Good Vibrations (2012)

GV isn't a Beach Boys film; it’s the story of Terri Hooley. Terri was a regular working class guy who opened a tiny record store named Good Vibrations in Belfast (N. Ireland) at a time when the country was being torn apart by violent sectarianism. Terri didn't invent Belfast punk music, but he was instrumental in bringing it to the attention of the people that needed it.
The film functions as both a biopic and a document of the changing times. That may sound dull, but it’s a genuine roaring success fuelled by passion and determination, aided by some great cinematography and a kickass soundtrack from many of the bands featured, some of whom owe their fame to Terri's selfless projects.

4 proper moments out of 5

Crocodile Dundee (1986)

A comedy drama about a rich city girl from NY that goes to the Australian outback to meet Mick ‘Crocodile’ Dundee and finds that he’s more than just a guy in a croc skin waistcoat and a lover of beer.
Comedian Paul Hogan was and still is to many people the epitome of Aussie charm. His onscreen chemistry with Linda Kozlowski is sizzling (they would end up married in real life a few years later). I found myself liking this almost as much as I did back in the day, even though it really doesn't have much in the way of plot other than a string of fish out of water jokes.

3 bloody big fish tales out of 5

Burton and Taylor (2013)

The pairing of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton for a theatre production of Noël Coward's 'Private Lives' pretty much guarantees a sold-out show every night, but what of the drama that goes on behind the curtain?

The story really wasn't that interesting, but both Carter and West captured well the vulnerability of their respective stars. Helena's portrayal of Liz's off-screen persona, showing that even when she wasn't supposed to be acting she was still filling a role, playing up to an ideal to lure Burton away from his other concerns, was well-played out. She was less successful in other ways. West had the easier task of being a man torn between what he wants and what he knows he can have but shouldn't. It took half an hour to get interesting, but it comes good by the end.

3 befuddlements out of 5

THE CANYONS [2013]

Director Paul Schrader (writer of Taxi Driver) and screenwriter Brett Easton Ellis (American Psycho) toss together this erotic Hollywood thriller.
The wonky pacing and distracting editing of this film completely throws off anything that could have saved it.  Ellis is usually quite good at writing sharp dialogue for filthy rich, highly unlikable empty characters but here it's completely lifeless and dull.  Lindsay Lohan brings a spark to the script but is surrounded by a bunch of waiters & waitresses doing a bad job at acting like they're rich and ultimately brings it down.  The cheap clothing, rented houses & cars give it all away within seconds and that takes away from the atmosphere the film-makers are trying to create.  In the end, it feels like too many people had a different idea what they wanted the film to be and it just ended up one huge mess.

1  uncomfortable dinner date out of 5

CHILLERAMA [2011]

Chillerama is a horror/comedy anthology centered about a drive-in theater showing a series of monster b-movies in it's final night of business.
It centers around director Joe Lynch's Zom-B-Movie that features some of the most hilarious penis-chomping, cum guzzling zombie kills I've seen in awhile.  While Adam Green's gut-wrenchingly funny The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein pushes the boundaries of good taste right off a cliff.  However it's Tim Sullivan's homosexual lycanthropes in I Was A Teenage Werebear and Adam Rifkin's murderous sperm in Wadzilla that lessens the fun by being just plain bad no matter how wild the imagination is.

2½ collective explosions of hot moist madness out of 5

Naked Killer 2 (1993)

The sequel has almost nothing in common with the original Naked Killer (1992) besides the name and a few actors. Both Chingmy Yau and Simon Yam return but neither of them portray the same character. I suspect either Wong Jing took another script he was working on and gave it a new title, or someone in marketing did, hoping we’d swallow it.
The trailer makes it appear something it's not.

If you can forget that you've been cheated and judge on its own merits you’ll find an average thriller with an uncomfortable plot that revolves around sexual violence.

2 house traps out of 5

Once a Thief (1991)

OaT is a lot more light-hearted and comedic than the kind of film Woo is better known for. It has Chow up front and the usual Woo action scenes are present and correct, but it’s hard to get deeply involved with the three main characters. Nor does it play to the strengths of anyone involved. It feels like it was made just to let the director take some time out from the seriousness of what came before (Bullet in the Head (1990)) and what came after; just one year later he made the classic Hard Boiled (1992). It’s easy to skip past this one if you’re only interested in the more explosive works.

