later years would've been lessened.
In the present, the current Don faces challenges from a number of different directions, some a product of the changing times and some a product of things unchanging. He’s away from the family home often, but the weight of duty isn't something that can be boxed up and left behind.

5 family ties out of 5

Prophecy (1979)

Sent to study claims of ecological contamination, a cynical doctor and his pregnant wife (Robert Foxworth and Talia Shire) not only encounter disastrous and deadly effects to surrounding wildlife and the Native American tribe inhabiting the area, but a towering mutation in the form of a crazed and deformed bear. Its take on environmental issues is one rarely seen in horror cinema. Compared to most similar films which use nuclear waste as a device to simply create monsters, it is intelligently written with sound cause-and-effect. At the same time, I found the scientific weight fascinating as well as frightening. Writer David Seltzer deftly based the script on the tragic story of Minamata, Japan. The mutation's onslaught in the third act is poorly handled with choppy and evasive editing revealing sfx limitations. Yet despite this, the suspense holds up pretty well until the conclusion. But unreconciled plot points left me somewhat disappointed.

3 exploding sleeping bags out of 5

Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva (2011)

An archaeology professor by trade but well known as an amateur detective and avid puzzle-solver, Herschel Layton is the focus of a series of popular Nintendo DS games developed by Level 5. It all lends itself well to an animated feature as it attempts to recreate certain components from the games, some more successful than others. The integration of puzzles is at first contrived, but feels less and less out of place as the story progresses. Character design and animation style are lifted directly from the games' cut scenes, so fans will feel right at home. The music is a highlight as not only simple yet ponderous melodies make an appearance but a beautiful score. Fans will be all too accustomed to the plot formula as the professor is whisked away on an enigmatic journey involving fabled mysteries, faces certain death with his trusty ward Luke, encounters a familiar foe and inevitably exposes a dastardly scheme in an exciting final act. It's a true crowd-pleaser.

3½ second assistants out of 5

Hidden Agenda (1990)

The shooting of an American citizen in Northern Ireland is the beginning of a potential media shit-storm surrounding shady politicians and their ties to terrorism. With the R.U.C‘s track record at inquests being what it is, an impartial investigator from the mainland arrives and begins to tread on important toes.
Ken Loach is no stranger to controversy. I'm sure there was debate among viewers over how accurate or inaccurate a portrait it paints of the cities and their troubled histories (and a questioning of why it took a foreign casualty to highlight a long-running problem?), but I’d rather focus on the performances, all of which have a strong sense of Loach style realism. Nevertheless, its subject matter will mean it has limited appeal.

3 police cuntstables out of 5

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015)

The lovable gun enthusiast and Graboid hunter Burt Gummer is once again enlisted to tangle with the pesky beasts; this time on an all new playing field. The playful tone from the previous films is more than well represented with the accompanying comedic actor Jamie Kennedy playing Burt's overzealous cameraman. Each Tremors sequel has always attempted to breath new life(forms) into the story and this one is no different. The cryptid designs don't really fit into the series' evolution, but they are still quite effective. For the most part the CGI sfx are acceptable for a b-movie, but there are certainly a few groan-inducing shots. While only a fan of the first Tremors, for me the film's antics grew tiresome at the 40-minute mark. The subsequent action failed to keep things interesting.

2 reality shows out of 5

Scorpion with Two Tails (1982)

aka Murder in an Etruscan Cemetery

Director Sergio Martino is well-known for his giallos, but unfortunately I stumbled upon his worst film. It's set off by the murder of an archaeologist (John Saxon) after the discovery of an ancient Etruscan tomb. In a seemingly ritualistic manner, someone is snapping necks to keep people away from a fabled treasure. The deaths are all quite laughable as we are treated to each victim's stark terror as their heads are twisted 180 degrees. The story is interesting enough at first as the archaeologist's beautiful wife (Elvire Audray) travels to Italy to investigate his murder. The plot thickens like aged molasses as the pacing suffers from insignificant b-stories which lead nowhere. Fabio Frizzi's effectively foreboding and catchy score is wasted on such a dull affair. In the third act, the film finally decides to get back on track, but by then interest in the initial conflict is lost.

1 maggot out of 5

Blood and Black Lace (1964)

A forerunner in the giallo genre, Mario Bava's sordid tale of murder in a fashion boutique is not only influential for its dark corners saturated in sensuous color, but the graphic yet titillating death scenes. While the film might come off as somewhat cliche today, it is actually a blueprint for hordes of future horror and suspense films which owe it a great deal. The story centers around secrets and one willing to kill and kill again to keep them quiet. BaBL is notorious for its incomplete cuts, so its a joy to view it in its most complete form. The film begins with a virtual rogues gallery of the involved characters, which sets up this mystery quite beautifully. As a quintessential giallo it contains more than a few red herrings to keep the audience guessing, a clever twist in the climax and plenty of creative cruelty. Just as striking as the lighting, the literal faceless killer is a perfectly cast culprit. With a memorable score from Carlo Rustichelli, this is one of Bava's most masterful works.

4½ diaries out of 5

Roger Corman's Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

aka Frankenstein Unbound

Having Corman’s name in the title is sure to turn as many people away as it is to lure. But its inclusion implies that the makers know their audience and to hell with everyone else. It being based on a Brian Aldiss novel of the same name (1973) doubled the appeal in my eyes. I like Aldiss' work.
A large, stormy vagina in the sky sucks in and deposits a scientist from the year 2031 to the year 1817. Whilst there he becomes a participant in the lives of Mary Godwin and her fictional focus, which isn't as fictional as we were led to believe in high school.
I know to expect the worst from Corman and prepare for a bizarre ending from Aldiss, but, alas, the science project cheese is too odorous even for me.

2 timeslips out of 5

Red Planet (2000)

It hit screens just eight months after the other Mars movie of 2000, but its target audience was slightly different. De Palma’s Mission to Mars at least attempted to appeal to an intelligent audience, whereas RP seems to have been aimed primarily at the action fan. The two things aren't mutually exclusive, but it’s rare to find them cosy in bed together.
Dir. Antony Hoffman's direction is decent enough and the landscapes are prettier than Mission's are, but the script is just as limp, albeit in a different way. The CGI robotic murder-dog didn't help matters at all.

2½ empty cannisters out of 5