2½ brush strokes out of 5

YOU'RE NEXT [2013]

Adam Wingard crafts an effectively scary and sickly funny home invasion thriller with the ominously titled You're Next.
It's not particularly original or groundbreaking but Wingard and his cast & crew are obviously very dedicated and enthusiastic about the material, making it that much more brutally enjoyable.  Through all the killing and off-color blood is a tale about family dysfunction and inane materialism that has you rooting for the masked killers to do their thing to the collection of douches.  I love the kitschy music but unfortunately it is really distracting in the film itself.  All in all, a delightfully sick & twisted slaughterfest that knows what it is and never tries to be smarter than it should.

3 meat tenderizers out of 5

THE WORLD'S END [2013]

The final instalment of Edgar Wright's Three Flavors Cornetto Trilogy comes as an apocalyptic alien invasion pub crawl in the coming of age sci-fi comedy The World's End.
Reuniting Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman and Paddy Considine as well as adding the scene-stealing Eddie Marsan to the mix makes for a fantastic character piece that's witty, heartfelt and hilarious.  At first glance, it's just as goofy as the first two films but under the surface it's actually quite emotional and thoughtful.  It's not as good as the Shaun Of The Dead or Hot Fuzz but it is by no means a disappointment.  It's a zany sci-fi comedy as well as a celebration of accepting the rather flawed humanity we're all a part of whether we like it or not.

3½ burly bathroom brawls out of 5

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The much-maligned third film in the franchise has a stupid plot but I don’t think it deserves the hate it gets; instead, it deserves a second chance.
People wanted more Michael Myers. They got a story about masks and an evil Irishman’s plot to poop on every kid’s party with the help of some ridiculous pseudo-science and ancient magic... erm... yea...
Tom Atkins is a decent actor. The film is better paced than Halloween II (1981). The tense and occasionally terse music of Carpenter and Howarth raise the atmosphere to an extraordinarily high level, heightening the already well-developed intent. The cinematography is great in places. The finale is balls, but the very end scene is classic stuff.

3 happy TV jingles out of 5

Lovelace (2013)

A biopic of infamous knob-gobbler Linda Lovelace. It's bookended by before and after but mostly covers her time spent in the porn industry. It captures the look of the era but lacks any real spark elsewhere.
The main focus of the story is in showing the manipulative nature of the relationship between the two leads, Linda and her husband Chuck. They're the only characters with any real depth, and even then it’s the shallow end of the pool. It’s a shame Robert Patrick got so little screen time; his understated performance was one of the highlights. Amanda Seyfried carried the film the rest of the time and looked beautiful throughout. Peter Sarsgaard oozed sleazy and looked like documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock’s evil twin.

2½ freckles out of 5

RAPTURE-PALOOZA [2013]

The third of the four apocalyptic comedies 0f 2013 comes wrapped in a wad of shitty toilet paper courtesy of Bill & Ted's creator Chris Matheson and director Paul Middleditch.

Rapture-Palooza is a really stupid concept but has some funny ideas that are so poorly executed you can't help but feel bad for anyone involved.  Anna Kendrick and John Francis Daley look so embarrassed to be in this film, you'd think they signed on having only read the amusing treatment and not the actual script.  

What a pile of crap.  

1 gay musician out of 5

Tattoo Nation (2013)

The poster claims to tell ‘The True Story of the Ink Revolution’. Someone grab a pen and add the words ‘in America only’. The film charts the rise in popularity and changing style of ink in NA, specifically Los Angeles.
It’s largely dismissive of other cultures; Japan is mentioned briefly, but there’s nothing about the huge influence of New Zealand or the African tribes. I guess the ‘Nation’ part covers that, meaning my disappointment was my own fault, but I bet I'm not the only one that thought that way.
It could've been worse. It could've been another of those bullshit “Love my art, but love me more,” fly on the wall style TV shows with tattooists who want desperately to be celebrities.

2½ shades of grey out of 5

Sarah Brightman: Harem: A Desert Fantasy (2004)

You’d think that between two directors and four A.D.s they’d be able to come up with something interesting, but no. They instruct Sarah to stand in pools of light-reflecting water and look attractive in wind.
Camera movement is an art; you can’t just flaff around like a chimp and hope it turns out okay in the edit.
Lens flare is not enjoyable.
Whatsisface cocked-up his lines mime and they left it in.
And stop with the snakey hands thing! It’s not exotic. It’s irritating.
Sometimes adding imagery to an already less than impressive album can make it seem better, but not in this case. The good tracks are all that save it from getting the stop button.
Sarah's live performances are far superior than this lengthy music video.

2 picturesque bores out of 5

THE HEAT [2013]

I really didn't expect much from Bridesmaids director Paul Feig's buddy cop comedy The Heat so it's hard to be disappointed with such expectations.
Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock have great chemistry and are serviceably funny as the foul-mouthed oil & water partners.  However it takes a good 40 minutes to get going making for a very dull introduction to a very predictable story and being an action-comedy that's hardly acceptable.  It's the type of film where you know exactly what you're getting into and if you're fine with that then it's okay.  If you're not fine with this sort of stupidity then steer clear.

2½ shit jerk dick fucker assholers out of 5

THE ITALIAN JOB [1969]

Michael Caine's done an exceptional amount of shitty movies but has his pride & respect saved by a small handful of really really great films.
Director Peter Collinson's crime-caper "comedy" The Italian Job is not one of them.  It has a ridiculously huge cast of characters, none of which have any sort of personality whatsoever with the exception of the vapid looks on their faces.  The narrative is dull, silly and void of any sort of cleverness that should come with a caper film.  Thankfully there's a few good one-liners and a wild chase scene in the final 20 minutes to make up for the rest of the sluggish hot air.

2½  cliffhangers out of 5

MY FAVORITE YEAR [1982]

Actor Richard Benjamin's feature film directorial debut comes in the form of the highly entertaining comedy My Favorite Year.
Peter O'Toole steals the show (making it look like he does it with ease) as an Errol Flynn type actor in the 1950's trying to juggle his career, pride & respect with his alcoholism.  Mark Linn-Baker does a fantastic job at holding his own against O'Toole's flamboyancy as a young Mel Brooks type of character.  It's a fairly simple movie that isn't outrageously funny but it's portrayals and charm is what makes it what it is: a chuckle-filled comedy with top-notch performances.

4 swash-bucklers out of 5

Wallace and Gromit: A Grand Day Out (1989)

Cheese and crackers are a perfect combination, but running out of cheese throws a spanner in the works. Wallace takes that spanner and builds something mysterious in his basement. The hunt for cheese is on.
The Wallace and Gromit adventures that came after were more refined, but it's still worth revisiting this very first one from time to time; it's as charming as ever, helped along that route by Peter Sallis' Yorkshire accent.
Gromit (the dog with the worried look in the picture above) can't speak, but being in claymation means his facial expressions can be moulded into many different forms. Wallace's wild ideas mean Gromit's thick brows spend much of their time at the suspicion and despair setting.

3 specialist magazines out of 5

Nikita (1990)

aka: La Femme Nikita

Nikita is an assassin working for the French government; they tell her who to kill and she does it. That makes her sound very two dimensional, but Luc Besson writes strong female characters, so there’s a lot more layers to her that reveal slowly as the film progresses.
It’s not an action movie. It surprises me when people say that it is. I see it as a thriller that explores the steps taken by one woman to get her life back on track (in an admittedly unconventional way). There just happens to be some bloodshed and murder involved.
It has things in common with Besson’s other assassin film, Léon: The Professional (1994). I prefer Léon.

3 places out of 5

Who Killed Nancy (2009)

A documentary that asks whether or not it was Sid Vicious that killed Nancy Spungen, his girlfriend at the time. It explores that for about 10 minutes and then goes into the story of the bass player’s life before, during and after his time with the Sex Pistols, only really returning to the question presented in the last 10 – 15 minutes.
It’s an interesting story if you’re a fan of the band, even if it skirts around the issue most of the time. I feared it would descend into sensationalism, but mostly it didn't, unlike the media coverage at the time.

3 figurative smoking guns out of 5

The Riddle of the Sands (1979)

A lone yachtsman correcting out of date coastline charts in German waters meets up with another ship by chance and develops feelings for the Captain’s daughter (played by Jenny Agutter).
It’s a slow-paced film that was initially bordering on tedious, but it takes a rather dramatic turn into something totally unexpected about halfway through; if you make it that far you’ll be rewarded.
The characters aren't very exciting but that’s part of their makeup.
I can’t say how faithful the cast or the film in general is to Erskine Childers’ source text because I haven’t read it. A reading may well enhance the emotional connection that I lacked.

2½ personal guests out of 5

Addams Family Values (1993)

The same director and most of the same cast return for a superior sequel. It kept everything that was good about the first film but tied it to a more interesting story. In fact, there are two stories running concurrently, neither of which is very complicated but both have some fun moments.
Overall, it’s much more blackly humourous than before. I’d have preferred if the slapstick moments had been eliminated completely, but they needed something to keep the younger viewers happy.
As before, the expressionistic lighting is the real star.

3 gifts for Fester out of 5

The Lady (2011)

The story of Aung San Suu Kyi, a woman torn between loyalty to her country and loyalty to her family. Aung represents one half of a struggle between democracy and a violent, corrupt military regime.
It's split between Rangoon (Burma) and Oxford (England) so it can focus on more than one event at any one time. It's not a happy film; the few and far between moments of joy are short lived but it never drags its heels.
Michelle gives a good performance; she's capable of projecting both great strength and concerned vulnerability.
It's based on true events that you can google if you want more information. The film picks an opportune moment to finish its telling, but parts of the story are still ongoing today.

4 steel orchids out of 5

SMALL APARTMENTS [2012]

Director Jonas Åkerlund's insanely weird black comedy Small Apartments is the type of film that could fall flat on it's face if not for it's perfect casting of each character.
It centers around Matt Lucas as a strange little bald man, who lives alone (with the exception of his landlord's corpse) and wears nothing but his undies & a new wig with each venture into the cruel world that surrounds him.  Åkerlund seems to have a firm grasp on his characters, as each aren't particularly great people but all are interesting and sympathetic.  The only problem is the narrative occasionally loses it's balance with some wonky pacing.  All in all, it's an enjoyable, sad and thoughtful quirky comedy that disturbs just as much as it makes you laugh.

3½ merkins out of 5

He-Man and She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword (1985)

He-Man and She-Ra (the sister no one knew he had, because he didn't have!) team up in a flurry of retcon face-palming to fight hopeless bad guys in this feature-length introduction to the Princess of Power. In reality it’s the first five episodes of the She-Ra cartoon edited down to a manageable length.
I had my Nostalgia Goggles on as tight as they could be while watching, but it was still mildly disappointing until Skeletor came into it.
She-Ra’s world and 90% of the people that populate it aren't as much fun as He-Man’s own roster of heroes and villians; although, special mention must go to the designer of Hordak’s Fortress because it was fantastic.

2 second-rate henchmen out of 5

The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958)

Don’t waste time looking for the previous 6 voyages, because 7th was the first in what became a trilogy of Sinbad adventures made by Columbia Pictures.
It’s unrealistically theatrical and exotic, the fight scenes are laughable and the plot is thinner than the puffs of green smoke that seem to be everywhere, but it’s Ray Harryhausen’s animated creatures that we all want to see and in that he doesn't disappoint.
Bernard Herrmann adds his talents, too. His romance themes are as you'd expect, but the rousing adventure music is perfectly suited.
Despite being the dashing hero, it’s hard not to see Sinbad as the invader given that he goes uninvited and takes something that isn't his.

3½ anchors dropped out of 5

VACUUMING COMPLETELY NUDE IN PARADISE [2001]

Vacuuming Completely Nude In Paradise is a bizarre little black comedy from director Danny Boyle.
It deals with the hell of a struggling salesman in the near poverty stricken working class in Lancashire, England.  There's plenty of uncomfortable laughs to be had with some of the surreal situations but also several thoughtful moments of disgust and sadness.  Unfortunately Boyle's frantic and overly stylish camerawork takes away from many of the intimate moments but never enough to deplete the sickening enjoyment of the film.

3 cats ears & undies out of 5

PAIN & GAIN [2013]

The violent biographical crime comedy Pain & Gain is director Michael Bay's attempt at a thoughtful character study.
Oddly enough it is Bay's most pensive film to date but that's not saying much considering it's buried in hokey TV ad type framing, badly timed childish humour and pathetically over-played patriotism.  Bay never seems to understand his own subject material and his stupidity & ignorance become more transparent with each film he makes.  This one is no exception.  It's a shame he was given the chance to make this film because underneath all the tasteless shit is quite an interesting and outrageous true story.

2 human bbq's out of 5

The Addams Family (1991)

I'd not watched this before. I've always been more of a Munsters fan.
The whole thing seems tailor-made for Tim Burton, but then we probably wouldn't have had Anjelica Huston, we'd have had whomever he was married to at the time and Johnny Depp.
The casting in general was great, especially Raúl Juliá as Gomez and Christina Ricci as the deadpan Wednesday. It was nice to see the concern they each had for each other so well-developed.
It never takes itself too seriously, which was the correct approach.
The sets were fantastic and the entire thing was beautifully lit, but the story was disappointing and left me wanting.

2½ displacements out of 5

Adam and Dog (2011)

The story of how man’s best friend got his title is a tremendously beautiful animated short set in the biblical garden.
The thick watercolour backgrounds and the movement of the dog within them are a joy to experience; sometimes simplicity is best.
There’s no dialogue, so you’ll need to follow the story through actions and music; it's easy if you take note of the changes that occur.

3½ games of fetch out of 5

SuicideGirls: Guide to Living (2009)

The SG models give ‘life lessons’ that any fool can see is a flimsy excuse for a montage of them getting naked. It didn't do anything to shake the notion that the majority of them aren't in it for female empowerment, they’re just painted bimbos who like the attention. Stop button.

0½ because tattoos out of 5

The Filth and the Fury (2000)

The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle (1980) told one side of the story. This film, by the same director but coming 20 years later, sets the record straight(er) by telling the other side of the story. It’s the history of the Sex Pistols told by the band members themselves. There’s still some contradiction, but the one thing they can all agree on is that Malcolm McLaren was a cunt.
It’s more than just a documentary; it’s a record of an era that will never be repeated, using a wealth of fantastic archive footage and news reports.

4 wounded people out of 5

Critters 3: You Are What They Eat (1991)

The bitey balls of fur terrorise an LA apartment block in a lazy Towering Inferno (1974) rip-off. The young actress (Aimee Brooks) playing the lead does an okay job, and I do enjoy seeing the Critters roll around and latch onto a victim’s throat, but there’s bugger all else to recommended about part three.

1 bunny slipper out of 5

Naked Killer (1992)

A Category III from China that’s got an actual plot shoved between the tits and ass! A woman is trained to become an assassin but falls for the cop that’s investigating her. Trouble ensues; clothed and unclothed.
It’s also got some stylishly balletic action scenes that owe a lot to the cinematic style of John Woo (don’t they always?). It’s a violent affair but there are a lot of things underdeveloped that, had they been given more attention, would've made it a much better film. Nevertheless, it's certainly one of the more interesting and successful entries in the genre.

3 sausages and scissors out of 5

GRAVE ENCOUNTERS 2 [2012]

The first Grave Encounters found footage horror film was a surprisingly effective thrill-ride, so it'd only make sense that they screw it up by giving it a shitty sequel.
While the first one took its time starting up because it was wisely setting up uber-creepy tension and moodiness, this film takes it's time because it feels it has to show us who these insipid new cast of characters are without any mood set-up.  I'm not sure if it was intentionally trying to be as silly as it was but it really ruined what the first one was and in-turn does nothing for itself.  Perhaps the only nice part about this film is it's shot in Vancouver and actually takes place in Vancouver.  Weird.

1 censored Riverview out of 5

Ray Harryhausen: Special Effects Titan (2011)

Some people grew up watching Disney on the TV. Some grew up watching Muppets. I grew up watching Harryhausen. He wasn't the first to use stop motion animation in cinema, but he was certainly the most influential and a large part of the reason it remains so well-loved. The film takes the viewer chronologically through every feature he made, showing dailies and screen tests with commentary from the man himself. The bulk of it is an interview with Ray; his memories are an invaluable treasure trove of information.
Modern filmmakers, people like Spielberg (respectful), Del Toro (the one that embodies the creative spirit most) and Cameron (talks out of his ass, as usual), tell their own stories of how they were inspired by him. If you're a Harryhausen fan, Special Effects Titan is essential viewing.

4 creature armatures out of 5

13 Assassins (2010)

I'd seen the film compared to Akira Kurosawa, so I was extra excited to see for myself. Beyond the obvious Seven Samurai (1954) comparison there's also a definite Shakespearean element, which is something Kurosawa was fond of.
It's set during the final decades of the Tokugawa Shogunate. The assassins of the title must remove a bloodthirsty feudal lord from the throne or risk plunging Japan back into an era of war.
The first 75 minutes are some of the most focussed and well-crafted work I've ever seen from Miike. They really were superb, as was the acting.
I got weary during the 30+ minute fight that ends the film. I'd much rather have had the 15 minutes that were removed from the international version reinstated because some of them are crucial to a viewer's interpretation of the post-fight ending.

4 height advantages out of 5

Dolly Parton and Friends (2007)

You get a double dose of Dolly in this 2 disc set. It’s culled from her TV Show that ran for I don’t know how long in the mid-70’s. Guests include Kenny Rogers, Emmylou Harris and Linda Ronstadt, among others.
It’s all very wholesome and friendly, with so much soft focus that it felt like I’d walked into a little girl's dream. The obviously scripted ‘impromptu’ conversations are hilarious at times and Dolly’s wigs are out of control but the songs are plentiful, and that’s the reason I was there. The highlight of the set for me was the bonus songs, which ironically were from some other TV show.

2½ costume changes out of 5

Secret Origin: The Story of DC Comics (2010)

The story of DC Comics from their humble origins to their eventual rise (and fall and rise) to become one of the leading comic publishers in the world. It’s a fascinating journey if you’re a comics fan. You’ll hear testimonies from the people behind the scenes and from the creators themselves, the artists and writers both past and present. Plus, the dreaded Comics Code gets the criticism it deserves.
I knew Superman was popular in NA but I had no idea just how popular; that was an eye-opener.

4 real life Shazams out of 5

Tora! Tora! Tora! (Extended Japanese Cut) (1970)

This ambitious dramatization of the events leading up to the attack on Pearl Harbour is a film with two identities. The English language half was directed by Richard Fleischer. It focuses on the clerical errors made by the politicians, diplomats and desk jockeys on the American side, not the fighting man on the ground. The Japanese half was directed by Kinji Fukasaku and Toshio Masuda. It follows the planning and eventual execution of the bombing.
The two halves aren't too dramatically different, so they don’t feel at odds with each other visually when cut together into one story, although the Japanese parts feel less set-bound and are definitely better paced.
The extended version adds some new scenes but nothing that changes the outcome... the bombs still fall.

3 tigers out of 5

Koyaanisqatsi (1982)

aka Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance

An enthralling journey into beauty and chaos created from imagery and editing; there's no dialogue. Natural vistas contrast with man-made structures. Rock formations that take millennia to develop are followed by industry built strength created in seconds. It makes the immense seem small. It's life under a very large microscope. Sometimes I was unsure just what I was seeing, but there was no denying the beauty of it all; it's a visual treat that may also make inquisitive viewers think about the world around them in new ways.
The music of composer Philip Glass is used throughout the entire film. His unique style functions as a kind of glue that holds everything together and helps elevate the ordinary to extraordinary proportions.

4 ostinatos out of 5

GOODBYE AGAIN [1961]

Anastasia director Anatole Litvak brings Françoise Sagan's novel Aimez-vous Brahms? to the screen with the romantic drama Goodbye Again.
Bringing together a leading cast that is Ingrid Bergman, Anthony Perkins & Yves Montand you might think you'd be getting a decent watch.  Unfortunately it's mostly a dragged out bore with the vehicles and music being the most interesting stars here.  There's a couple glimpses of enticing character interactions but is quickly brought down by the mundane plot "developments."  At best it's just all right for something so dull.

2½ "business" trips out of 5

THE ICEMAN [2013]

There were three films I've been eagerly anticipating in 2013: Only God Forgives, Mud and director Ariel Vromen's biographical drama The Iceman.
Michael Shannon is brilliantly frightening as the notorious contract killer Richard Kuklinski but it's Winona Ryder who steals every scene as the frightened wife who knows nothing of his secret life.  Vromen washes the screen over with as many dark colors as he possibly can creating a cold yet calculated vision.  The tension never lets up making for a very unsettling watch that is both emotional and mesmerizing.  It doesn't quite reach the climax it should based on the intense build-up but that's okay based on the brilliant lead performances.

4 corpsicles out of 5

A LIFE LESS ORDINARY [1997]

The adorably malicious A Life Less Ordinary is director Danny Boyle's version of a romantic fantasy comedy.
There's guns, headshots, car wrecks, musical numbers, animation, robots, angels and bank robberies, in short, everything that makes a good rom-com.  Unfortunately after you're done taking this fun ride of a road trip you can't help but feel there never really was any point to it all.  No matter it's really just good fun without a lingering aftertaste or really nary an afterthought as well.

3 gravediggers out of 5

Halloween II (1981)

You can’t keep a knife-wielding maniac in a painted Shat mask down for long. There are bitches to be killed, so MM rises to the occasion.
It begins the very same instant that Carpenter’s original ended. The POV shots and the heavy breathing return, and the frame often gives us two things to focus on at one time. In fact, in most respects it mimics the things that the first one did well, so why is it so very dull?
There’s no suspenseful build-up. The plot is so riddled with holes it belongs in Church. The starkness of the iconic music score is lost. The environment is empty. Loomis runs around blindly. Laurie is hardly in it, and when she is there she hardly speaks. I can’t delve into the ending in this review, but be warned, it makes little to no sense.

2 mispronunciations of Samhain out of 5

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

To continue dating the girl of his dreams Scott must first defeat her seven evil exes. That’s pretty much all there is to it. There’s some character growth buried under the pop culture/video game mash up clusterfuck that would've been more poignant had I developed any emotional attachment to the surface deep characters, but that didn't happen.
I'm usually a fan of Edgar Wright’s humour, but it threatened to kill every brain cell I had left; after forty minutes it felt like I’d been watching for hours. I was desperate for it to end, but it just kept on going. He deserves credit for the visual flair, transitions, sound effects and for being faithful to the source medium by including speed lines and text, etc, but it's one pilgrim’s journey that I’ll never be taking again.

2½ levels out of 5

WHAT LIES BENEATH [2000]

Director Robert Zemeckis channels his inner-Hitchcock with the supernatural suspense/thriller What Lies Beneath.
Scripted by Agent Coulson himself, Clark Gregg, the film was produced during the production hiatus of Cast Away so it has plenty of bumps and feels rushed at times.  Nevertheless it still manages to pack in plenty of twists & turns and harmless yet effective thrills & chills.  Zemeckis makes use of some fantastic Hitchcock-esque camera tricks while Alan Silvestri's string-heavy music feels like a modern Bernard Herrmann score.  Michelle Pfeiffer does a wonderful job as the leading lady but Harrison Ford seems horribly out of place.  It's heavily flawed and no where near up to par with Zemeckis' usual fare but still a great little ghost story.

3 green eyes out of 5

MILLIONS [2004]

Millions is director Danny Boyle's only film to date that's suitable for the whole family.
Like a children's version of Shallow Grave, the film questions how would the innocence of children deal with stumbling upon a surplus of money.  It's interesting how the small age difference between the two kids makes for two hugely different choices and reactions.  Boyle cleverly blurs the lines between childlike like fantasy & spirituality with very real adult problems and issues.   It's refreshing to see the normally violent director is still able to cherish the goodness of humanity with a wholesome film that reminds us even little changes matter.

3½ cardboard homes out of 5

THE HUNTER [2011]

The Hunter is a deeply saddening mystery thriller from Australian director Daniel Nettheim, adapted from the novel of the same name by Julia Leigh.
It stars Willem Dafoe, in a wonderfully subdued performance, as a mercenary sent to Tasmania to hunt down the sole surviving Tasmanian Tiger for a biotech company interested in it's DNA.  It slowly burns it's way into your heart with feelings both distant and warm, beautiful photography of the same description and enough moral questions to keep you thinking.

4 music in the trees out of 5

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)

The FF that FF fans don’t speak of isn't as bad as some say. Okay, it is, but perhaps not for the reasons I've seen many fanboys give. The story isn't the real problem; pad it out with 40+ hours of gameplay and it’d do just fine. Nor is the environmental message that many people disliked a new concept for the franchise. The real problem is the emptiness in the performances and the inability of CGI to effectively portray real human emotion. It looks pretty but the characters are just dead inside.
Interestingly, it lacks a spiky haired protagonist and there’s no sign of unwieldy phallic swords. It does have a Cid, though; or rather, a Sid.

2 opposing waves out of 5